I storm off to my room and try to calm down. The guys are like my brothers and we bicker like any normal family. I know they have mine and Emily’s best interests at heart but I still need some distance.
The room is empty so I pick up my guitar and start warming up my vocal chords. Music calms me down. It sets my soul free and without it, I’d probably be in prison by now. My carefree childhood ended the day of the accident. I shiver as the memories that are never far away resurface. We were in a car traveling home one night and were hit by a lorry. My dad died and my mom was rushed to hospital in a battle to save her life. My sister, Sammie was also hurt and I still remember how I felt waiting to hear if I still had a family or not.
Sammie was first out to see me and I clung onto her like a lifeline. She is my big sister but not by much.
We soon learned that Dad had died and I still remember it as if it were yesterday.
Mom pulled through but was paralyzed from the neck down. Even though she regained use of her right arm, It fell to Sammie to look after us and our childhood ended there and then. I became an angry child into all sorts of trouble. I kept out of mom’s way because it broke my heart every time I saw what she had become.
Despite her injury, she has never complained. She approaches life with spirit and humor. Sammie did her best to provide for us when she was old enough and started an IT company. It made lots of money and she paid for mom to move into a fancy nursing home. She loves it there and I know it isn’t cheap.
Now the band has made it I can pay my way. Sammie no longer has her company and is working with her boyfriend, Logan. As I think of him a plan begins to form in my mind.
Grabbing the phone, I dial his number.
I was worried when Sammie first hooked up with him. He sees life differently to me and is involved in all sorts of sexual shit. She loves him though and helps control his empire. Despite my reservations, I have never seen such a devoted couple.
He answers almost immediately.
“Hey, Josh. Good to hear from you.”
“Hi, Logan. How’s that gorgeous sister of mine?”
He laughs softly.
“Good last time I checked, which was oh about five minutes ago. Do you want to speak to her?”
“No, it’s you I need.”
I can sense his surprise from here as he says with interest.
“How can I help you?”
Logan runs a sex empire. He has a chain of Gyms around the company and a similar number of private clubs. Sammie runs his adult magazines and their business is certainly not the faint-hearted. Just what I need.
“I need to know everything you’ve got on a certain group of men.”
He sounds intrigued.
“Have you got names?”
“Not yet, but I’ll text you the details. The trouble is, they are somewhat high profile so I need discretion on this.”
He laughs softly.
“Why, what have they done?”
I feel the anger rising as I think of what they have done and my heart hardens.
“They’ve upset someone I care for and she is running. I need all you’ve got on them and fast. She doesn’t have long and we need to be ready.”
There is a brief silence and then he says softly.
“Whatever you need Josh. I’ll be discreet don’t worry about it.”
I hear a familiar voice say in the background.
“Is that Josh? Can I speak to him?”
My heart softens as my sister comes on the phone.
“Josh, it’s good to hear from you. When will we see you?”
I find myself smiling into the phone.
“Come out and see us in Lansing. It’s the next stop of the tour and shouldn’t take you long in that private jet you run around in.”
She laughs happily.
“Of course, we will. Is that why you rang?”
My heart skips as I brush over the real reason for my call.
“That and to ask if you’ve seen mom.”
I picture the sadness on her face as she says softly.
“Last week. We went to visit, and she was good. Asked after you a lot and was excited to hear about your tour. She’s hoping to be able to come and see it when you’re in town.”
The tears burn behind my eyes at the thought of my mom’s smiling, excited face. I try to keep the emotion from my voice.
“I’d love that. I’ll arrange it.”
There is a brief silence and I know that she is missing me as much as I do her. Sammie is my life and between us, we care fiercely for our mom. She is everything to us both, and it sucks that she lives in an institution. She will never be part of our lives like she wanted – or should be. Instead, she is just an occasional visit to check she’s ok. I know Sammie feels the same as me; we live with the guilt that she is sitting where we could have been. Fate spared us that day and we live where she exists.
I hear her sniff and my heart bleeds. I say with emotion.
“I love you, sis.”
She whispers.
“Me too baby brother. Look after yourself.”
She hands the phone back to Logan and I know she will be in pieces next to him. It’s always like this. Both of us share a huge burden and when we’re together, it becomes bigger. We remind each other of the past and the present we endure. I am just glad that Sammie is safe with the man she loves. She has stability and purpose. I want that and my thoughts turn to Emily as Logan says softly.
“Consider it done Josh.”
I hang up and turn to my guitar as I have always done. I lose my grief in the strings of the music I create. This is my purpose and my coping mechanism. Now my purpose has shifted and I fully intend on setting Emily free from her past, to become my future.
***
Chapter Twenty-Two
Emily
Eddie kept me for ages and I just had time to grab a quick bite to eat with him in the hotel restaurant before heading to my—Jax’s room. I feel excited and yet apprehensive to see him. All day I have been thinking about him. I watched him whilst he rehearsed and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Even amongst all the chaos surrounding him, he stood out. There is something about him that calls to me. It’s not just the lust factor either. He has this lost look in his eyes that mirror my own. I don’t know anything about him and yet feel as if I know everything.
My heart hammers in my chest as I let myself into the room. I hear the haunting melody before I see him. His head is bent over his guitar and he is singing softly to the soft melody of a soulful song.
Just for a minute, I watch him without him seeing me. He looks deep in thought as he sings and it’s as though he is in his own world. Leaning back against the wall I am just content to watch. I could watch him all night sitting like this. His voice moves me and I am spellbound.
He looks up and our eyes meet. He carries on and we stare at each other with the sound of his soft, husky, voice traveling between us. I feel my legs trembling beneath me and a feeling I have never had before takes my breath away. As I look at Jax, I feel complete. I feel a sense of purpose and a belonging I can’t explain. I see the future and he is there. No other face fills my heart and mind but his. It’s as though my past has dissolved and my life starts here- with him.
He stops and just stares and I smile shyly.
“That was beautiful, Jax.”
I watch as he places the guitar by his side with a care that does not go unnoticed. He continues to hold my gaze as he stands and moves across the room until he stands right in front of me. Reaching out, he pushes the wig from my head and runs his fingers through my hair. He looks at me with a lost look in his eyes and whispers.
“You are beautiful, Emily. Nothing can compare to you, not even close.”
I can’t move and just stare deeply into his eyes. Everything else fades into the background as my heart thumps with expectation. We move closer to each other until I feel his breath on my face. I see the war raging in his eyes and feel the torment sur
rounding him. He is battling something and I watch as he closes his eyes with resignation and pulls away. My body screams for him but he creates distance between us. Then he turns and smiles ruefully.
“We had better get ready. We only have an hour before we must leave. You go first, I have to finish up here, anyway.”
Forcing down the disappointment, I just smile shakily.
“Thanks, I won’t be long.”
I hurry to the bathroom before he sees the tears in my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on mine. It has become an aching need within me and threatens to consume me.
I head to the shower and try to calm my heart. It’s going to be a long night.
It doesn’t take me long and I feel out of sorts. I didn’t bring much with me when I escaped and my clothes are fast running out. I don’t have anything smart to wear and with a sigh just pull on my skinny jeans and the tour t-shirt that Eddie gave me. Once again, I put the wig on and instantly feel depressed. I can’t take any chances with the photographers around. Who knows where these photos end up and I don’t want to even think about Scott or Grady seeing me here.
I shiver as I pull the glasses on. I will hide forever if it means they never find me. I am fast realizing that my life was a charade. It was an act without meaning or purpose and I confused addiction with love. In the cold light of day, I have woken up and seen the truth that blinded me before. What I had was destroying the girl I once was. I left her behind in Washington and the new me sees life very differently. Emily Stone is who I want to be and where I am now feels like home. I am never going back and will do whatever it takes to achieve my aim.
Jax looks up as I head back into the room and smiles.
“It looks good seeing you in a t-shirt with my face on it.”
I laugh feeling a bit self-conscious.
“It’s all I’ve got. I think I need a day off to go shopping when we reach Lansing. I left in such a hurry I’m fast running out of clothes.”
He looks at me thoughtfully and then stands up and saunters over to the bathroom. He just says softly.
“Wait here, I won’t be long.”
He leaves the room and I can breathe again. It appears that every time I see the charismatic rock idol my brain can’t function properly and my body bursts into life. What I wouldn’t give for him to feel the same.
Jax
Christ, I need another cold shower. Seeing Emily wearing my face on her chest had me imagining all sorts of depravity. Her hair was draped over her shoulder and her long shapely legs called out for my dick to be firmly between them. That girl has ruined me and doesn’t even know it.
Once I have dealt with the need for Emily, I think about the show tonight. I feel the familiar nerves start to take over and the excitement is raging through my body almost as fast as the lust for Emily. This is it. Six months of planning, rehearsal, and waiting will be over in a few short hours. This is what it’s all about, what we love so much. Nothing else matters but the band and their fans.
Thinking of the fans is interesting. I wonder how I’ll feel later when we are faced with the hot girls that pant at the sight of us and open their legs so freely. Will I even take one look with Emily standing nearby? Possibly they are just what I need to drive the bewitching beauty from my mind. She is forbidden fruit and my head screams that at me every minute as my body shouts to make her mine.
Shaking the thoughts of Emily under my body quickly from my mind I get dressed before I need another cold shower to calm my raging dick. What’s the matter with me?
Emily is waiting and I take a deep breath. She smiles at me and my cock stands to attention once more. Fuck this, it’s making me ill.
I just nod. “Come on, we haven’t got long before Eddie will be hunting us down screaming blue murder.”
I grab my leather jacket and head off leaving Emily to scurry to keep up with me. Maybe it’s a good thing she will be busy because I need to concentrate.
We meet up with the guys and I smile. There they are Blasted Rock in all their glory. They look every inch the part as they hang around in reception. Eddie is barking orders at everyone that moves and I can tell he is nervous. Tyler looks up and grins and Cody smiles at Emily.
“Hey, gorgeous. I love the fact that my head is on your tits. Play your cards right and we can re-enact the scene later after the show.”
Emily laughs and so does Cody when he sees the scowl on my face.
Eddie rolls his eyes.
“Fucking rock stars. I’m surprised you have time to even make music when all you seem to do is think about sex all the time. I’ll be an old man before my time at this rate.”
Tyler laughs.
“Not long from where I’m standing.”
Eddie frowns.
“Cheeky bastard. Come on, get your sorry asses in the car. You have a show to do.”
I smile and the guys grin back at me. All bickering aside we are as close as brothers if not more so. We share this bond that not many understand. We live the same life and walk in each other’s footsteps. It is at these moments that we come together as one well-oiled machine.
Eddie growls.
“Off you go, Emily and I will see you there.”
She smiles shyly at us and whispers.
“If I don’t see you before. Good luck, break a leg or whatever it is I’m supposed to say.”
Cody grabs hold of her and spins her around.
“I had better see you, darlin’. You’re now my favorite lucky mascot and I will need you to provide me with everything I need.”
Emily blushes and wriggles to get free.
The guys laugh as I growl.
“Cut it out, Cody. You’ll get everything you need and more from those unfortunate fans that grab your attention after the show.”
The guys laugh but I notice Emily’s face fall. She turns to go and I feel my heart racing as she scurries off after Eddie. Maybe she is falling for Cody. I don’t like the way my thoughts are tearing up my heart so I concentrate on the job in hand.
“Come on guys, let’s go and give them what they want.”
As we head outside the screams deafen us as we are swallowed up by the result of fame.
***
Chapter Twenty-three
Emily
Despite feeling excited, I am also carrying around a feeling of dread that is curled up in a little ball in the pit of my stomach. Tonight, I get to see the guys as they really are. Rock gods, desired by the many females who gaze at them with adoration. Tonight, I am here to do a job and tonight my world will be shattered when I see Jax in the arms of another.
Eddie is running through the place like a whirlwind. Shouting directions and making sure that everyone is in place and doing what they have to, to make the show a success.
The crowds soon start flooding in and the air is heavy with excited anticipation. Eddie grins and I see the excitement sparkling in his eyes.
“You should watch from the sound booth, Emily. You will get a bird’s-eye view and if you’ve never seen them before you’re in for a treat.”
I look at him in surprise.
“Won’t you need me elsewhere?”
He shrugs.
“No. You may as well take full advantage of the fact that I’m here. I won’t be at every show and you will be run ragged. Just enjoy this one and see what all the fuss is about.”
His phone rings and he raises his eyes.
“Duty calls. The guys have arrived so I need to check on them.”
He rushes off leaving me grinning. This is going to be great. I get to gaze at Jax all night long, alongside all the other girls in the audience and he won’t even know it.
I make my way to the control center where they control the mics and lighting. All around me are computers and complicated looking equipment.
I smile at Jerry and Austin whose home this is and they smile as they see me coming.
Jerry gestures to a seat beside him.
“Hey, Emily. Come t
o see where the real magic happens?”
Laughing, I roll my eyes.
“Yes, I’ve been given the best seat in the house if you ask me.”
I settle down happily. I like the two techy guys. They are good fun and always throw me a smile and never appear to be tired or irritable. We can see the stadium filling up with the band’s fans and I stare in wonder at the huge stage in front of me. I wonder about the guys waiting backstage. They must feel nervous, but then again, I can’t imagine they are. They are cocky and crude but all of them have hearts of gold. I am looking forward to seeing them in action.
I don’t have long to wait before the opening bars of one of their songs starts playing, announcing their impending arrival.
The lighting illuminates the stage and I can almost taste the anticipation.
Leaning forward, I look with excitement towards the stage. Any minute now.
Suddenly, they burst onto the stage and the crowd goes wild. They take their positions as the music starts.
Then I am blown away.
I watch in wonder as they work the crowd. They are on fire up there and my heart beats wildly as I watch Jax do what he was obviously born to do. I can’t take my eyes off him as he seduces the crowd with his gravelly voice and soulful tunes.
There is a big screen set up either side of the stage and I watch his expressions and body language magnified a million times on the screen before me.
The crowd is loving it and sing along with him, their phones lighting up the audience as they point towards the stage to record this moment for posterity.
The whole experience is breath-taking and I am completely blown away.
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