by Sarah Pawley
“Sometimes I forget that you’re only seventeen.”
She just shrugged innocently. “Alice always said our inner child should never die, and mine is alive and well.”
When he came to her side he couldn’t resist taking her hand, pressing his lips to her palm. He would have preferred something more, but he could see how her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink at his caress, even though she didn’t pull away.
One little step at a time, he reminded himself.
He linked her arm with his, walking away towards the lushness of Grant Park. The sun was so warm, the air so pure. He knew that she wasn’t defined just by her brilliant mind, but by her earthy nature. She may have loved all that the city had to offer, but she needed to see the green of trees and smell the scent of grass. The park was the best he could offer her, though he was quite certain she would be content anywhere if she had to be. She was young, and despite being knuckled about by life, she was still impressionable. He studied her as they walked by the newly built Buckingham Fountain, which she was staring at with fascinated eyes. The fountain hadn’t been officially opened yet, and was not turned on, but her inner child was at play again as she climbed up to walk along the edge. It was the contrast between her innocence and intelligence that made him watch her so. As she had done so often, he was struck by a remark she made…one that revealed her intellect.
“This looks a little bit like the fountain at the Palace of Versailles…built by Louis the Fourteenth.”
He smiled. “How would you know about that?”
“Jack showed me pictures of the palace. I would love to go to Paris some day.”
Taking her hand to help her down, they walked to the park. From a vendor they bought food and drinks, and sought refuge under a tree while the cool lake breeze drifted softly. While she sat with her back against the tree trunk, he stretched out beside her, resting his head on his arms. He thought about resting his head in her lap. It would have been delightful if she would’ve run her fingers through his hair. But that kind of affection seemed a bit too daring, so he settled for just being close to her. And he thought about what she’d said.
“Why Paris?”
It was a moment before she replied. “Jack used to write to me about it. He said it was the prettiest place he’d ever seen. He told me about the Eiffel Tower, and the River Seine. And that shopping street…I can’t remember the name.”
“The Champs-Elysees,” he answered. “The most beautiful avenue in the world, so they say. I wasn’t in the city long enough to find out.”
Her voice was low, a little sad. “I wish I could see it, and a lot of other things out there. But I don’t suppose I ever will.”
He moved forward to rest his chin on her knee. That didn’t seem like too much of a liberty. “Never say never,” he replied.
You and I will go there someday, he thought, but he didn’t say so out loud.
“Think of all you've done on your own. Leaving home, finding your brother...catching me, hook line and sinker.” He smiled when he glanced at her from the corner of his eye, seeing how she shook her head, which only amused him all the more. “I’d say you’ve done well. So traveling to Paris? It doesn’t sound so far-fetched to me.”
Turning his head toward her, he saw her watching him. He moved close to her, sitting up. Their faces were nearly touching. He leaned in closer, his eyes full of fire, his pulse increasing its tempo in anticipation. But she backed away. Not much, but just enough to give him pause. And it hurt a little. It was the second time she’d avoided his kiss, and he had to wonder why. His look was puzzled.
“Is something wrong?”
She shifted her eyes. “No…Well, yes. I mean, I’m not sure.”
His look was curious. “There is something troubling you. I can see it in your eyes.” He paused, waiting for a reply, but she turned away and wouldn’t look at him. He sensed that she feared saying what was on her mind. But he wanted her trust, no matter what the confession might be, or how it might affect him. Gently he reached his hand to her cheek, turning her face so she would have to look at him. “Tell me.”
It was a moment before she answered, and reluctantly, it seemed. “I’m not sure about all this.”
His expression grew solemn, his voice pained. “Why?”
Was she rejecting him already? Did she have no faith in him at all? Then, as if to answer, she reached up to touch her hand to his cheek.
“It's not that I don't like you. I do, more than anything." She dropped her hand, casting her eyes down. "But I’m worried what people will think if they see us together.”
He shrugged. “Who cares what they think? They don’t know us.”
“Maybe they don’t know me. But they know you. And if they see us being sweet on each other, I know exactly what they’ll think. They’ll figure I’m just…well, another notch on your bedpost.”
His mouth fell slightly open, and he gave an indignant snort. “That’s ridiculous. How could anyone look at you and believe that? And if I ever heard someone say such a thing, I’d wring their neck.”
Now she smiled, amused by his chivalry. But still she shook her head, and that troubled him even more.
“People will figure what they want to figure. And I don’t want people telling lies about me.”
He looked down, afraid to meet her eyes. He was fearful she was ready to cast him off. The thought of being pushed away, when he’d tried so hard to win her, was nearly too much to bear. The hurt became a lump in his throat, briefly stealing his voice.
“Henry? Can I ask you something, and will you tell me the truth?”
He could only manage a small murmur in reply. Then her question stunned him back to life.
“Am I just the next name on your list? Is that all you really want from me?"
His head came up, his eyes meeting hers, the light in them almost frantic. “God no, why would you think that?”
Now she gave him a skeptical look, her eyes holding a light of concern. “I don’t mean to upset you by asking, but you can’t blame me for thinking about it.”
“Don’t think about it,” he said quickly. “They meant nothing to me. I didn’t care about them the way I care about you.” He wanted to kiss her deeply, to express to her the intensity of his feelings. But he thought for a moment of what she’d said, the revelation of her fears. It was true that not so long ago, he might have been satisfied with a meaningless romp. And she was aware of it, clever thing that she was. But that was then, and he wanted her to be sure of it.
"I'm not the way I used to be." He took her hand, clutching it tightly, pressing his lips to the soft warmth of her palm and fingers. "But I'll admit, I'll never be a saint." A moment passed, and he sighed while he held her hand in both his own. “So what will I do? Deny myself completely?”
He felt her draw close, resting her other small hand over his. “Just when people are watching.”
If only in a way, he became content. At least she wasn’t being too cruel. He was allowed to give her his affection, but on her terms. Terms of discretion, which he hadn’t followed since he’d courted his wife. It made him smile with amusement.
“To think of me…being discreet about a relationship. If that got out, my bad reputation would be ruined forever.”
To that she smirked, and leaned her head against his shoulder.
That evening when he drove her home, he was careful to look about for prying eyes when he pulled up in the driveway. He sighed as he looked at her sitting beside him, and he forced himself to look away. The pull of her was so strong, he feared he might take her in his arms and kiss her the way he truly wanted to, breaking his own vow of being a gentleman. His sense of self-discipline was greatly tested…but it was not broken, especially when she spoke in her gentle way, reminding him of her innocence.
“I’ll see you at noon, then?” she asked. “Tomorrow?”
He looked at his watch. “That’s nineteen hours, twenty-four minutes, and some number of seconds,” he
declared bitterly.
“An awfully long time, don’t you think?” His face grew dark and morose. But a moment later he was taken by surprise when she moved quickly, taking his face in her hands, kissing him full on the lips. It was so sudden he hardly had time to react. Her soft “Good night” he just managed to hear, and when he reached for her it was too late, for she was already gone.
* * * * *
She hurried up the steps into the house, a giddy feeling rushing all through her. Coming in, she leaned back against the door with a sigh of joy. She felt positively wild. She‘d lost control of her facial muscles…a smile breaking out despite her weak attempts against it. Bringing her hands up, she tried to gain some sense but found it impossible. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.
Just get on upstairs before someone sees you. Then you can giggle like a fool to your heart’s content.
She passed the living room, and saw Jack and Alice on the sofa. They were speaking softly to one another, sharing and discussing a book. They were smiling at one another. There was nothing strange in that. And yet, they had a glow about them she could not describe. She approached with a wary step, but was smiling.
"You two look very happy. What's going on?" She looked from one to the other. Alice noticed her first, looking up…and there was a dreamy smile on her face.
"Oh, nothing much. We’re just sitting here thinking of baby names.”
Grace took in a little breath. Her voice grew soft with wonder. “Are you serious? When will it be?”
Alice’s face was all aglow. "Around the first of January, give or take a few weeks. What a wonderful way to start the New Year, don't you think?" She looked at Jack, her eyes growing misty. He was looking back at her intently.
"We've waited so long for this."
She didn’t hesitate in rushing forward to congratulate them both. "I'm so happy for the two of you. But I think I'll go on up and leave you alone to celebrate." She kissed both of them on the cheeks. "Good night, mommy and daddy. I'm so excited!"
She ran upstairs, wondering how life could possibly get any sweeter.
Happily she drew a bubble bath, and relaxing back in the steaming water, she looked up at nothing in particular, just thinking deeply and dreamily.
Oh, to be in love! What a blessing to know such contentment. She might have wondered at the loss of her senses, but at that moment, such caution seemed a faint whisper in the corner of her mind. She imagined seeing him in the morning, how he would smile in his little way. They would look at each other, knowing they shared a little secret. Of course, they would have to pretend that nothing had changed. But they would both know the truth, and she wondered how they would get through the day without running to each others’ arms.
She was humming to herself as she slipped into her pajamas and got into bed, pulling the sheet up over her, for it was too warm for a blanket. Not that she would have needed it, for she felt warm and tingly all over. All of life seemed in order, all of life seemed right. She was happy, and those around her were equally so. How incredible it was that by the start of the New Year, Jack and Alice would be parents, and she would be an aunt. The thought made her sigh with wonder. And yet, a dark thought crept into all that was bright.
Would her parents ever see their grandchild?
Would Jack try to make amends, even for the sake of his child? And would Mama and Daddy even want to make up?
She bent her head, folding her hands to pray for a miracle.
* * * * *
She stood in front of the stage microphone for the very first time, her heart drumming madly beneath her ribs. She tried to swallow, but the lump seemed firmly lodged in her throat. At her left was the new stage manager, Bill, watching her expectantly. The music began, flowing to a crescendo, leading to her cue…and from her lips came only a tiny whisper. The music stopped. A murmur went through the room, and Bill approached her, his eyes quizzical.
"Is something wrong?"
She shrugged, trying to smile. "I'm so nervous, my voice is stuck in my throat. My legs are like Jello."
He gave her a kind pat on the shoulder.
“Just relax. You’re doing swell.”
He turned to the band, cueing them to begin again.
Again, the music rose, and her cue came…and as before, her voice was barely audible. Her shoulders fell, and that same murmur was heard again. She wanted to run and hide behind the curtain. She felt tears stinging her eyes. Looking about, she searched for Henry, longing for the comfort of his presence, but he was conducting business in his office. She was alone, even with the band sitting there in front of her. But then, a voice came from among the men. It was Toby, who stood and came to the stage. With an athletic leap up to the platform…forgoing the stairs altogether…he came to her side, approaching as though a hero to her rescue. He glanced back at the band.
"I think we need to try something new, boys.”
He leaned down to put his trumpet on the floor, and rising with a little smile, he gently took Grace by the hands.
"Why Miss Grace, I do believe you're trembling." Leaning slightly towards her, he whispered…"I have that effect on women."
From down among the band, several of the boys good-naturedly jeered him. Pete, one of the guitar players, cupped his hands around his mouth and stood up. "Boo! Get that idiot off the stage! His act stinks!"
The boys in the band laughed, but Toby seemed to pay them no mind.
"Shut your pie holes, all of you.” He turned to Bill. "Why don't I stand with her? Have her look at me now and then, instead of just the crowd."
"But that will look pretty dumb come show time, won't it? You, standing there next to her, for no particular reason."
"But I'll be playing, and the lights will be down. They won't even be looking at me. And as long as she gives a little look out to the audience once in a while, no one will be the wiser. What do you think?"
While Bill stood rubbing his chin, thinking, Grace stood close to Toby. She loved the idea of him being there. Then she wouldn’t have to face the crowd alone. It would be almost like having Jack beside her for support. She turned to Bill.
"I would feel so much better if Toby stood next to me. I want to try it. Please, Bill?"
He shrugged. "Okay, Miss Grace, we'll give it a shot. What's there to lose?" He cued the band, and the music began.
As Toby played, Grace kept her eyes moving between him and the lyric sheet, and when her cue came, the words of the songs began flowing from her. They were soft at first, as they had been before. But quickly her voice found its strength. It was like being there with Jack and Alice, as the lyrics flowed out with smoothness and beauty.
At the end of the song her eyes closed, and she kept them that way for a moment more. Then she heard the applause, and she took in a cleansing breath of air, full of relief and happiness. Something made her turn her head to her left, and standing there behind the curtain, she saw Henry in the shadows, watching. Even with his face in shadow, she could see his smile. She longed to run to him, to throw her arms around him. A feeling of joy coursed through her. For a moment she was lost in her thoughts, until Toby's voice brought her back.
"That was excellent," he said with a smile. "See what happens when you have me around? Now let's do something more upbeat, to keep the good mood up."
She wanted to go on. But then a troubling thought came to her. Would the other acts in the club think she was hogging the stage and the spotlight? She would not blame them if they thought that, and it made her shake her head at Toby's suggestion.
“I don't want to take over the stage. I should let the others work up here for a while.”
He balked at that, grinning. "The stage is yours.” He turned to Bill. "Isn't that right?"
Bill nodded. "The boss wants you to work here. The others work downstairs, in a private stage area. This is where Victoria used to work, so now it's where you work.”
"But the other day, I saw the girls out here practicing," she said. "Are
you sure I won't be invading their space?"
He shook his head. "Not at all. They were just out here because they knew Victoria was gone. But now they know you’re here, so they're back on their regular routine. And everything is as it should be. So let’s do something fun. Do you know 'My Blue Heaven'?"
She shook her head, and he smiled.
"Well then, I'll sing it for you.” He took her lightly in his arms, leading her in a dance as he sang the song. The words were sweet, his moves and manner playful. She smiled along with him as he led her and sang.
Day is ending, birds are wending
Back to the shelter of,
Each little nest they love
Nightshades falling, lovers calling
What makes the world go round?
Nothing but love
When whippoorwills call, and evening is nigh
I hurry to my Blue Heaven
I turn to the right A little white light
Will lead you to my Blue Heaven
A smiling face, a fireplace,
A cozy room
A little nest that nestles where roses bloom
Just Molly and me and baby makes three
We're happy in my Blue Heaven
A smiling face, a fireplace,
A cozy room
A little nest that nestles where the roses bloom
Just Molly and me and baby makes three
We're happy in my Blue Heaven
She was laughing a little as he sang to her. His voice was so pleasant to the ear, his way so warm and enjoyable. It reminded her a little of Jack. She was quite caught up in the happy moment, and it seemed he was just as lost in the fun. Then the voice of Henry came from the side of the stage. His tone was calm, but it was firm…and somewhat serious.
