The Life She Wants
Page 25
That night, that first night back, we ate pizza like we had a dozen times before, and watched a film. He had his hand on my knee, and it was comfortable, and lovely, and for a time I forgot about what had happened at home and thought about my life from now on.
When the pizza was finished, I went to the bathroom and purged it quietly. When I emerged, he was there, in the hallway, looking at me.
‘Don’t do that, Paula,’ he said, and his lip curled as he spoke, his words clipped and tinted with disgust. ‘It’s such a cliché, I don’t want to see or hear that.’ He looked me up and down, his eyes probing, reflecting, judging. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you that can’t be fixed in the gym. I’ll take you along with me one day.’
I tried for a smile. I looked for the words that would convey how grateful I was that somebody cared about me and what I did to myself. Back then, it never occurred to me that he should have told me I was beautiful the way I was.
I nodded at him, and just like that my purging days were over. ‘Okay,’ I said, and as an afterthought, I added, ‘Thank you, Tommy.’
Chapter 28
She was still there, at the same table, looking out of the same floor-to-ceiling window at the same black night.
The Ruby Spirit had set sail an hour ago. Paula had sat stiffly in the chair, the half-finished plate in front of her. She’d anticipated shouts; maybe the ship would come to an abrupt stop when somebody spotted the small, pale, blonde form floating in the harbour.
But there had been nothing.
She began to relax, feeling her ramrod-straight spine loosen.
There would be something. When the boat docked, and the cabins came to be cleaned, they would find Anna’s with all her possessions inside.
She patted her pocket where her iPhone sat. She had swept the suite, taken the phone once she had charged it. In the bathroom, she had looked for a long time at the box of condoms in the small cabinet over the sink. The same brand that she had found in Tommy’s wash bag, planted there, she saw now, by Anna.
The threat was gone now, laid to rest, never to return. Of course, there would be others; silly little girls with designs on Tommy. There always had been. That wouldn’t change. But there would never be another threat quite like Anna. Of that, Paula was sure.
Here he was now. Her husband, hesitant by the lift doors, observing her from across the room. She lifted her chin and met his gaze straight on.
Tommy looked away first.
Paula smothered a smile.
How liberating it was, to release this power, leashed and controlled and… hidden for so long.
Paula remained seated. Eventually Tommy made his way over, weaving his way through the tables.
‘You all right?’ he asked as he reached her.
She watched him, standing awkwardly in front of her.
All their history there, in the small gap between them. She liked knowing someone so well. She liked that she still had the ability to surprise him. She liked that she had spoken up against him.
‘Do you want to go for a walk round the deck?’ he asked. He shuffled his feet. ‘It seems a bit milder.’
She felt a smile rise inside, but she didn’t allow it to show on her face.
Knowledge nestled in her gut, that if he were ever lost to her, she would be just fine.
He reached out a gloved hand, a nice gesture, so simple, yet it had been missing for quite some time.
She took his hand, let him haul her up. He stayed close as they walked to the elevators. Inside, she leaned forward and pressed the button for the top deck.
She felt movement at her back. A sudden warmth as Tommy removed his scarf and placed it around her neck.
‘It’s a bit milder, but still cold out there,’ he murmured.
She didn’t thank him. Instead, she nodded, touched the woollen scarf and raised her chin.
Her thoughts were elsewhere now, on what came next, on where to go now, on herself for maybe the first time since she’d escaped her childhood.
On her own future.
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A Letter from J.M Hewitt
Thank you so much for reading The Life She Wants. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! If you’d like to keep up to date with any of my new releases, please click the link below to sign up for my newsletter. Your e-mail will never be shared, and I’ll only contact you when I have news about a new release.
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I wrote The Life She Wants during the first lockdown in 2020. Collectively, we were all confined to our houses, and I don’t think I was alone in finding activities closer to home. For me, it was stargazing, and the night sky. The International Space Station was passing over frequently, and Space-X launched into orbit on 30th May 2020. It was a clear evening, and late that night I found myself in my garden, with my neighbour on the other side of the fence, and we watched both the rocket looping and the space station circuiting in awe.
Later that year, I was lucky enough between lockdowns to take a holiday with family in Norfolk. The light pollution there is minimal, and we stood outside and watched the bats swooping and the stars gleaming. The Northern Lights are something I’m hugely interested in also, and all of these elements led to the scenic parts of The Life She Wants, when Paula and Tommy go on what should be a once-in-a-lifetime Scandinavian cruise to view the lights. The lights, the sea, and the skies can be malevolent as well as magnificent, and I hope this shines through in the atmosphere of The Life She Wants.
Thank you again, so very much, for your support of my books. It means the world to me!
J.M. Hewitt
Acknowledgements
Novel writing is very much a team effort, and I’m so grateful to have so much support. Firstly, as always, so much love and so many thanks to my parents, Janet and Keith Hewitt. Thanks also to my family: Darren, Jordan, Liv and Eloise, Emily and Dawson and the newest addition, baby Emma Rose. I also wish to thank John and Joan Daly – I hope to deliver a copy of this book to you personally this year! A special thanks also goes out to my little Marley, unconditional friend, and constant writing companion.
Many thanks to my wonderful agent, Laetitia Rutherford of Watson, Little, for consistent support and championing my books. And thanks to my gorgeous editor, Leodora Darlington, I’m loving working alongside you! Copyeditor Jane, thank you for a tremendously thorough job – your work is hugely appreciated.
All my girls, Heidi, Tracey Jordan, Kim, Lou and Lisa, thank you for the regular calls, messages, lunch dates and catch-ups. Special thank you to Victoria Hill, photographer and artist extraordinaire and a wonderful friend. Big thanks to Corrie, continuous supporter and reader of my books, giver of treats and cakes, and generally the best neighbour for sure.
I would also like to thank the crime fiction community. The writers, bloggers, publishers, book club admins (Tracy Fenton #TBConFB). You all rock and I hope to see more of you this year.
Finally, a huge thanks to you, the reader, and as always, as long as you keep on enjoying my books, I’ll keep on writing them.
About the Author
J.M. Hewitt is the author of five crime fiction
novels. Her work has also been published in three short story anthologies. Her books usually incorporate twentieth and twenty-first century events and far-flung locations, and her novels explore the darker side of human behaviour. In contrast to the sometimes dark content of her books, she lives a very nice life in a seaside town in Suffolk with her dog, Marley.
First published in the United Kingdom in 2021 by Canelo
Canelo Digital Publishing Limited
31 Helen Road
Oxford OX2 0DF
United Kingdom
Copyright © J.M. Hewitt, 2021
The moral right of J.M. Hewitt to be identified as the creator of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
Ebook ISBN 9781800324558
Print ISBN 9781800324565
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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