by Lexy Timms
When I woke up a while later, Jake asked me to accompany him to dinner. Dining with him wasn’t really on my to-do list, so I declined, leaving him to settle for room service or a dinner alone. I ate a nice dinner alone in the hotel restaurant.
Jake was out on the balcony, and I opened my laptop to see if any new orders had come in. In spite of her warning that all work and no play would make me a dull girl, there were certain things Nadia had trouble handling on her own; she had emailed me to let me know we hadn’t received our fabric for a stunning summer dress. If the fabric didn’t show up by the following week, we wouldn’t be able to add the dress to the Summer Sunlight Collection. It was too late to call the company, so I’d have to wait until morning.
“Ashly?” Jake called from the balcony. “You’ve just gotta see it out here. It’s gorgeous.”
“Um…I’m kind of in the middle of something right now.”
“Just one quick peek?” he begged.
I set my purse down and headed outside. Immediately, the moonlit canyon and glittering stars took my breath away.
“Here, have a seat,” Jake said, motioning to a chair beside him.
“I’d rather stand. It’s amazing,” I said, “absolutely breathtaking.”
He turned to meet my gaze, and I quickly looked away. “You’re mad at me.”
“Yes, but it’s not just that. On top of the fact that it’s a little hard to be around you so much, we’re having problems with a shipment back at the boutique.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Like I’ve told you time and time again, walking out on you was the worst mistake I ever made. I lost the only good thing in my life, and I’ve regretted it every single day since. I swear, not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about you.”
“It was the most painful and difficult thing I’ve ever been through.”
“I know. I also carry the scars.”
“Really? You poor thing,” I said, scowling at him. “Any scars you have from that day are self-inflicted in case you’ve forgotten.”
When I looked away, he pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m so, so sorry for what I did to you, to us.”
“Did you break up with me because the romance was gone or the sparks weren’t there?”
“Are you kidding? We had huge chemistry.”
“Then was there somebody else?”
“No.”
“Did you want someone prettier? Was I horrible in bed?” I asked. “I’m sorry, Jake, but I just have to know. These questions have been bouncing around in my head for years.”
“Ashly, you are still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, and our sex life was…well, amazing. We shared a connection I’ve never felt with anyone, and we were so in love. I just panicked. I-I just wasn’t ready for marriage back then and—”
“Why did you come back to New York City? Was it about seeing friends and family, or were you trying to stalk me?”
A breeze swept through his dark, messy hair. “I can’t imagine living without you.”
“Nadia said you were at my mother’s funeral. Why didn’t you say anything to me?”
“I didn’t want to make your day worse. Look at the way you reacted when you saw me in your lawyer’s office. I didn’t want to cause a scene like that at your mother’s funeral.”
“No, I suppose not.”
“I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother.”
“She was my best friend,” I whispered, my voice quivering. “If you don’t mind, I don’t want to talk about her death. I can’t handle it.”
“I know how hard it is.”
We didn’t say much after that, and I enjoyed the silence as I stared at the sky. A while later, Jake went back inside and brought out a couple sodas for us, a sweet gesture; he’d stocked our mini-fridge with Pepsi from the vending machine.
I paused when he softly pointed upward.
“Look! It’s a shooting star.”
I watched as the bright beam traveled across the dark sky.
“It’s gotta be a sign,” he said.
“A sign?”
“Maybe fate threw us together again so we could become friends and work out our differences.”
“Yes, it’s a great and glorious sign from the cosmos that we’re meant to be together,” I said with a sarcastic ring. He smiled and I continued. “I’m kidding.”
“I’m not.”
My jaw set into a stern grimace. “It’s science, Jake—just a shooting star and nothing more.”
“Wow. You used to be such a romantic.”
I sucked in a deep gulp of air. “A lot about me died that day.”
He sighed. “One way or another, I’m gonna melt that ice covering your heart.”
I peered at him intently. “Instead of melting ice, how about answering another question?”
“Anything.”
“Where have you been all these years?” I asked.
“I got a job as a firefighter in Texas.”
“Yeah, Nadia told me that much,” I said. “She said you were transferred back home. That’s what you’ve always wanted to do, right? You went out there and followed your dream. I’m really happy for you for that, even if you had to ditch me to do it.”
“I’ve been working hard out there, but I missed everyone horribly—especially you.”
“This isn’t some cheesy romance novel with Fabio on the cover,” I said. “You can’t just walk into my life and think I’m gonna run back into your arms like nothing ever happened. How dare you?”
“The past is the past. Why can’t we concentrate on the present? Didn’t we both agree to come on this trip as friends?”
“The only thing I agreed to was to be cordial, and I’m doing the best I can with that.”
“I realized the fatal mistake on our wedding night, but it was too late by then. The damage had already been done. I knew you’d never forgive me after I didn’t show up at that wedding.”
“I might have, if you’d just have come to me that night. Sure, I was mad, but I wasn’t ready to lose you. If you had come to me and told me you wanted to wait, I would have been happy to do that for you, but you didn’t even include me in your decision. You just took off and disappeared for months, for years.”
“You’re rich,” he said. “If you had really wanted to find me, you could’ve easily hired a private detective.”
“Yeah, I guess I could have, but I’m not a stalker.” I ran a hand through my hair in thought. “I wished our breakup had been different so we could’ve remained friends, because losing you…well, you were my best friend, my soulmate, my intimate partner, and the closest person to me. We talked about our future so much, even what we would name our kids, where we’d live, and what our life together would be like. Jake, I was sure you were the one I’d spend the rest of my life with, but you destroyed our fairytale romance. I was all fastened into my wedding gown, happier than I’d ever been in my life, and then you were just gone. It felt like you just died, like you’d been ripped right out of my life. It was like losing a limb, and it hurt like a bitch. After that, every day was a struggle, and the pain just wouldn’t go away.”
“I’m hurting just as bad. The scene and our last phone call just plays over and over again in my mind. I’ve been haunted by it, and I’ve regretted it every day of my life.”
“Then why didn’t you pick up the damn phone, email me, or Facebook me? Hell, you could’ve texted me.”
“My head and heart fought about that for a long time, but the truth is, I couldn’t bear to face you again. I was so ashamed. Losing you was the worst heartbreak ever, and I knew I had brought it upon myself.”
“I think we’re both dysfunctional right now, and I can’t really deal with it yet. Let’s just stay focused on what we came here for and cash in on this inheritance.”
He nodded and touched my hand. “I made a bed on the couch.”
“Good. We’d better get some sleep, because we’ve got a long day a
head of us. It takes about five hours to get down to the bottom of the canyon by mule.”
We’d be staying at the popular and historic Phantom Ranch, in a cabin equipped only with bunk beds, bedding, a toilet, a sink, some soap, and a few towels. Fortunately, there were showers not too far away. It was the only place to stay below the rim of the Grand Canyon, and the isolated accommodations could only be reached by hiking, rafting, or mules. We’d take the Bright Angel Trail down, eat lunch at Indian Garden, then ride along the cliffs of the Inner Gorge until we crossed the Colorado River via suspension bridge and rode up Bright Angel Canyon to the ranch. If I hadn’t been traveling with someone I loathed, it would have sounded like some grand adventure right off the pages of a Hemingway novel.
“Goodnight,” I said.
“Goodnight,” he echoed, then went to make himself comfortable on the couch.
I stayed outside for another hour, just enjoying all the moonlight and stars and doing a lot of pondering. I wasn’t sure what I felt about Jake anymore. Part of me would always love him, but there was a part of me that still hated him for what he’d done to me. Part of me wanted to throw myself into his arms and feel his sweet kisses again, but the other part, which seemed to be speaking the loudest in my head, wanted to slap him across the face.
Chapter 7
I woke up early, showered, and got ready for the day. I slipped into a pair of blue jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. I finished my ensemble off with some stylish hiking boots Nadia had bought me prior to one of our fall hikes. Since I’d worn them a few times to break them in, I knew they’d be comfortable. I put on minimal makeup and pulled my hair back into a long ponytail. I was sure it’d be chilly, since it was only April, so I grabbed my favorite denim jacket with a vintage wash and bronze buttons. I also made sure to slip my sunglasses into my front pocket.
Suddenly, something caught my eye on the table: a bouquet of a dozen white roses. My curiosity piqued, I slipped the card out of the small envelope and read it under my breath: “A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses. I love you so much. Please forgive me.” I bit my lip and thought about those words. Jake couldn’t move on with his life knowing how hurt I was. Maybe he needed to hear me say I’d forgiven him, but I couldn’t lie to him like that.
Jake was on the patio when I walked out to see the sunrise on the rim, one of the most glorious natural displays I’d ever seen. Horizontal layers of pink and orange streaked across the gorgeous morning sky as the sun peeked through. He was dressed casually in dark-washed jeans, a long-sleeved button-down shirt, and brown hiking boots with thick soles for traction. His shirt showed off the solid wall of muscle underneath. He looked like he was ready to go on a desert mission, and I somewhat missed his tropical, wind-blown look. Jake stared at the beautiful sight. “A show like this gives the start of a day a whole new meaning,” he said, holding a cup of coffee.
“Without a doubt.”
He gazed up at me and smiled. “You look stunning, as usual. I gotta admit, I’m kinda jealous of those jeans, squeezing you in all the right places.”
“Um, thanks,” I said, a bit taken aback by his bluntness, “and thank you for the flowers.”
“It was nothing really. I have a lot of making up to do.”
I stared at him, confused. “It’s too late to fix things. You can’t put a Band-Aid on open-heart surgery.”
He set his coffee down on the patio table. “I’m not one to give up on things, Ashly. You, of all people, should know that.”
“Really? Because you gave up on us.”
He cleared his throat, shook his head, and took another sip of coffee.
I couldn’t meet his gaze and stared at the patio table. “I guess you were never one to quit before, now that I think about it,” I said, throwing the poor guy a bone. “The roses and that card were, uh…thoughtful. But let’s not turn this experience into something it isn’t. Let’s just get through this as painlessly as possible for both of us.”
He motioned me forward. “C’mere and look!” he said, pointing.
I glanced down from the balcony and watched deer grazing on dew-laden grass, a sweet scene like one in a painting or on a greeting card. “How cute,” I said.
Jake came from behind and wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me close. “Do you see the babies?” he said, his hot breath hitting the skin on my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
I tried to pretend like his touch didn’t faze me, but it was hard to tune out the gorgeous hunk wrapped around me. “Yeah, I see them,” I said, turning around to face him. Once I was free of his grasp, I slowly stepped back.
“I love this place. All this nature and quiet makes you slow down and think about the important things in life,” he said, staring into my eyes.
This time, it was my turn to clear my throat and shake my head. “So, anyway…are you, uh, all packed for our overnighter at Phantom Ranch?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
He smiled as if he was sure I was smitten with him all over again, but I most definitely wasn’t. I had gotten over him a long time ago, and I refused to let his charm and handsome swallow me up again. I knew Jake would have no trouble with the ladies wherever he went. Even the receptionist at the lodge had shamelessly checked him out and flirted with him with me standing right next to him, checking in to the same suite. He hadn’t flirted back, but I was sure that was just because he was trying to impress me. For the time being, I only had to tolerate him, and it would be quite easy to ignore one jackass while I was bouncing atop another on my way down into the Grand Canyon.
Jake reached under his bed and grabbed a plastic bag. “I bought something for us at the gift shop,” he said. He then pulled a brown cowboy hat out of the bag and put it on, leaving some of his bed-head hair out to sweep his broad shoulders. He looked hot and I wondered if he ever wore a cowboy hat in Texas.
I really didn’t want to accept a gift from him, and I thought it best to tell him so. He’d already gone overboard with the roses. “Um, that’s nice and all, but I don’t really need a hat. Thanks anyway.”
Ignoring me, he slipped the hat on my head. “Yes you do. The sun will be beating down on us all the way down. It’s a five-hour ride on donkeys. This will keep the sun off your face.”
I looked in the mirror. “It doesn’t look too bad.”
“It’s cute…and it matches your outfit.”
“I look like a real cowgirl, huh?”
“Honey, I’d lasso you anytime.” He smiled and led me out the door before I could possibly object to him talking to me that way.
After a rundown on proper mule-handling, I mounted my ride rather easily.
Our tour guide, a man with a scraggily beard and greasy cowboy hat of his own, patted the animal. “This is Earl. He’s a good one, but he likes to sway a little too close to the edge.”
I swallowed hard. “Can I have a different mule then?”
“Hmm. I s’pose I could put you on Harvey, but he’s a real risk-taker. I think it’d be better if your boyfriend rides him.”
I blew a long strand of black hair from my eyes, frustrated that yet another stranger had presumed we were a couple. “Jake is not my boyfriend.”
The man grinned. “Really? Coulda fooled me, girl, ‘cause he sure was checkin’ your ass out as you climbed aboard Earl.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle, flattered that I still had it. I glanced over my shoulder at Jake, and he winked at me. My cheeks burned with emotions I couldn’t quite determine, perhaps a little bit of anger and embarrassment all rolled into one.
All of the sudden, a gust of wind blew the guide’s hat off his head, spooking my mule into a bucking fit.
“Calm down, Earl,” the guide softly coaxed.
“Is he gonna act like that on the walk down?” I asked nervously.
“Nah, he’ll be okay. He just gets a little jumpy sometimes, that’s all. But I assure you Earl’s completely dependable and safe. H
e’s made a ton of trips down, and he ain’t never lost a soul.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. Mules have been haulin’ people in and out of the canyon for as long as I can remember. Heck, these asses have been haulin’ asses since the 1800s, and no one has ever died.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “That’s good to know.”
“Just watch out for wasps.”
“What?” I glanced at Jake, and he smirked.
“Yesterday, a wasp stung a mule on the trail. He snorted and jumped something fierce.”
“Um…okay. I’ll try to stay clear, but it might be hard on a narrow trail.”
The guy gave Earl an encouraging pat. “You’ll do just fine, pretty lady. I can tell already that Earl’s got a crush on you.”
I looked down at the smelly animal, nodded, and smiled halfheartedly. “That’s good…I guess,” I said.
We started out through the ponderosa pine and juniper forest. It was so peaceful, and we were serenaded by chattering squirrels and chirping birds. We even saw a few elk and a mule deer grazing away, as if they didn’t care that we were there.
After a while, the path narrowed until it was just wide enough for the mules to go single-file. Minutes later, the trail sloped a bit. As we trudged along, the terrain grew rougher, and the landscape seemed to get steeper with every edge-teetering step. I leaned back in the saddle, hoping Earl would live up to his sure-footed reputation. My feet pushed against the stirrups for stability. The first few minutes were the scariest. Right side, red rock wall. Left side, I thought, gulping, a big, huge drop! My mule snorted as I stared down at the jagged, prickly slope that seemed to be getting more menacing by the second. I hoped he knew what he was doing. I was also thankful for the cowboy hat, and I made a mental note to thank Jake later.
As we rode down the narrow path to the bottom, I bounced up and down, hanging on for dear life over the steep terrain as my mule teetered precariously near the edge on the hairpin turns. I sucked in a deep breath, hoping Earl didn’t have a death wish. If he made one misstep with any of his four hooves, I knew we’d both tumble thousands of feet.
