by Lara Swann
So he’s always blinked first.
But now…when all these problems are so closely linked to my personal life - to my family - I can’t. I won’t give them up, not for anything. I won’t do anything to harm them. Or let anything harm them.
Which leaves me in the awkward position - for the very first time - of not knowing how to deal with it. Something I’ve never experienced in business before.
And the articles aren’t subsiding, either.
Apparently the story is too good to give up on - at least this quickly.
If anything, it’s all getting worse. More drama. More slanderous accusations. More ridiculous lies.
And that’s setting my blood on edge. It was bad enough when it was just about me, and I could barely stand it then. But with Leah and Maddie too?
No. Just fucking no.
I feel like being so on edge all the time is knocking me off my game, too, and I can’t help it…I’m starting to wonder how the hell we’re ever going to get out of this.
After two days, I come home to Leah sitting at the kitchen counter - reading yet another of the gossip mags. I don’t know why she insists on doing that to herself - I certainly don’t want anything to do with them.
I mean, I kind of get it - she wants to know the stories that might be going around about her and Maddie, but…damn, looking at all the shit they’re printing just makes it worse.
Maddie is sitting on the couch, looking totally bored and miserable while the TV flickers in front of her.
I try not to sigh, my heart sinking for them.
Being stuck in the apartment might not be so bad if they were choosing not to leave - but when you feel like you can’t…shit gets old real fast.
I’m surprised Mathilda and Tommy aren’t around, actually. They’ve been here almost non-stop since, trying to help entertain Maddie. But I guess maybe they wanted some fresh air, too.
I walk over to Leah, wrapping my arms around her back where she’s sitting at the counter and kissing her on the temple, before peering over her shoulder to look at what she’s reading, in spite of my better judgment.
‘I had Alistair Sinclair’s baby, too!’
I freeze, staring at the article.
The full-length photo of a vaguely familiar woman. The nine-month-old baby.
And I notice the tension in Leah’s body underneath me.
“That’s not true.” I say immediately. “I don’t have another kid, Leah.”
I search my memory, trying to work out where on earth I know this woman from. I already know the baby isn’t mine - nine-months puts her about a year and a half ago…and I haven’t been dating that recently. Haven’t even been hooking up with anyone. When I finally remember, I relax a little - she was at a couple of parties I went to, that’s all. Probably a year ago.
“Honestly, Leah - I don’t even know this woman. I think we went to a couple of the same parties, she might’ve come onto me, I can’t remember - but I wasn’t interested. Got a skeezy vibe anyway and—”
“I know the kid isn’t yours, Alistair. I believe you. You don’t have to explain.” Leah says softly, reaching up to squeeze my hand. “It’s all just slander and lies.”
I breathe out slowly, my heart rate still sky-high. I never would have thought this shit could affect me so much - but then, it was only an irritation before. But this time, I have people I care about enough that I don’t want them believing all the lies about me.
“It is. Lies and slander.” I agree, and start rubbing her shoulders, doubt still swirling uneasily through me. “Are you sure you don’t want me to explain, Leah? You still seem so tense. And I’d get it, if you—”
She sighs, and turns to face me - getting up to give me a long hug. I don’t realize until that moment that this is the first evening she hasn’t done that immediately. I can’t help the slight sadness I feel about that, even if it is stupid - but I get it. The mood here isn’t what it should be, as much as we’re all trying. We just both hate the situation.
“I don’t believe the article - I wouldn’t, Alistair. It’s not you, even when you were doing the wild playboy thing.” She looks up at me, her eyes as genuine as ever, but bright with unspilled emotion. “It’s just…this is all getting to me. I’m tense because I’ve been inside with a grumpy four-year-old all day who I can’t explain anything to.”
I sigh, and lean down to kiss her gently. She returns it, but she’s distracted - as we both are.
“I understand, baby. I’m home now, though - I can play with her for a while.”
That makes her smile slightly. “I think she’d like that. Daddy is always exciting and fun and has the coolest games - Mommy is boring and with her all the time.”
“You know she doesn’t think that.” I say gently, pulling her close again.
She snorts. “Yeah, I know. After four years, I’ve got a thick enough skin that the casual judgments of a kid don’t bother me too much. And anyway, she has a point - I have been with her all day. I think she’s probably as sick of me as I am of her.”
I raise an eyebrow, giving Leah a careful look. She’s one of the best Moms I’ve ever seen, and while she might tease at times, I’ve hardly ever heard her make that sort of comment about Maddie.
“This is really getting to you.” I murmur.
She hesitates, then nods. “I’m not sure how much longer I can stay in like this - feeling like I can’t go out, like there are people waiting for me if I do. It’s unnerving - I think it’s driving me slightly crazy.”
“I know.” I say, then pause. “I was thinking about it today, Leah - it doesn’t look like this is going to get better. Not for a little while. I don’t know why, but the media is hanging onto this story like a dog with a bone. Do you think maybe…you want to go somewhere upstate - a little outside NYC? With Maddie? Just until it all clears up. A big house, with a garden, where you could probably wander around the village. Mathilda and Tommy could probably go too—”
“Woah, woah. You have been thinking about this. Give me a moment to absorb it before you add in all the details and logistics, hmm?” She says, but there’s a spark in her eyes that wasn’t there before, and I can tell she likes the idea.
I smile, and wait, almost seeing the cogs turning in her mind as she considers it. This has been one of those things we’ve worked out between us - I like to present a situation fully-formed, and tend to swamp her with the whole idea. Leah, however - she likes to hear the spark, the basic idea, and then run with it in her own mind, before developing it together with me.
“Yeah.” She says after a few moments, smiling. “Yeah, I think that would be great, Alistair. After what happened, maybe I just need to get out of this city for a while. And this apartment might be an exclusive luxury penthouse, but I think Maddie and I need a little more space.”
I nod, and then I really do smile when she pulls me into a deeper hug - a proper one.
“Thank you, Alistair. And I’m sorry for being grumpy.”
“I think we’re all a little grumpy at the moment. But you’re both still the shining light I come home to every night.”
She rolls her eyes at me, but I mean every word. Then she frowns.
“Would you come back to this house after work, too? Is that going to be too far for you?”
I can’t help the warmth that bubbles up at the implication there - her hesitation, that she doesn’t want to be away from me every night.
“I’d come. I might be a little later, but I’m not spending a day apart from you that I don’t have to, baby. And hopefully it won’t be for too long anyway.”
“Alistair…” She pauses, obviously hesitant, and my stomach sinks.
I get the feeling I’m about to hear what’s really bothering her.
“Yes, baby?”
“I’m…concerned.” When she looks up at me her eyes are full of emotion, and it disturbs me that I can’t read what’s in them. “I love you. I really do—”
“That sounds ominous.�
� I try to joke, but it’s my own fear speaking.
“I don’t mean it like that. I’m really trying not to mean it like that. But…this whole thing. I—I don’t know whether I can do it. I get that this is just a story - a media storm - and it’ll die. But…I can’t be in the spotlight like this. I can’t have people interested in Maddie and me. It…it panics me. It scares the shit out of me. And not in a learn to be strong kind of way. It’s not the life I want - I don’t want to be on display, and I don’t want every time we do something that might be interesting or cause drama or, or anything else - I don’t want that to cause this again. I’m not a politician, I’m not a celebrity - I don’t want to be. I want you, but I—this life—your business—”
I can see the tears gathering in her eyes and I gather her to me, my heart breaking and my own anger and frustration at the whole thing raging inside me. That was exactly the thing I never wanted. And I tell her that.
“I know, I get it - god, Leah, I do. I don’t want this either. I hate it. I can’t stand it. I never liked the media. Those original profile pieces were a mistake and damn I’ve regretted them ever since. That’s not the kind of life we’re going to lead—”
“But how?” She asks, breathing unevenly, and I can tell she’s close to breaking down into actual sobs. “It’s your job. Your business. And I—I don’t want to—to stop that. I just—can’t…”
Fuck, how did I ever let it get to this?
How did I not see it, even over just the last few days? All the doubts she’s been having?
Nothing is more important to me than this. Her and Maddie.
“I don’t want this either, Leah.” I say, taking her tear-stained face and tilting it up to look at me, letting her see how much I mean it. “I can’t stand the press, or the articles, or anything else. I never could, and if that’s what it takes to own Sinclair & Barkley, then…I’ll do what Barkley keeps saying. I’ll step back, and leave the place behind—”
“Wait, what?!” Leah interrupts, staring at me, and I just grunt, remembering the irritations of the last couple of days.
“Yeah, he’s been making hints - it’s just one more thing, on top of everything else. He’s trying to position things so that he can take over, framing it as being because of all the issues the company is having with these articles about me.”
“Alistair, you can’t. That business is your life.”
I lean forward, kiss her deeply enough that she has to take a step back, bumping up against the kitchen island. I get a flashback to the last time we did that - the time I fucked her, right here, and even with everything else, I can feel my cock start hardening in my pants.
“You’re my life. You and Maddie. I love the business, but…damn, girl. There’s no comparison. If I have to choose - if there’s no way to keep the business without throwing you into the center of all this drama, then I’ll choose you. Always.”
She bites her lip, and I can see the objection in her eyes. I kiss her again, then murmur.
“But I’m not intending to choose. Barkley has never won one of these power games, and I don’t plan on letting him. The business wasn’t always about news stories and popular opinion - it was about real reputation, based on what we could deliver. It was better that way, rather than chasing share prices and…”
I suddenly stop, actually hearing what I’m saying. The thoughts that I’ve been having in the back of my mind this whole time. I sense Leah looking back at me, but I’m distracted by what my mind is running away with.
“What is it?”
“Nothing.” I say, still musing. “It’s just that all this started when we went public - and I’ve fucking hated that ever since. We never had any of these problems as a private company.”
She’s still looking at me, still puzzled, and I can’t explain the wispy threads of an idea…something that hasn’t yet crystallized enough to actually understand. But it’s enough to feel like there really might be a way out of this. A way to solve all the problems we’ve been having.
“I don’t know yet, Leah. But I promise you this - I will sort it all, one way or another. I’ll get the spotlight off us permanently - or we can move to the other side of the country, start again, whatever you like. I don’t need the money anymore - I haven’t for a long time. Who knows, maybe I’ll take up gardening, or extreme sports, or playing golf. I’ll do whatever is best for us. And I won’t have you and Maddie - hell, or even myself - I won’t have any of us living like this.”
She looks at me, and I see the beginnings of hope form there again. It’s enough to make me breathe a deep sigh of relief. What she had started to say scared the shit out of me.
“Don’t ever doubt that you’re the most important thing to me, my love. You and Maddie. My family.”
She smiles, and it’s real this time - real and genuine.
“I know. And you are to us. Nothing is ever going to change that.” She leans in to kiss me, and it has the kind of passion that I’ve missed - not because it was gone, but because both of us were too distracted to see it. “Maddie and I will go upstate, and you…you’ll kick ass.”
I grin, giving her a spontaneous twirl in the kitchen. When she says it like that, there’s no doubt at all.
I’ll kick ass.
Chapter Twenty-One
Leah
“Dylan came through with the money. All of it.”
I pause where I’m trying to juggle Maddie and Tommy and plates of chicken, my shoulder pressing the phone to my ear.
Emma sounds utterly distraught.
“Umm…you…don’t sound so happy about that, Em.”
“Mommy!” Maddie jumps up and down, trying to see her food.
I decided to make fried chicken as a treat - partly because I’m feeling a hell of a lot better now that I’m in the large, manor-style house Alistair found for us, and partly because with Mathilda and Tommy here it almost feels like a vacation. Which is definitely what I needed, and it’s done wonders to take my mind off everything that’s going on in NYC. I haven’t even been checking the gossip mags or sites anymore.
Alistair is still stressed when he comes home every night - but it’s a purposeful stress, a deliberate energy that…if I’m totally honest…is quite hot to watch. That’s not the most useful thing it could prompt in me - really I should be leaving him alone to work - but he hasn’t exactly said he minds when I come up behind and accost him…
Now that Emma has called in the middle of lunch, though, I’m starting to regret the whole thing. If she didn’t sound so…upset…I’d ask her to hang on for a couple of hours.
“You look frazzled.” Mathilda says as she comes in from outside. “Anything I can help with?”
I shoot her a grateful glance. “Yes - all of it, if you can. Emma’s just called—”
“Leah?” I hear from the other end of the phone.
“Yes, yes, just a moment.” I try and reply. “—and I think she needs to talk, and—”
“Mommy!” Maddie demands again, and I think my mind might explode.
“Go.” Mathilda laughs, then ruffles Maddie’s hair. “I think I can serve out some fried chicken. Smells good, girl.”
I grin at her, then disappear off to one of the many side rooms. Another thing Alistair overlooked when choosing this house - great for playing hide and seek, maybe…terrible for losing children in. We’ve tried locking half of them up.
“Okay, sorry babe. I’m all yours now. What is it?”
I hear the hesitation on the other side of the phone, and my stomach flutters uncomfortably.
More bad news? Really? We really need that right now?
“I’m…god, I don’t know how to say this. I’m really sorry, Leah. I didn’t really want to call, I just feel utter crap, and I’m such a fucking idiot and—”
“Okay. Seriously, you’re scaring me now. What the hell is going on, Emma?”
I hear her swallow this time. “He came back to me with the money - all of it, a lump sum all at once. He
was so excited to start the business with me - but wouldn’t say a word about our investors, or where he got the money from, or what they wanted, and, well, I got suspicious…so I went looking. And, I…well, I think I found how he got that money. What the niche investors were really looking for.”
“Okay - just tell me. Spit it out.”
This waiting is just destroying my already frayed nerves.
“Go check out Gossip Girls.”
My heart sinks even more, but I walk down the hall to find my laptop - the thing I’ve been purposely ignoring for the last few days. I load up the site, my heart pounding in my ears as I wonder what could have affected Emma this badly.
And there, blaring straight on the front page…
‘I’m the father!’
Full-length picture of Dylan. Three photos of Maddie and Alistair. And a picture of us, from back in college - years ago.
“Fuck.” It comes out as a whisper, a disbelieving exhalation.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Leah. If I’d known—”
“This isn’t you, Em. This isn’t your fault.”
I can’t help myself. I skim the article, everything in me crashing and burning together.
He even includes the fucking anecdote about Maddie asking him if he was her father. He claims that I know he’s the father, too, but I’m just chasing the money - that part isn’t really a big deal, half the stories have that theme and I don’t exactly care what they say about me - but fuck.
Maddie.
My kid.
She doesn’t fucking deserve any of this.
Emma is saying something to me on the phone, but I can’t really hear it. I can’t listen.
“I’m sorry.” I say, finally. My mind almost blank, empty in the face of too much stuff. “It’s not you, Em. It’s him who’s the bastard. Don’t…don’t worry about it.”
“Leah…”
“I can’t talk right now.” I say, then hang up before she can respond.
Tears burn at the edges of my eyes.
There’s a part - a tiny part of me - that wonders what Alistair will think when he sees this. Whether he’ll demand that paternity test after all.
