A Father for Her Baby

by Sue MacKay

  She shifted her stare from Jess to Grady, locked eyes with him. Saw nothing but concern and caring, not fear and worry. Masking the Truth from Your Patient 101?

  ‘I hear a heartbeat.’ Jess gave her a tense smile. ‘Grady?’ She handed him the stethoscope and picked up Sasha’s other hand. ‘That’s good, Sasha. The relaxing will help—if you ever get around to following my instructions.’

  Grady still held her gaze, having reached blindly for the stethoscope, and now she saw a crack in his demeanour. Relief? Worry? Love? No, couldn’t be that. Had to be the anxiety one friend naturally felt for another in this predicament. She had Jess and her parents with her on this journey but she also knew whatever Grady was feeling she had him with her too, at least until Flipper was born. Some of the chill racking her loosened.

  He asked, ‘Do you mind if I listen, Sasha?’

  ‘Go for it. What does it mean if you can hear the heartbeat but she’s not moving?’ All her nursing training had gone out the door. She was like any other mother, totally freaked out and needing answers that she knew they probably couldn’t give.

  Grady placed the bell on her abdomen. She stared at him now, watching, waiting for any reaction. He was as good as Jess. Nothing showed.

  Okay, guys, you’re my friends. Help me out here. What’s happening with my baby girl?

  Sweat popped on her brow, her palms, thighs, between her toes. She wouldn’t think of those questions that had no answers. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t. ‘Grady? Talk to me.’

  At least his fingers weren’t shaking as he handed the stethoscope to Jess. ‘I don’t want you panicking…’ His eyebrows rose and his mouth curved upward ever so slightly. ‘Okay, no more than you already are. Yes, there’s a heartbeat and I’m sure everything is all right. The suggestion of relaxing and waiting is fine if you’re living close to a hospital. But since you’re two hours away from the nearest one I think as a precaution a cardiotocograph might be appropriate. It’s normal in these situations, Sash. Isn’t it, Jessica?’

  ‘Absolutely.’ Jess looked at her all funny like. As though she was about to cry. ‘I’m going to phone the hospital in Nelson right now.’

  Sasha sat up, gripping Jess’s hand so hard she probably cracked some bones. ‘What aren’t you telling me? Why are you trying not to cry? What’s wrong with my baby?’

  Jess gasped, but didn’t pull her hand free. Probably couldn’t because of her vice-like grip. ‘I think everything’s A-okay in there. But I do want you checked out so we can be absolutely sure.’ A tear tracked down her cheek. ‘Sasha, you’re my bestest friend and you’re pregnant. More than you can believe, I want this going right for you. You deserve it. You’re so brave and strong and big-hearted. The man who gave you this gift already dealt you one bad card. You don’t deserve any more.’

  Sasha couldn’t talk for the tears clogging her throat. Instead, she broke a few more bones in Jess’s hand.

  On her other side Grady cleared his throat. ‘We’ll head off very shortly. Jessica can text us about the appointment when she’s spoken to the hospital. You also need to tell Ian and Virginia we won’t be there for dinner. And why.’

  ‘Mum and Dad.’ Glad someone was thinking straight. ‘They’ll be beside themselves if I tell them what’s happening.’

  Grady parked his backside on the edge of the bed. ‘Let me talk to them. I can reassure them and promise to phone the moment you’ve been checked over. But you can’t avoid telling them. They should know.’

  ‘It will stress them out.’ They should hear it from her, not Grady. Especially not from Grady. But she was in a hurry. She had to get to Nelson a.s.a.p. She had to know what was going on in her tummy. Had to know her baby girl really was fine. She nodded, totally at a loss for words.

  Jess was already at her desk punching in numbers she seemed to know off by heart. That had to be a good sign, didn’t it? This happened so often it was routine. She hadn’t heard of an excess of distressed babies being born in Golden Bay.

  Then another urgent need caught her. ‘I’ll be a minute. Then we’re out of here.’

  When Grady lifted one eyebrow she flushed pink. ‘Bathroom.’

  His grin was as unexpected as it was fun. ‘Babies and bladders, eh? A tricky combination, I’m told.’

  A whisper of something rippled through her that had nothing to do with the fear gripping her so tight her muscles felt on the verge of tearing.

  I could fall in love with this man all over again.

  But right now she didn’t have the time or energy. All that was for her baby.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ONCE THEY REACHED the far side of Takaka Hill Grady drove quickly. He still kept an alert eye on the road. The icy conditions of two nights ago had improved to the point that there was little to worry about, but there was no escaping the fact that midwinter reigned and the temperature hovered not much above zero. But he desperately wanted to be at Nelson Hospital and hear someone telling Sasha her baby was fine.

  Sasha was too quiet. For her own good. For his heart rate. From what he’d heard through that stethoscope he was satisfied the baby would be all right. It’s what he’d have told any patient in the same situation if they’d presented at his clinic, and felt comfortable about it. But this was Sash. So different. So much a part of him. Sash.

  He knew she was hurting. The fear lunged out of those green orbs to lance his heart every time she looked at him, which was less and less the further they got from the medical centre. There were dents below her bottom lip from those teeth. She’d broken through the skin in one spot.

  Worse, for him anyway, as there was nothing he could do to make her feel any better than what he was already doing. Never had he felt so helpless. In this situation being a doctor hadn’t helped one iota. Remaining neutral was impossible.

  At least she hadn’t argued when he’d said he was driving her across. When he’d spoken to Ian the man had sounded relieved he was going with Sasha. Good to know her father wasn’t averse to him being on the scene. There’d been a shade of panic and fear in Ian’s voice. He’d hated not being able to totally dispel that. Nothing but the cardiotocograph results would. Favourable results.

  Reaching over, he lifted one of Sasha’s cold hands in his and rubbed his thumb back and forth over across it. Shivers kept her hand in constant motion. ‘Have you thought of real names for your baby yet?’

  Slowly she turned to face him. The bewitching green shade of her eyes had dulled and that hit him hard. His stomach sucked in on itself. Pain knotted in the base of his gut. He should be able to allay her fears, take the hurt for her, but he couldn’t. Firstly, nothing on earth could make a mother feel unfazed in this situation. And then, well, this baby had nothing to do with him, no matter how much he wanted it to. Like him last night, Jessica had called the father a bastard. No matter what the circumstances, the man had had no right to desert Sasha and their baby so completely.

  Just as well I don’t know who he is.

  ‘Why?’ Sasha whispered.

  Why what? What had he asked? Names. ‘Just thinking that Flipper could possibly stick even after she’s born if you keep calling her that.’

  ‘You weren’t thinking Flipper would look wrong on the headstone if—if…?’ Tears diluted her words, her tone, making her sound completely lost. Which she was.

  Risking Sash’s wrath, he pulled over to the side of the road and turned to pull her into his arms. His hands spread across her back to rub as gently as he could. ‘Sash, sweetheart, I promise I was not thinking that at all.’ I was trying to divert your thoughts for a very brief moment, only I appear to have made them worse. ‘Flipper’s going to be fine.’ He held off promising. Not only was that going too far without back-up knowledge, it tempted the devil.

  ‘Melanie. That’s what I’m calling her.’

  ‘Your grandmother’s name?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I like it. Melanie Wilson.’ Melanie O’Neil. Worked for him.

  She rub
bed her face back and forth across the front of his jacket, sniffing and crying. It wrenched his heart. Sash didn’t do crying. Okay, she didn’t use to. Pending motherhood had changed her. In lots of ways. His arms tightened further around her in the useless hope he could absorb some of her pain and fear. Never had he felt so utterly useless. So unable to do something positive for someone he loved.

  ‘Can we go now?’

  At least, that’s what he thought her muffled words were. ‘Sure.’ Afraid of her reaction and yet needing to do it, he dropped a light kiss on the top of her head before straightening up. Then he concentrated on getting his precious cargo to Nelson.

  There was so much more he wanted to give her in the future, but that was a slow trip, remember? He couldn’t rush her, and certainly not at this moment.

  *

  Sasha gripped Grady’s hand as they walked heavily towards the clinic the night-time receptionist directed them to. She’d been doing a lot of handholding since she’d barged back into work as fear overwhelmed her, beat her down. What had happened to her? She used to stand tall, hide all her emotions behind a fixed smile and a smart-assed comment.

  Since the advent of Flipper she was an emotional cot case, and totally unable to hide it. ‘Will you come in with me?’ Talk about asking too much of him, but at this moment, with her heart pounding so hard her ears hurt, she’d have asked the first person she came across if she hadn’t got Grady with her.

  ‘Try and keep me away.’

  ‘Good answer.’ She tried to smile at him, she really did, but all she managed was a lopsided mouth and an eyeful of tears.

  ‘Hey, hang in there, Sash. Won’t be long now before we know what Flipper’s up to.’

  For the first time she was happy to hear him call her Sash. Now it didn’t sound so much sexy as loving. And caring. And right. ‘That’s what frightens me. There’s a huge what-if clanging around my skull that I’m refusing to answer.’ Her baby girl had to be all right. Had to be. Was all this squeezing in her gut doing the baby any good? No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop the waves of panic gripping and tensing every muscle in her body.

  ‘Here we are.’ Grady marched them up to the desk. ‘Sasha Wilson for a CTG.’

  The guy sitting behind the counter stood up immediately. ‘Hi, Sasha, I’m Glen. I’ve been waiting for you. How was your trip over the hill?’

  She didn’t have a clue. Apart from that moment when Grady had stopped to hug her she’d been totally unaware of anything apart from her baby. But the guy was trying to be friendly and put her at ease. ‘Great.’

  ‘If you go through that door over on the left you’ll find a gown to slip into. Leave only your underwear on. There’s another door leading out of the cubicle into our room. I’ll meet you there.’

  She nodded. ‘Thank you. Um, can Grady come with me?’

  ‘Of course. Fathers are always welcome.’

  ‘Father?’ If only. But it wasn’t surprising Glen had made that mistake. Grady was stepping up like an anxious father. She’d have to think about what that meant later. When, if, life ever got back to normal.

  Glen turned a deep red and spluttered, ‘And friends. It’s best you have someone with you.’

  In case you find something very wrong. Sasha’s bottom lip stung sharply as her teeth dug in again. Running, she reached the door leading into the cubicle and slammed it shut behind her.

  ‘Please, baby girl, please, make your heart go bang, bang, bang for the man.’

  Her trousers hit the floor, followed by her jacket, blouse and thermal top. Goose-bumps covered her as the cold air touched her warm skin. The gown she wrapped around herself was thin and inadequate for winter temperatures. Who cares?

  ‘Please, Melanie, be all right. We’ve got so much ahead of us. There’re many things I want to show you, teach you, give you.’

  Ahh. She stuffed a fist in her mouth to stifle the scream pouring over her tongue. Melanie. Since when had she used the baby’s proper name? Since she’d become fearful for her safety. Did this mean—? No. No. No. It must not.

  ‘Sash?’ The door opened a crack and Grady asked, ‘Are you ready?’

  Sniff. That depends. I’ll never be ready if the news is bad. Dropping her fist to her side, she slipped through the doorway and headed to where Glen waited.

  Of course Grady picked up her hand and gave her a squeeze. ‘Let’s do it, shall we?’

  ‘First we’ll check the foetal heart rate.’ Glen explained everything.

  Sasha’s gaze was glued to Glen, watching for every nuance in his expression. Finally she got a thumbs-up. ‘Here, look at this. It’s all good. Baby’s fine.’ He tore off a printout from the machine reading the baby’s heart rate and handed it to her. Grady’s head was touching hers as they stared at the lines in front of them.

  Splish, splash. Drops of moisture hit the back of her hands. Her shoulders dropped forward as she curled over her precious baby. ‘Oh, Flipper, you’re okay, baby. Thank goodness. I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t been.’

  Grady wrapped those strong, safe arms around her and his chin bumped the top of her head. Above her she heard a sniff. ‘Grady?’ She pulled back just enough to see his face and the tears tracking down his cheeks.

  ‘I’m so glad for you, Sasha.’

  Cupping his cheek with one hand, she whispered, ‘Thank you. For everything. I needed you here with me.’

  Some time later, though probably only a couple of minutes, Glen cleared his throat and said, ‘I’d like to take you for an ultrasound so we can make sure that the placenta is functioning properly and check the transfer of blood and oxygen through the cord to baby.’

  ‘So we’re not in the clear yet.’ Her smile faded.

  ‘Everything’s fine. It’s just precautionary. Since you’re here we might as well make the most of your trip.’ Glen handed her another copy of the printout. ‘For your baby album.’

  Though her fingers shook as she took it, she felt the awful weight of fear finally lift. For her baby album. How normal did that sound?

  *

  Grady wound the car slowly and carefully around the hairpin bends on Takaka Hill, determined not to wake Sasha until he reached her cottage. She had exited that hospital quietly, happily and utterly exhausted.

  The news had been all good. Sasha had phoned Jessica and then her parents. Everyone would sleep well tonight, though none as well as the woman beside him.

  They’d eaten fish and chips parked outside the takeaway shop in Nelson. Make that he’d devoured more than his share while Sasha had pecked at a piece of crispy batter-covered blue cod and a couple of chips. Then she’d fallen sound asleep, curled into the corner made by her seat and the front door.

  After clicking her seat belt in place and tossing into the rubbish bin the paper that had wrapped their meal, he’d headed for home. Home. Something tight and warm settled under his ribs. He’d been searching for a place to call that ever since he’d left Sasha.

  Returning to Nelson from Golden Bay that day eleven years ago to go and see the transport company’s boss and make arrangements for taking over Dad’s contract had been hard. With every kilometre he’d driven he’d felt his heart being torn further from his chest, pulled by the girl he’d left behind, yanked by his mother’s needs in Nelson.

  He’d never regretted changing his plans of going to university in order to support Mum and the girls. It’s what any man worthy of being called that would do—step up for his family. The price had been high, though. Sash. He might’ve grown up in Nelson but it hadn’t felt like home since that day.

  He’d known only despair. A week earlier his father had gone for ever. That day Sasha had gone, forced out of his life by him. Gone. For ever, if that heart-tearing, gut-slicing look in her eyes as the truth had dropped home in her mind had been anything to go by.

  In reality, Golden Bay had never been home for him either, just the place he’d gone with his family for the most amazing, carefree summer h
olidays—and Sash.

  Now, from the moment he’d set eyes on her at the accident scene, that word had been creeping into his vocabulary on a regular basis. Already he’d changed his mind about what colour to paint the inside of his house from those bland, neutral shades. Earlier in the day he’d phoned through an order for paint a shade of terracotta that made him feel happy and warm. He’d also called on the local plumber for bathroom brochures, to see what they had on offer.

  You’re setting yourself up for the biggest fall. Just because it’s starting to feel like home in Golden Bay it doesn’t mean Sash will want a bar of you in any other way than as friends.

  He also didn’t have a job to keep food in the pantry and petrol in the tank.

  The shuffle of Sasha’s jacket had his eyes flicking sideways. Her hand circled her belly. In the almost-dark of the car’s interior he couldn’t see if she had woken.

  ‘Sash?’ he whispered, as he focused back on the road.

  Nothing. So even in sleep she was conscious of her baby. He liked that.

  Finally, nearly two hours after they’d set out from Nelson he turned into Sasha’s drive and cut the motor. Now what? Sasha was sleeping the sleep of emotional exhaustion. He so did not want to wake her. But he couldn’t go scrabbling around in that massive bag of hers for keys to the house. He couldn’t take her to his place with only one bed.

  Now, there’s a thought. Down, boy. Hard not to react to Sash when she dominated his mind all the time, tormented his body. Go find a way into the cottage and put those thoughts of hot sex on the back burner.

  The house key sat under the potted lemon tree on the top step. ‘Nice one, Sash.’

  With the door open and lights on, Grady returned to Sasha. Opening the door carefully so as not to dump her on the drive, he scooped her into his arms and headed inside, pushing the door shut behind them with his butt.

  Now that the panic of hours earlier had gone he allowed himself to breathe in the sweet scent of Sash. Honeysuckle. Reminding him of summer days and nights. Anything to do with Sash reminded him of hot summer days and hotter nights. Tightened his gut with longing. Sent waves of heat through his body, all aiming for his sex. Her warm body tucked against his chest did nothing to halt these waves of desire cascading over him. His body had missed hers. Had longed to plunge deep inside her, to feel her heat surround him, to know her passion as she shattered in his arms.