Hard to Hold

by Karen Foley

  Maddie flushed and looked away, more uncertain than she’d been since this whole nightmare started. She cleared her throat. “We should go before it gets too dark. There’s a tank of gasoline in the shed. Maybe enough to get us down the mountain.”

  She risked a glance at him. He was watching her carefully, his expression a mixture of compassion and resignation. He leaned forward and placed his palms on the table.

  “Look,” he began, “we’ve both had a long day. It’s late and it’s dark, and we don’t know if this gas station you’re talking about even exists anymore.” He studied his hands for a moment, before turning his dark gaze back to her. “I don’t know what kind of trouble you’re in, but it’s obvious you need some help.” He held up a palm to forestall her when she would have spoken. “I think the best thing you can do now is get a good night’s sleep. In the morning, I’ll drive you into Winnemucca and you can turn yourself in to the local authorities.”

  Maddie was helpless to prevent the soft gasp of dismay that escaped her. “What?”

  He held his hands up in a supplicating gesture. “Listen to me, Madeleine. You have no food, no car, and I’m guessing not much money. What you’ve done by taking me with you is considered a felony. You could find yourself behind bars for a long time. Whatever the problem is, you’re only going to make it worse by running.”

  He was doing it again; speaking in a way that was almost hypnotic. His tone was soothing and rational without being patronizing. Maddie had an overwhelming urge to fling herself against his broad chest and tell him she’d do anything he wanted.

  She lifted her chin and met his gaze squarely. “I can’t go to the police.” She hated the way her voice quavered, despite her resolve to remain in control. “You don’t understand.” She gave a laugh of disbelief. “There’s absolutely no way I can involve the authorities.”

  Colton sighed. “I’m sorry, Madeleine, but you already have.”

  Before she knew what he was doing, he reached into the back pocket of his jeans and drew forth a slim wallet. He flipped it open and held it out for her to see.

  Appalled, Maddie stared at the badge inside. It was a silver star inside a silver circle, with the words United States Deputy Marshal emblazoned in blue around it. On the opposite side of the wallet was an identification card with Colton’s picture beneath a federal seal of office.

  She felt the blood drain from her face as she raised her eyes to look at him. “You’re a U.S. Marshal?” Her voice was scarcely more than a husky whisper.

  “The game’s up, Madeleine.”

  3

  MADDIE LUNGED TO her feet so fast that she knocked her chair over. She fumbled frantically for the toy gun in her waistband. Yanking it free, she pointed it at Colton, even as she backed away from him.

  “Don’t touch me!” Her voice sounded shrill. Desperate. She felt ill. To her dismay, he stood up and took a step toward her, looking completely unfazed by the gun. “I mean it.” she said, jabbing the weapon at him. “I’ll—I’ll shoot you if you take another step.”

  His smile seemed almost regretful. “C’mon, Madeleine, don’t do this.”

  Maddie stepped backward and came up against the edge of the counter. She felt ridiculously close to tears again. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t allow herself to be arrested. “Stop right there. I’ll shoot, I swear it.”

  But Colton didn’t stop until he was just inches away from her, with the barrel of the gun pressing hard into his midsection.

  “So shoot,” he said softly.

  Maddie stared up at him. His eyes were so dark they were almost black, but the empathy she saw there nearly undid her. A sob born of panic and frustration was torn from her, and then his hand was covering her own, pulling the useless weapon out of her fingers. “I know it’s a fake, Madeleine. You were never going to shoot me because it’s not a real gun.”

  Maddie gasped. “You knew? Since when?”

  “Since the diner.”

  She stared at him in disbelief. “You knew all this time? And yet you came with me anyway? All this time, and you just let me go on thinking—” Her free hand flew to her mouth. “Oh, God, I’m such an idiot.”

  His hand still covered hers, and now his other arm slid behind her shoulders. He pulled her against his chest, murmuring words of comfort into her hair.

  She hadn’t even been aware she was crying until he massaged the back of her neck and his husky voice curled around her. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. It’ll be okay. Shh. Don’t cry.”

  Her face was pressed against the muscled hardness of his chest, and his arms encircled her. She thought she could willingly stay like this forever. God, he smelled good, like clean laundry and the outdoors, mixed with a tangy scent that was his alone. But it was the way he made her feel that was having the strangest effect on her senses. She could hear the steady thud of his heart beneath her ear. He was strong and solid, and it felt so good to lean against him. For the first time in her life, she felt protected. As if she could finally relinquish all the burdens she’d been carrying for so many years and just breathe.

  “It’ll be okay,” he said. “Whatever the problem is, we’ll figure it out. I’ll make sure the police know I came with you of my own free will. I’m sure they’ll go easy on you.”

  Maddie froze.

  In an instant, all the good feelings vanished, leaving her cold inside. She pulled free of his arms and pushed past him to stand on the opposite side of the small kitchen. She swiped furiously at her cheeks.

  “So what now?” she asked scathingly. “I’m just supposed to go with you to the authorities and let them put me in prison?”

  Colton frowned, and even in her distress, Maddie recognized the real concern in his dark eyes. “They won’t put you in prison, Madeleine. I promise you that. The worst case scenario is you post bail until your court appearance, and you’ll get a suspended sentence with community service.”

  She gave a short laugh that sounded slightly hysterical again. “You’ve got to be kidding.” She pressed her fingers against her eyes. “This is unbelievable. It can’t really be happening.”

  “Madeleine.” He was standing directly in front of her now. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help you.”

  His image wavered through the tears that filled her eyes. She smiled tremulously. “You can’t help me. Nobody can.”

  “Well, I sure as hell can’t help you if you don’t tell me what the problem is. Explain to me why you were planning to hold up a diner.”

  “I don’t know!” she cried. “There was that little boy on the bus, and he was playing with his toy gun, pretending to shoot me with it. I was sick of it, and when he left the gun on the seat, I just took it. I would have given it back to him in Reno.”

  “But instead, you decided that robbing the diner was a good idea.”

  “Yes. No!” She groaned and closed her eyes for a moment. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I saw the money in the register, and I had this gun in my belt, and—I’m not even sure if I could have gone through with it.”

  “So you wanted the money,” he said flatly. “Why?”

  Maddie turned away from him. She couldn’t think straight when he was so close, so authoritative and demanding. There must be some way to get away from him and avoid being turned over to the authorities in the morning. Even if the police were willing to help her, she couldn’t risk having them involved. The men who had her brother had said they would kill him if she called the police, and she believed them.

  She just needed to get Jamie back safely, and then she’d willingly go to the police. But first she had to ditch the U.S. marshal, no matter how well meaning he might be.

  “Okay,” she finally said, and drew in a deep breath as she spun around to face him. “You’re right. I want to end this thing, too.”
She forced herself to smile, injecting what she hoped was just the right amount of regret and resignation into her expression. She held her wrists out to him. “Do you want to handcuff me to the bed tonight...you know, to make sure I don’t run away?”

  Colton’s eyes widened fractionally, and Maddie was certain she saw his mouth twitch in amusement. “Uh, no,” he finally said. “I don’t think that will be necessary.” He gave her a lopsided grin. “I’m a light sleeper. You wouldn’t make it to the door. But just in case—” he held out his hand “—I’ll have my keys back.”

  With a sigh, she fished his keys out of her pocket and handed them to him, then watched as he pocketed them in turn.

  She wrapped her arms around her middle, hugging herself. Her eyes ached and her stomach felt hollow. “So now what?”

  “Now you get to answer my questions. Why do you need money?”

  Maddie glanced at him. His expression was inscrutable, but his jaw was set in hard lines. She didn’t dare tell him the truth, because if he decided to get involved, it could mean even worse trouble for Jamie. If she had learned one thing from her unconventional upbringing, it was to always stick as close to the truth as possible. If you told too many lies, you’d become so embroiled in them that you would lose track of what was real and what was fiction.

  “I have some outstanding debt,” she finally said. “If I don’t pay the money I owe, I could lose everything.”

  “Who do you owe the money to?”

  “The bank,” she replied, tipping her chin up. “I got behind on some payments.”

  “That’s it?”

  She shrugged. “That’s it.”

  His eyes narrowed as he considered her, and then he turned abruptly away. “It gets pretty chilly in the mountains, even at this time of year. Why don’t I get a fire started for us while you check out the sleeping arrangements?”

  Maddie watched him. Did he believe her? She didn’t know. What she did know was that she wouldn’t be spending the night at the cabin. She had no time to waste, and she certainly wasn’t about to go willingly with him to Winnemucca. But she had to at least give the appearance of acquiescence.

  “Okay, fine. There’s a loft over the living room where I used to sleep when I was a kid. My grandpa’s old bedroom is just beneath that.”

  “Great. I’ll go check out the loft.”

  Maddie followed him into the living room and watched as he lit several more lanterns. As the soft light slowly chased away the last of the shadows, she had to swallow hard against the sudden constriction in her throat. The place hadn’t changed at all in the years since she’d lived here as a kid. There was the old mission oak sofa with the plaid fabric and sturdy wooden arms, the braided rug, her grandpa’s favorite reading chair next to the stone fireplace. The flowered curtains she’d made as a teenager still hung in the windows.

  Despite the homey feel of the room, Madeleine couldn’t summon any warm memories of the place. She’d been ten years old when her mother had died of cancer, and she hadn’t thought life could get any worse. But she’d been wrong. Now, looking around the small cabin, all she could remember was the horror she’d felt after her father’s sudden death, when she’d understood that this was to be her new home, living with a grandfather she barely knew. At first, she’d been terrified of his gruff manner, but she’d soon learned that he was just a pathetic old man incapable of taking care of himself, never mind a twelve-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy. Her grandpa would drink until he passed out, leaving Maddie to fend for herself.

  Unwilling to leave Jamie alone in the cabin with their unconscious grandfather, she’d take him with her down the mountain and hang around outside Zeke’s place. Back then, old Zeke had run the only gas station and general store in the area, and Maddie had discovered that she could often wheedle a few bucks out of sympathetic locals and vacationing tourists. Enough to buy a few groceries for herself and her brother.

  As she’d gotten older, her grandfather had made several attempts to get sober, and those were the days Maddie preferred to remember. When there was enough food in the cupboards that she didn’t need to con money out of strangers, and she and Jamie would spend the long evenings playing blackjack or poker under their grandpa’s skillful tutelage. But his periods of sobriety were few and short-lived, and she’d learned not to expect too much from him.

  She preferred it that way. She didn’t want to depend on anyone. Not even a gorgeous, well-meaning U.S. marshal.

  Colton was currently examining the narrow ladder that stood in one corner of the room and served as the only access to a small sleeping loft overhead. He tested it with his weight before negotiating the rungs, holding a lantern aloft as he did so.

  Maddie stood by the sofa and watched the light bob against the roof timbers as he moved around. His face appeared over the railing. “I wouldn’t recommend either of us sleep up here,” he called down to her. “Looks like the mice have pretty much taken over.”

  “I’ll check out the bedroom. Maybe you can sleep in there, and I can take the couch.”

  He quirked his lips and she flushed. Okay, so that was completely transparent, but it would be that much more difficult to sneak out of the cabin if he was on the couch. Before he could speak, she moved across the room and pushed open the door to the bedroom.

  An iron bed frame draped with a dust cloth dominated the small room. Carefully, Maddie pulled the protective covering off, wadded it up and tossed it onto a chair in the corner. The pillows and bright quilt that had been hidden beneath the cloth were exactly as she remembered. The bed linens might smell a bit musty, but they were clean and serviceable.

  Next to the bedroom was a tiny bathroom. Maddie grimaced at the host of spiders that had taken up residence in the shower stall. She turned on the water in the sink and let it run until it was clear, meanwhile pressing her fingers against her temples, feeling a headache begin to throb behind her eyes. She opened the medicine cabinet over the sink, hoping to find a bottle of aspirin or painkillers. There was a razor, a can of shaving cream, an outdated prescription bottle of sleeping tablets and a toothbrush, but no aspirin.

  She closed the cabinet door, and catching sight of her reflection in the mirror, gasped in dismay.

  She was a wreck.

  Her hair had come almost completely free of its ponytail and hung haphazardly around her face, which was blotchy from crying. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and there were dark circles beneath them that made her look tired and defeated. Had it really been just one day since she’d received the phone call about her brother? She felt as if she’d aged years since then.

  Just thinking about what Jamie might be suffering at the hands of the extortionists made her heart thump hard in fear. She needed to get away from Colton Black, and find a way to come up with the money needed to free her brother.

  She yanked off the ponytail holder and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to restore some order to the tangled mass. She finally secured it into a loose knot on the back of her head, then bent to scoop cold water into her hands, splashing it against her face.

  She could hear Colton moving around in the outer room, and peeked through the bedroom doorway just in time to see him cross to the fireplace with an enormous armful of firewood. Slowly, she lowered the face towel she was using and stared.

  The man positively bulged with muscles. He set the wood down and crouched on his haunches beside the hearth to build a fire. His T-shirt rode up slightly in the back as he leaned forward, affording her a glimpse of smooth, coppery skin. She watched the play of muscles across his broad shoulders as he worked, remembering how it had felt to be pressed against all that firm, solid warmth.

  Maddie turned back to the mirror and slowly finished drying her face. Before she could change her mind, she dragged the T-shirt off, pulling it over her head and tossing it through the open door onto the foot of th
e bed. Beneath it she wore a thin cotton tank top that clung to her curves, clearly outlining her breasts. Leaning forward, she studied her reflection critically in the mirror. She pulled several tendrils of hair loose from the knot, letting them trail along her neck. She pinched some color into her pale cheeks and bit her lips until they were rosy. Standing back, she dipped her chin and practiced her best come-hither look.

  She groaned aloud and buried her face in her hands.

  She’d been a desperate teenager the last time she’d used her looks for personal gain, and she wondered if she still had the ability to exploit herself. Of course, she’d been little more than a kid back then, willing to do anything to keep what was left of her family together. But she’d put all that behind her the day she left the mountains. Her troubled childhood and tainted family history were a thing of the past. These days, she was respected by the people she worked with, and her skill with numbers had earned her a good job as a lead accountant in the town of Elko. She wondered what her coworkers would think if they could see her now.

  Maddie drew in a deep breath and raised her head to stare solemnly at her reflection. Jamie was depending on her, as he had his entire life. She would do anything to ensure his safety.

  Slowly, she reopened the medicine cabinet. Her hand hesitated briefly, then she took down the bottle of sleeping tablets. They had been prescribed for her grandfather four years earlier, when the demons of his past had finally caught up with him. Normally, he’d have turned to the bottle and drunk himself into oblivion, but his advanced liver disease made that option a guaranteed death sentence.

  Glancing guiltily toward the living room, Maddie opened the bottle. How many pills would it take to impact a man of Colton’s size? And did they even have any potency left? She didn’t want to kill him, just knock him out long enough to make her escape. She shook four capsules into the palm of her hand, hesitated briefly, and then shook out three more. She broke them open and emptied the powdery contents into the shallow cap of the bottle, and concealed it in the palm of her hand, careful not to spill any. Then, taking a deep breath, she walked out to the living room.