WrongorWriteBoxedSetstripped

by Sky Corgan

  “We should be. All that's left is the kitchen, the guest bedroom, the closets, and the attic.”

  “That's more than I thought.”

  “Well, all the stuff in the attic should already be boxed up, so we'd really only have to go through the few odds and ends up there. I want to move everything to storage so that I'll have time to go through it properly.”

  “Whatever you want to do. This is your house, after all.”

  My house. It was a strange thing to think. A house of my own hadn't been in the plans. At best, I thought I might eventually move in with Lawrence. I never considered having a house of my own. It would be a short-lived experience though. Selling the house was the best option. Even if I did eventually want a house of my own, I wouldn't want it here. I could save back the money and eventually buy one I wanted, somewhere else, somewhere that wasn't Castroville.

  Lawrence left me to go to the store, but instead of working, I simply sat in the guest bedroom with a box, thinking about the mess I had gotten myself into. How Lawrence could be so forgiving, I didn't understand. No girl in the world was luckier than I was to have him. Still, even after he accepted my apology, something didn't feel right. Perhaps it was because the wounds were too fresh. Maybe it was because of everything I was going through. It could have even been because I felt some strange sense of remorse for saying that Darren meant nothing to me. Did he really mean nothing to me? Had our tryst been only out of selfish need with no emotion involved? There was a strange aching in my heart that told me that wasn't the case. He was the past though, albeit the very recent past. Lawrence was my future. I had no place in Castroville. No place with him.

  Lawrence returned, and I made us sandwiches. Then we finished up the guest bedroom and kitchen before it was time to go to bed. We slept in my parents' bed, since it was the only queen-size bed in the house. Of course, I changed the sheets first. I couldn't stand the trauma of smelling their scent all night. Just sleeping in the bed with Lawrence felt somehow wrong, but it made more sense than getting a hotel room. He held me in his arms, stroking my back gently.

  “I'm glad I came out here to be with you,” he said softly, waking me from a half-sleep.

  “You are?” I certainly wouldn't have been if I had caught him with another woman.

  “Yeah. It made me realize how much you truly mean to me. Not that I hadn't realized it before. This just kind of . . . kicked it up a notch.”

  “I'm surprised you're not pissed, to be honest.”

  “Well, I'm not happy, but that can't be helped. Like I said, this is partially my fault. We weren't really committed, and I want that to change.”

  “You do?”

  He turned to me, gazing at me through the darkness. His face was sincere, his eyes loving.

  “It never seems like there's a right time to do this, so I'm just going to do it now.”

  My heart skipped a beat at his words. He was being so serious, and I was on edge wondering what he meant. I wasn't dense enough not to think I had a good idea, but I was too scared of being wrong to want to assume.

  “Tara Edwards,” he said my name in a way he'd never said it before.

  “Yes?”

  “Will you marry me?”

  The emotions that ran through me were nothing like I had expected they would be the first time I was proposed to. Sure, there was excitement and love, but most of all, there was a strange fear. The timing was just off. I had been stressed out, and not particularly the best candidate for marriage lately, not to mention the fact that we hadn't even gone through the typical pre-engagement relationship. It just felt wrong.

  My need for something more, however, something official, something that bound me to him, that set my life on the right path, made me say, “Yes.”

  I could see him smiling through the darkness, that charming smile that warmed my heart. He was happy. Wasn't I? Everything just felt too surreal for me to appreciate the moment, like I was living in some strange dream.

  “I'm glad you said yes.” Lawrence leaned over to kiss me affectionately on the lips.

  I kissed him back halfheartedly, only to be met with a more urgent touch of his lips. He reached out to wrap his arms around me, cradling me to him, his passion ignited. My body was as cold as ice, my pleasure center shut down from confusion and uncertainty. Guilt flooded me at the realization that he wanted to celebrate my acceptance, and my body was anything but receptive.

  “Not tonight,” I whispered into the darkness as he went to kiss my neck.

  He leaned back to look at my face, his expression marred with soft offense. “Sorry. I just got excited is all.”

  “I know, but I'm tired tonight, and I really don't want to do this in their bed.”

  “Sorry. I understand now. I totally forgot about that. You just get me so riled up sometimes.”

  “It's fine.”

  “Do you want to go upstairs?”

  His suggestion caught me off guard. My room felt equally as inappropriate to fuck in as my parents' bed. I wasn't sure if he was trying to erase what I had done with Darren, or if he just really wanted to have sex. Either way, it wasn't going to happen.

  “I'm tired,” I complained. “Aren't you tired? We've been working all day.”

  “I'm never too tired for sex.”

  “Hell, I was half asleep when you proposed to me.”

  “Oh no. I hope that doesn't mean you're going to wake up thinking it was a dream,” he teased.

  “I just might.” I grinned at him, leaning in for a kiss. Crisis averted. “I promise I'll make up for this when we get home.”

  “You better.”

  “I will. Now go to sleep. I want to get out of here as soon as possible tomorrow.”

  “So do I.”

  Sleep didn't come easy after that. It was strange to think that last night I was having sex with Darren, and tonight I had become engaged to a guy who refused to commit to me for four years. Why did my life have to be so bizarre? I supposed I should just be grateful that everything was working out. Soon, I would be back home, and things would return to normal. We could put this whole mess behind us and move on with our new life together.

  ***

  I sighed the next day when Lawrence and I were cleaning out the attic and I heard the doorbell ring. Why people kept insisting on coming over when they knew I was working, I didn't understand. It only served to stress me out. All I wanted was to finish up packing and go home.

  Lawrence went into the kitchen to make some tea while I answered the door. When I opened it, my lips sunk into a frown, and I quickly stepped outside to avoid another awkward situation.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked Darren as I closed the door behind myself.

  “Well hello to you too.” The smile he was sporting quickly faded.

  “You shouldn't be here,” I whispered.

  “I wouldn't be if you had called me.”

  “I have nothing to say to you.”

  His head bobbed in surprise. “Really? So, was the other night a repeat of the old days? Fuck and run. I thought you wanted to mean something to me.”

  “The other night was a mistake.” I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, avoiding his gaze. Guilt was eating me alive, but I refused to let it show.

  “A mistake,” he huffed. “You sure didn't make it sound like a mistake.”

  “Well, it was, okay.”

  The door opened, and my heart dropped to my feet as Lawrence stepped out. Why couldn't Darren have just gone away? I felt shitty for hurting him . . . again, but this wasn't the time or place to deal with it.

  “Is there a problem here?” Lawrence asked in his I-mean-business voice.

  “No. Darren just wanted to say goodbye to me before I left town,” I told him.

  “Yeah, I guess that's all I came over for,” the venom in Darren's voice poisoned my heart.

  “Good. Then you should leave. We're very busy,” Lawrence said, taking a step towards me and putting his arm protectively around
my waist.

  Thankfully, that was all it took to make Darren return to his vehicle, though he glared at me the entire time he was backing out of the driveway. If looks could kill, I would have died several times over. I deserved to die for what I had done to him. The day was ruined.

  “We're going home today,” I informed Lawrence as I turned to walk back inside the house. “Whether we finish or not.”

  He grunted in agreement, following me.

  For the remainder of the day, we worked extra hard, sorting things with little care. I was so done with packing that it wasn't even funny. As long as I stayed in Castroville, I wouldn't get any peace, I just knew it.

  Shortly after noon, we got the last box packed. I closed up the house, too fed up with everything to give it one final fond look, and then we climbed into our cars and made the journey back to Austin. When we left the Castroville city limits, it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off of me. The thought of having to come back to deal with the boxes and furniture filled me with anxiety. It could be put off for a while though. I needed to recover, not just from my parents' passing, but also from everything that had happened these past few days. For as much as I wanted to get the house sold, I knew I wouldn't be able to face it again for a while. Maybe I could talk Lawrence into handling it for me, though I would feel bad for asking it of him. It wasn't his responsibility, but if we were to be married, then it became his problem by default. We could discuss it later. All that mattered now was getting back home and returning to some semblance of a normal life.

  Chapter 9

  Days passed, but nothing felt as it was before. The guilt of what had happened between Darren and I followed me home. He didn't deserve what I had done to him. All he was trying to do was help. It wasn't his fault feelings had gotten in the way.

  To make matters worse, things between Lawrence and I seemed a bit strained, at least from my end. He assured me everything was fine, but I had a constant sick feeling in my stomach that it wasn't. Something just didn't feel right.

  The only normal things I returned to were Alice and my job. She confessed that she had known Lawrence was going to propose, and she couldn't wait to help me start planning the wedding. Oddly, I was all about waiting. Considering that we hadn't officially dated before, I wanted to extend the engagement so that we'd have a chance to feel what it was like in a normal relationship. Lawrence told me that nothing should change between us, that we were dating before without the title attached. Before the engagement though, he had been more like an added bonus to my life than a boyfriend. I had given him free reign, only bringing him in when he wanted to be there. He came and went as he pleased. Contact between us wasn't horribly important. Now that we were engaged, I felt like we should be somehow closer.

  When I told Alice about Darren, she was a bit shocked. After all, I had never spoken about him with emotions any stronger than friendship. To be honest, I wasn't sure what my feelings for him were now, but I knew it didn't matter. He was a fling, nothing more.

  “I have got to see the guy who was hot enough to break you away from Lawrence. Cause Lawrence is pretty damn hot,” Alice said with a smirk, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me into her bedroom to the computer.

  I sighed as I sat on her bed, watching her log on.

  “This guy is famous, right? So there should be pictures of him online,” she told me.

  “I don't know.” I shrugged. “You know I don't read romance, and the last picture I saw of him publicly was taken a long time ago.”

  She pulled up the search engine and typed in his name. Darren Jones brought up nothing but random photos.

  “Try Dominick Parker,” I suggested.

  She typed the name in. Jackpot. And holy jackpot! There were dozens of images of Darren, both new and old. In suits. In casual attire. With various women. And even two pictures of him shirtless.

  “Hot damn!” Alice stared at the screen wide eyed. “Is that him?”

  “Mhm.” I nodded with a slight purr.

  She scrolled down the page until we'd seen everything there was to see. “Okay, I can totally see why you did it.”

  “Alice! That just makes me sound bad.” I scowled.

  “Pfft. A woman would be out of their mind to pass up on that hot piece of ass. Shit, he was even hot when he was younger, though admittedly better looking now. Why didn't you two date, again?”

  “He's like a brother to me,” I told her dryly.

  “Was like a brother to you. Was,” she corrected me. “I'd go all incest up on that shit. How big is his cock?”

  “Alice!”

  “What? I'm just curious.” Her blue eyes glittered at me innocently.

  “Big,” I couldn't help but tell her.

  “How big?”

  “Really big, alright. Can we just stop talking about this now?”

  “Bigger than Lawrence?”

  “Oh my God, please Alice.”

  “What? I'm living vicariously through you. I might get a lot of guys, but most of them aren't as good-looking as the two you scored with. You should be proud. Not every girl gets to fuck these rich super-model-looking guys.”

  “Lawrence and Darren do not look like super models.”

  She gave me a sarcastic look, pointing at one of the shirtless pictures of Darren. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “Done here.” I rolled my eyes at her as I stood to leave.

  “If you don't want him anymore, can I have him?” she called to me.

  If I was still in the room with her, I might have smirked. Since she couldn't see my face though, I frowned. The idea of Alice having Darren made jealousy rage through me. It didn't make sense. He didn't belong to me, and I had just left him as I had the first time. Hell, he was probably fucking that Eleanor girl right now, for all I knew. That thought didn't cause pleasant emotions either.

  With a sigh, I swallowed my feelings and went on about my business. I needed to forget about him. Lawrence and I would be getting married eventually, though we hadn't settled on a date yet. It was best to put the past behind me.

  ***

  Weeks passed, and while I had mostly gotten over Darren, things still didn't seem right with Lawrence and I. Our relationship had changed, thanks to the engagement, and I was having a difficult time adapting. He had gotten clingier, which I had thought I wanted at first, but the times he'd show up uninvited were just bizarre. Sometimes, he'd randomly drop by my work. Other times, he'd come by the apartment when I had told him I was having a girl's night with Alice. While he assured me that he was just trying to become more a part of my life, I couldn't help but get the feeling that he was actually trying to catch me doing something wrong.

  I was cooking dinner one night after work when there was a knock on the door. I sighed as I set the kitchen knife down, wiped my hands on a towel, and went to let Lawrence in, annoyed that it felt like he was spying on me yet again. Would he ever learn to trust me? Probably not for a while. This was just something I was going to have to deal with until his sense of security returned.

  I opened the door, and my breath hitched at who I saw on the other side.

  “Darren! What are you doing here?” Suddenly, all of those horrible emotions I had managed to suppress came surging back.

  “We need to talk,” his voice was serious. I caught him glancing down at the one carat round diamond solitaire engagement ring Lawrence had presented me with the day we had returned home. If he was disappointed to see it on my finger, it didn't show.

  “There's nothing to talk about.”

  “There's plenty to talk about. Can I come in, or are we going to do this out here?”

  I sighed, moving away from the door. “Come in.”

  He looked around the apartment as he stepped inside. “So, this is where you live now?”

  “Obviously, you know that, or you wouldn't have been able to find me. How did you find me, by the way?” I shut the door and followed him.

  “Background check,” he admitted cas
ually. “This is nice. Very . . . feminine. I'm guessing that Larry doesn't live here with you.”

  “If you did a background check, then you'd know that.” I scowled at his backside. “And it's Lawrence, not Larry.”

  “Whatever.”

  “What do you want to talk about? I'm making dinner, and I don't have all day.”

  “So, he does live with you.” He turned to me.

  “No, he doesn't. But if he did, it wouldn't matter.”

  “No, I suppose not.”

  “So?”

  “I'm not letting you leave me again.” His blue eyes were intense, causing my heart to drum in my chest erratically. This was the last thing I needed.

  “We're not doing this.” I shook my head at him. “If you came here to beg me to leave Lawrence for you, then you might as well leave.”

  He laughed, catching me off guard.

  “What?” I asked irritably.

  “You're so fucking full of yourself sometimes. It amuses me.”

  “What's that supposed to mean?” my voice was full of offense.

  “I didn't come here to sweep you off your feet. Lance can have you, for all I care. I just wanted you to know that you can't cast me aside again.”

  His words stung me like a slap. What did he mean? I was so confused.

  “We're going to be friends, whether you like it or not,” he told me. “You need to own up to your mistakes and get over them. I know what we did a few weeks ago wasn't right. I seduced you, but I'm not apologizing for it. Judging by the ring on your finger, it looks like you and Lance kissed and made up.”

  “Lawrence,” I corrected him again, my scowl deepening.

  “Whatever. The point is that I offered you my help and my friendship, and you cast it aside, yet again. You can't keep bringing people into your life and tossing them back out.”

  “I've only done that with you.”

  “And Krista,” he reminded me, another blow to my heart. When I didn't respond, he continued, “I just rented an apartment in Austin, and I'd like to have friends here. Well, I have a couple already, but more specifically, I'd like for you to be my friend.”