Forget Me Not

by K. S. Thomas

  I scoop five into my mouth at once and grumble, “I tried. It was weird, so I stopped.” This blows. No one wants to be stupid and giddy with me. First amazing crush of my life and no one freaking cares.

  “Was it weird because you remembered you already have a boyfriend?” She lifts her lids sporadically to check for my reaction while she snaps away at her green beans.

  I sigh. Extra, extra loud. “Gunnar is not my boyfriend.”

  “Okay, fine. He’s not your boyfriend. Whatever you say.” She reaches for the nearly empty bag of beans and brings it closer to her. “You were saying things got weird.” She motions her hand for me to continue.

  “Yeah.” Finished with my chocolate, I could really go for something fresher. I start peering into all the bowls sitting out on this counter until I find one filled with sliced cucumbers. “I don’t know. Everything was great this morning. Then, you got all in my head!” I accuse her. Been waiting all day to do that. Ever since I had a mini-meltdown watching those girls hover around Gun. I’m over it now.

  She nods. “Yeah, I do that. Like to get in there and really rearrange shit if I can.” She’s so not taking me seriously. Or maybe she is, in which case this conversation has taken a scary turn. Freaking mind bender.

  “This is so not going the way I thought it would,” I mutter, stacking three slices of cucumber together and taking a bite.

  “No? Seems about right to me.” She smirks. She’s done with her green beans so I have her undivided attention for the moment, which is sort of frightening. “So far, we’ve established you have a crush, you’re conflicted about your feelings for your best friend, concerned this new boy might interfere negatively with your friendship and you are surprisingly trusting of my judgement.”

  “I’m not conflicted.” Wait. “Okay, I’m a little conflicted.” I place all three half-eaten cucumber slices onto the counter. They’re making me sad now. Maybe because I know Gun likes to eat them with celery salt and I’m eating them plain. Maybe because cucumbers make me think of Gun at all and that’s lamer than lame. “There was a moment, this morning in first period, where I realized, for the first time, how other people see him. How other girls see him.” I pause to see if Mags would like to add anything here, but she stays quiet, so I carry on, “It’s like this whole time, Gun and I have been existing in some sort of glass bubble where we can see the whole world around us, we’re part of the world, but nothing ever gets in. Inside, it’s just us. Against everyone else. The times we weren’t together, I just went through the motions, on autopilot. I didn’t get close to other people. There was never time. Never any reason to trust. And, I guess I just assumed it was the same for him. But really, our lives never ceased to exist outside of the bubble, he wasn’t caught in a vacuum alone when we were apart, he had his own, separate life and so did I, they simply never overlapped. Until today. And, that’s a weird thing to realize after so long.”

  Mags is still watching me in silence. I wonder if I need to tell her I’m done, my wandering thoughts have arrived at their final destination.

  “Mags?”

  “I’m thinking.” Then, thinking turns to filling a pot with water and setting her green beans on the stove. Thinking continues as she proceeds to make herself a cup of coffee. And even one for me. She still says nothing while she leads the way in silence to the living room where we both sit on her worn but comfy and oversized couch.

  “I met B when I was Twelve,” she begins, a rather random starting point but I’ve been waiting so long, I’m not going to be picky. “He was fourteen and had just been adopted by our parents. I had no idea they’d wind up being my parents too at that point. Had no reason to believe I was staying at that house any longer than I’d ever stayed anywhere else.” She takes a sip. “If you think I’m a bit prickly now, it’s only because you didn’t know me then. I’m an all-out softy in comparison to my snotty past self. But, for the first time in my life, no one cared. No one held it against me.” She grins. “Well, you’ve met my mother. You know how she is. Not scared to hug anyone.”

  “Kind of thought you broke her into that,” I joke, setting my cup on the coffee table.

  “Nah, she was already a pro by the time I came along. B was no walk in the park.”

  “What? Mr. B is like, the nicest person on the face of the earth.”

  She laughs heartily, it’s quite possibly the most genuine laugh I’ve heard from her. “B was a friggin’ nightmare when he was a kid. Complete ass. Put both our parents through hell, the little shit. But nothing ever swayed them. If anything, I think the harder a kid rebelled against them, the more determined they became to adopt and make it permanent. Like, that was their way of winning and sticking it to the kids most determined to prove no one would ever love them enough to commit to them. Well, they hadn’t met my parents. I hadn’t met my parents.”

  There aren’t enough people like that out there.

  “But, back to B, who was still transitioning from hellion to ‘the nicest person on the face of the earth’. Out of all my brothers and sisters, he was the one I connected with from the start. Something about him, just drew me right in. We just, got each other. So, from that moment forward, whatever I was up against, B was in my corner. He had my back. I’d never had that before. Ever.”

  I nod. I get it. “That’s how it was with Gun and me. For as long as I can remember we’ve had this unspoken agreement that we never leave the other behind. No matter what is going on, or how far apart it seems we are, we’re in it together.”

  “Exactly.”

  Something unexpected dawns on me. “Is that why I’m here? Why you agreed to foster me?”

  “B’s literally the only person on earth who could have convinced me to take in a teenage foster kid. Not because I’m that big of a bitch, but because I would be terrified of screwing you up more than you already are.” She shrugs. “B said that wasn’t possible so I wasn’t allowed to use that as an excuse.”

  “Gee, thanks.” I go back for my coffee, and hope that she can’t see me blush. Mags has a weird way of delivering insults in the most complimentary way.

  “B became everything to me, because he helped me become me. Find myself in the mess and chaos.” She cradles her mug in her palms, resting her hands on her lap. “You think being a crack-whore baby is rough, imagine being saddled with the name Magdalene to top it off. Do you know, the ridicule I endured before I was even old enough to get the joke? I hated my name. Hated where I came from. Hated everything about myself. Then, B came along, started calling me Mags, and suddenly, I didn’t have to be that girl anymore. I was free. Just like that. Just because of a name.”

  It’s almost eerie how similar our lives have been.

  “Gun...did that for me too,” I whisper. I’m finding it suddenly hard to speak. Hard to not start bawling. Mags would so not appreciate that. “My mom didn’t even name me. She showed up in the hospital in labor. The staff was in such a rush to get her settled and ready to deliver, they never even noticed the name she put down for herself was Alice Cooper. By the time the dust settled and the nurses were reviewing the paperwork, it was too late. She was gone. And I was left. No name. No nothing. Baby Girl Cooper. That was all they had. Didn’t take long before they filled in Jane as sort of a space saver, which eventually turned permanent. Jane Cooper. Really wasn’t any better than Jane Doe.” I swipe my cheek with the back of my hand. “Which, plenty of kids called me anyway.”

  I see Mags move out of the corner of my eye and when I glance up, I’m greeted with a bite size Kit Kat bar. I chuckle through my tears. Mags is nuts.

  “So, that’s why you go by Cooper?” she asks, unwrapping a piece of chocolate for herself as well.

  “Sort of. This one afternoon, I just lost it. Some kid at my house had found that mental scab and just picked and picked and until I totally came undone. Of course, I went running to Gun, and he was pissed. I got so distracted trying to talk him out of killing the kid, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. That
night, Gun broke into social services, busted into my case worker’s desk and found my file. The next morning, he brought it to me, smiling. Said I had a name. It was Cooper. Before that day, I never knew about my mom or how she put down a fake name. So, I never had any attachment to any part of my given identity. But Gun convinced me it wasn’t random. That she was probably a fan. That it was her own secret way of passing something down to me, the only thing she gave me. So, I took it. I’ve been Cooper ever since. And, it’s always felt right.”

  “We’re special, Coop. You and me. Having people like Gun and B in our lives.”

  I agree. I don’t know where I’d be without him. Or who.

  She leans over and squeezes my wrist gently. “I tend to believe we connect with people in this way for two reasons. One, because they’re family. Kindred spirits you have been tied to for all eternity, people you’ll meet in this life, you’ll recognize from lives before.. That’s B. He’s been my big brother from the moment we met. We both knew it, both felt it. The other is something else, something beyond the familiar realm. It’s fated. It’s...a soulmate. And as far as I can tell, you only find that once and you can always tell the difference.”

  “What do you think it’s like? Meeting your soulmate?” I’ve never been in love. Ever. Never thought to much about it one way or the other, until today.

  “I don’t think, I know.” She smiles in her Mags way, but her eyes are softer and sadder than before. “Brighton Messner. We were nineteen when we met. Crashed my VW bug into the back of his motorcycle. I was only rolling at about ten miles per hour, and I did it on purpose, in the parking lot, so I didn’t hurt him but I did get his attention.”

  I stare at her incredulously, this has ‘Mags is screwing with you’ written all over it.

  “Still can’t tell when I’m fucking with you, huh?” She smirks. “I’m being serious this time.”

  “Of course, you are.” Because only Mags would see a guy she liked and decide to hit him with her car.

  “Don’t knock it ‘till you try it.” Her pointer finger pokes out in my direction, “but don’t try it until you’re legal and I don’t have to deal with the consequences.”

  I nod. “I think I can manage that.” I watch her. I wait. Surely there was more to this story. “What happened between you and Brighton after you crashed into him?”

  Mags spends an awfully long time swishing her cup back and forth and watching the coffee swirl inside before she takes another drink. She swallows. Again. Even though she’s no longer drinking her coffee.

  “We were together from the moment we met. I was his and he was mine. He did more than just accept me for the fucked up individual I was, he cherished me. Took all the parts of me, all the dark and ugly and angry and loved them unconditionally. And in return, I did the same for him. And it was easy. It just...made sense.” Her voice wanes as she comes to the end of her story. Though, it can’t be the end. I live with her and this Brighton soul mate of hers is noticeably absent.

  My stomach drops as I draw the only possible conclusion. “Mags?”

  “Two years ago, he was working in construction, this high-rise in the city. The site wasn’t safe, they were being pushed to rush the job. He’d been complaining about it for weeks, but it was work and he felt responsible for his crew, so he was there day and night, doing his best to make a bad situation manageable.” She pauses, tapping her finger on the outside of his mug. She’s been going through this story like she’s on auto-pilot. No emotions. No thoughts. It’s repeated from memory, but I know deep down, it’s killing her. “I’m told there was an accident, part of the structure began to collapse and one of his guys was trapped. Brighton made everyone evacuate while he stayed behind to try and free him. Anton Shupe. Same age as us, married with a baby on the way. I know Brighton. He was going to get Anton out no matter what the cost. And he did. And it cost him. Cost me.”

  My eyes are burning. I don’t want to cry. I want to be strong, like Mags.

  She wipes her cheeks though she hasn’t shed a tear. “They named the baby after him.”

  “That’s nice.” Emptier words have never been spoken. I reach into my pocket and find a Kit Kat bar from earlier. “Chocolate?”

  “Yes, please.” She takes the candy bar and we both sit in silence while she eats it. “God, this conversation took a heavy turn.”

  I cringe. “I’m sorry. I was all confused about love and Gun and stuff. It’s my fault.”

  “True.” She cocks her head to the side. “Still confused?”

  More than ever. But I’m scared to say so. “That was really deep stuff.”

  “Deep. But simple. You want to know where Gun and Reed fit into the grand scheme of things? Only three possible slots for them to land in.”

  “Three?” I counted two.

  She pulls herself back into her corner of the cushions. “Family. Soulmate. Or, just a speck of dust on the road of your life.”

  “That seems harsh. I don’t think either of them qualifies as a speck of dust.”

  She shrugs. “Then you’re not being very honest with yourself and you should probably find out why.” She gets to her feet. “Only one soulmate, Coop. And your family is usually the first to hear about it when you figure out who the hell it is.”

  “You told B when it happened to you?”

  She nods. “Told B everything every step of the way. All the good. All the bad.”

  I’m here. Telling her. “Mags?”

  She turns back. She was halfway back to the kitchen already. “Family, kid. You and me. Family.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “Hey.” Reed dips low to nudge my shoulder with his as he passes me to intercept and bring me to a stop. “Been looking for you, I thought you had to swing by the science lab on your way to lunch.”

  I giggle, because Reed makes me do silly things like giggle just by showing up. “Only when I’m lost and hoping some gorgeous guy will come along and find me.”

  “In that case, I’m happy you weren’t traipsing the halls outside of the science lab in search of other guys.” He tilts his head just so, adding a charming crooked grin that makes my stomach explode in a massive surge of butterflies. I don’t know how anyone can stand talking to him for long periods of time without combusting. I feel like a piñata that could bust open, throwing confetti everywhere at any given moment. It’s a level of giddy I’ve never been to before.

  “So, listen,” he starts up again as we begin walking toward the cafeteria. Together. “If running into you by accident on purpose is out already, I might as well cut straight to the point.”

  I clasp my chest, paranoid that he can hear my heart throbbing its way out into the open.

  “There was a point to running into me on purpose by accident?” I ask, sounding as aloof as I can muster.

  “I can’t take credit for yesterday, fate clearly had a hand in that.”

  Oh, my God. What a line. And I’m totally falling for it. Never ever am I telling anyone how easily I was charmed by this boy. Except maybe Mags.

  “Fate, huh?”

  “Meeting you? Yeah, had a definite destiny vibe about it.” He winks. He. Winks.

  I swallow a sigh.

  “You had a point you were getting to?”

  His hand slides smoothly into mine. I watch in stunned silence, awed by his bold move. My eyes lock on our twined fingers and I marvel at the way they fit so perfectly together. Any second now I’m going to be buying into his whole destiny theory. No matter how ridiculous it is.

  “I did. We should go out. On a date. Somewhere really far away from the science lab where the food is nothing at all like the cafeteria’s.” He turns his head to face me even as we’re walking and I take it in turns being glued to his smile and doing everything I can to look away. “Friday night. Around seven?”

  “I’ll have to check with Mags.” I couldn’t possibly have come up with a lamer response, I try my best to salvage it, “But yeah, I’d love to.”

  �
��Mags?” His brow furrows. He’s even hot when he’s confused. Totally not fair.

  “My foster mom.”

  “Foster mom?” He’s less confused, just curious now. And the pity, it’s creeping in. I hate that. I want to wipe it off his face. Even Reed McAllister can’t withstand the curse of ugly that comes from showing pity.

  “Yep. I’m a foster kid. Been one my whole life.” I shrug. “My mom ditched me at the hospital right after giving birth and my father never bothered to show up at all, well, outside of that moment of conception. I assume he was there for that. You never hear of anyone going to the trouble of getting artificially inseminated if they don’t plan on keeping the baby when all is said and done.” Dry delivery and sarcasm always takes the weight out of it.

  His hand squeezes mine as we keep walking. “Sounds shitty.”

  “Not so shitty today.” I smile, trying my damnedest to get back to the happy carefree life I had thirty seconds ago.

  “No,” he agrees, his mouth slowly spreading back into that smile I already adore, “not so shitty at all.”

  And it’s about to get even better. We’re having lunch together. And we’re going on a date. I have a date with Reed McAllister. A date with destiny. I grin at my own silly thoughts. Then I remember what Mags said about the people we connect with in life, the ones we share an instant tie to. People we’re fated to meet. Soulmates. Maybe she was onto something. Maybe Reed was too.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Tonight’s the big night, huh?” Gun asks from behind my closet door. One of the hinges is giving him a hard time.

  “Yeah.” I crawl off my bed and head over to give him a hand. “You know, this really isn’t necessary. I’m not a kid anymore, I know better than to lock myself into the closet now.”

  He ignores me and pops the door out of the frame. “Where’s he taking you?”

  I step out of his way and watch him take the door out into the hall along with the other he already removed. When he comes back in, he rolls my desk chair over and has a seat, straddling it and patiently waiting for me to answer his previous question regarding my date.