A Father for Her Baby

by Sue MacKay

  Sasha swallowed her annoyance. ‘Mum, did you hear me? Lucy and Sam crashed their truck last night. They’re in hospital.’

  Finally Mum’s attention flipped to her. ‘What? That’s terrible. How badly hurt are they? I’ll go over and see to the chooks and dogs.’

  ‘Leave it, Mum. I’ll see to that after work.’

  She got a glare for an answer.

  ‘Mr and Mrs Donovan will be in hospital for a few days,’ Grady informed them. ‘Mike says their injuries are not serious.’

  Repeating herself, Sasha said, ‘I’ll ring the other carriers and see if we can get the citrus cases picked up from your shed. Otherwise I’ll load them after work and take them into the depot.’ The fruit needed to be at the market early tomorrow morning. ‘But right now I’m late for work. See you later.’

  Putting the vehicle in gear, she slowly drove away. Mum looked more tired than usual this morning. Thank goodness Dad was nearly home. He’d be able to do some of those jobs Mum insisted she was still capable of doing. Like driving into the township for supplies. Like loading heavy cases onto the ute and delivering them to the depot. Which was definitely her job whenever Mum would listen.

  She hated this illness; hated the thought Mum would slowly lose the ability to do all the things she loved doing. Mothers weren’t meant to get ill. They were meant to be there for ever. Well, I’m going to be here for ever, watching, helping, looking after her. Doing everything possible to make life easier for her.

  She’d ring Mum later and see if she needed anything picked up. Grady was in for a shock tomorrow night. By the end of the day her mother didn’t always have the strength for cooking so they could very well get heat and eat on a foil plate. Nothing like the wonderful home-cooked meals Mum used to be famous for in Takaka.

  Deep in thought, she hadn’t noticed the silence in the cab until Grady broke it with, ‘You’re annoyed I accepted your mother’s invitation.’

  Was she? Probably. Seemed he was getting into her space too much, too quickly. ‘A little. But I’ll get over it.’ Please.

  ‘I can beg off if you want me to.’

  ‘Leave it, Grady. Mum would be disappointed. Just…’ How did she explain without explaining?

  ‘Sasha? Is everything okay? You and the baby are doing fine, aren’t you?’ Talk about a left-field question. How did he go from discussing her mother to asking about her baby? His concern could be her undoing. If she let it.

  Her lips pressed together and her eyes blurred as hurt for Mum gripped her. Blinking furiously, she focused on the road in front, thankful for the lack of traffic at this time of year. Shaking her head from side to side, she managed, ‘Everything’s hunky-dory. But it can be a little out of whack at times so be prepared for anything tomorrow.’

  And that was all he was getting. The ache in the back of her throat grew but at least her vision cleared. She could feel Grady watching her closely. There’d be questions in those beautiful eyes that always saw too much. She would not look at him. There was plenty of time later if she wanted to talk to him about the disease devastating her family. And whether she did or didn’t depended on lots of things, but mainly on how well they got along over the next few days.

  Grady had skin thicker than the steers she could see in the paddock alongside the road. ‘What’s this about you loading the boxes of lemons? You can’t do that in your condition.’

  Condition? Like I’m sick or something. ‘Trust me. I won’t do anything that could hurt my baby.’

  ‘I believe you, but do you recognise when you’re doing too much? I remember those boxes. They weren’t light. You should leave the job to someone else.’

  Like who? ‘When did you turn so bossy?’

  ‘I had two teenage sisters to deal with. They never made anything easy for me. I probably didn’t make it easy for them either, trying to fill Dad’s shoes and be the man about the place. I wasn’t ready for that job.’

  ‘It must’ve been hell for you all.’ She relaxed, tossed him a smile. ‘But go, them. Where are they these days?’

  ‘They’re both in London with Ma and her husband. Collete’s a lawyer and Eve’s a gym instructor.’

  ‘Your mother remarried?’

  ‘Yes, two years after Dad died.’ His tone quietened, deepened.

  ‘That didn’t make you happy?’

  ‘I’m fine with it. Carrington’s a good man and Ma’s blissfully happy. She’s not the kind of woman who can live on her own for long. She doesn’t cope well with finances and making sure the insurance or rates are paid.’ His turn to stare out the window at the passing paddocks. ‘That took me a while to realise and when I did she’d made some bad calls with money. She wouldn’t let me take total control so we agreed to sell the trucking business and invest the money to give her a monthly payment. It worked, sort of. Then along came Carrington and he took care of them all.’

  ‘Leaving you free to get on with your medical training.’

  ‘I took the remaining six months of that year off, went north to pick fruit, tried my hand on a commercial fishing trawler, pulled beers in a pub. Generally let loose for a while, knowing that once I started at med school there’d be no let-up for a long time.’

  ‘Makes sense.’ While Grady was okay with talking about himself she’d absorb every detail going. It was getting harder by the minute to keep him at arm’s length. She craved information about him, what he’d done, where he’d lived, who he loved.

  Who Grady loved? Did he have a partner? Was she in Auckland, working while he dealt with this pesky little issue of a house out in the back of nowhere? Her heart rate picked up speed. What did any of that matter? She wasn’t getting back with the guy and she’d be the last person to wish him anything but happiness.

  With relief she pulled into the car park at the back of the medical centre. At least there’d be more air in the centre, fresh air that didn’t hold that spicy scent that was Grady, and she wouldn’t starve for oxygen because he’d sucked it all up.

  ‘There you go. Delivered safe and sound.’ Wasn’t that what Jessica would say when she put Flipper in her arms? Giving Grady a ride had seemed almost as traumatic, though not as painful.

  ‘So uneventful I thought I was dreaming.’ A hint of laughter in his voice had her head spinning round. He added, ‘I don’t remember a single time you ever drove or flew me anywhere that was downright steady and safe.’

  Yeah, she’d been a little on the wild side then, had got worse after their bust-up. ‘That was before Flipper.’ Long, long before. Recently life had become so sedate she bored herself.

  ‘Flipper?’ His mouth twitched into a heart-wrenching smile.

  ‘Baby. Commonly known as Flipper for her swimming antics that feel like what I’ve seen the dolphins doing out in the bay, rising and falling through the water.’

  ‘Her? So you’re having a girl.’ His smile died, his gaze turned wistful. ‘A little Sasha.’

  Why wistful? This was her, the woman he’d professed not to love, at least not enough to hang around with for the rest of his life. ‘Yep, a little me. Guess I’m in for payback time for all the worry I put my parents through. Dad keeps warning me I’ll have heart failure every time she moves, wondering what antics she’ll get up to and if she’ll be safe.’

  ‘Ian encouraged you to do those things. It was your mother who had the heart failure.’ Thank goodness the laughter had returned to his voice. She didn’t like Grady being sad. It didn’t fit her memories, the ones that had escaped the box overnight.

  He’d always been full of fun and laughter, teasing, happy. Ping. Another memory. The day his father had dropped dead on the golf course. Grady had never been Grady afterwards. The shock had knocked him and his mother and two much younger sisters to their knees. Mr O’Neil’s passing had been completely unexpected. He hadn’t had a sick day in all his adult life. Never been to a doctor. Hadn’t swallowed pills for anything. A big, solid man, who’d adored his family, worked hard and given generously. Di
ed at forty-four of a massive coronary while swinging an iron at a golf ball.

  When Sasha had heard the appalling news she’d gone home and hugged her dad hard and long. It had been impossible to imagine what losing a parent would be like, but she’d known how much she’d loved Mum and Dad and had never stopped telling and showing them ever since.

  That day had been the beginning of the changes that had overtaken her and Grady’s lives. What if she’d been too impatient with him? Selfish in her own wants, not hearing beyond what he’d actually said? She’d moved on, trained as a nurse, done pretty much anything and everything she’d wanted, and now was preparing for a new challenge—becoming a mum. But what if she’d failed Grady? Was that why men left her? Because she didn’t stack up when the chips were down?

  The sound of a car door slamming broke into her reverie and reminded her she was already late. At least Mike wasn’t here to give her a hard time about that, and Roz might just be more relaxed and prepared to give her a chance after last night’s events. ‘Better get cracking. Monday mornings are hectic, without fail.’

  She didn’t wait for Grady but headed straight inside, anxious to put some space between them. Until last night she hadn’t considered if bringing up Flipper alone was wrong. Sure, all kids needed two parents, and that was on a good day, but those who only got one seemed to do okay. Until Grady’s reappearance she hadn’t worried too much about that.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ‘HEY, YOU DIDN’T call me.’ Jessica looked up from her desk in the nurses’ office as Sasha slipped inside and opened her locker.

  ‘Get growled at for waking you at two in the morning? I don’t live that dangerously. Any more,’ she added under her breath.

  Jessica fixed her with a compassionate look. ‘Sasha, I want to warn you…’ She hesitated.

  Sasha dived straight in. ‘Grady’s back.’

  ‘You know? Who told you? No one at the medical centre knows about your past with him.’

  Sasha’s lips flattened. ‘I had the privilege of giving him a ride home in the early hours. I came across the Donovans caught inside their truck after sliding off the road last night and when the rescue crews turned up, guess who lined up with them?’ Shrugging out of her jacket, she went for broke. ‘I’ve also brought him into work as he’s covering for Mike this morning.’

  ‘You okay with this?’ Jessica’s chair scraped the floor as she pushed it back to stand.

  ‘Do I have a choice?’ The hand hanging up the jacket shook hard. No, she wasn’t okay. About Grady’s reappearance in her home town. About him coming to dinner at her parents’ home, like old times. About him working at her workplace. About anything.

  Jess’s arms surrounded her, pulled her in for a hug. ‘Want to take a sickie?’ she whispered.

  ‘A four-week one? Yep, I do.’ Which only showed how rattled Grady made her feel because she never, ever ducked for cover when the going got tough. Hadn’t had it this tough for a while, though.

  Stepping away, Jessica gave her a twisted smile. ‘Which doctor will you ask to sign the leave form? Roz or Rory? Or Grady?’

  ‘Now, there’s a thought.’ Retrieving her yoghurt and fruit to put in the fridge, she asked, ‘Want a coffee before mayhem arrives?’

  ‘Too late. It’s already here. You’ve got a stack of patient files higher than my dirty dishes at home.’

  ‘Then I’m never going to get done today.’

  ‘Let’s go grab that coffee anyway.’ Jessica led the way to the kitchen. ‘Bet you haven’t eaten this morning.’

  ‘You know me too well.’

  ‘Eat that yoghurt and banana before you start work.’

  ‘Why is it that because I’m pregnant everyone thinks they can tell me what to do? You’re not the first today.’

  ‘Let me guess. Grady been giving you orders, too?’ Jess actually smiled around her question.

  Traitor. ‘Don’t act like that’s a good thing,’ Sasha said as she tugged the foil off the yoghurt pot. Because it was out of order. He had no place in her life. And her friend’s role was to support her, no matter what.

  Jessica’s smile widened. ‘Mrs Collins is waiting for you to take her stitches out. Brought us a chocolate cake for morning tea as well. Which is good because that’s not enough breakfast for you and your baby.’

  ‘Chocolate cake?’ The thought of it made her gag. And she wasn’t insulting Mrs Collins’s cooking. Those chocolate cakes she made were the best on the planet. If only her stomach wasn’t in a riot of nerves. ‘Flipper might like some.’

  Jess threaded her arm through Sasha’s. ‘How is my favourite baby?’

  ‘Bet you say that to all your mothers.’

  ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘Cheers.’ One of the best things to come out of returning home to have her baby was discovering that Jessica had also returned to Golden Bay only weeks earlier and would be her midwife. She couldn’t think of anyone better to be there when she delivered. They were forging a strong friendship. Jess had been in Jackson’s year at school so they hadn’t known each other well. Jess’s family life had been hectic and chaotic back then.

  Inside the kitchen Sasha stopped, suddenly overwhelmed by everything. She studied her hands as she asked quietly, ‘Jessica, I am going to manage, aren’t I?’ She swallowed a huge lump that had risen to block her throat. ‘I know nothing about bringing up a child. Apart from my nursing training I haven’t had anything to do with babies. What if I make a right royal mess of things? Get the award for worst mother of the year? Flipper will grow up hating me.’ She blinked as moisture threatened to spill down her cheeks.

  ‘You? Worst mother? Not possible. You haven’t got a hopeless cell in your body.’

  ‘Every cell feels more than hopeless at the moment.’ This debilitating sensation hadn’t happened before. Until this morning she’d been quietly confident she’d get parenting mostly right, and if she got stuck she had her own great parents to turn to. Even with the problems they were facing at the moment, they couldn’t wait to be grandparents. Staring at her shaking hands, she almost cried. ‘What’s come over me?’

  Jessica hugged her. ‘You’re hormonal. It’s quite normal in your condition. I was a blithering idiot at six months.’

  ‘Hormonal? That covers a multitude of things.’ And ignored what might be the real reason for her distress. That man she’d brought to work with her. Hugging Jessica back, she stepped away, headed for the kettle, plastering a false smile on her dial and bracing herself for the day.

  ‘Did you bring photos of the wedding with you?’ Jess asked.

  Duh, of course. ‘The camera’s in my bag.’

  ‘I’ll grab it. Can’t wait to see Tina in all her finery.’

  ‘She looked gorgeous,’ Sasha said, the moment Jessica stepped back into the kitchen. ‘Stunning, as did Paolo. And when they said their vows I cried.’ Just like she was doing now. Fat, silent tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘They are so happy, so in love, it’s like magic.’ Her heart swelled with emotion. ‘It was the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever been to. They walked under an arch of skis and the theme of the reception was all about skiing.’

  ‘I should learn to ski and go to Italy, find myself a gorgeous Italian man like Tina did.’

  ‘Didn’t work for me.’ Sasha smiled genuinely at last.

  Jess held the camera in one hand, deftly clicking through the photos, and wrapped her free arm around Sasha’s shoulders. ‘Hey, the bridesmaid looked gorgeous, too. That shade of emerald really suits her.’

  ‘I tried to hide the bump as much as possible but it wasn’t easy.’ Sasha hiccupped and dashed at her cheeks with the back of her hand. ‘Tina kept telling me to stop worrying but most of her wedding photos are going to have my pregnant belly as the centre of attention.’

  Jess squeezed her shoulder. ‘If Tina hadn’t wanted Flipper in her photos she’d have taken you up on your suggestion she find another bridesmaid. She’s a true friend.’

  More tea
rs fell. ‘I’m a right mess this morning,’ she muttered as she sniffed hard.

  ‘Babymones.’ Jess grinned around her made-up word for pregnancy hormones. Then the grin slipped as she leaned close. ‘And a little bit of disturbance in the two-metre package that just walked past the door.’

  ‘I wish…’ Sasha hauled in a deep breath. ‘You know, I haven’t a clue what I wish when it comes to Grady. I seem to be having some positive thoughts, memories…’ Again her voice trailed off and she shrugged.

  ‘You’ve got Flipper to think about. Leave Grady to his own resources. And if it gets too bad you come see me. Okay?’

  ‘Okay.’ She was so lucky with her friends. They really cared about her. As she did them. Tina had insisted she be bridesmaid, saying after all the things they’d done together during the two years they’d nursed in Dubai the small matter of a baby wasn’t going to stop her having Sasha beside her as she said her marriage vows.

  And now Jessica and her little boy, Nicholas, had become an integral part of her life. She really had nothing to complain about, and everything she could wish for.

  Except a father for her baby.

  *

  Grady tapped his fingers on the top of Mike’s desk. George Browning had gone, happy with a prescription for his cholesterol and something to clear his chest infection.

  He should be heading out to the waiting room to collect the next patient but he needed a moment. He’d overheard Sasha talking to Jess in the kitchen, heard the raw uncertainty in her voice. So unlike the Sash he remembered. From the highest hair on her head to the ends of her toes she’d always emanated confidence. Always. Too much sometimes, but that was better than not enough.

  Admittedly, being responsible for a tiny baby had to be different. Scary. Daunting. Especially doing it on her own. His fingers shoved through his hair. Sasha was having a baby. It still rocked him to think about it. And he’d thought about it for what had been left of the night after she’d dropped him off at his house. Sasha Wilson. Once the love of his life. You are still capable of rattling me, turning my heart upside down, making me want you and to be a part of your life.