The Life She Wants

by J. M. Hewitt

  In the corridor, she heard the soft click as the door to the Expedition Suite closed. She skipped to her own door, put her eye to the peephole and watched as Tommy Ellis marched away from the suite. Her lips curled upwards in a smile. She could easily follow him; even though he had turned the corner out of sight, she had no doubt she would find him in the bar. Taking a step away from the door, she smoothed down her shirt and shook out her short hair, then moved over to the mirror to scrutinise her reflection. Five days of intense tanning in the salon down the road from her hotel had done wonders. She slipped her fitted top off one shoulder and inspected her skin. No tan lines. Just an entire sun-kissed body, golden and thinner than she had ever been.

  She staggered slightly and clutched at the wall, wondering if the ship was setting sail already before realising she was light-headed.

  But this was no time to eat, and no time to go chasing Tommy either.

  No, that could wait. Well-versed in the move she was planning to make, Anna knew that it was imperative she get the wife on board first.

  But the wife was enclosed in the cabin next door, and there was plenty of time for all that. Snatching up her bag, Anna gave herself one last look in the mirror before sweeping out of the room and heading in the opposite direction to where Tommy had gone.

  * * *

  Paula sat on the edge of the bed and stared out at the sea. This wasn’t the way this trip was supposed to begin, Tommy being huffy and weird and disappearing before they’d even set sail.

  Automatically she reached for her phone, was halfway through tapping out a text before she remembered she had pissed Julie off, and her best friend wasn’t speaking to her. She tipped the phone out of her hand onto the bed.

  She knew why Tommy was mad: because she’d chastised him for his stupid dick joke on the quayside. He was worried that the porter had overheard. Not worried that he’d overheard his crassness, but angry that he might have heard Paula telling him off. That was the thing with Tommy, he always worried about the wrong thing.

  Had she overreacted?

  Probably. She usually did, or so Tommy said anyway.

  Maybe she should apologise.

  She nodded to herself. She would. He had bought her this lovely holiday and she’d annoyed him before they had even got on the boat. But she wouldn’t go after him yet. When his mood was black, he wasn’t receptive to hearing her grovel. She would give him time and space to cool off. This was his holiday too, and God knows he deserved it, working all those hours.

  But she didn’t want to spend however long it took him to calm down stuck in this room. As lovely as it was, she wanted to see what else the ship had to offer. She reached for the brochure next to the hamper and opened it, her eyes immediately landing on what she was seeking. Feeling much better, thoughts of Tommy diminished, she gathered up her bag and key card and left the room.

  * * *

  By the time Paula reached the sixth deck, they had set sail. She darted out of one of the heavy doors, gasping as the cold air hit her. She almost turned back, but reminding herself of where she would be in ten minutes did the trick, and she forced herself out onto the open-air deck and over to the edge.

  Gripping the white railings, she watched the dock as the ship moved off. A few feet away, a family held their children aloft, gripping the kids’ arms in a wave as they cheered. Suddenly sad, Paula dropped her head. It wasn’t that it was a monumental moment – they weren’t on the Titanic or the last Concorde – but this was still a maiden voyage and she shouldn’t have been witnessing it alone.

  Hitching her bag back onto her shoulder, she hurried back to pull the heavy door open and continued on to her original destination. As the sign for the spa materialised, she smiled with relief. This was her domain; this was something that was always just hers. A place where she felt at home.

  In the little wooden changing room, she stripped quickly down to the bikini she had put on before she left her cabin, and grabbed her towel. Conscious of the elastic of her bottoms digging painfully into her thighs, she avoided the mirror on her way out. She made her way over to the lockers, frowning as she peered at them. They all appeared to be locked, and no amount of working her key card against them seemed to activate them. She looked around, realising there was nobody else there, and that this wasn’t likely to change. Everyone would be up on deck. She shoved her bag on the top locker and, clutching her towel to her stomach, moved down the narrow hallway towards the sauna.

  She could feel the heat even outside the wooden door, and gripping the handle, she pulled it open and slipped inside. She let out a murmur of appreciation as she spread her towel out on the bench in the darkened room and sat down. This was more like it. This was what she had wanted – no, needed. Some well-being time, some time just for her, where she didn’t have to sit and fret about Julie or Tommy or babies.

  She leaned back against the hot wood and closed her eyes. She could almost feel herself drifting off and wondered how appropriate it would be to come here several times a day. She shifted, the bench creaked… and then someone cleared their throat.

  Paula sat bolt upright and peered into the gloom. As her eyes adjusted, she felt the heat double in her already flushed face.

  Someone else was in here. And… she was naked!

  Her first instinct was to apologise, to blurt out that she hadn’t realised the sauna was occupied, but the sight of the woman in all her unclothed glory stopped her short.

  ‘Hi,’ the woman said, her tone friendly, her smile wide, showing even white teeth.

  ‘Hello,’ croaked Paula. She tore her eyes away from the woman’s breasts, small and perky and so high that she was even tanned underneath them. Embarrassed, she crossed her arms over her own chest, even though she was wearing her bikini. ‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise anyone was in here.’

  ‘S’all right,’ the woman said. ‘There’s more than enough room for both of us in here.’ She grinned at Paula, pushed herself upright and stuck out a hand. ‘I’m Anna. Anna Masi. It’s good to meet you.’

  Chapter 7

  They chatted for a while. Anna bit her lip to stop her amusement showing at just how uncomfortable Paula was.

  ‘Are you looking forward to seeing the Northern Lights?’ she asked, casually stretching out one leg and admiring her pedicured painted toenails.

  ‘Oh yes, very much so,’ Paula replied. ‘But my husband said we might not see them, they’re not always visible.’

  Anna nodded. ‘It’s certainly down to luck.’ She narrowed her eyes as she watched the other woman in the semi-dark of the room. ‘But I’ve got a good feeling about this trip.’

  Paula smiled – stiffly, Anna thought. Hiding her own smile, she stood up, raised her arms above her head and stretched. Paula put her head down, pretended to fiddle with the tie on her bikini.

  ‘Right, enough for one day.’ Anna picked up her towel and let it drape behind her as she made her way towards the door. She stopped, turned around to face Paula. ‘Want me to put some more water on the coals for you before I leave?’

  Paula, looking anywhere but at Anna’s naked body, shook her head. ‘No, that’s fine. I should go find my husband soon anyway.’

  Anna smothered a smile and slipped out of the door, sure she could hear Paula’s sigh of relief as she closed it gently behind her.

  Outside the sauna, she worked quickly, wrapping the towel around herself and picking up the poker in the box next to the door. She fed it through the door handle, careful not to let it clang as she released her grip. Then she padded soundlessly down the hallway, pausing at the lockers and grinning again as she spotted Paula’s bag on top. Obviously, the woman hadn’t bothered to stop in the spa reception and get a key.

  She ducked into a changing room and pulled on her clothes. When she left, the spa area was still silent, still empty. She smiled to herself as she walked towards the exit, swiping Paula’s bag off the top of the locker as she passed. Once outside the door, she flipped the sign over to r
ead Spa Closed, then made her way down the corridor.

  * * *

  Paula stared at the door long after the strange woman had left. Who sat in a sauna totally naked? And her body! Regretfully, Paula pinched the spare flesh on her own stomach. The woman must work out every day to look like that.

  She picked up her towel and rubbed at her face, realising just how hot she was. Suddenly a walk on the open-air deck seemed like the perfect way to finish off her afternoon of indulgence. If she could track Tommy down, maybe he’d come with her, explore outside before they got dressed for dinner. She looked at her watch and saw she’d been in the sauna for almost an hour. No wonder she was sweating so profusely. And that hour was plenty of time for Tommy to have cooled off.

  She stood, grabbed her towel and pushed at the door. It didn’t budge.

  Frowning, she pushed it again, but it was stuck fast.

  ‘No,’ she whispered. Putting the whole side of her body against it, she shoved at it again and again. ‘No!’ She could hear the panic rising in her own voice.

  Was it her imagination, or had the sauna suddenly got hotter? She let go of the handle, and lurched over to squint at the thermometer. It read 110 degrees – she knew it should be between 70 and 100 – and she had already been in there too long. What would happen if no one came to let her out? Would she pass out from heat exhaustion, or become dangerously dehydrated?

  She slammed at the door again and banged on it with her fists. It was unlikely anybody else would come along soon; the rest of the passengers would be gearing up for the first night’s dinner and celebrations of the maiden voyage.

  ‘HELP!’ she shouted, grabbing at the handle again.

  It slipped out of her sweat-slick fingers, and with a howl she slid downwards, her fingernails breaking as they scrabbled at the wood. She threw out her left hand to steady herself, and her fingers connected with the wooden bowl that contained the water. It splashed onto the coals, hissing and spitting, the heat immediately rising as the water fizzed and bubbled.

  ‘Oh, God,’ Paula wept, the tears drying on her cheeks as soon as they leaked out of her eyes. ‘Please, help me!’

  * * *

  After walking around on deck for a while, Anna was cold enough to return inside. As she headed along the glass-walled corridor that ran past the bar area, she pulled her short hair forward and peered through her fringe. Tommy was in there, not drinking morosely as she had half expected, but surrounded by a cluster of men. They were laughing and chatting, and Anna felt a stab of pleasure that he had not felt the need to go in search of his wife.

  She speed-walked to the sixth deck, smiling with satisfaction at the sign on the spa door, which was just as she’d left it. She turned it over again and slipped inside, pausing in the doorway for just a moment before heading towards the sauna. The poker was still in place, and there was no sound from within.

  Taking a deep breath, she slid the poker soundlessly out and set it down underneath a pile of towels. Then she gripped the handle and opened the door wide.

  Paula was huddled in the corner, on the furthest bench from the door. In the dim light Anna saw her raise her head.

  ‘Goodness! You’re still in here?’ Anna gave her a friendly smile. ‘Did I leave my bracelet in— Oh, there it is!’ She scooped up the silver chain, then stopped, the smile slipping from her face to be replaced with a look of concern. ‘Hey, are you okay?’

  Paula let out a deep, shuddering breath as she clambered off the bench.

  ‘Don’t let that door close!’ she shrieked. She pushed past Anna and practically threw herself through the door. ‘Oh my God!’

  The tears came then, as Paula gulped great lungfuls of air. Spotting the water cooler, she staggered over to it. Anna went to stand beside her, taking the cup from the woman’s shaking hands and filling it for her. Paula grabbed at it and drank greedily. When she had finished, she reached out her arms and pulled Anna into an embrace.

  ‘I was stuck in there,’ she cried. ‘I thought I was going to die!’

  Over Paula’s shoulder, Anna rolled her eyes. ‘What do you mean, stuck?’ she asked.

  ‘The door wouldn’t open,’ whispered Paula, her eyes darting fearfully to the sauna.

  Anna moved back to the door, closing it and opening it again easily.

  ‘It wouldn’t open!’ Paula cried. ‘I swear, it was stuck fast.’

  ‘Did you push it, or pull it?’ Anna asked, swishing the door open and closed as if to prove her point.

  ‘I-I don’t know,’ Paula said. ‘I’m just so glad you came along.’ Her eyes filled with tears again and she pulled out a chair and sat down.

  Anna studied her. Never had she seen a person’s cheeks so red. Paula’s hair seemed to have swelled to three times its normal size, standing out in a frizzy halo around her head.

  ‘I can’t believe you’ve been down here all this time. Did your husband not come looking for you?’

  Another tear tracked a path down Paula’s face as she shook her head.

  ‘Right, well it’s nearly dinner time. Come on, you look a bit shaky. Let’s get you back to your cabin.’

  ‘My bag!’ Paula stopped and wrenched her arm free of Anna. She stared at the row of lockers. ‘My bag isn’t here!’

  Anna moved over to the lockers. ‘Which one did you put it in?’

  Paula shook her head. ‘I didn’t, I couldn’t open them. I put it on top.’

  Anna twisted the knob on one of the lockers and pulled it open. ‘You didn’t get a key from reception?’

  ‘They wouldn’t open when I tried them!’ Paula’s words caught on a sob and she scrubbed at her eyes. ‘I can’t believe all this is happening to me.’

  Anna turned back to her. ‘What was in your bag? Your purse, phone? Anything valuable?’

  ‘No, just my make-up… a coin purse, I think.’ Paula pulled at the lanyard round her neck. ‘At least I have my cabin key.’

  ‘We’ll report the bag missing. Hey, maybe you didn’t actually bring it in here. Might you have left it in your room?’

  Paula’s features swam with confusion. ‘I don’t know.’ She looked at Anna doubtfully. ‘Maybe.’

  Anna patted her shoulder. ‘Let’s get you back to your cabin.’

  * * *

  As she allowed herself to be led by Anna through the stairwells and corridors, Paula began to relax. By the time they reached the Expedition Suite, she felt almost like her old self, as well as thoroughly embarrassed by the tears and panic she had shown in front of the other woman.

  ‘Oh, we’re practically neighbours,’ said Anna when Paula stopped outside her door. ‘I’m in the suite on the corner.’

  Paula pulled at the towel wrapped around herself, which was wringing wet from her escapade in the sauna. ‘I can’t tell you how glad I am you left your bracelet in there,’ she said. ‘Anna, are you on this cruise alone?’

  She nodded. ‘I am. I’m treating myself before work gets crazy again in the new year.’

  Paula wondered what sort of job this young woman did. On impulse, she took hold of Anna’s hand. ‘Please, will you join us for dinner tonight? I’d like to say thank you properly. It’s our treat.’

  ‘Oh, well, I think our meals are already paid for in the price of the tickets,’ replied Anna. At Paula’s mortified expression, she squeezed her hand. ‘But I’d love to join you. Thank you.’

  ‘Good.’ Paula straightened her shoulders and slipped her key card in the slot. ‘We’ll meet you here in an hour?’

  Inside the safety and relative expanse of her cabin, Paula sank onto the bed. Never in her whole life had she felt as frightened as she had in that sauna. She pulled off her bikini and inspected herself in the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. Her skin was red and blotchy, her face was dry and her hair was like straw. She pulled at it, wincing as several strands came away in her fingers. What the hell had she done to herself in that awful sweat box? Tears filled her eyes again at the thought of the amount of m
oney she spent to keep her hair and skin in tip-top condition. She didn’t even have time to wash it, and actually wasn’t sure if she dared, due to the amount that seemed to be shedding from her scalp.

  She reached for her coconut oil, smoothing it along the shafts of her hair until she could get a comb through it. Slicking it against her head, she pinned it up and scowled at her reflection. This was not how she had intended to spend her first night on board.

  And where was Tommy? As she reached for her phone on the side, she belatedly remembered her lost bag. She darted around the room, opening cupboard doors and bedside drawers, searching for the bag she was sure she’d taken to the sauna with her.

  Feeling emotional again, she stabbed at Tommy’s name, clicking her nails on the side of the sink as she waited for him to answer.

  Her nails! In horror, she looked at her left hand, remembering now the nails that had chipped and split as she scraped them against the sauna door in her desperation to escape. They were jagged and broken, the expensive manicure that she’d had the day before a complete and utter waste of money.

  ‘Hey, babe.’ Tommy’s voice came down the phone.

  Paula dragged her gaze away from her ruined hand. ‘Where are you?’ she asked, hating the sound of the choked tears in her voice but unable to quell them.

  ‘On the lower deck,’ he replied, and down the line came the sound of male laughter.

  Paula swallowed down the sobs that threatened to break free. In the mirror, her skin flushed an even deeper scarlet. ‘It’s nearly dinner time,’ she said, hoarsely.

  ‘I’m coming back now,’ he replied, oblivious to her emotional state. ‘I’ll be in the cabin in five.’

  Fifteen minutes later, she had done the quickest possible repair job on herself. She looked like shit, she thought, with the coconut oil clinging to her jet-black hair, making it appear greasy and unkempt. The aloe vera cream had done little to soothe her overheated skin, and the nails on her left hand were now a good few millimetres shorter than those on her right. She had chosen a floor-length maxi dress in baby blue, hoping that the subtle shade of the material might tone down her high colour. It didn’t. She just looked like somebody wearing a summer dress in the middle of winter.