Times Hearts
Page 7
Diary entry of the 22nd January 1866
The ball is tonight. I am a little bit more than anxious with all the preparations. I..
Mama just interrupted my diary entry, I must be quick or I will have little time to dress for the ball and it will be likely that when I arrive my cheeks will attain a rose red from the heat of loss of composure not from blushing. I need to be perfectly composed, be gracious in manner and in effect be as cordial as I can only be.
25th January 1866 near London
My Dearest Bess,
This is the first moment I have had where I can write to you. Please come to London soon, I am missing you and out little walks about in the garden, talking and giggling! But first I must tell you my news of the ball. It was the most perfect opening to the London season you could have dreamed about. Everyone was there, nobility of all titles, gracious ladies and gentlemen. I arrived at Grove Palace at 7.45pm and was escorted by a sergeant at arms to the top of the grand staircase where I was met with Lord Rochford who took my hand as we entered into a beautiful sumptuous hall with decadent crystal chandeliers, elegant and gracious ladies in their finest gowns of rich silks and lace and whispered behind their fans. Gentlemen worn starched collars, frock coats and silk cravats or bow ties. It truly was a magnificent sight, to have walked through the arch and towards the grand ballroom. I cannot, Bess, for all of my life, imagined such a splendid sight.
I was introduced to many people whom, I regret to say, cannot recall their names. I had a marvellous dance with Rochford and had been engaged in conversation, when I heard my name called. I knew whom it was and yet my heart started pounding greatly when I turned to meet Lord Grayson’s eyes. His appearance shocked me! I could not comprehend his appearance at the ball. It had rather slipped my mind from the attention I was receiving from Lotd Rochford.
I was in such a nervous state that I was utterly sure I was going to faint. My breath and my heart beat seemed to have merged and I am quite sure it was noted of my condition. He took my gloved hand and kissed it. He spoke my name, bowed then took his leave of me. I watched as he was swallowed up by the sea of people who swelled the room to bursting. A woman’s voice brought me back from my thoughts of Grayson, only to find right in front of me was none other than Miss Georgette Steele, who had arrived, according to herself, on the arm of Lord Grayson!
Yet he had left her side, which is not seen to be proper of a gentleman, particularly one who bore a title. I am quite sure also that Miss Steele, was little unperturbed by the absence of her escort, yet I wonder why he had left her! As I sit and write this to you dearest, I do not yet know what has been reported in the Society papers about the ball nor in what terms it has of Miss Steele and her escort!
Through this, Lord Rochford watched us from just the other side of the room. His eyes seemed, rather should I say, set upon me. I was most decidedly confused as to my feelings about this. I do not know what it is, that made him look to me in such a manner. It was only after Lord Grayson made his presences known to me. Rochford came over and took my hand, spoke under his breath, ‘Dance with me,’ and then led me to the centre of the room under the magnificent chandeliers. It was not a request, more of a demand on his part, which I will say now, it was not to my liking. In circling around the room, I noticed that Grayson with a glass in his hand, kept his eyes upon me. His look was certainly intense, almost as if...as if...oh I cannot describe it Bess, but if it were to be put into words it may be he still had some affection for me. I cannot say, but it felt that way.
Lord Rochford had to leave early as he is traveling with his papa to France in the next day. He asked me if I should like to leave his company or stay with Eliza and Anne, the Duchess of Rutherford. I had much conversation in my mind as to what is best, and then Grayson came to stand next to Rochford, who looked quite unsettled by Grayson’s sudden appearance in our circle. Grayson tilted his head in greeting to Rochford ‘Lord Rochford’ Miss Eliza, whom he bowed too, ‘Duchess’ whom his hand he took and kissed while bowing.
‘Is this sight not a most magnificent one?’ he spoke while looking directly towards me. I looked then to Rochford who appeared to be rather irritated by Grayson’s presence, Rochford in turn spoke.
‘It is only magnificent if you spend it in the company of those who are kind of heart and have dignity of whose arm they arrive with.’
Bess, this shocked me and others who were party to his utterance. A few low gasps were to be heard.
My heart with beating loudly in the centre of my chest, I was afraid again, that I would faint and indeed I did.
I awoke to this rushing sound in my ears, and as my sight returned, Grayson was standing close by with a cold cloth pressed to my forehead. It shocked me! I tried to sit up but I took a spell again. I saw another man whom I did not know, most likely in his middle years, bespectacled, moustached and with some medical instrument against my chest, told me to keep calm!
I was most certainly disconcerted and called out for Eliza, who was in the room, standing at the foot end of the chaise, but I could not see her only hear her voice. The Duchess came over to me ‘Rest Grenna.’ she reached out to my shoulder to give me some comfort. Oh Bess, I wish you had been there. I know you would have been attended me as my dearest friend.
Soon after all this. I was carried in Grayson’s arms to the Duchess’ carriage to brought home to rest. The doctor, the man who wore spectacles, informed me that I must indeed rest and drink plenty of fluids.’
As I write this to you, I do not know what happened to Lord Rochford. But I will not make any reference to his departure from my side, that is until I hear from him. Eliza did however inform me of an altercation between Rochford and Grayson, but did not elaborate any further because of the fatigue I suffered.
I will put pen to paper soon. You must write me and tell me all of your news. Regards to your mama.
Grenna
Monday 29th January 1866 at Mannering Castle near London
My Dearest Sweetest Grenna,
How could I have been so stupid, so naïve?! My vision was clouded and distorted...what I had seems so long ago. I do not expect you to take me back after what I have done and the cold callousness of how I treated you particularly at the end. You had been all that mattered to me and all that I cherished above hope and above my own needs. I had been selfish and hurt you without thought or feeling. I was unbelievably wrong to have done so. I must live with these consequences.
Grenna, all I can hope and wish for, I know lay down at your feet. I beg forgiveness and I beg for your love to return once more. I cannot hope I know as there may be someone else already replaced me in your heart. I dare not hope for this. I dare not breathe. If you shall say no, then I shall say no more. I will leave and not darken your door again but I shall see to it that you alone are happy forgoing any earthly need or want I have just so you can be spared my pain, but if you shall say yes, then I am the most happiest man alive. God knows I owe you happiness. I owe you love. I owe you so much.
I am no longer acquainted with Miss Steele, she left as soon she became aware of my utter distraction of you alone at the ball. I do know she left on Lord Rochfords arm with no consequence. They have both left in a shamed manner and disrespected you at the ball. They I do know will be shunned from society for doing so.
I must clear up a matter with you about Hetherfield, Movany Estates and Chanterelle Abbey House. I did visit Hetherfield to meet Sir Nicholas Teyington about land and it is there I met with Miss Steele. Sir Nicholas is a uncle to Lord Rochford. I wasn’t aware of their family traditions. I have never visited the other two places. I have no intention of doing so. I would have not gone to Hetherfield were it not for business, nor had I intended courting Miss Steele.
I wrote you that letter last year, so to spare you any indignity and regarded your situation with care and piety. I had never ceased to love you.
I am with all of my heart, yours, and yours alone. Do with it with what you feel. My life is in your hands
.
Yours
Dagg, Lord Grayson
Tuesday 6th February 1866 at The Fells
My Lord Grayson
Sir,
I am in receipt of your letter. I wish to thank you for your correspondence, but I cannot allow my own heart to follow a path which has been tainted by past misdeeds. Your letter has left me in great turmoil, I do not know if you have been made aware but I am yet engaged this very day to Lord Rochford. My mama has instructed me with great care and diligence, that I must perform my duties to honor my family and set a path for the future.
I am most disheartened to receive you letter and declaration at this time, of which I must decline, though it is bears heavily upon me. I have been left with no other choice Dagg, but to accept Lord Rochfords proposal. My mama is utmostly happy presently. I cannot thwart her good reasons nor can I step back to where I used to be, though my heart tells me otherwise.
Please be of good cheer for my happiness as I will be for yours someday when you find one who will love you without condition and whose continence is both kind and generous.
Thus I will leave for now and hereupon is the last time of correspond with you. I wish you well for the future and beg you to keep a friendly distance from me in society circles. It will not only keep my name from scandal but also yours, for which I hope it is not too late for.
Your friend,
Grenna
6th February 1866
Bessie,
I have received a letter from the hand of Grayson declaring his affection for me on the same day I have become engaged to Lord Rochford. Since their altercation at the ball last month in which, Lord Rochford received a dressing down by Grayson, after I had fainted, I honestly believe in all of my heart that Bromley acted out of protection of his families good name and Grayson acted with less caution and spoke directly, but in other matters I am not sure. I am not sure of his intentions.
I am still all the more confused by Grayson and by his actions, yet Lord Rochford behaved gentlemanly in most all respects. Bessie, my heart is still distraught, torn. I do not know who I should be with, yet I am told by mama that Lord Rochford who comes from good stock and family heritage would bring great fortune to us all. Yet there is Grayson, with all his mistakes, a not so well thought of family in social circles, his association with Miss Steele, despite this I have never regarded him wrongly in my heart. I still have much affection for him. It has been the utmost horrendous toil for me.
What do I do Bess?
Affectionately
Grenna
23rd February near Whitehall, London 1866
Dearest Bess
The decision has been realised! I must do what I must this day. I cannot forbid it any longer. My heart has been torn in two but only one shall claim it.. The rest will follow in time, of that I am sure.
I must go now, go to him directly and speak with him. If he shall understand than, it is done. I will have the happiness I have so longed for.
Without delay and with a heart full of hope
Affectionately
Grenna
Diary entry for the 7th March 1866
It is done! Oh this day of joys and my happiness is now all but complete. My decision to go to Denfordshire was correct indeed. I am amazed by my own conviction and courage. I faced Lord Hugh and my own mama. I would not concede defeat; I made sure of that despite my own weakness. Then I left Denfordshire for The Fells. It was there I was greeted with open arms of affection and contained in the solace that from now on, my life will be the most happiest it has ever been. I am to be married to him in two weeks, the notice has been issued and already the society circles are noting this.
I must go. This is my last entry, I shall not write here again. I have all that I need to fill my days now. I am being called to attend tea in the drawing room. He is awaiting my company along with his papa. After this I shall no longer be Lady Grenna Wiscombe but Lady ...
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About the Author
Jess enjoys writing, reading, art, design and creating craft items which she hopes to develop a small cottage industry in the near future. Living currently in Ireland, she hopes to move back to England in a couple of years.