Twisted Souls

by L. L. Collins

  She squeezes my hand and kisses my cheek softly. “Then let’s go get you married.”

  I STAND BEHIND the door by myself, listening to the soft music playing in the church. I clutch my white handkerchief, trying to regulate my breathing. I’m freaking out, and I have to stop. Carter rolls inside me, and I put my hand on my stomach, allowing one tear to escape. Who knew that this was going to be my life? Certainly not me.

  I know Blake’s parents are here; they’re my parents’ best friends. They had asked me if I wanted them to not invite them, but I couldn’t do that to their friendship. They’ve been friends longer than Blake and I have been alive. I know that Brooke and Brianna aren’t here, and my heart breaks a little more. Of course they would support their brother. I’d expect nothing less. It just hurts that I’ve lost not just one, but three friends.

  Blake. My heart squeezes painfully. I wish I could’ve had some sort of closure with him. Instead, it’s like he just disappeared. I know even if he shows up right now, I can’t be with him. Not after everything, and not with my life being for Carter now. It isn’t about what I want anymore; it’s all about this little innocent baby. He didn’t ask to be born to teenage parents, and darn it I’m going to make sure his life doesn’t reflect my poor choices.

  I hear some commotion on the other side of the door, and I furrow my brow. What is going on? I press my ear to the door, trying to figure out what the problem is. I hear voices, but can’t figure out who it is. Just as fast as it starts, it’s gone. Seconds later, the door opens. My dad is standing there, looking dapper in his suit and tie.

  “Ready, little girl?” I know I’ve disappointed him. But the smile in his eyes comforts me, if just for a moment.

  I take a deep breath and put a smile on my face. “Ready, Daddy.” He takes me in his arms, and it takes everything I have in me to not collapse to the floor and beg for this all to be over. Or for it to be six months ago, and let me make a completely different choice. Starting with not sleeping with Ronan.

  I WALK THROUGH the church doors, my arm through my dad’s. I see so many familiar faces, and some that I’ve never seen before. With as young as we are, most of the guests are our parents’ friends. I didn’t expect many of our friends to make it here. Most of them are away at school, and Florida is a good distance from Kentucky. But that’s okay. I have the people here that mean the most to both of us, and that’s all that matters.

  Everyone’s eyes are on me as I walk up the aisle with my dad, but all I can do is look at Ronan. He’s beaming at me, looking handsome in a tux with a light purple tie. His dark hair is smoothed back, and his blue eyes shine at me. He’s really changed a lot in the months since we got back together. While we haven’t ever had the conversation about what actually happened with Blake, he’s been so attentive and caring during this pregnancy, it’s almost like he’s a different person. He’s the man I always knew he could be. And I’m happy to be here today, marrying him. I am. It’s a way to have a new start for both of us. We’re now going to be a family.

  We reach the end of the aisle and my dad hands me to Ronan, shaking his hand as he leaves me to marry him. My sister Beth steps up to take my flowers from me. She and Kinsley are my only bridesmaids; Gretchen wasn’t able to come due to her schedule at school. She smiles, her eyes watery. I wonder if she’s sad or happy right now. But I don’t have time to worry about it. She’s getting married after both she and Jacob finish school, the way it’s supposed to be. And she probably won’t end up getting pregnant before they get married, either. Nope, that’s just me. Ronan smiles at me, and Carter kicks in my stomach. I grin, looking down at him. I wonder if he knows just how important this day is. I push all the rest of the negative thoughts out of my head and focus on what I’m doing.

  Ronan puts his hands on my stomach, and I hear several people sigh in the audience. The pastor begins talking, but I honestly have no idea what he’s saying. All I can focus on is the eyes of my soon to be husband, locked on mine, his hands holding our son.

  “I love you,” he whispers. Tears fill my eyes, and this time from happiness.

  “I love you,” I whisper back.

  The pastor looks at Ronan, nodding for him to begin his vows. “Liane Kelly, this hasn’t been an easy road. We’ve been put to the test many times, but here we are. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. You make me want to be a better person. You inspire me to be greater than I ever dreamed I could be. And I promise to be the best husband and father I can be. From this moment forward, you and Carter are my whole life. Everything I do, I do it for you.” He slides the ring on my finger.

  It’s my turn. It had taken me so many times to write these, and then rewrite them. But I’m confident I got them right. “Ronan, the day I met you I knew there was something special about you. We just clicked with each other. Through all of our ups and downs, you’ve helped me to see what’s important and just how far you will go to show me that we belong together. I promise to be a devoted wife and mother. I’ll always support you and love you in everything.” I take the ring and put it on his finger.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the pastor says, and Ronan raises our hands and cheers.

  “And family,” he whispers. And family.

  I CAN’T BELIEVE I’ve been such a fool. I pushed her right back into his arms. And she is marrying him? What in the heck is she doing that for? My parents had tried to keep it from me for as long as they could, but I’d found the invitation. And they are here, supporting her. Of course, why wouldn’t they be? I’m the moron that gift wrapped her and handed her back to him. I’ve been played. Ronan had been the puppet master, and I fell for it. Now he is getting the prize: her.

  It’s been six months since I said goodbye to Liane at the beach, both of us sobbing our eyes out and promising forever. And it has been five months and three weeks since I last talked to her, after Ronan visited me in South Carolina. When he first showed up, I’d welcomed the fight over her. But I’d lost. Or I’d given up. Either way, she isn’t mine anymore. Unless I can stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life today.

  I decided not to go to college after the bottom fell out of my life. Instead, I’m working alongside a great mentor who is teaching me every trick I’d never learn at school. I’m also going to technical school so I can get all the certifications I need. My parents know I’m throwing myself into my work, often urging me to go out on a date or take a break. I can’t do either. I’m not sure if I ever can again. I work upwards of 80-100 hours a week plus go to school, and sleep very little. If I sleep, I dream of her. I’ve been such an idiot. And if I don’t stop her today, I will live the rest of my life knowing I lost the only thing that really ever meant anything to me. I’d come back from Gabe’s after a few weeks of hiding from my life. I knew it would follow me no matter where I was, so I went back. I’d forced myself to take everything that reminded me of her and box it up. I couldn’t get rid of it, but I also couldn’t look at it every day. I’d had to take out that one picture and bring it with me on my drive to Florida. The one that I’d treasure forever: us wrapped in each other’s arms, head over heels in love.

  Brooke and Brianna couldn’t come; they’ve lived the nightmare with me over the last six months. They’re still angry as hell with me over ending things with her, and know we belong together. They’d smacked me upside the head both proverbially and literally many times over the last few months. I don’t deserve her. But damn, do I want her like I want nothing else in my life. I would give up my dream of owning my own shop just to see her smile at me again. And I’d never look back. I can be happy doing anything as long as I have her to come home to every day.

  Why didn’t you figure that out before you broke her heart, you bonehead? I know I’m an idiot. I’ve known it for months. But it wasn’t until I saw the wedding invitation that I knew I couldn’t let this happen. It had been the proverbial kick in the teeth I needed to realize I’m about to lose everything because of my stubbor
n refusal to just listen to what she had to say all those months ago.

  Pushing open the church door, I hear the music and hope and pray I’m not too late. I know it starts at two in the afternoon. It is only one thirty, so I thought I’d have some time to get to her before it really begins. I spot her father immediately, dressed up in a handsome suit. He turns as I open the door and shock crosses his face. He looks around to see who else has seen me, but I don’t know anyone else that is standing out here.

  “Blake,” he says tersely. “What are you doing here?” Gone is the friendly man I’ve known my entire life. He’s angry. And I guess I can’t blame him. I’d probably want to deck me myself.

  “I need to talk to her.”

  He shakes his head. “Not happening. You’ve done enough to that girl.” He grabs my arm and pulls me into a small room and out of the foyer of the church. “Just what do you think is going to happen, you being here?”

  “I messed up,” I admit. “I need to make it right.”

  “You destroyed her. You had months to figure your stuff out and make it right with her. So why today, Blake? Because you know you can’t have her after today? You can’t mess with her head!” I deserve everything that he’s saying, and I know it. “You know I love you, son. But I can’t let you see her today. You need to get out of here now, or I’m going to have to go get your dad.”

  “Why is she getting married, Jack? She’s eighteen years old. What about college?”

  Jack sighs, a sad look flickering over his face that I don’t understand but I need to know what it means. “She’s going to go to college. Here in Florida.”

  “What? And Ronan is going to New York? Why isn’t she staying in Kentucky?”

  “They both live here now with his parents. She…” I’d wondered why they were getting married in Florida, but in my haste to get here, hadn’t thought about it too much.

  “What in God’s name are you doing here?” a voice booms from behind me. Ronan. Great. Short of screaming her name, I’m not getting anywhere near Liane at this point.

  “He’s leaving,” Jack says, looking back and forth between us.

  “You better be,” Ronan hisses. “She’s in the next room, you ass. What are you planning on doing? Coming in here like a white knight on a horse to carry her away? You had your chance, man. You backed away. She’s mine now. This isn’t the time to be all chivalrous.”

  “I’m going to stay with her,” Jack says. He doesn’t have to say what he really means; we all know. He’s going to keep her from seeing me. Ronan nods. “Ronan, keep your cool. It’s your wedding day.”

  When the door shuts softly behind him, we face off, the two men that want Liane. “I love her.”

  “I love her, too. Hence the reason I’m marrying her today. If you loved her so much, why did you stop talking to her?” Ronan crosses his arms, and I have no response that is worth anything. Because I let you get to me. Because I was an idiot. Because I definitely don’t deserve her, but I want her.

  “Why aren’t you man enough to let me see her? If she loves you so much, you won’t have anything to worry about.” Boom. He can’t say anything to that, because we both know. If Liane is faced with the two of us in a room, he doesn’t want to know who she would choose.

  Ronan pulls a photo out of his pocket and holds it in front of my face. “What’s this?” I pluck it from his fingers but don’t open it up.

  “Go ahead, open it,” he says smugly. The look on his face unnerves me. I stare at him for a moment, trying to decide what exactly could be in my hand that he thinks is so powerful. “Afraid?” He takes the picture from my fingers and opens it up. “Let me help you. So you can see once and for all that there’s nothing going to happen with you and Liane. Not now, not ever again. What you had with her for those two weeks is all you’re going to have to live on for the rest of your life. She’s mine now.”

  I look at the black and white photo in his fingers, but I don’t get what it is. I can’t make anything out on the grainy picture. “What is that?”

  He laughs, pointing at a mass in the middle of the picture. “See my son? That’s his head, his arms, and that is the part that told us he’s a boy. Liane wanted it to be Ronan, Jr., but I didn’t want that. His name is Carter.”

  The room spins, and I barely hang on to the hamburger I’d scarfed down on the long ride from South Carolina. There is no way that what I’m seeing is for real. But now that he has pointed it out, I can easily see the outline of a baby. “S-she’s pregnant?”

  “Ding, ding, ding! That’s my son in there. Hear me? My son. And that woman in the next room? She’s about to be my wife. Mine. If she wanted you, she would’ve told you. Oh wait, you never answered her. That’s right.” Realization takes hold of me, and my eyes snap to his.

  “When did she conceive.” There’s a chance, right? Maybe this baby isn’t his after all. If I can convince her that we are the ones sharing a baby, maybe I can stop her from doing this.

  He snorts. “Nice try. I know you dipped your little stick in her too while she was in Florida. Guess it was better with me, huh? Since she came running back. She conceived in July when she was on antibiotics. So while you were playing house with her in Florida, my baby was already inside her.”

  I try, I really do. But him taunting me pushes me right over the edge, and I grab his collar and put him against the wall of the room, my face centimeters from his. “Don’t talk about her like that. You can say whatever you want about me, but don’t disrespect her.”

  “Or what,” he sneers. “You’re going to drag me into the room where my bride sits and demand she choose between us? You’ll lose, McIntyre. My baby is growing inside her. I’ll provide a nice life for my family in a few years. What can you provide her? Some grease stains and a doublewide trailer?”

  “Blake,” a voice comes from the door. I don’t have to turn around to know it’s my father. Liane’s father must’ve gotten him. What he doesn’t realize is that he just stopped me from putting my fist through his face. “Let’s go, son.”

  I let go of Ronan and he straightens up, smoothing his hands down his shirt and jacket. I can’t stand that she’s going to marry him. My dad grabs my arm and leads me from the church out a side door. “Dad,” I crumble, my knees giving way. I slump on the sidewalk, listening to the music change inside. I haven’t been to too many weddings, but I know that’s the song that plays when the bride is about to walk out. Years of romance movies with Li taught me that. Tears blind me, and I gasp, my stomach revolting.

  I feel my dad’s arms wrap around me, and that’s all it takes for me to completely lose control. I wail like I’ve never cried before. It would hurt less to have open-heart surgery without anesthesia. She’s pregnant. With Ronan’s baby. Nothing I can say to her will change that. It’s really over for us. Forever. “Sh-she’s pregnant? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I haven’t known too long,” he says softly, rubbing his large hand on my back. “I couldn’t tell you. I’m so sorry, son.”

  “I need to see her one last time,” I cry, knowing I’m being irrational. I also know there’s no way in hell anyone is letting me in that church.

  “No you don’t,” my dad echoes my thoughts. “You need to go back to our hotel. Here’s a key. Stay there and don’t try to come back here. There’s nothing good going to come from this, Blake. You have to move on.”

  I take the key from him and look back at the old church, one just like she wanted to get married in. Well, she got her wish. She’s just marrying someone else. I nod at him, and he watches me as I fumble back to my car. I rev the engine loud, too loud for the parking lot. How sad is it that I still wish that she will hear my engine and run out, her white dress billowing behind her? I’d take her in a second, baby and all. We’d raise him like he is mine, and Ronan could be a distant memory. I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to her, what I had done to us.

  But she isn’t coming. Not now, not ever again. Opening the door to
the car, I finally lose the contents of my fast food lunch, as well as the last pieces of my heart. I leave both in the dirt parking lot and drive away, knowing that for the rest of my life no one will fix what is broken in me.

  RONAN’S HAND IS splayed across my bare stomach, and I look over at him. Our eyes connect, and I fight the tears that have been threatening all day. It had been a beautiful day; a picture perfect wedding. And here we are, together in our apartment, getting ready to start our lives together.

  “Hey Carter,” he croons to my stomach, causing Carter to kick. He loves when Ronan talks to him. “We’re a real family now, buddy. Your mom and I can’t wait for you to get here.”

  A real family. Your mom. The words reverberate around my head, and several tears sneak out of my eyes before I can stop them. “Lia,” Ronan says, kissing me softly. “I’m sorry.”

  “What are you sorry for?”

  “I know this isn’t what you imagined. It isn’t what either of us dreamed of right now. But, I love you and always will, baby.”

  Baby. I cringe, wishing I could tell him to never call me that again. I’m instantly back on that beach, lying in the sand with… no. I can’t do this to myself. “Ronan,” I begin. “No, it isn’t ideal. But this is what we always wanted. Just a few years before we were planning. As they say, the best laid plans and all that. I’m an emotional pregnant woman, and today was an amazing day. I love hearing you talk to our baby boy, that’s all. I’m so happy.” I hold my hand up and look at the simple diamond Ronan had given me, with the gold band underneath. “I’m really yours now. And you’re mine. Forever.”

  Ronan rolls me towards him, my stomach making it difficult to get as close as we once were. And for a little while, I allow his touch to take me away from the thoughts in my head, knowing that they will always come back. There is nothing that will change that, unless someone gives me a brain transplant and takes away all of the memories of what should’ve been.