Finding Grace: A Novel

by Sarah Pawley

  * * * * *

  At home, Jack paced furiously across the living room floor as Grace told them what Charlie had said. And his fury was only driven further when he learned of Charlie's previous encounter. In telling her brother the truth, she had found herself confessing all. She didn't want to tell him, knowing how upset he would be, but it just came tumbling out. Jack crossed his arms and stared at her, his tone deadly calm.

  "Where is he staying?"

  She scoffed at his demand."You think I’m telling you that? I won't have you ending up in jail for murder while your wife is sitting here carrying your child. It's ridiculous, Jack. We just have to hope Charlie comes to his senses and goes home."

  He jeered at her suggestion.

  "Oh, that's a great idea. That worked well the last time, didn't it?"

  There came a knock on the door, and Jack threw his hands up in frustration. He cursed at the interruption."For the love of God! Who the hell is it at this hour?”

  He went to open the door. And seeing it was Henry who stood on the stoop, he grumbled impatiently.

  "What do you want?" Henry looked surprised by the reaction. But his voice was calm.

  "I saw that you all left early, and I just wanted to know if everything was all right. Is it?"

  "No, everything is not all right," Jack said. "In fact, I'd like to slam the door in your face right now. But I won't, because you're a part of all this mess. So come on in here and join the party."

  Henry gave him an odd look, slowly stepping across the threshold. "What are you talking about?"

  Grace looked up and saw him. Their eyes met, and she seemed to sense why he had come. He wanted to know why she had gone so quickly, and he was looking for answers. But now it seemed he would get more than he bargained for. Before they had a chance to speak to one another, Jack went on in his tirade.

  "Charlie is back. He met Grace outside of your club."

  Henry’s mouth opened slightly. "Are you serious?" He turned to look at Grace. "What happened? What did he say?"

  Jack stood between them. "He scared her to death, that's what happened. And it's all your fault."

  Henry’s brow raised, his expression stunned…and growing upset. "My fault?"

  "You're the one who made her come and work for you.”

  Grace rose to her feet before they could argue further. "I don't want to hear anymore of this.” She fixed her eyes on her brother. "I went to work for him because I wanted to, and I still want to. Charlie isn't going to scare me out of it, and neither are you."

  Henry became calm. He tried to be a voice of reason.

  "He's just looking out for you.”

  She turned to him with a firm look. "Well I don't need anyone else fussing over me.” Then she turned to Jack. She pushed a finger in his chest. "You should be worrying about your wife and your baby. They don't need to hear all of this, and neither do I." She turned to Alice, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Then she hurried out of the room and went upstairs.

  * * * * *

  Henry wanted to hurry up the stairs after her, but he held back that impulse with a strong force of will. She had been through a bad night, and wanted to be left alone, so he would grant her that wish. Besides, it would be ridiculous to make a scene in her brother's house, and make fools of them both. So he sighed, turning around, and looked in the face of John Langdon. Once, they had been rather close. Now, it seemed, they were on the verge of becoming enemies. It was not what he wanted in the least…not when Grace was so close with her brother. He did not want to fracture that bond. But neither did he want to go on battling with this man. They were at an impasse, it seemed. For a moment, the two of them just stared coldly at one another, until it was Alice who at last spoke.

  "I think this would be a good time to make myself scarce.” She smiled at Henry, and then turned to her husband, laying a hand on his chest. "I'll go up and see if I can talk to Gracie.”

  "Are you all right?" he asked, his tone concerned as he rested a gentle hand on her abdomen. "No pain or anything?"

  "Just you," she replied, smiling, as he squeezed her hand and kissed it. She leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, and then turned towards the stairs. Before she went up, she turned to him again with a little smile. "Jack, please don't get blood on the rug. It’s a hell of a stain to get out."

  Henry smiled in amusement. Alice reminded him a lot of Grace, and in a way, he envied the loving relationship between Alice and John Langdon. He hoped that maybe someday, he and Grace might be such a couple. But before he could even attempt the start of such a dream, he would have to overcome a few things, namely her brother, who was now staring at him with a kind of loathing in his eyes. The smile fell away from Henry’s face.

  Jack gestured towards the living room. "Sit down, why don't you?"

  Henry went in, taking a seat on the sofa. He watched as Jack went over to a cabinet, rifling around. He produced a bottle of liquor and two glasses. Setting it on the top of the cabinet with a kind of force, he pulled the cork out of the bottle and poured some drink into each glass. "I'm not a big drinker," he grumbled. "I should have been, considering where I come from, but their ways have never been mine. Still, sometimes the occasion calls for it, don’t you think?"

  Henry nodded and accepted the drink, giving the liquid only a slight sip. He eyed Jack over the rim of the glass. He watched him down a gulp of his own drink, and then drop himself heavily into a large armchair.

  "So," Jack said. "What are your intentions with my sister? And don't you give any bull, either. I ain't in the mood for it."

  Henry sighed, an irritated sound. This interrogation seemed so stupid and pointless. He wasn’t some teenager looking to court a girl, hoping for a father’s approval.

  "No offense, John. But I don't really think it's any of your business. Why should you concern yourself with it? And while I'm thinking about it, why do the two of them call you Jack, and everyone else calls you John?”

  "John is my given name. Jack is the name I let people use when I'm close to them. And I'm close with very few. Now don’t try to change the subject. We were talking about my sister, who happens to be right behind my wife in a line of importance. Whether you like it or not, she IS my business. Always has been, always will be, no matter what anyone else says.”

  "And why, exactly is that? Why are you so afraid to let someone else take care of her?"

  Jack’s reply was grim and firm.

  "Because…besides me, my wife, and my Granny, no else ever gave a damn."

  He took another sip of his drink as he spoke. "I was ten years old when she was born. Clear as crystal, I remember the morning she came into the world. Me and my two brothers were sitting there with my Uncles while Granny was in with the doctor and my Mama. Daddy came out of the room. And do you know the first thing he said, after he told us it was a girl? He said, 'Maybe we'll get it right next time.' Then he just walked out of the house and didn't come back until after dark."

  He reached over to put down his drink on the end table. Leaning back in his chair, he crossed his arms as he let out a deep sigh.

  "We all went in to see the baby. Mama had this look on her face. Not the kind of look a mother has when they hold a new baby…all soft and glowing. But she had the kind of look people have when they open a present, and it's something they don't want."

  Henry nodded. "So you came in and took over.”

  "No," Jack said quickly. "I didn't think much of Gracie the first time I saw her. I saw her the way most kids see babies. She was all red and squished up. She looked kind of like a little turnip, and she was squalling at the top of her lungs. But Granny was tickled pink about her. She paid more attention to her than my Mama did…holding her all the time, talking to her. She even named her. My folks didn't even have any girls names picked, if you can believe that. And Granny got me interested in her. She didn't look so bad to me after she got some regular color, and filled out a little. I started to like her more and more, sort of like a stray puppy I mi
ght have found. And pretty soon, I was attached."

  "So you adopted her, in a way.”

  Jack shrugged. "If you want to put it that way. The whole point is this. I've been taking care of her since she was born. Alice was there to help when I met her, and Gracie has learned to do all right by herself. But damn it all, women aren't supposed to count on themselves. We're men. We're supposed to take care of them, not the other way around. That's why God gave us big shoulders."

  Henry rose to his feet. "I will take care of her, if you'll give me the chance. When the time comes, she will be my wife. I'm willing to wait, for her sake, but we will be together. When we are married, I'll make her happy, I promise you that. And as for that Charlie Hillard…"

  Jack rose to his own feet, his face a new mask of fury at the mention of the name. "That worthless piece of gutter trash. First thing in the morning, I'm going to go out and look for him. When I get my hands on him, I'll rearrange his face."

  "I'll give you a hand. If I meet you over here in the morning, we can go together and find him out. Two heads are better than one. And as for your sister, I'll make sure she's never alone at the club. If he shows his face around my property, it'll be the last thing he ever does."

  Jack raised an eyebrow. "Do I have your word on that?"

  Henry reached out to offer his hand, and Jack firmly shook it.

  "I swear it on my life," Henry declared.

  "If you hurt her, it will be your life," Jack replied. "That's my promise."

  Just giving a slight nod, Henry released the handshake and went for his hat. He felt a slight weight lift from his shoulders as he let himself out. He and John Langdon might never again be the best of friends, but now at least, they had made their peace with one another…and they were both on the same side. With the same goal.

  He silently berated himself again and again as he made his way into the house, wishing he had just gone ahead and stomped Charlie's guts while he'd had the chance. Instead he had let the man go, and now this. What if he came around again, when they had their guard down? Desperate men were so often dangerous, and who knew what Charlie was capable of? It terrified him to imagine Grace at the hands of anyone who might harm her, and though he knew she had defended herself on that one occasion, what if Charlie had become violent? Yes, she was strong, but not strong enough to fend off a man driven to desperation. A momentary image came to him, of Grace being struck down by Charlie's hand, and it both frightened and infuriated him, so much so that he nearly left right then and there to look for the bastard. But he stopped just short of the door and took a deep breath, trying to calm his raging feelings.

  He had to remind himself…she was safe at home now, and her brother would never let anything happen to her.

  * * * * *

  A chaperone. That was what Jack now called Henry. According to the sudden announcement he’d made at breakfast, the two of them would be taking turns in watching over her. But she balked at the term he’d chosen.

  Chaperone my foot, she thought bitterly. Warden would be a better word for it.

  She knew their intentions were good. And in all honesty, she knew there was a certain danger in not knowing where Charlie was or what he might do. But still, she was not happy. According to Jack, she wasn’t even allowed to take a simple walk without having someone at her side. She found it very difficult to accept her loss of freedom…and harder still was the idea that Henry was in on the whole scheme. He would be escorting her to work each day, driving instead of taking the streetcar. He and Jack were convinced it was safer to use private transportation instead of public means. But when Henry picked her up that morning, she found it hard to even look at him, much less speak to him. Upset with the entire situation, including him, she kept her eyes away from him, staring silently out her passenger window. He tried talking to her, maybe in the hopes of easing her temper. And she listened to him…but she would not answer or look at him.

  “We went to his hotel early this morning, and found out he checked out last night. He could be anywhere, you know.”

  There was a long pause, as if he was waiting for her to say something back. Still she was silent, and he tried again.

  “I know you think we’re treating you like a child, but we’re not. Your brother and I only want to do what’s best for you.”

  They arrived at the club, parking at the rear. Before he could come around to open her door she opened it herself and got out, walking on ahead of him. She fully intended to get to the club door before he did, wanting very much to leave him behind. But he was too quick, stepping in front of her first. She tried to turn away from him, but he wouldn’t allow it, holding her chin firmly in his hand.

  “Please don’t give me the cold shoulder.”

  She pushed his hand away, narrowing her eyes at him. “I don’t need a guard dog.” She moved past him towards the door. “I shouldn’t have said anything to either of you.” She reached to open the door, but he pushed it closed with his hand and stood there, blocking her path.

  “Are you saying you would rather not have my company?”

  When he looked at her that way…his eyes so soft, his tone so gentle…it was hard to stay upset with him. And yet she could not let go of her anger altogether.

  "How would you like to be told where to go and what to do? How would you feel if you were watched every minute of every day? You wouldn’t like it either, would you?”

  He shook his head, his eyes lowered.

  “No, I wouldn’t like it.” He took her hand, holding it gently in both his own. "But this is different. And for my own peace of mind, will you let me do as your brother asks?"

  He paused, a look of fear flashing across his face…fear for her, she realized.

  "I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you.”

  Her heart swelled at his tender confession, making her sigh as her defenses crumbled around her.

  "All right then," she said with a defeated tone. "If it makes you happy, I'll let it be. But you have to promise me not to be silly about it. No following me every single moment of the day. There are plenty of people around besides you, and they can be on watch just as well as you can."

  "Good," he said, starting to smile. "And think of it this way. Having me as a chaperone, we can spend time together without causing much suspicion. I would say that's a good way to look at it, wouldn't you?"

  She shrugged, trying hard not to smile. She hadn’t really thought of things the way he’d just put them.

  “I suppose so,” she replied, trying not to meet his eyes. But he moved his head so that she had to look at him. He chuckled softly, probably quite pleased with himself for defeating her. Then he kissed her softly, breaking down the last of her defenses.

  * * * * *

  In the days that followed, the need for worry seemed to wan. Charlie made no appearances, and though Jack and Henry checked his hotel each day and made inquiries to other establishments he might have been staying in, there seemed to be no sign of him. They could only assume he had gone back home where he belonged, though they remained constantly wary.

  Despite the precautions, Grace found those days to be some of the most pleasant she had ever known. Now that Henry and Jack had declared peace, they, Alice, and she spent time together as a little group, going on outings. They went golfing, and though she found the sport itself rather dull, she enjoyed walking along the greens and taking in the calm, quiet air. She found baseball much more fun to watch. At least it was a game she understood and could participate in, even it was only as a spectator. She found a strange affection for Wrigley Field, with its beautiful bright green grass and rusty red dirt…and its wild horde of fans. Jack and Henry were among them, being bigger fools than she’d ever seen. But in a good way.

  When the weekend had passed, she immersed herself in her work, rehearsing for her singing debut which was only a few days away.

  She knew her solo well now, and found she was singing it to herself quite often. As well as her progress, sh
e discovered another pleasantry in her singing that she had not given a thought to before, and that was her salary. When Henry handed her a paycheck, she did not quite know what to say or do. She had never seen a check before, and felt silly in not understanding what she was to do with it. But as she knew he would be, he was generous and patient in explaining the whole process of finance to her. Her sharp mind caught on very quickly, as he helped her set up a bank account in her own name, taught her how to write a check and make withdrawals and deposits, and explained both the joys and pitfalls of money. He cautioned her that a woman with her own means was not always taken politely by society, but she brushed that thought aside. All of her life she had been fighting those sorts of backward ideals. What was one more to her now?

  She’d always thought of herself as independent, but now she felt a kind of power in herself like she’d never known. She realized it was the power not just of financial freedom, but of personal freedom. With her own money, she had the freedom to go anywhere, do anything, and buy anything she pleased. It was overwhelming to think of it, and if she had been a lesser woman, with less strength of mind, she might have started imagining all the ways she could spoil herself. But it was not herself she thought of at all.

  Sitting on the sofa one afternoon, waiting for Henry to arrive for supper, she looked through the Sears and Roebuck catalog as she had done so many times before in her life. But this time, there was no sense of disappointment as she looked through it, seeing things and knowing she would never have any of it. Now, she had the chance to have whatever her salary could bring. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, she hardly heard the knock on the front door, or heard the sound of Alice greeting Henry as he came in. It wasn't until he came in and placed a kiss on top of her head that she even looked up, and she smiled at him, and then looked back to the catalog.