Forever (Fallen Series Book 3)

by Micalea Smeltzer

  He looked away ashamed. “Because I am,” he whispered.

  “And you’re not going to tell me even though you said you weren’t going to keep me in the dark anymore?”

  “You’re exactly right.”

  I sighed. There was no point in arguing. When he didn’t want to tell me something he wouldn’t tell me. Stupid, silly, with-holding information, vampire! Would he ever learn that he was better off keeping me in the loop? Nope, he wouldn’t because he was a stubborn male.

  “Is it something the seer predicted?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he answered reluctantly. “It’s the thing I’m waiting for. If it doesn’t happen then it means the prophecy isn’t about us.”

  “Does it have to do with the baby?” I asked.

  “Yes, but that’s all I’m saying on the matter.”

  “Of course,” I muttered.

  He rubbed his nose against my cheek. “Are you sure you’re ready to give up your humanity?”

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I made my choice. I’ve chosen you and our family forever. I won’t change my mind. I’m already twenty-one. That’s three years older than you I don’t want to put any more of a gap between us.”

  “Are you sure? You were so bent on staying human. I wouldn’t be angry.”

  I gave him a small smile. “You mean you wouldn’t be angry if right now I said that when I have the baby I don’t want you to save me, that I want to die?”

  “No, just sad,” he kissed my temple. “But I love you enough to give you the choice.”

  “And I told you that I’ve made mine.”

  “You can always change your mind,” he whispered.

  “Never,” I said fiercely. “I have you, and the baby, and our whole family. I’m not leaving that behind.” A sudden thought occurred to me. I pulled away from his arms and brushed my hair behind my ear. “Jonathon? It’s not that you don’t want me, right?”

  He sat up straight and put his hands on my arms and looked me in the eye. “I have wanted to spend every moment of forever with you from the second I saw you in that taxi. It nearly killed me when you told me that you wanted to stay human but I didn’t blame you. Selena had shown you the dark side of what I am. How could I blame you for wanting to keep your soul? I want the world for you. You deserve a beautiful life. You deserve to be happy after all the grief my existence has brought you and if that meant letting you live a human life I’d let you do it. I wouldn’t say a thing. And when you would go, I would follow gladly behind you into the afterlife. I would have to. I wouldn’t let myself become Selena. How could you think that I don’t want you? You saved me. You gave me a reason to live again. I guess live isn’t the right word since we aren’t really living. Exist, I guess I should say instead. You gave me a reason to exist again.”

  “I love you,” I said and meant those three words more than anything else I had ever said in all my life. “And I will spend forever by your side.”

  He pulled me back against him and we resumed our original position. “And I love you, beautiful principessa and I never want to live without you.”

  I sighed and rubbed the bulge of my stomach. “And I love him too. Despite everything I love him more than I can imagine and he’s not even here yet. I don’t care what’s to come. I just want him to be healthy. I don’t want to lose him. I’ll take on all the Originals on my own if it means he’ll live.”

  Jonathon’s nose rubbed my neck, inhaling my scent. “What comes will come. Everyone cares about him and wants him to be safe and you too, of course. A baby is a joyous moment in one’s life and I’m sorry it didn’t start out that way for you.”

  I stroked my stomach lightly. “I just didn’t want to think that I, that our baby, would be the cause of the end of everything.”

  “But it’s not the end,” he breathed into my hair. “It’s the beginning.”

  “How can a sweet innocent baby be the cause of a war with the Originals?” I asked.

  He stiffened against me. “I don’t actually know. The seer never saw the flame that ignited the war, so to speak. All you can deduce is that the baby is the cause, but none of the prophecies actually say what the event is that triggers the war. She may have seen it but it’s not in the book which makes me think she didn’t. She wrote down everything that she saw.”

  “But how come she wrote it in poem form. Why not just transcript what she saw?”

  “I thought of that. Gabriel said that since no one is supposed to know the future except for the seer, she transcribed her visions in a manner so that one may interrupt it differently than another. Therefore making the book of prophecies. She didn’t want the Originals to get their hands on it, but they did at one point in time. Simone gave the book to Gabriel and then had him kill her. Gabriel always has to evade the Originals, though, and so that made the book unsafe. Occasionally, they forget him for a time and he can settle down but they always resume their search for him. Gabriel has spies you see, so he knows when they’re searching for him. They wanted him for their Guarde but if they got their hands on him now they’d kill him. He’s a danger to them. A danger that they want eliminated. But anyway, there was a time when they caught up to him, him and the book. Gabriel finally escaped but they still had the book. He found a way to steal it back, but it was too late anyway. They had already read the whole thing and dissected it bit by bit. So, they know what’s coming.”

  “It’s going to be bad isn’t it?” I asked.

  “I have no way of knowing but I believe it would have to be.”

  “Ugh, I don’t want to think about this anymore,” I groaned.

  He chuckled and the movement shook me. The baby moved, obviously displeased at being bothered. “Okay, let’s talk about something else. Like your birthday.”

  I groaned. “I let you guys throw me a huge party last year. Can we just keep it quiet this year? I’m tired,” I grumbled. “I’m getting hardly any sleep thanks to little junior here. Apparently he has his days and nights mixed up.”

  Jonathon laughed. “Okay, we’ll keep it quiet. Just the family. I know your brothers are looking forward to seeing you,” he nuzzled my neck. “It will probably be the last time you see them before you’re turned.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “They’ve decided not to wait.”

  “They’re going to be turned,” I stated.

  “Yes,” he sighed.

  I knew I should be happy. I would get to keep my brothers forever. But instead I felt guilt. I loved Jonathon but this was not a life that I would wish for my brothers or anyone. But then again, maybe it was just me. Maybe human-vampire relationships weren’t normally so complicated. Maybe I just had really bad luck. My life had been a roller coaster ever since I met Jonathon. I wouldn’t trade it for anything but I wouldn’t wish it on someone else either. Jonathon was the love of my life, no, the love of my existence, but sometimes it felt like everything was conspiring against us. Like we weren’t meant to have a happy ending. I was happy that my brothers had found a love like what Jonathon and I had, I only hoped that my brothers’ lives would be drama free.

  “At least they get to experience this,” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. The baby kicked. “A love like no other.”

  He smiled. “That’s very true. But it doesn’t change that it’s a hard life.”

  “I know,” I sighed. “But I’m ready for it and apparently they are too. It’s their decision to make. Fate brought them Vivian and Viola just like it brought me to you. You were right when you said that everything happens for a reason, even the bad.”

  His arm rubbed mine and he was quiet. After a couple of minutes of silence though he whispered, “I’ll miss this.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “Your smell, your heartbeat, your warmth, your green eyes. For so many years I’ve been surrounded by cold and then you came and you warmed me up again. I could lay and listen to the sounds of your breaths for the rest of my existence and I would never tire of he
aring it.”

  “I’ll still be me,” I whispered. “And I thought I was the one that wanted me to stay human?”

  He chuckled. “I want you forever. I just wish forever would last as a human. But it doesn’t. And if I could change what I am for you I would. But I can’t.”

  I snuggled closer to his cold hard body. I didn’t mind the cold much anymore but he still pulled a blanket off the couch and wrapped it around me. I kissed his cheek. “Forever would hold no meaning without you, just as a normal life would be nothing without you.”

  “I feel the same,” he said into my hair. “It took so long to finally find you that I don’t want to waste a second of our time together. I already feel like we’ve lost so much of it. But I had to live seven hundred years without you; so at least, I get to spend the next seven hundred with you by my side.”

  “The thought of all that time used to scare me. Like you would get tired of me or something but now I worry that we won’t have enough of it.”

  His fingers combed through my hair. “I could never tire of you, principessa. You are my only reason for living, for existing, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure we have those next seven hundred years and another seven hundred after that.”

  “I know you will,” my eyes closed. But the thing I left unspoken was, at what cost? I wiggled. “I have to pee.”

  He chuckled. “Again?” He raised his brows.

  I pouted. “I’m pregnant, I think I have a good excuse for increased urination.” I crossed my arms in challenge.

  “That is a pretty good excuse. Just inconvenient. Every time we try to talk your bladder interrupts.”

  “Maybe that’s the baby’s way of telling us to shut up?” I said sarcastically. I stood and put my hand to my back. I had never experienced back pain like this before I became pregnant for the fourth time. It felt like someone had taken a sledge hammer to my back.

  I waddled towards the bathroom and heard a chuckled behind me. I turned around and narrowed my eyes at my husband. “Don’t you dare say a word,” I warned.

  Jonathon, Joseph, Danny, and especially Mason found my wattle amusing.

  “I don’t think it’s amusing,” said Jonathon reading my thoughts. Normally, I would be mad, but since I was practically shouting them I couldn’t blame him. Vampires could read their soul mates minds and in turn the soul mate could read the vampires. We didn’t hear every thought only the ones we wanted the other to hear. Otherwise I would probably have figured out a lot more about the prophecies by now. “I actually think it’s quite adorable.”

  I groaned. “You are one strange vampire.”

  He smiled. “As long as you love me.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I waved my hand in dismissal, making my way to the bathroom before my bladder burst, and Jonathon thought my water broke.

  Once I had relieved myself, and washed up, I waddled back to the couch. “I’m so huge,” I complained. “This kid must way ten pounds already.”

  Jonathon chuckled. “Doubtful.”

  I settled myself onto the couch and adjusted the pillows. I groaned. “Ugh, no matter what I do I can’t get comfortable,” I complained.

  Just as Jonathon was adjusting a pillow that was out of my reach there was a knock at the door.

  “Come in,” said Jonathon.

  “Hello,” Dr. Crane greeted upon entering the house.

  Yippee, time to get poked and prodded, and all kinds of other tortures.

  He set his bag down on the coffee table and proceeded to listen to my heart and take my blood pressure. “How have you felt today?” he asked as he took my heart rate.

  “Perfectly normal, just abnormally huge,” I muttered.

  “Hmm, your heart rate’s a little fast,” he frowned. He pressed his ice cold hands to my stomach. He pushed my skin and it didn’t budge. He pushed it again. My stomach didn’t give like it should have. His eyebrows raised and he poked the other side of my stomach. It moved. “Peculiar,” he muttered to himself. Jonathon looked worried. “I wonder…” Dr. Crane murmured.

  “You wonder what?” I asked. It drove me nuts how he always talked to himself. I mean, couldn’t he tell me anything?

  He pulled out his portable ultrasound. He first put it to the side of my stomach where my skin gave when he touched it. The image of our son filled the screen. His heartbeat was a fast little flicker on the screen, like a humming bird. It was a relief seeing that heartbeat. Dr. Crane had told me that it was normal for a dhampir’s heart to beat faster than was normal and not to worry. But that didn’t stop me from worrying anyway. I was pretty sure I worried about everything when it came to the baby.

  He moved the ultrasound to the other side of my stomach. The screen immediately went fuzzy. A crease appeared in the doctor’s brow. “So, strange,” he muttered. And it was. Jonathon leaned in towards the monitor. His brow creased too like the doctors. He removed the ultrasound device from my stomach and shook his head.

  “I’ll be back in the morning. Feel free to call if you need me,” Dr. Crane said packing up his bag and then he was gone.

  I put my hand on my stomach. “I wonder why it does that?” I asked referring to the ultra sound device, it was doing that every time and Dr. Crane couldn’t figure out why. He’d even replaced his equipment, thinking that was the problem.

  “I don’t know,” Jonathon shrugged his shoulders. “It’s very strange. But at least the bambino is okay. That’s what matters.”

  “You’re right,” I said although I wasn’t convinced. If the prophecy was correct, and about us like Jonathon thought it was, then everything would be fine with the baby. But I wasn’t convinced. I’d lost two babies before I’d ever had a chance to meet them and held another dead in my arms. I didn’t want that to happen again, but after what I had been put through I just didn’t believe I would get the happy ending I wanted. I was sticking to my guns. If something happened to the baby, if, and I hated to think the thought, then I was done. I would have Jonathon turn me. I couldn’t have my heart broken anymore. Diana was the only one I had told about my plan back when I first found I was pregnant again. I didn’t want to worry Jonathon any more than he already was. Ever since I had announced my fourth pregnancy there had been a permanent crinkle in his forehead. I hated to see it, knowing that the baby and I were the cause.

  Seeing that I didn’t believe him he said, “Everything will be okay. You’ll see.”

  “Yeah, we’ll see,” I mumbled. I may be glowing but that didn’t stop my worrying.

  Chapter Twelve: Worries

  “Everything will be okay won’t it, Diana?” I asked.

  She threw the book she was reading onto the floor of her bedroom where it landed with a loud thunk. I flinched from the noise and her sudden anger. We were both propped up on her bed surrounded by book after book on the miracle of birth. Although the books just made me worry. So much could go wrong and it wasn’t like this was a normal pregnancy. It wasn’t even in the realm of normal as far as vampire-human pregnancies went. Dr. Crane was puzzled which wasn’t a good thing in my eyes. He was the doctor after all.

  “Kylie, really?” she snapped, looking over at me. “If you ask me one more time if everything’s going to be okay I’m going to explode. I’m sure everything will be fine but I can’t see the future. You’ve made it this long without anything happening and if you delivered right this second everything should be fine. You’re due date is in two weeks. The baby is already developed. You need to stop worrying. Worrying isn’t going to help the baby and you know it. We’re prepared for anything to happen at a moment’s notice. Dr. Crane is on call twenty-four seven for you. We’re doing everything we can and we just have to hope it’s enough.”

  “I know,” I frowned, rubbing my stomach. It calmed me. I felt a kick on my hand like the little baby boy was acknowledging me. Telling me that everything would be okay. At least one of us was confident.

  Diana gave me a sad look. “I know you’re worried and that’s normal af
ter all you’ve been through, but you need to enjoy this. Pretty soon you’re going to have your little boy to hold and everything will be okay.”

  I knew everything would be okay once I had my baby to hold. Once, I could look at him and know he was okay.

  “Ugh,” I groaned laying my head against a pillow. “I am so sick of this bed rest. Is it ever going to end?”

  She laughed. “Two more weeks.”

  “I guess I can put up with it for him,” I smiled. I may have complained about the bed rest, because who wouldn’t, but I’d do it for another nine months if I had to.

  “I think you would do just about anything for him already. And Jonathon loves him too.”

  “You think so? He was so mad. He’s better now but I still wonder sometimes.”

  “He’s just worried about you. But trust me, he loves that baby,” she pointed at my stomach.

  “I hope so,” I whispered. “Diana, I’m worried.”

  “Stop worrying about the baby,” she scolded me.

  “No, not that. I mean, I am worried about the baby, but about becoming a vampire. Gabriel told me what it’s like.” Jonathon had never wanted to tell me about the process, but when we were on the run from Selena, Gabriel had told me.

  She sighed. “I guess that didn’t help with the whole wanting to stay human thing did it?”

  “No, but I’ve made my choice.”

  “Don’t worry about the change. It will go flawlessly but I’m not going to lie to you. You’re going to be in extreme pain,” she looked at my sadly.

  I closed my eyes. I could still hear Gabriel’s words perfectly. I had them memorized. “Does it hurt?” I had asked. “Becoming a vampire?”

  His words echoed like a ghost in my ear. “Yes, you can’t begin to imagine how much. You’re on fire all over but you’re cold too and you shake uncontrollably. Your veins feel like they’re going to burst and your eyes feel like they’re going to explode. Your skull feels like it is splitting open. Your throat burns with thirst. Every bone in your body feels like it’s been broken and knitting back together. You think you must be in hell with all this burning but you can still feel your heart beating because its beating so fast. You think it might beat right out of your chest. You just want it to end. You beg and plead but you can’t tell if you’re speaking or only hearing your own thoughts. Everything hurts. Everything burns. You welcome death. Beg for it even. But it doesn’t come and never will. And then you wake up some indeterminable time later and then you really wish you would have died. You’re so thirsty but not for water. Blood. It calls to you. All the time. The thirst never goes away even after you’ve had a meal. The pain of thirst is sometimes as bad as the process of becoming a vampire.”