Just Like a Woman

by Madeleine Clark

  She had spent hours getting ready, putting on makeup, then taking it off again, until she got it just right. She was so proud of her dress. She had taken her time to find it; green silk chiffon. The material felt soft against her skin, almost as if she wore nothing. It floated out and around her body and when she had looked in the mirror at home she had liked what she saw. Now standing next to Stephanie she felt uncomfortable, unsure of what foot to stand on, conscious of Stephanie’s rings pressing into her fingers.

  When he walked towards her, Sarah disentangled her hands from Stephanie’s. She felt Robert put his hand on her elbow and leant down to kiss her on her cheek. Sarah moved her head slightly so their lips touched. Her stomach fluttered at the touch.

  ‘How are you Sarah? Would you like a drink?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Terry, another glass of champagne, I think,’ Stephanie intervened.

  Sarah turned and saw the woman standing by the door, smiling back at Stephanie. ‘And you may as well bring the bottle in now,’ she turned to smile at Robert, ‘I’m sure we’ll be able to finish it before dinner.’ Turning back to Terry, still standing at the door, ‘How long d’you think we’ve got?’

  ‘About half an hour,’

  ‘Fine, now off you go and get that bottle,’ Stephanie made a little clapping noise with her hand before turning her attention back to Sarah. ‘Now you come and sit at the bar with me, while we watch Robert pot all the balls.’

  Sarah felt herself being guided across the room,

  ‘Let’s sit on the settee, it’s far more comfortable than those stools. And we can still see Robert from here. And when he’s taken his shot, you can watch me. Have you ever played?’

  Sarah shook her head, she was finding it difficult to equate this Stephanie with the one she had seen in an office, wearing sober black or grey clothes. She was wearing grey now, but it was a shimmering grey dress, hugging her body as she moved. Sarah found it distracting and couldn’t think properly. Sitting back in the settee, she was aware of Stephanie’s body touching hers, feeling her as she moved. She found the close proximity of another body unsettling and she wanted to wipe the sweat off her hands. But she couldn’t do that on this dress. Surreptitiously she wiped them down the arm of the settee.

  At last Terry was standing in front of her, holding out a cold drink, which she took eagerly, feeling the coolness of the glass against the palm of her hand.

  ‘Thank you.’

  She put the glass to her mouth and drank. The taste was bitter at first, bubbles harsh in her mouth and down her throat as she swallowed. It wasn’t at all like the wine Robert had ordered for her in the restaurant. After swallowing she wanted to feel the bubbles in her mouth again, the taste in her mouth not so bitter. She drank more. Stephanie watched her. When she took the glass from her mouth, Stephanie refilled it.

  She sat holding her glass, not knowing what to say as they watched Robert move around the table, hitting the balls until they fell into the pockets. She was conscious of her body’s clamminess and worried she may be sweating under her armpits. Would it show? She must remember not to lift her arms too high. Then she remembered Robert saying Andy was coming.

  ‘When are the others arriving?’

  ‘Others, what others?’

  ‘Robert mentioned Andy?’

  ‘Oh Andy! No, Andy can’t make it. No, it’s just us, I’m afraid. Just the three of us.’ Stephanie replied whilst looking over at Robert. ‘Oops, Robert, I’m watching you know. No, Andy’s had to do some Christmas special, so had to cancel. My turn I think.’ Stephanie laughed and stood up. ‘Come and keep Sarah company.’ She demanded.

  Sarah sipped her drink, watching Robert walk towards her, she held her glass against her face to cool it down. Robert sat, smiling, beside her. His leg rubbed against hers and his shoulder leaned into her as he refilled her glass. Sarah was convinced he must be able to hear her heart as he remained leaning against her. While they watched in silence, Stephanie expertly potted the remaining balls on the table.

  Robert clapped as Stephanie took an exaggerated bow before them both.

  ‘Fill me up,’ Stephanie asked Robert, holding her empty glass out. Robert up ended the bottle but nothing came out. ‘Another bottle is needed, I think. Will you go and fetch one?’ She bent down and stroked his knee, Robert reached out to touch her hand, but she withdrew it before he could.

  Sarah sat up straight, moving away from Robert when she saw this movement between them. She was finding Stephanie’s presence irritated her and the way she spoke to Robert was wrong, although she didn’t quite know why. But before any of them could move further, Terry stood in the door way.

  ‘Dinner’s ready.’ She turned and was gone.

  Stephanie held out her hand to Sarah,

  ‘Come on, I’m starving, and Terry’s a great cook.’

  Sarah recoiled from Stephanie’s hand for a second. But not knowing how to get away from it, she let herself be pulled up and guided from the room. She turned to look at Robert, but he was watching Stephanie. Sarah wished Stephanie hadn’t come. It would be so much nicer if there was just the two of them. Next time she would cook dinner. Just for the two of them, at her house. There would be no Terry, and no Stephanie. At that thought she felt a little better. Stephanie was far too bossy, she was a little like her mother, Sarah noticed, always taking control.

  The dining room had a beautiful warm glow, with candle light bouncing off the polished table and sideboard. She was surprised the table had been laid with two places to one side and one place on the other, as she herself would of course have put Robert at the head of the table, and assumed she would be seated next to Robert. But Stephanie intervened again, seating herself next to Robert and indicating to Sarah she should sit on the one side alone, while they faced her. At least she would be able to look at Robert, even though Stephanie sat opposite her. A large candelabra stood to one side of the table, causing no obstruction of view of each other.

  Terry had already laid out the first course, and two bottles of wine stood beside the candelabra, opened and ready to pour.

  Robert stood,

  ‘Red wine or white, Sarah?’

  She looked up at him,

  ‘Um, which do you think I would like?’ Her head was spinning already and she wasn’t sure if she wanted any wine. ‘Can I have a glass of water as well?’ She looked at him, smiling.

  Before he could answer, Stephanie said,

  ‘Of course you can, I’ll go and get some for you. Terry should have put a jug on the table.’

  Stephanie walked from the room, and Robert was left standing holding two bottles of wine.

  ‘White, I think,’ reaching over the table to pour some for her.

  She was alone with him at last, and now couldn’t think of anything to say as she watched him fill Stephanie’s glass with red wine.

  ‘You know each other quite well?’

  He looked up at her as he sat in his place, ‘Yes, I guess we do.’

  ‘Has she been here before?’

  ‘Yes,’ he paused, looking towards the door, ‘yes a couple of times. She’s come to a few parties here.’

  ‘Oh.’ Sarah felt disappointed. ‘It’s a beautiful house.’

  ‘I think so. Though it’s a little lonely sometimes, it’s so large. It’d be nice to have someone else live here.’

  Sarah beamed at him, all the thoughts of wanting to go home left her, her irritability with Stephanie melted away.

  ‘What about that woman Terry? Doesn’t she live here?’

  ‘Oh god, she doesn’t count. She’s just a well paid servant for heaven’s sake.’

  ‘You don’t like her?’

  ‘She’s a servant!’

  Sarah looked down at the food in front of her, then back up at him,

  ‘Why not get someone else?’

  He shrugged.

  ‘She knows how I like things, she does her job well, but it may not be for much longer, I’m hoping things’ll ch
ange.’

  Sarah felt even dizzier. He was going to ask her to marry him tonight. She looked around the room, then up and down the table, an image of them sitting at either end having their breakfast. Then he continued, ‘And for some reason Stephanie likes her.’

  The image burst into flames in her mind.

  ‘What’s it got to do with her?’ She said it before she could stop herself.

  Before he answered, Stephanie walked back into the room holding a tray with some glasses and a jug of iced water with slices of lemon, and his attention was once more diverted on to her.

  ‘Here you go.’ Stephanie handed Sarah a glass, and then filled it for her.

  ‘Thank you.’ Was all she could say to her.

  ‘Come on let’s eat, the next course is nearly ready and we don’t want to ruin it. This looks lovely,’ Stephanie said as she sat down.

  Sarah picked up her fork and tasted the food, even though what Robert had said made her feel nauseous the food was delicious and she surprised herself in eating it all. As she ate, Stephanie talked about how sad it was Andy and his wife were unable to make it, and she had a laugh with Robert about the affair Andy was having with his wife’s sister, which no one knew about, especially Andy’s wife. Sarah ate in silence as they talked to each other, feeling she may not as well have been there.

  They talked about exciting parties they had had here and the famous people who had come. They laughed at secret jokes. Sarah wised she could be a part of it, but didn’t know how to join in. She gulped down her first glass of wine, which was immediately refilled by Stephanie. They stopped when Terry came in bearing the weight of a huge turkey on a silver plate, surrounded by potatoes. She placed it on the end of the table next to Robert.

  ‘We thought we’d have a traditional Christmas dinner,’ Stephanie told her, as Terry took their dirty plates and all Sarah heard was the “we”.

  She felt confused. What was going on between Robert and Stephanie? Why was she interfering so much, and why did Robert let her?

  The rest of the meal was hazy. The sooner it was over, the sooner she could get home. She wished she hadn’t drunk so much, then she could just leave, but now she would have to wait for someone to call her a taxi. Of course she would have to come back for her car in the morning, and Robert was sure to be on his own by then. It should have been such a good night, she thought she might have been invited to stay, but not now it was just her and Stephanie. She could see that. She was certainly never going to see Stephanie again. Or maybe she would, just to tell her. She could tell her all about it and let her see how she had been so mistaken with her. She looked over at Stephanie and imagined her face; the pity Stephanie would feel for her when she knew the truth.

  ‘Are you alright Sarah?’ Stephanie’s voice full of concern came through the fog.

  ‘I think I’ve drunk too much.’

  ‘Let’s go and sit in the lounge,’ Stephanie got up and walked round the table to her, she helped her up, holding gently onto her hand. ‘Tell Terry to bring some coffee and brandy into the lounge,’ she told Robert. ‘And then you can sing for Sarah, something special.’

  Sarah’s legs felt a little unstable, and despite what she thought about Stephanie she was glad to feel the warm arm around her waist, and her hand being stroked as they made their way to the lounge. And Robert was going to sing to her.

  .

  Chapter Two

  The feel of Sarah’s body against hers was as Stephanie imagined. Underneath the clothes very little flesh, she could feel her ribs and wondered what it would be like to run her hands up and down them? And was she ticklish? She hoped she hadn’t given her too much to drink. She had watched her eat, and been surprised at how much she consumed. A coffee would sort her out, and the brandy would top her up.

  Taking Sarah into the lounge, she led her to the settee, encouraging her to sit at one end, while she sat in the arm chair watching her. Robert would have to sit next to her, and it was up to him now to relax her. She had been very quiet over the meal and Stephanie had watched her face become quite vacant, as if she was not aware of her surroundings. Maybe they had made a mistake over dinner by not including her more in the conversation, rather than just letting her listen to the wonderful times they had together.

  When Robert entered the room she motioned for him to sit with Sarah, and watched Sarah’s face relax when he did. Sitting close to her, so their legs were touching Robert put his arm on the back of the settee allowing Sarah to move closer if she wanted to. And Stephanie watched with satisfaction as she moved closer and leaned against him, giving Robert the opportunity to bring his arm down around her.

  Terry came in with the coffee and Stephanie told her she could have the rest of the night off, she would take care of everything.

  *****

  Rubbing her shoulder, Robert gently pulled her closer. As he leant down to kiss the top of her head he smelt her freshly washed hair. Then pulling her closer, he could smell her unique body odour, undisguised by any cheap or expensive perfume. He desperately wanted a cigarette, but was afraid of disturbing her if he moved. He risked asking her to lean forward and pass them to him.

  She leaned forward for the box and then reached for the lighter, smiling up at him.

  ‘Here you are.’ She said as she lit it for him, and he smelt a faint odour of onions on her breath. It wasn’t unpleasant. Perhaps it wouldn’t be too difficult to kiss her later at all. When she leaned back again she snuggled close to him letting her head rest on his shoulder. Looking over her head to exhale smoke, he returned Stephanie’s smile. He was glad to see she was pleased with him, and cuddled Sarah tighter.

  *****

  Joy spread throughout Sarah’s body when she felt his lips press down onto her head. It was such a sweet way for him to show his affection for her. If only Stephanie would go. Surely she would go now! They obviously wanted to be alone, she must realize that.

  She felt so alive, with his arm about her, looking up at the paintings adorning the walls. The coffee had revived her and she enjoyed the burning sensation at the back of her throat as she sipped her brandy. He kept his arm around her as she bent forward to get the cigarettes he asked for. After he finished his cigarette, Stephanie suggested he play a song for her. She hadn’t noticed the piano tucked away behind the door. Stephanie moved over to the settee to replace Robert, sitting close to her, returning the warmth she had been enjoying. Robert began to play, and Stephanie gently took hold of Sarah’s hand, stroking it as they listened. Her eyes closed as she listened to the music. Robert’s voice joined in the melody of the piano and Sarah sank further into her seat.

  A few moments later she was aware of Stephanie clapping and some movement about her. She smelt cigarettes as an arm went around her, too comfortable to open her eyes to see.

  A head moved beside her and she felt warm breath on her face and in her ear. The breathing caused a tingling sensation to spread down her neck to her groin and she wanted to turn her head, but a hand now held her head so she couldn’t move. Smoke from a cigarette drifted up her nose and she wanted to blow it away. The sudden feel of a wet tongue in her ear caused her to cry out and he pulled away sharply.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing,’ she whispered. Her eyes now open and the haze clearing.

  Turning she saw Stephanie smiling at her, almost laughing. She felt the flush of blood in her face.

  ‘Can you order me a taxi? I think I ought to go now.’

  ‘Don’t be silly, it’s early yet. Anyway, I’m the one who ought to be going, not you. I’ll just go and freshen up and while I’m out there I’ll get myself a taxi.’ Stephanie stood up and smoothed her dress down before leaving the room.

  Sarah turned back to Robert who was still watching Stephanie leave. She put her arm around his shoulder waiting for him to kiss her, now she had gone. As he leant down to kiss her she thought for a second she heard him sigh, but as his lips touched hers and his tongue entered her mouth she knew she
was mistaken. The kiss seemed to last forever; she couldn’t breathe he held her so tight, and his mouth nearly engulfed her nose. Eventually she managed to pull away, panting for much needed air. He continued to press his lips against her neck and her ears, holding her tight and his hands rummaging about her body, attempting to find a way underneath her dress. When his fingers made contact with her bare flesh she thought she would leap through the ceiling, the touch was electric, she never felt anything like it before. She liked it. He pushed her down sideways, her head onto the arm of the chair; lips once more completely over hers. After another few moments, when she thought she could hold her breath no longer, he pulled his mouth from hers and whispered,

  ‘Are you staying?’

  She couldn’t speak, and attempted to nod her head.

  ‘Can you stay?’ He asked her loudly.

  ‘Ye…, yes,’ she stammered.

  ‘Good.’ He sat up, moved away from her and picked up the brandy bottle before standing up. ‘Come on then, grab the glasses and follow me.’

  Sarah felt cold and unsure. She sat staring at him.

  ‘Come on …, let’s go upstairs, it’s more comfortable.’ He reached the door, ‘Oh and grab my fags as well.’

  She had no choice, but it wasn’t quite how she imagined she would be going to his bedroom. She slung her handbag over her shoulder, then doing as he told her, she picked up the two glasses and followed him.

  .

  Chapter Three

  Sarah didn’t want to wake up, but the noise was insistent. She blinked for a few seconds until her eyes were accustomed to the dark. Where was she? An image fluttered in and out of her mind. Lifting her head from the pillow she leant over the side of the bed to reach for her handbag, another image. The noise pulled her towards it. Her phone ringing. She rummaged in the bag until she found it and put it to her ear.