by Sarah Pawley
Alice put an arm around her, drawing her close for comfort. “You know, sometimes you just have to go on faith.”
She sighed again. “Maybe. Or maybe I should just enjoy it while it lasts.” Now the sunshine came back, warming her expression. “He does make me happy.”
Alice smiled. “You deserve that, sis.” She kissed the top of her head and withdrew, bidding her good night.
"Good night," Grace replied. She watched Alice go, and as the door closed behind her, she leaned back against the pillows again. Burrowing down a little under the sheet, she opened her book again. She came to the last words of the chapter, and read...
My future husband was becoming to me my whole world; and more than the world: almost my hope of heaven. He stood between me and every thought of religion, as an eclipse intervenes between man and the broad sun. I could not, in those days, see God for His creature: of whom I had made an idol...
She knew it was silly to imagine Henry as her husband. But then again, it was just that…her imagination. Anything was possible there. And besides, who knew what the future might bring? Stranger things had happened.
And I’m living proof, she said to herself.
* * * * *
A memory came to her as she stood behind the stage curtain, watching the dancers in their glory. Not so long ago, she had been wandering where she did not belong, seeing these people prepare for their work, and she had tried to imagine what it was like to be among them. Now she knew the excitement of seeing people she was coming to know as family, in their element on the stage and bringing the full crowd to their feet at the end of each performance. Would she have that power over the people, when she took the stage in only five days? She might have been more frightened, were it not for the thought that Toby would be there. Sweet, wonderful man. With his constant spirit and encouragement, he was quickly becoming a dear friend to her. If only Henry could see it that way.
This morning, when she’d been on the stage with Toby during rehearsal, she’d seen Henry standing as he had before, in the shadows behind the curtain. But his face had not been soft and loving. His look was troubled. Maybe even a little angry. She didn’t understand why he looked so, until she was sitting at the edge of the stage, and he came to stand just before her. His face had softened. He even smiled a little, as he talked to her about her work. They were both all politeness and civility, as they had to be in the public eye. It seemed he was trying even harder now to be a gentleman. In the brief moments they’d stolen earlier that day, he’d told her that he’d changed his mind about a secret meeting. It was too risky, he declared. And though she was disappointed, he had promised to think of something more sensible. That put her at ease, knowing that he was being so considerate.
As he stood there in front of the stage, he asked her how she felt about her upcoming debut, and if she thought she was ready.
"I think I'll be fine. Everyone is so sweet, just like a big family. And you're here, even when I can't see you. I know you're around, thinking of me." He smiled at that, and she returned the gesture. "Toby will be next to me for support, so I'm not as scared as I was."
She did not see it at first, but his expression darkened. "Hmm," he said, low and almost bitterly. That little sound made her look up. His mouth was set in that familiar line, the one he wore when he wasn’t happy. A womanly instinct told her what that meant.
"I think there’s a green-eyed monster in the room.” She kept her tone casual, for who knew what ears were listening? But she knew he was, and if he needed soothing, she would give it. “Slay that beast, white knight…Because there’s only one Lord for this Lady." She looked in his eyes, reassuring him with a smile.
After a long moment, she finally saw the corner of his mouth turn up, and she felt a great triumph in his reply.
"One Lord for the Lady, and one Lady for the Lord."
"That’s right," she declared. "Now go, good sir, and let me be."
He seemed reluctant, but left her side. She could sense the resistance in him, for she felt the same pull of frustration in her own breast. If not for watching eyes, she could easily have fallen into his arms and reassured him of her love in a much more pleasant way. And she knew he would have done the same. But he was gone from her sight in a few moments, and she hardly saw him the rest of the day.
Now it was the middle of a busy evening, and she wondered where he was. Likely he was mingling among his guests, shaking hands and greeting familiar faces as he always did on busy nights. She longed for a look at him, and moved from the backstage to the hall, where she stood looking for his face among the crowd. She did not see him, but she smiled when she saw Jack and Alice at a table. They waved when they saw her, and she went to them. She kissed each of them on the cheek and sat with them, listening to the music. The selection was a slow one, a selection of stringed instruments and piano that was romantic and soft. As she sat there, listening, she wished that Henry would come and ask for a dance. She was still not very good at dancing, having only done it a few times, but she knew he was strong and could lead her, and the thought of being in his arms was thrilling. If only he would come to her. But still she did not see him, and disappointment filled her through.
Then a cheerful voice came near, and she looked up to see Toby at their table.
“Hi Gracie. Won’t you introduce me to your company?”
She smiled, and though still longing for Henry’s company, she was happy to see her friend there. She introduced him, and he shook hands with Jack. Taking Alice’s hand in both of his, he greeted her warmly.
“A pleasure, truly. Beauty runs in both your families, I see.”
Alice grinned, a knowing look in her eyes. “You’re a smooth one, aren’t you?”
He flashed a rascal’s smile. “I was born way before whipped topping,” he replied. “Can I have your sister for a minute? I’m on a break, but I think I can get one more dance in before I go back. Do you mind?”
Jack just shrugged. Alice nodded, but Grace hesitated for a moment. She looked once more for Henry, but a moment later Toby was leading her out to the dance floor, and she felt she had to turn her attention to him to keep from hurting his feelings. She smiled politely as he moved with her, helping to watch that she didn’t miss her steps, and she did enjoy his light conversation and usual charm. But it was Henry she thought of, and she wondered where he could be. Surely he wasn’t hiding. As the number ended, and she stood with Toby, applauding the band, she sighed. He looked at her, concerned.
“Are you all right?” he asked. “You look a little down. I didn’t step on your feet, did I?”
She shook her head, trying to put on a happy face. “No, you didn’t. You were just fine. And thanks for the dance. I think I’m getting pretty good at it.”
He smiled, looking at his watch. “I better get back. I’ll see you later, Gracie.” He gave her hand an affectionate squeeze, and left her side.
Her smile fell away as he went. She turned to go back to the table. And as she did, she came eye to eye with Henry. Dressed in his best suit, he took her breath away, and she could not keep the deepest smile from coming across her face.
“And where have you been?” she asked.
“Around,” he replied. “Watching my patrons enjoy themselves. Watching my lady dance with someone else, while I have to wander about shaking hands and putting on airs.”
She smirked. “Jealous, are you?”
“I think we established that earlier.”
“We did,” she said. “And I told you there wasn’t any reason to be. So should you ask me to dance, or should we stand here and talk about it?”
He did not ask her to dance. He simply took her hand and drew her to the floor. With his arms and hands guiding her, somewhat closer than they should have been, he seemed to be saying without words that she belonged to him, and no one else. Even though so many were around them, they seemed the only two in the whole world. In the circle of each other’s arms, on the dance floor, they could be toge
ther, and for several glorious moments they savored the closeness of each other’s company.
Words seemed incapable of expressing how it felt being held. And the way he was watching her, his eyes and smile full of fire, it seemed he felt the same. But in the back of her mind, she knew their heated expressions were on public display. Even in the whirl of romance, her better sense remained.
When the dance ended, and they stood giving applause, she took a breath to steady her nerves, so she might speak clearly. Still her tone was soft.
“Will you do something for me?”
He looked delighted, smirking in that way of his. “Maybe.”
“I want you to find the prettiest girl in the room and dance with her.”
His response was a shrug, and a cheeky grin. “If you insist.” He took her hand as the next number began, but she rolled her eyes and withdrew from his grasp.
“I mean it, Henry. Find the prettiest girl. I know you’re good at that. Dance with her, flirt with her. Put on a good show.”
He looked baffled. “Are you serious?”
She nodded. It wasn’t easy pushing him away, but it had to be done. “They all need to be fooled. And we’re in show business, right? It’s what we do.”
Without waiting for a response, she turned towards the table. A sharp hurt rose in her breast. She tried to suppress the feeling, but it only dug itself deeper as she watched him do as she’d asked. Her manner was low as she sat there…the sting of jealousy biting bitterly into her heart. Jack and Alice came from the dance floor to sit with her, and both saw her morose expression.
“Well,” said Jack. “You two looked mighty cozy out there. If you’re trying to hide your romance, you’re doing a hell of a lousy job.”
She sighed. "That's why I sent him away.”
Both Alice and Jack looked out and saw Henry with a petite little blond.
Alice snorted in disgust. “Who is that tramp?”
Grace couldn’t resist a chuckle. Alice certainly had a way with words. "I don't know who she is.”
Jack scoffed at such thoughtless behavior. "What a romantic," he sneered, "Flaunting other women right in front of you. If he were a real man, he would be shouting out to the world who his girl is. He wouldn't give a turkey what other people thought."
“I made him do it,” Grace insisted. “It has to look like I’m no one particular. Just the girl he happened to dance with once, and that was it.”
To that, Jack just shrugged. "If you say so."
"You know it, but you still look so down," Alice declared. "Are you really all right with the method to this madness?"
Grace sighed. "I suppose I have to be…but knowing it is one thing, and seeing it is another." For a long moment, she kept her eyes cast down, not wanting to look over and again and see Henry with someone else. Then, she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.
"Maybe I'll do better with some fresh air," she declared, rising from her seat.
"Do you want us to come with you?" Alice asked.
But Grace just smiled and shook her head. "No, I'll be fine. I always do fine on my own."
Being careful to stay away from the dance floor, she made her way downstairs to the lobby, and outside to the sidewalk in front of the club. The street was calm and quiet, compared to the hustle and noise found inside. For several long minutes she walked up and down the sidewalk, looking at the lights and sometimes looking up at the summer sky that twinkled with bright stars. The serenity of the night calmed her, and she thought of Henry and what had occurred just now. And she shook her head at her own silliness.
He loves me, and no one else, she thought. I see it in his eyes, and I felt it just now, in his arms. I owe him my trust.
She wanted to trust him, as he had asked her to. She had seen in his expression that he did not want to hurt her…that he would rather have stayed with her, and only her. But she was aware that sometimes, the best was brought with great pain, and this it seemed was one of those times. She sighed, feeling the weight lift a little from her heart. When the night was over, he would certainly come to her and offer a comfort, perhaps an apology. And she smiled to herself then, thinking how she might tease him a little just for fun. It gave her spirit an uplift, and with fresh energy, she turned to go back inside.
As she reached for the door someone came out first. And when she looked up her breath caught. A figure appeared before her, one she had not thought to see again. And the look in his eyes struck her cold with fear.
"Charlie," she said, her voice a whisper. "Why are you here?"
Before she could ask more, he suddenly gripped her shoulders and pushed her back against the wall. Her eyes grew wide with fear.
"They've ruined you,” he said.
Her voice squeaked. "Ruined me?"
"I saw you in there, Gracie. I saw you dance with those men. In this place. This evil place, full of sinners. You used to be such a good girl. What have they done to you?"
"No one has done anything to me.” She wanted to be strong, but his face was intense and wild, and it struck her to the core with fear.
"Yes, they have," he insisted. "You’re not who I thought you were. They've shown you their wicked ways.” He backed away, shaking his head. He continued to slowly retreat, and as he moved from the light into the dark of the street, she saw him turn his back on her and disappear into the night.
Chapter 20
“Someone to Watch Over Me”
What was she to do?
Her hands shook a little as she opened the door and went back in, and though she tried to calm herself, the encounter with Charlie had left her shaken. His look had been so frightful, almost mad in its way, and now she just wanted to go home where she could escape to the security of her room…where she could think, and decide what to do. She did not want Jack to know, for if he found out he would be furious and might do something foolish. Henry would be just as angry if he knew, of that she was certain. No, neither of them could know. And as for Alice…well, it would only cause her to worry if she knew, and in her condition, stress was the last thing she needed. Somehow, she would deal with this herself. Maybe she could find a way to go to where Charlie was staying and talk some sense into him. There had to be a way to end this without anyone getting hurt.
She was looking back towards the door, thinking of Charlie, when she neared the stairs. In her mind, she was hoping not to run into Henry. If he saw her in this current state, he might ask one too many questions, and she might not be able to keep from hiding the truth. She turned toward the stairs. It was not Henry she saw, but Jack and Alice.
"There you are, baby sister. We were wondering if you got lost."
She just shook her head, trying to smile, but was hardly able to. They looked at her curiously as they came down the stairs, and she hoped they would associate the look on her face with the Henry incident. But Alice had always been able to read her better than almost anyone, and she knew something else was amiss.
"You're white as a sheet," she said. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, really," Grace insisted. "I'll be fine."
"You're hands are shaking," Alice noted, taking Grace's hands in her own. "Jack, look at her." She looked worriedly at him, then at her again, and wanted an explanation. "Grace, what is it?"
Jack was staring at her, his eyes intense, and Alice was gripping her hands firmly. She knew she would have to say something, or they would never let her be until she did.
"I saw Charlie," she confessed.
Alice gasped, and Jack did what she knew he would. His eyes widened, his mouth opened, and he cried, "What? Where?" He looked ready to kill, but Grace just sighed.
"It doesn't matter right now," she said. "I just want to go home."
Alice nodded, as did Jack, and he hurried to open the door, ushering them out.
* * * * *
She was all wrong, and he felt it.
Even as Henry smiled at the feminine face before him, he couldn't keep himself from silently pic
king out all her faults. Too much makeup, for one thing, especially around the eyes. It made her look like a raccoon. Her breasts were flattened to make her look more waif-like...it was the style of the times, though he had never understood how men were attracted to that. He certainly wasn't. But if her appearance was false, her intentions were quite truthful, and written all over her face. The way she looked at him through half-closed lids…the way her hand pressed a little too firmly on his arm. He knew an invitation when he saw one.
But she wasn’t who he wanted. She didn’t feel as warm, not nearly as soft. Her scent was not the sweet smell that set his senses to reeling, heating his blood with excitement. No matter what way she looked at him, this woman could never compare to the one he wanted, the one he needed. And he couldn’t maintain the pretense any longer. He’d played this part for one dance, and that was all he could stand for the time being. Placing a light kiss on the woman’s hand, he turned away from her, catching the look of disappointment she wore at his sudden departure, but he didn’t give another thought to her. All he wanted was to go back to the arms of the one he loved. Maybe he could persuade her to go for a little late night stroll. Perhaps they could find a quiet little place somewhere, away from prying eyes. Lord, how his heart beat fast at the thought of her sweet lips on his. He knew he was rushing, but at that moment he could think of nothing but being back with her.
He approached the table where the Langdon’s had been sitting…and saw it was empty. She was gone. Why had she left? Where had she gone? He looked around, as if needing to confirm it, and she was nowhere to be seen. A feeling of dread fluttered in his heart. Be calm, he tried to tell himself. She must have gone home. And yet he couldn’t be calm, no matter how he wanted to be. Moving towards the stairs, he didn’t give a thought as to who was watching him. Was she angry at him? Had she changed her mind about his being with another woman, even if it was under false pretense? He had to go to her and find out…
