Finding Grace: A Novel

by Sarah Pawley

  "What are you up to, bringing me here?"

  He pulled the car to a stop. “Did I ever tell you about my love of flying? I’ve become quite good at it over the last few years.”

  Her heart beat fast with anxiety at what he was hinting at. "You're not going to make me get in one of those, are you?"

  His reply was calm. "I'm not going to make you do anything. But it won't hurt to take a look, now will it?" He got out and came round to her side of the car, opening the door and waiting patiently. She sat still for a moment, unsure of what to do. Her fear of the unknown was strong, but so was her curiosity. It was the chance to do and see something that so very few people got to do. Still she hesitated. Then she heard him sigh.

  "Coward," he said…and her response was an indignant cry.

  "What did you call me?"

  "Oh I'm sorry. Chicken…that is what I should have said. Something you can relate to, little farm girl."

  "I am not a chicken!"

  He nodded. "Yes you are. They don't fly. They run away at the slightest little thing. So that does make you a chicken."

  She was no fool. She knew he was just baiting her. And yet, she could not stand the thought of his being right about her cowardice. Yes, she could probably take the high road and not give in to his challenge. But that seemed so dull, and her rebellious nature got the better of her.

  "Fine," she said. "I'll go. But if I die of fright, it’ll be your fault. And when I’m in heaven I’ll be looking down laughing while my brother sends you to meet me.”

  His smile was impish. "Who says that's where I'll end up?"

  They walked together to one of the hangars, where a man was coming forward to meet them. He shook Henry's hand, and hers, and the two men had a brief conversation about the plane that sat nearby. She hardly heard the words, as madly as her heart was beating at the thought of flying. From what little that registered in her head, she learned that Henry had been a pilot for some years. There was also a comment about someone named Charles Lindbergh, but she had no idea who he was and what he had to do with anything.

  The man handed Henry two pairs of strange looking eyewear…goggles, he called them. When he placed them on her head, covering her eyes with the lenses, she tensed at the strange sensation.

  “What are these funny things for?”

  He smirked. “They’re a fashion statement.”

  Beneath the goggles, her eyes rolled.

  Just moments later she was being helped into the little pit in the front of the plane, and Henry was getting in the one behind her. It seemed strange to sit in front.

  “I’m not supposed to operate this thing, am I? There’s no steering, no dials. How does it work?”

  “Don’t worry,” he replied. “I’m running the show. This rig operates with a backseat driver.”

  That hardly calmed her. Her heart beat so that she feared it might leap from her body, and when the engine and propeller roared to life, she nearly jumped out of her seat and fled. She felt a little tap on her shoulder, and she turned her head as far as she could, for the way she sat it was impossible to turn all the way around. She could only hear his voice.

  "Relax," was all he said.

  She turned back, her reply bitter. "Thanks for the advice."

  He laughed, though she could hardly hear it over the noise. She closed her eyes, and clutched the cross at her throat. Then they began to move.

  She opened her eyes, realizing how slow they seemed to be going. And, they were still on the ground. Her shoulders slumped a little in relief, thinking that maybe it had all been a trick. He couldn't get this contraption up in the air…all he was going to do was drive around the place, and that was just fine with her. They stopped then, and she waited. Nothing happened. She shouted over the noise.

  "Is that it?"

  He didn't answer. Then a moment later they were suddenly racing forward at a terrifying speed, the ground and the land around them whipping by her in a blur. Her breath caught, for she knew that something monumental was about to happen, and a moment later she felt her stomach rise up near her throat as they escaped the bonds of the earth. She ducked her head down and closed her eyes, terrified for her very life. Then she heard him shouting from behind her.

  "Open your eyes, little chicken! See the world the way the real birds do!"

  She felt the air across her face, and she sat up, eyes still closed. But very slowly she allowed them to open, and she gasped as she saw the earth falling away beneath them, the blue of the sky all around. They seemed to float in the very air, and her fear faded into wonder as she looked around at the heavens. For a time they drifted along the sky, peacefully and calmly. Then the plane ducked down, and she gasped at the motion of it…terrified that they were descending into a crash. But as they came up in a smooth motion, she caught the sound of his laughter on the wind.

  He’d dipped the plane that way on purpose. And she wanted to be mad at him for it…but it was impossible. This moment was too thrilling to feel anything but absolute joy and excitement. With him, she was safe…and free.

  When they banked in a turn she found herself gasping not in fear, but in delight.

  So this is what it is to be a bird, she marveled.

  How she had so often dreamed of such a freedom, watching hawks and sparrows take to wing and soar though the sky. Now, here she was…and the feeling was beyond anything words could describe.

  All too soon they were drifting down to the ground, and she found a great disappointment in coming to the end of the marvelous journey. She clung to every last moment, until the wheels hit the pavement and the reality of the earth was brought back to her. How heavy and oppressive it all felt now, after soaring so freely in the clouds. Yet, she could not be melancholy. Her entire being felt alive and exhilarated from the experience, and as she stood when the plane stopped, her legs wobbled slightly. She watched Henry put his legs over the side and slide easily to the ground. Then he came to her with open arms to help her down. Almost without thinking she leaned in to rest her hands on his shoulders, and she felt his hands grip her waist and easily lift her down. She could feel nothing but elation, even as he leaned in close to her and smiled. She could not help but look up at him and return the gesture. For the first time, she looked in his eyes and felt no fear, no mistrust. All she could feel was happiness, and a realization that she would never love anyone in the world as she loved him. He reached up slowly, running his fingertips along her cheek.

  “Tell me the truth.” His voice was almost a whisper. “Is there anyone else who can make you feel like I do?”

  She could not answer, could not speak. Her eyes were locked with his, rendering her motionless. Of their own power her eyelids closed, as he leaned against her, gently but insistently. Then she felt his lips pressed to hers, and the memory of that first kiss came to her with all its force and fire. In another moment she found she could not think of anything but leaning her own figure into his, bringing her arms and hands up around his neck, kissing him back with all the passion and feeling she’d been holding back for so long.

  * * * * *

  He slowly pulled away from the kiss. Not that he wanted to…oh no, quite the contrary. He had so often recalled the softness of her lips, of how they felt so warm against his own. And they were soft and warm…yielding, pressing to his firmly after only a slight hesitation. He could have kissed her again, and yet again, held onto her for longer, relishing in the feel of her arms around him. But deep down he knew that he must pull back, if only to give them both the chance to take a breath. When he released her she swayed, declaring that she thought she might faint. He smiled as she leaned against him for support. She rested her head against his shoulder, letting out a little sigh, and he felt her cheek pressing there, warmly and insistently.

  This was the woman he wanted. This warm, tender being…loving and unafraid of being loved. He took in a deep breath, pressing his cheek upon her hair. For quite some time they remained that way, quietly holding one an
other. When one of them spoke, it was he who broke the silence first.

  "What are you thinking about?"

  It was a moment more before she replied, and her voice was soft. "You." She kept her head against him, but he knew she smiled. He heard it in her voice.

  "I was thinking of the first time I saw you, that day at the station. I thought you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life." She leaned back in his arms, looking up at him… and her smile lessened somewhat. "Until you spoke".

  He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Until I spoke?"

  "Well," she said, "It wasn't what you said, so much as how you said it. You had this kind of look about you, like you couldn't be bothered with anyone. Especially someone like me. You looked at me like I was a stray dog or something."

  Knowing that he risked triggering her temper, or worse, being on the receiving end of her hand, he grinned at her statement. And he took further chance by saying, quite boldly…

  "You know, you were something like a stray dog."

  At that, her eyes widened indignantly and her mouth fell slightly open, but still he spoke. "You were kind of cute and shabby, and a total pain in the neck. And then there was the way you came running after me, begging for help, looking at me with those great big eyes. All you needed was four feet and a wagging tail." Even as he said it, he knew she would come back at him with something sharp and direct, like a duelist whose sword hits mark for mark. She did not disappoint.

  "All you needed was a long bushy tail, four shod hooves, and a pair of long ears.” She thrust her finger into his shoulder for emphasis. “You jackass in a man's suit."

  He laughed softly. It was one of the things he so adored about her…the way she could match him beat for beat. Most women had never understood the wickedness of his humor. With them, he risked hurting their feelings and seeing them fall into a fit of misty eyed dramatics. But not with her. If by chance he did ever hurt her feelings, he knew she would come back and hurt his as badly, and failing that, she would have blackened his eye or bloodied his nose. But under that tough as nails demeanor, he saw a fragile spirit, yearning for acceptance and love. She wanted…hungered for…the simple contact of a human touch. One that was not brought against her in harm or coldness, but in warmth and gentleness. He wanted to be the one, the only one, to give her that. Gently cupping her face in his hands, his smile fell away. His eyes burned with an intense light as he looked at her.

  "I know you've been hurt before. Not just by Charlie, but by others. People who were suppose to love you, to take care of you as best they could. They shook your faith, made you afraid to trust. But I swear to you, here and now, that I will never do that to you."

  Once more, he slowly brought his lips to hers. He leaned into her, thrilling at the feel of her body against his, and now she did not seem to hesitate as before. She pressed against him eagerly now, kissing him back, and caressing the back of his neck with warm hands. But somewhere in their fog of passion, a glimmer of reason asserted itself. She was so young, so inexperienced with these feelings, and he knew all too well how overwhelming they could be. He knew, too, that if he wanted to take advantage of such naiveté, it would not have been difficult. How ardent and generous a lover she would be! Pure passion was in her nature, and the thought of it sent a tremor of excitement through him, making him cling to her more closely. But such delights of the flesh would only be for a time. When reality came crashing down, she would despise him as much as he despised himself for such thoughtlessness. And he wanted so much more from her than a meaningless tryst. He wanted her heart and soul, as he would give her his, and only through complete honesty and trust could they achieve such a union. Agonizing as it was to do, he pulled away from the kiss. Leaning his forehead against hers, breathing deeply to calm himself, it was a long moment before he spoke. At last, he took mastery of his voice.

  "Will you spend the day with me?"

  He knew from the look in her eyes, the warmth and longing he saw reflected there, that at that moment she would do most anything he asked. But somehow, he sensed a bit of uncertainty in her. Or was it fear? As overwhelmed as he himself was, he knew she must have been ten times as unnerved by what she was feeling. And just as he had thought only moments before, he realized that in some corner of her mind, there was a concern that his intentions were not honorable. He did not want her to think of dishonesty and wrong when she thought of him. He had come so far to win her affections, and he would not destroy it all now with mere selfishness.

  "I have promised you. I won’t have you against your will. I won’t lead you astray. You have my word on it."

  As though sealing the pact, he softly kissed her temple, and holding her close, he rested her head against his heart. He made his request again.

  “Will you spend the day with me?”

  She looked up at him. "What about the rehearsal?"

  He shrugged. "Hmm." He smiled a little. "Well, it seems I have an all day business meeting, and you are spending the day rehearsing at home. At least, that is what my employees have heard." He leaned back to look at her, his eyes mischievous. "What do you think?"

  She shook her head…but smiled. "I think you're an awful sinner, Henry Shaw.”

  He smiled back, and he was greatly tempted to kiss her again. But something caused him to look out of the corner of his eye. Something told him they were being observed. And a slight glance away from them let him see two of the workers watching them, obviously enjoying the sight of two people in each other's arms. He stepped back slightly from her, re-establishing something of formality in their being together, but he could not resist bringing her hand up to his lips, kissing it. Then he took her hand in his own, and hurried away with her.

  Chapter 18

  “Romance”

  Driving along, his eye continually looked to her. The corner of his mouth rose up at the shy way she wouldn’t look at him. But it was a different expression she wore now. Shyness, but not fear. If he didn’t know better, he’d say she was blushing. He would have liked her to be beside him, leaning softly against his side. But he could sense her uncertainty. She wasn’t sure what to say or do, despite the fact that she’d just been in his arms.

  Her naiveté only made her more endearing, and it was all he could do not to stop the car right then and there. He might have moved close to her, to look in her eyes, to gently brush his fingers across the flush of her cheeks. He longed to press his lips to her skin, moving slowly, softly brushing light kisses on her forehead and nose…her sweet little mouth. But he kept those impulses in check, at least for now. There were better places for romance. Pulling to the side of the road…that seemed so juvenile, though it was very tempting. If she’d been less important to him, he would have done it without a thought or a care. But she wasn’t a fling…a moment in time that he was killing. As though needing to assure her, and himself, he settled for gently reaching out to take her hand. It evoked a shy and tender smile from her, and for the moment, that was pleasure enough.

  * * * * *

  The Field Museum of Natural History.

  Typically speaking, it wasn’t the kind of place he would’ve chosen to court a woman. But then, she was no ordinary girl. He knew that her curious little mind needed to blossom. And maybe in touching her mind, he could touch her soul as well.

  At the bottom steps of the building, she stood rooted to one spot, staring up at the huge stone facade. Her eyes were large. “What is this place?”

  He just grinned. “The kind of place that fits you to a tee.” Taking her arm, he led her up the steps.

  As he’d suspected, she was fascinated by the Egyptian mummies and dinosaur skeletons, and all the other artifacts the museum housed. Too fascinated, in a manner of speaking. She hardly looked at him at all, and when she did it was when she asked one of her multitude of questions, which he tried his best to answer.

  He knew that seeing all these things was hardly enough. They might have done for the moment, but he wanted to do mor
e. He imagined taking her with him to far off places...to London, Rome, or Paris. Places that were tangible, and not just some collection of things behind glass. But he kept those thoughts locked securely in his mind, for he knew if he suggested such desires now, she might think him a dreaming romantic fool. And it would be foolish to express such wild wishes, for their bond was only at its start. Perhaps in time, he could express such desires to her. But for the moment, he would have to be content as they were. And contentment was a small kiss he would steal in the shadows of the hall. Or the loving way she leaned against him, sometimes without seeming to realize she was doing it. Just being with her, he was so happy. It had been so long since he’d known such a feeling of peace, and he hated the thought that at the end of the day, they would have to part.

  But he didn’t want to dwell on those thoughts. He’d had enough of cynicism. And thinking of that, he swiftly took her by the hand after hours spent in the stillness of the hall. She gave a little smile at the way he seemed to rush along.

  “Where are we going now?”

  He looked back at her, delight in his features. “I think we should get some fresh air. It’s a little stuffy in here, don’t you think? And sunshine is good for the soul.”

  As they came out of the building, he turned to her, and she to him. It moved him to see her that way, her face full of joy and love. It was the soft kind of expression he’d so longed to see, and he leaned forward, anticipating a kiss. But suddenly she darted away, and the next thing he knew, she went sliding down the brass railing of the museum steps. She landed soundly on her feet at the bottom, where she waited for him with a grin. As he came down to meet her he wore an amused smile, shaking his head.