by Anna B. Doe
She laughs, but there is nothing funny in her tone. “Why does this feel like something from a cheesy movie?”
“If it’s something from a cheesy movie than you should know that I’m right. Let me see you. Give me a chance to explain,” I plead with her.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do for this girl.
Silence stretches between us. Almost as long as the miles that separate us.
“Okay,” she finally agrees, and I don’t wait for a second longer. I pull the phone off my ear and select a video call.
Her face shows on the screen soon after. It’s slightly blurry, but soon she’s in focus. The room is dim, but I can see her lying in the bed. Hands are gripping the pillow under her cheek. She’s pale, and her blue eyes seem even bigger. They swallow her face completely. She’s not crying, but her eyes are still red which means she did cry.
“Tink …”
Her name is just a whisper that fills the space between us. My finger traces the screen. I want to touch her so badly. If I could I would go through the screen to be with her. I would wrap my hands around her body and pull her close to me. I would cup her cheeks and bring her face to me, kiss her senselessly. Long, hard, and possessive so that once I’m done there is no doubt in her brain that there isn’t and will never be anyone else besides her.
She’s my everything.
My forever.
Anabel is close enough that I can see tears fill her eyes. They slay me. She slays me. This—seeing her hurting, tears pooling her eyes—is worse than anything else. It’s like a punch in the nuts and knockout in one.
I swallow hard, Adam’s apple bobbling with the motion. “I love you, Anabel Majer. I love you with every cell in my body. With every breath I take and every beat of my heart. It’s all for you. I should have told you about Emma. I should have told you she joined us that night I went out with J.D. But that is the only mistake I made. One I do not plan to repeat again.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice is weak and raspy. I can feel her doubts and insecurities from the other side of Atlantic. “Did you think I wouldn’t l-let you hang out with her because she’s a woman?”
“What? No!” I yell, but when she flinches at my tone I lower it down a notch. “I know you wouldn’t mind me hanging out with her, but I know how all this long-distance shit and one of us always walking away has gotten to you. I feel it, baby. I hurt too. I’m done with walking away. I’m done with letting you go.”
“It’ll happen again. You have to travel for football.” Anabel sniffles softly.
“Yes.” I nod. “But you can come with me. Writers can work from wherever.”
“You’ve been thinking about everything.”
I shake my head. “You’re my everything, Bel. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
“Me too. I love you, Will.” One lone tear falls down her cheek. “Sometimes it scares the shit out of me how much I love you. I didn’t believe it’s possible to feel this way.”
“I know,” I agree.
My fingers itch to wipe the tear away. I want to kiss her so badly. Make her forget all the bad things and concentrate on good ones. I want to erase all the ugly memories and replace them with new ones. But I can’t because she’s in Croatia, and I’m stuck here in States.
“It scares me too. But what scares me more is the thought of losing you.”
“You’re not losing me.” Her finger reaches for the camera. It’s like she too wants to touch me but can’t.
“I love you, Bel.”
“I love you too, Will,” she whispers. Blue eyes shine just a tad brighter.
“No more secrets,” I promise.
Something falls over her eyes. Something dark, but she steers them to the side. “No more secrets.”
Her eyes come back to me, the darkness is gone. But, somehow, I can’t erase it from my mind. Is it really over? Are our secrets finally behind us?
CHAPTER 16
ANABEL
Waking up with a queasy stomach has become a thing in following weeks. And with every morning I wake up and rush to the bathroom, it’s getting worse. If that’s even possible.
I kneel in front of the toilet (not really a nice picture, by the way) until everything that I put inside my body the day before finally gets out, taking bits and pieces of my internal organs, because why not, right?
It’s not a stomach bug. They come and go in a few short days. And it can’t be that everything I put in my mouth has expired. So that leaves me with one thing … One thing I’m not ready to address. An elephant in the room that I’m doing my best to ignore. Why? Because living in denial is way better than confronting the problem.
Easier.
After the article about William cheating on me got out and we resolved our problem I couldn’t bring myself to mention this. Not through the phone or Skype. It just felt wrong. But if I’m being honest, I was scared. Scared of telling him. Scared of his reaction. Scared because I felt raw and vulnerable.
Insecure.
Rationally I knew there is no reason to feel that way. William loves me. He does. I can see it in every action, hear it in every word. Still, something holds me back. Seeing that picture in the magazine was a wakeup call.
William Price is everything. Handsome, fit, rich, famous. But he’s also kindhearted, strong, supporting, loving … He can do so much better than silly little me. What if the way he feels toward me changes with time? What if this love isn’t enough?
What if the secret I’m hiding is a deal breaker?
Once my stomach is empty, I get up, flush the toilet, and go through my routine. I’m not the one to fuss over makeup on a daily basis, but it became necessary. At least some basic things like concealer, foundation and blush so that I don’t look like a zombie walking through the streets. Because that’s exactly what I look like when I wake up.
No matter how much I sleep I’m always tired and the bags under my eyes grow more and more. They are ugly purple shade and stick out on my pale skin. I’ve lost some weight because of all the throwing up and my cheeks are hollow.
There is no way I can put off going to the doctor much longer. Val is riding my ass. I’m sure she knows just like I know, but neither one of us said anything out loud.
Today. I just have to get through today and then I can concentrate on me.
My internship ended a couple of weeks ago and since then I concentrated on finalizing my thesis. I had a few meetings with my mentor in which we discussed some of my questions and ideas and after a few minor changes my work was approved. Today, I’m presenting the thesis to the board of professors in my department and then I’m done.
I’m getting my master’s degree and graduating.
Finally.
I just have to get through today.
*
WILLIAM
After “the ridicule” (that’s how I refer to the article about me cheating on Bel) I give my best to kill any doubt that may have stayed in Bel’s mind about us. About the way I feel about her.
There is no doubt in my mind.
There has never been and will never be another person I’ll love more than Anabel Majer.
We’ve been through so much already, I’m not letting the last couple of months we stay apart be the ones to take away all of our hard work and draw us apart.
Because that’s what a relationship is—work. Love is all good, but if you don’t work things out with the person you love, the relationship won’t succeed. You have to talk things through, make decisions, and compromise. And we had to work harder, try more just because we aren’t lucky to be in the same place at the same time. But that will change. Soon, in a matter of weeks, she’ll have her diploma and I’ll have her.
I’ll have her even sooner than she realizes.
All the texts and phone calls and Skype conversations didn’t remove that darkness from her eyes. It’s not always there, but from time to time I can see it looming over her, ready to take over when I’m not there to
draw it away.
It scares me.
I’m not scared of a lot of things, but a possibility of losing Anabel scares the shit out of me.
Another thing that scares me is seeing her so small and vulnerable. We mostly do video calls in the evening when she’s in bed, curled in the blankets and with her face clear of makeup. I can see the bags under her eyes. She’s tired, and even when I shush her to bed early the next day is the same.
I asked her about her health. I told her to go and see her doctor, but she assures me everything is okay. She’s just tired. Preoccupied with her internship and working on her thesis and book.
I don’t believe her, but I didn’t want to push and make it all worse.
So, I’m going to do the only thing I know how—go there and take care of the situation spot on.
Dom wasn’t too happy when I told him I don’t fucking care about his endorsement deals and where I should show up to draw more attention.
Money and fame can get me a lot of things, but a new Anabel isn’t one of them.
Not that I would want her anyway.
The one I have is enough.
CHAPTER 17
ANABEL
When I reach the door, I close my eyes, my head tilted backward so that the warm rays of sun can kiss my face. I inhale deeply, the saltiness from the ocean filling my lungs. The soft breeze swirls loose curls around me, lifting them in the air and messing my dark locks.
The whole scene brings back memories. Memories of another day, just like this one. The day I made a decision that took me across the ocean and brought me so much. There were good moments and bad moments, but in the end, it doesn’t matter.
That day, that decision, brought me William Price, and I would do it all over again—the good, the bad, and the ugly—just to have him in my life.
I’m finally done.
The presentation of the thesis went well, and now I’m officially a college graduate with a master’s degree.
I’m finally free, and I can go to him.
Last time when I left the States to come back home and resume my life—my normal life—William came all the way to Croatia to win me back. This time I’m going to him willingly. I’ll tell him about everything that’s been going on through my mind for the past few weeks and hope he’ll have me regardless.
Opening my eyes, I take a step down the stairs, I have to get back home and finish packing but I stop, shell-shocked.
I blink a few times, and then a few more just for a good measure before I run down the stairs so fast my feet trip over each other almost causing me to fall. But I don’t, thank god. That wouldn’t only be embarrassing, but also dangerous.
He’s waiting for me next to our bench. The one where we kept on kissing after he came to get me the first time around. His arms are open.
Inviting.
I run into them. And as soon as I’m within reaching distance he pulls me in. His big, strong hands wrap around me and he lifts me to his chest. My legs wrap around his waist and my hands tighten around his neck.
With my hand settled in the crook of his neck I let myself breathe him in. His clean, spicy scent and Will.
My Will.
“What are you doing here?” I finally manage to utter.
Those first few minutes after we see each other after weeks or even months are always filled with silence. It doesn’t matter where we are because in our world only the two of us exist.
We hold onto each other close. Never letting go. Never loosening our hold.
It’s just us and this feeling of finally being complete.
Belonging.
His nose traces my neck, and I can feel him inhale my scent. “I couldn’t stay away much longer. Not when I knew you need me here. Not when I miss you so damn much it hurts.”
“I miss you too,” I whisper against his skin, kissing the hollow between his shoulder and neck.
Moving just a bit, I cup his scruffy cheeks.
His brown hair is messy and chocolate eyes have bags underneath them. He probably came straight from the airport.
“I came to your apartment, but you weren’t there.”
“I had to come to school. It’s the defense of thesis day.”
“What?” His brown eyes widen. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrug, my fingers digging into his messy locks and massaging his scalp. “I planned to tell you once I got to the States.”
This surprised him even more. “What the actual fuck?”
Laughing slightly, I kiss the tip of his nose, trying to placate him. “My flight leaves in a few hours. Or, well, was supposed to leave in a few hours.”
“You were coming to me,” he whispers, sounding almost shocked.
“I was coming home.”
A smile slowly spreads over his lips. “You’re my home too, Tinkerbell.”
His lips seal over mine, kissing me slowly. The first touch of his lips on mine is always the best.
Slow torture.
I’ve missed his kisses so much I want to plunge into him and devour his mouth, but at the same time, I want to feel every single thing.
Every emotion.
Every breathe.
Every beat of his heart.
I want to feel it all.
His hands cup my butt, holding me in the air, so I pull at the strands of his hair, bringing him closer to me.
I tilt his head to the side and trace his lower lip with the tip of my tongue. His mouth opens and lets me in, our tongues mingling together.
At the first touch we both moan loudly, the sound muffled by the kiss. I feel his hands grip my cheeks tighter. Pulling me closer. My heels press into his back and our centers rub against each other. Need pools between my thighs at the feel of his hardness cradled between my legs.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I murmur softly between kisses.
Will changes the direction of our kiss. One of his hands slides up my back and gets lost in my loose curls.
“Me too … So much.” He angles my head the way he wants it and his tongue goes in deeper. Demanding. Needy. “I love you.”
I don’t remember how, but we end up on the bench. I’m sitting in his lap and we’re kissing like two horny teenagers in the backseat of the car with curfew looming over our heads.
Eventually, we slow down and separate. I slowly open my eyes and look at him. His lips are red and puffy, swollen from our kisses and there is an amused tingle of light in his brown eyes.
Pressing my forehead to his, I let my fingers straighten the messy strands, waiting for the panting to stop and my heart to slow down.
His hands cup my cheeks, his eyes tracing every line of my face. I see his smile slowly drop when he sees underneath my façade.
Tired eyes. Purple bags. Prominent cheekbones.
“Did you go to the doctor, like I said?” His fingers trace lightly under my eyes and over the cheekbones. “You look like shit.”
“Seriously?” I pout. “If Emily was here she’d wash your mouth with soap.”
My attempt at a joke fails miserably.
“If Mom were here now, she’d agree with me and punch me for not making you go to the doctor sooner. This doesn’t look like being too tired from lack of sleep and extra hard work in school.” He’s all serious now. Worry written all over his face. “I don’t want you to be sick, Bel. If something were to happen to you and …” He gulps down, hand rubbing over his face in distress. “If anything happens to you, it’ll kill me.”
His voice sounds small and pained. Like even thinking about the possibility of something happening to me causes him physical pain.
I can understand it, because there is no way I could survive if something happened to him. Breathing in to calm my raging nerves, I let the words stumble from my lips in a hurry.
“I have to tell you something.”
CHAPTER 18
WILLIAM
Coming to her university feels like déjà vu. Reminds me of the last time I came here to get
her back.
I guess it’s fitting since I’m kind of doing it again right now. The only difference is that she’s mine, and this time I’m not leaving without her by my side once the plane takes off.
Not long after I get there, she comes out of the building. Her head is tilted back, eyes closed exposing her fair skin to the May sun. Black hair falls down her back in the curtain of messy lock. She’s dressed professionally in black pants, silky top and black jacket with high heels on her feet.
When she opens her eyes, she blinks a few times before she starts running like crazy toward me.
For a second, I’m afraid she’ll fall, but she corrects herself and rushes to my awaiting arms.
The first feel of her body crashing into mine? Pure fucking perfection.
Her arms and legs wrap around me and her head settles in the crook of my neck where it belongs, and I finally feel at peace.
But peace is short lived, replaced by need.
Demanding, primal need.
So, I kiss her. I kiss her so hard and long until our lips are red and raw. My hands trail her body and all I can think about is more. I want more of her and I want it now. Unfortunately, we’re in public so more will have to wait at least a while longer.
When we finally take a step back to breathe and compose ourselves, I let my eyes trail her face from up close and I’m not happy with what I see.
Anabel put on makeup, but it doesn’t hide the weight she’s lost nor the purple smudges underneath her vivid blue eyes. She looks so small and breakable I’m scared. I’m genuinely scared of hurting her.
I have to tell you something.
Her words break through my haze and I look at her. She’s nervously biting her lip and her fingers dig into my shoulder so hard her knuckles turn white.
“You have to tell me what?” I ask, my voice cold and body stiff.
It’s not like I’m angry at her or anything, but whatever she has to say, won’t be good. I can already feel it.
