WrongorWriteBoxedSetstripped

by Sky Corgan

  I nodded respectfully and walked around them to go sit in a pew while they went to look upon my parents. Eleanor stayed close to Darren's side, lacing her fingers into his and squeezing his hand as he stepped up to gaze over the side of my mother's casket. I watched them with a sick sadness in my heart. If my parents had gotten their way, it would have been me standing next to Darren.

  He mumbled some sentimental words, bent to kiss my mother on the cheek, then walked over to my father's casket and said something else that I couldn't make out. Eleanor looked at him like a wounded animal, though I could tell the whole scenario made her uncomfortable. When they turned around, the light caught Darren's eyes, and I could swear I saw them rimmed with tears. He cast a weak smile in my direction, and then they hurriedly departed, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  For the next fifteen minutes, I sat there and cried, but it had little to do with the death of my parents. I was so angry at myself for screwing my life up, as if seeing Darren had been a shovel to my heart, digging up even more of my past. I imagined my mom sitting in the pew beside me, chastising me for letting such an amazing man go.

  “It could have been you,” she told me. “You two could have been like your father and I. Like Mr. and Mrs. Wallace.”

  My mom had no idea who Mrs. Wallace was, so I knew it was all in my head. Still, the words resoundingly made me think about what was missing in my life, what my life should be like. Lawrence and I would definitely have to have that talk when I got back.

  Relatives and friends came and went throughout the day until it was time for the funeral. My aunts and uncles crowded in beside me in the front pew while the rest of the family and friends filled up the other rows. The service was short and sweet, performed by the pastor who had come to visit the day before. I was glad my parents' pastor was able to perform the service for them. They would have liked that.

  When the service was over, I stepped into the limo with the pallbearers, and we made the short journey to the graveyard where my parents' bodies would be laid to rest. The pastor said a few more words, and then I was called up to speak. It wasn't until then that I noticed Darren and his parents standing at the back of all the people, absent Eleanor.

  I cleared my throat, trying to choke back the sobbing that wanted to come from the intense last few moments of having my parents above ground. “Vernon and Leslie Edwards were my parents, but they were so much more than that. They were hard workers, friends, role models. My father worked hard to provide a life for my mother and I. And my mother worked hard to make sure I was brought up with the right morals and values. I didn't always do right by them, but I tried to be a good daughter.

  “It's said that the good tend to die young. I can't think of two better people who could have been taken from the world so prematurely. I just hope they can look down from heaven and know they've done the best they could to raise me, and that I will forever be grateful that God was kind enough to bless me with them as parents. I love you, Mom and Dad, and I'll never forget the things you taught me.”

  By the end of my speech, half the crowd was in tears, and I joined in with them the second I was aloud to step away from the caskets, finding comfort in my Aunt Erica's arms. A few other relatives stepped up to say some things, and then they began lowering my parents into the ground. The crowd started to disperse as the ceremony ended. I was hugged by more people than I could count or knew. It was oddly comforting, despite the fact I usually didn't enjoy being touched by strangers. In that moment, I needed all the love and support I could get.

  My aunt and uncle lingered behind until almost everyone else was gone. To my surprise, Darren's parents lingered as well, though he had left the moment that the ceremony ended, not even bothering to speak to me before he went. It was an unintentional stab at my heart, how uncaring he had become. Had we really drifted so far apart, far enough that he wouldn't even speak to me at my own parents' funeral?

  “Tara, dear,” his mom said as she came up to embrace me, holding me to her with all the love that Darren had denied me. “I'm so sorry.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Jones.”

  Darren's father stood behind her, looking sympathetic but uncomfortable. Neither of them had aged much in the seven and a half years since I'd last seen them. Most of Darren's features came from his mother—his blonde almost white hair, and his blue eyes. The only thing he had taken from his father was his height. Mr. Jones was a brunette, though his hair was now more gray than brown. He had dark eyes and a sharp jawline. It fit his serious personality well.

  “Are you going to be in town for a while?” Mrs. Jones asked as she pulled away from me.

  “Yeah. I think I'm going to be staying out in Castroville for the next few days trying to settle my parents' affairs.”

  “You should come to dinner tomorrow. We'd love to have you.”

  Her invitation caught me off-guard. I didn't want to be rude, so I simply said, “Sure, I would love that.” When inside, I was really thinking that I'd rather not. I had too much to get done to spend anymore time visiting. How could I say no though after they'd been nice enough to attend the funeral?

  Pleased with my response, Mr. and Mrs. Jones exchanged kind words with my aunt and uncle before taking their leave.

  I sighed, watching as the funeral workers finished lowering my parents into the ground. This was it; I would never see them again. Another chapter of my life was closed, the chapter where I had living parents who loved me. Now, it was just me. How empty the world felt being alone.

  Chapter 7

  Walking into my parents' house was harder on me than I had imagined. Pulling into the driveway had been enough to cause a stirring of emotion, but when I stepped past that threshold, the floodgates opened, and I found myself in a heaping mess of sobs on the sofa.

  Nothing had changed. Of course, why would it have? They hadn't expected to die. Everything was just as they had left it the last day they had been alive. There was a folded over gossip magazine on the sofa that my mom had been reading. My father's coffee cup was still in the sink. It was just too much.

  “I can't handle this right now,” I whimpered as I grabbed my keys and walked right back out, locking the door with shaking hands before I got in my car and drove to Sammy's Restaurant.

  I walked through the door of the old-timey restaurant, took one look at the Seat Yourself sign, and dipped into the side dining room where some of the smaller booths were. The restaurant was dead, so I helped myself to the booth at the very back, though I knew it would probably be a while before the waitress found me. That was just fine by me. I still needed a bit of time to recompose myself. The drive hadn't been enough.

  Five minutes went by, then ten. It was obvious that my presence had somehow been missed, but I didn't care. As long as I didn't have to go back to that house anytime soon, they could take as long as they wanted to serve me. At least, the crying had subsided, so I wouldn't feel so embarrassed when a waitress did come around the corner. To soothe myself even further, I pulled out my cell phone and brought up a game, figuring I could use it to pass the time until I was discovered.

  Discovered was a good word to use. When I heard a familiar voice say my name, I thought I was going to vomit from all the unwelcome nostalgia.

  “Oh my God, Tara Edwards, is that really you?” Krista sounded genuinely happy to see me.

  “Yes, it's really me.” I forced a smile, though inside I was scowling so deeply that I thought it might make my face contort involuntarily. Could I not catch a break at all today?

  Krista's red hair was in a hideous curly updo and she was sporting the black-and-white Sammy's waitress uniform with a big plastic name tag that left no question about her identity. Her once petite frame had packed on quite a bit of poundage. If she hadn't recognized me first, I might not have know it was her.

  This was one prediction I got right, I thought mockingly, then immediately felt bad for it. She slid into the booth across from me as if she was a customer instead of an employee
.

  “Oh my God, how have you been?”

  “I just buried my parents today, so not good.”

  “Oh, I'm sorry, girl. I forgot that the funeral was today. I had wanted to come, but I couldn't get it off work.”

  “It's fine,” I replied with as much kindness as I could muster.

  “So aside from that, how have you been?”

  “Good.” I nodded. “I live in Austin now with a roommate from college.”

  “Did you finish up your accounting degree? I think I remember that's what you were going for.”

  “Yeah, that's what I was going for, but no, I didn't finish it. I ended up quitting and going to cosmetology school instead. I'm a hairstylist now.”

  “Oh, well that's fantastic. You can see what I'm doing now.” She gestured to the restaurant.

  “Do you like it?” I asked, not really caring.

  “It's alright. It pays the bills, you know. That's what life's about, paying the bills and getting by. You married?”

  “No.”

  “Neither am I. Got any kids?”

  “No.”

  “Lucky you. Don't have them. They're a handful.”

  “Oh. How many do you have?”

  “Just one, but he's a little shit. My mom is watching him right now.”

  “How old is he?”

  “He's three. His name is Darren.”

  Her words caught me off guard, and I couldn't hide the shock on my face. “Oh. Wow. Is Darren the—”

  “Oh, no,” she cut me off, laughing, and I internally sighed in relief, though I didn't know why. “I just like the name.”

  “You had me thinking there for a minute.”

  “Darren. Pfft. No. I wish. If he was the father, you think I'd be working here. I was kind of hoping he was. Even had a paternity test done with the real father to make sure he wasn't.”

  Now I was shocked all over again. “You and Darren . . . dated?”

  “Oh, no. We just messed around. You know, did the nasty. There aren't many girls that Darren hasn't slept with. No one's been able to get a kid off of him from what I know though. It will be a lucky woman who does. That boy is loaded now.”

  Even though it shouldn't be any of my business, I found this news of Darren's promiscuity a bit disconcerting.

  “It sounds like he's really changed,” I said sadly.

  “Kind of. He's still a good guy. He just can't keep his dick in his pants.”

  “It's weird to think of him sleeping around. I always pictured him being the type of guy who would find a nice girl and get married.”

  “Yeah. Well, a lot changed after you left,” there was a twinge of something unpleasant in her voice, and I had a good idea what she was referring to.

  “Krista, I'm sorry that I just disappeared like that,” I told her as sincerely as possible.

  She shrugged, her happy mood quickly dissipating. “It is what it is. You wanted to get away from this place. I didn't think that meant you wanted to get away from me too.”

  “I didn't want to get away from you. I was just being stupid.”

  “Yeah, well, as I said, it is what it is. You seem like you're doing well, and that's all that matters, I suppose. Life goes on, you know.” She smiled weakly at me.

  “I'm sorry that I hurt you,” I began to say, but she quickly cut me off by standing up and taking out her notepad.

  “Enough yammering. You're busy, and I'm sure my manager is starting to wonder where I've disappeared to. What are you having?”

  I ordered a chicken fried steak, though my appetite had left me the second that I heard Krista's voice. The day felt like a never-ending nightmare, and all I had to look forward to was more misery when I returned to my parents' house. I didn't regret leaving Castroville. Not one bit. The city was full of ghosts, and it seemed like they were all trying to drag me to hell.

  My heart felt no less burdened when I returned to my parents' house. Now, I had my past with Krista piled onto my list of regrets. I decided to call it a night. Nothing was going to get done with the shitty mood I was in. Dejected, I climbed the stairs to my old bedroom and crawled into bed. Even seven and a half years later, nothing had changed in the room. There were still band posters on the walls and stupid little trinkets on my dresser and bedside table. It was a teenager's room, a reminder of the bitch I used to be.

  Exhaustion caused me to sleep in. It was nearly noon when I awoke, and I groaned as I realized that I'd barely have time to get anything done before I had to get ready to go to dinner at Darren's parents' house. Why couldn't I have just told them no? It was going to be awkward, but at least he wouldn't be there. Maybe they would be kind enough to let me eat and leave. The faster I could get out of there, the better. The last thing I needed was another dose of guilt, which I'm sure I would feel the second I stepped foot into their home and remembered how I had abandoned their son. Hopefully, it wouldn't be brought up. But luck hadn't been on my side as of yet.

  I spent what time I had trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my parents' furnishings. To be honest, the thought of letting any of their stuff go hurt me, but I knew I didn't have room for it at my apartment, and I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with having to store it all. The house needed to be sold, so it couldn't stay where it was. It was either sell or store it. There was really no other option. I puzzled over the decision for about an hour before I realized that I didn't have the heart to sell anything. Not yet. Perhaps it would be better if I just let the house, and everything in it, sit for a while. This was far more than I wanted to deal with right after burying my parents. Letting my depression get the better of me, I ended up just sitting around and watching television until it was time to go to Darren's parents' house.

  I dressed comfortably in jeans, a gray blouse, and a white maxi cardigan. There was no one to impress, but I still didn't want to seem like a complete mess. Even though his parents were wealthy, they had always accepted me for who I was, no matter what I came over in.

  When I rolled up in front of their house, I sighed when I saw that nothing about it had changed. Nothing in this town ever changed, it seemed. Sure, there were more shops and restaurants, but everything that mattered was the same, as if all the people were caught in the past.

  I walked up the driveway with a nervous pit in my stomach. It was like strolling down a different avenue of memory lane. Would I leave any street of my past unexplored before I escaped this horrid city? I was beginning to doubt it.

  Darren's mom greeted me at the door with a welcoming hug. She looked happy to see me, ushering me inside and taking me to her husband, who was sitting on the recliner in the living room reading a newspaper. He gazed up at me with a smile, though his enthusiasm was tempered. It was so rare I saw him smile genuinely that I could probably count all the times on one hand.

  “I'm running a little late, dear,” Mrs. Jones told me as she steered me away from Mr. Jones and toward the kitchen.

  I pulled out a chair in front of the bar and allowed her to pour me a glass of lemonade before she went to the kitchen, talking to me while she continued to prepare dinner.

  “How have you been, aside from that horrible business with your parents?”

  “I've been well,” I replied, not really sure what else to say.

  “It's been so long since we've seen you. I must say, you've grown into quite a young woman. Tell me everything. Are you married? Seeing someone? What are you doing for a living? How's life in Austin? That's where you moved, right?”

  I couldn't help but smirk at the onslaught of questions. “I'm not married, though I am kind of seeing someone, if you'd call it that. We're friends, but I think it's a little more than that too. We've been dating for a while, but it's not really official.

  “Um. I'm a hairstylist now. Accounting didn't end up being for me.”

  “I didn't think it would be,” she said. “All of those numbers. It seemed incredibly boring for a girl as outgoing as you.”

  “I suppose you're
right. Everyone tried to warn me not to go into it, but I didn't listen. Now that I think back, I don't think I listened to anyone at all when I was a teenager.”

  “Don't beat yourself up over it, dear. Most teenagers don't listen. That's part of what being a teenager is all about, doing things your own way, making your own mistakes, and learning that everyone you hated to admit was right was right in the end.” She grinned, and I couldn't help but feel myself relaxing around her. I had forgotten how much I loved Darren's mother. She was so easy to talk to, always had been.

  “Well, I have my fair share of regrets.”

  “As we all do. Everything works out in the end though.”

  “I certainly hope you're right,” I sighed, thinking of Lawrence.

  A car pulled into the driveway, and I felt my chest tighten as I heard two car doors close. Please be someone I don't know, I silently begged, but when Mrs. Jones said, “Well, that would be knucklehead,” I knew it was Darren, and I suddenly felt like I wanted to vomit. The nice relaxing atmosphere completely changed with the sound of the front door being opened. If I could have melted and disappeared into the cracks between the tile, I would have, but there was no escape. I was going to have to face Darren yet again.

  He strolled into the kitchen casually with Eleanor at his heels. She looked absolutely stunning in a short green day dress with her long brown hair lightly curled. A twinge of jealousy ran through me. So much prettier than I am. Well, that's what he deserves.

  “Hey Mom,” Darren said, barely even glancing at me as he walked into the kitchen to give his mom a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

  “Hey Knucklehead,” she replied with affection, though she didn't turn away from her cooking duties to kiss him back.

  “What's for dinner?”