My Beautiful

by J. M. La Rocca

  Getting into the SUV, I pulled the door closed. “I need to go to the ER,” I blurted as I laid my head on the back of the seat.

  “I’ve got my guy coming to the house to take care of it. We don’t do ER’s Nick, too many questions will be asked,” Frank said from the front seat.

  Well, that’s just fucking great.

  By the time we made it back to Frank’s house, my bandage was soaked through and blood was running down my arm again. It was still throbbing. I needed something to dull the pain. Scotch. It sounded like a great idea. We made our way into the house and I headed straight to Frank’s office.

  “Where are you going?” Frank asked as he headed up the stairs.

  There was no fucking way I was going up any stairs. “To your office for some scotch. If your guy is here, send him in.”

  I needed to get my arm taken care of so I could get the hell out of there. I also needed to talk to Frank. I wanted to know what happened next. He mentioned that we were family and nothing would change that, but I needed to know to what extent. He killed my family. That is one thing I could never overlook. He took my life away from me once; I wasn’t going to allow him to do it again.

  Spotting the scotch on the table, I walked over and poured myself a glass. Lifting a shaky arm, I chugged it back. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh as the burn went down my throat and heated my stomach. I would need more than one to make the throbbing in my arm go away, so I poured two more glasses and slung them both back.

  I still felt faint and needed to sit before I fell face first on the wood floors. Trudging my weak body to the couch, I plopped down just as Frank and another man walked in. They were talking to me but I wasn’t able to focus. It may have been the alcohol or the blood loss, but I wasn’t able to keep my eyes open any longer. Resting my head on the back of the couch, I welcomed the blackness as it took over my vision.

  My eyelids slowly lifted to see a brown leather couch. I lay there for a moment waiting for my vision to clear. As my eyes began to focus, I noticed it was brighter in the room. I turned my head to the side and realized I was still in Frank’s office. I must have passed out last night. Stretching my stiff body, I groaned out in pain. Shit. I forgot I was fucking shot last night.

  “Ah, it’s about time you woke up,” Paul said from across the room. He was dressed in jeans and a white tee shirt.

  I sat up on the couch and looked down at my injured arm. Someone had put a fresh bandage on at some point during the night. I lifted my hand to the bandage to pull it back and see the damage when Paul stopped me. “Leave the bandage on for now. The doc got the bullet out and stitched up all the damage while you were passed out.” I looked up at Paul who was sitting at Frank’s desk drinking a cup of coffee. “You’re actually lucky to be alive. According to the doc, the bullet nicked the brachial artery. That’s why it was bleeding so much. Then, your dumb ass drank alcohol and it thinned your blood. You’re lucky you didn’t need a blood transfusion.”

  I ran my hand down my face in shock. Holy shit.

  “Don’t stress, Nick. You’re all patched up now. There is a glass of water and two pain killers on the table there,” he pointed. “Take those. Frank has a bottle you can take home with you.”

  I grabbed the pills and tossed them into my mouth. I then grabbed the glass of water and swallowed the pills down. The cool water felt good on my dry throat, so I drank the whole glass.

  “Where’s Frank?” I asked as I set the glass down.

  “He’s in the kitchen. Go on in there. I told him I’d send you there when you woke up.”

  I sighed as I stood from the couch. My body still felt weak and I knew it would take a little bit for the painkillers to kick in and dull the pain in my arm. I was still feeling dizzy, so I took my time walking out of Frank’s office to the kitchen. The closer I got to the kitchen, the stronger the coffee smelled. I inhaled the fragrance; I needed a cup desperately.

  As I walked into the kitchen, I had to squint my eyes. It was so fucking bright. Everything in the kitchen was white. The sun beamed through all the damn windows along the far wall, causing a blinding reflection. It was killing my already dizzy head.

  “Good morning, Nick.” Frank sounded chipper, which wasn’t a usual thing.

  “Good morning,” I mumbled. I stood in the entryway looking for the pot. That was my first task before I talked to Frank. I needed a cup in order to function properly.

  Frank sat at an island in the middle of the kitchen with a cup of coffee and the newspaper spread out before him. “The coffee is over there,” he pointed to the left counter, “if that is what you are looking for. The cups are in the cabinet above it and the sugar and cream is next to the pot,” he said with a smile.

  I nodded as I walked over to the coffee pot. I reached up and opened the cabinet to get a cup and gritted my teeth as pain shot up my injured arm. It wasn’t as bad the previous night, but it still hurt like a motherfucker.

  After pouring the coffee and adding two spoons of sugar, I grabbed the cup and walked over to the island. I sat down across from Frank. He folded his paper and gave me his attention.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  “I’m alive,” I replied, taking a sip from my cup.

  “Just barely,” he retorted.

  We sat there for a moment looking each other over. Setting my cup down, I figured this was my chance. “So how is all of this going to work now?” I asked, setting my cup down.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, what happens next. Vic is gone, Kevin is … what exactly happened to Kevin?”

  Frank chuckled. “Ah, Kevin. Kevin is being dealt with by the FBI. I might have tipped someone off, that they had a traitor in their midst. He was shot, as you know, but he lived. Nothing for us to worry about. Although, I’m sure your Scarlett will be interested to hear the news. He is her step-brother after all.”

  I sighed, of course she would care what happened to that asshole. But I couldn’t contact her about it because I was giving her some space. I’d pass it on to Jules, and she’d tell her.

  “Well, that’s good to hear. So, like I was saying, everything has been taken care of, now what happens with me? I know we talked about this at the restaurant. I don’t want to have anything to do with you or the business, I’ve made that pretty clear from the start. You say we are family, but we’re not in my eyes. You killed my family and you ruined my life. I don’t want to have any part of that. At all, period.”

  He took a sip from his cup and looked at me intently, taking in my words. “I know it will be hard for you, Nick. To get past what I did to your parents. I can honestly say, and I’ve only said this to one other person, that I regret what I did. He was my brother and my best friend. I did what I did in the heat of the moment. We had always been at each other’s throats from time to time, but that was just how we did business. But to find out I had been betrayed; he took it to a whole other level of rivalry. It’s definitely not one of my proudest moments, but I’ve asked for forgiveness. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for what I did. I hope that you can get past it though, because I won’t be going away.” He smirked at my hopeless expression. “I told you before, Nick, you’ve seen and heard too much. Not only that, you are the only family I have left. I know this business is not for you, and I told you that you can go back to doing whatever it is that you would rather be doing. I still expect, however, for you to come when I call. It probably won’t be often, but I do have dinners here occasionally and I’d like to see you. As for Scarlett, she will always be under our protection whether you two get back together or not. She got put in danger because of us, so she’ll be protected by us.”

  I shook my head as he finished talking and sighed. “I don’t want any of this, Frank. I’ll never get past what you did.”

  “You’ll just have to try, Nick, because this is the way it’s going to be whether you like it or not,” he said firmly as he picked up his cup and took another sip.


  I inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. I felt defeated, and there was nothing I could do about it. I no longer felt like finishing my coffee. I wanted to go home, and take a long hot shower, and think about what the fuck I was going to do. I knew I wanted to call the band and let them know the news, but my heart was still in turmoil over Scarlett. Or maybe I just needed to go home and sleep the day away. I really needed to get my mind straight before I did anything.

  Grabbing my cup, I stood from the stool and headed to the sink to pour out my coffee.

  “That white bottle right there is your pain killers,” Frank stated. “That should last you for at least two weeks. If you need more, just let me know and I can get it. But be careful, that shit’s addictive.”

  I knew all too well these pills were addictive and I didn’t plan on taking them unless I was dying of pain. I did have a drug problem before. I didn’t want to go down that road again.

  I nodded to Frank and pocketed the pills. I walked toward the hallway that led to the front door when I heard something scrape across the island. I turned to see a set of keys.

  “Take my Mercedes. You can’t drive that bike with your arm like that. Leave the key on the counter and I’ll have Paul drive it to your place later and pick up my car.”

  I wanted to tell him no, just in spite, but he was right. Driving the bike would hurt. I reached into my right pocket, pulled out the key to the bike and set it on the counter. I then picked up the Mercedes keys. I looked at them in my hands and then up to Frank. “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

  He nodded to me. “I’ll be in touch, Nick.” He then flipped his newspaper back open, and just like that, I was dismissed.

  I walked through the hallway and out the front door to Frank’s Mercedes. I felt like I had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I almost felt like weeping. So much had happened in the past eight months. My life had significantly changed and I was a changed man because of it. I just hoped I could keep the one thing I wanted the most. Scarlett.

  Three months later …

  “Pizza’s here,” Kade yelled from down the hall.

  I walked out of my bedroom, where I just changed out of my work clothes, and headed to the kitchen. I smiled to myself as I saw him getting things ready for us to eat and thought about how different things would have been if I had made a different decision three months ago.

  After Kade came to rescue me, he brought me back home to where Jules was waiting for me. She kicked him out as soon as he laid me down on my bed. I didn’t stop her. I didn’t want to be around him either, but watching him go wasn’t easy. I just needed to be away from it all. Everything that we had been through had wreaked havoc on me. The thought of us continuing on that same journey just didn’t make sense to me.

  Jules was my rock through that time. She was with me every day, always by my side. Brent had come over occasionally, but he mainly stayed at his place. I felt bad that I was keeping her from living her life and even told her so, but she wouldn’t hear anything of it. I was glad she was there though, especially on the nights I’d wake up from a nightmare. She would sit with me until I was able to go back to sleep and that happened frequently. On the days she took my advice and spent the night with Brent, she would always send Sam over to sit with me. I told him to go home every time. I didn’t need a babysitter, but he never listened. It was nice to have him around though. He always seemed to find a way to make me laugh.

  After the first week, things started to get better, but then I got news about Bryce. He had lived that day, only suffering from a bad bullet wound to the shoulder. I was told that it had just missed the top of his lung and he was lucky to be alive, but he had been turned over to the FBI as a traitor and was in jail facing several charges. Joan, of course, had called me to see if I knew anything, but I just couldn’t talk to her about it at that time. I had Jules talk to her instead and felt bad for that too, but I couldn’t deal with it. He had hurt me so much, and just talking about him built up my anger, making me an unpleasant person to be around.

  That following week things got better. That’s when I started receiving the flowers.

  I had cried like a baby the first day I got them. It was just like when Kade and I had first met and I received all those flowers. Then I read the card. ‘Words could never express how sorry I am. I love you. Please come back to me.’ I didn’t know what to do. I was torn. Every day he would send me flowers and the card would have something about him that I didn’t know written on it. Some of it I already knew, but his reasoning behind it touched me deeper than he would ever know.

  That’s when I finally decided to call him. I knew I loved him; there was never a doubt in my mind. I just didn’t know if I could live with his life. I knew that he was still involved with his uncle; even though he wasn’t exactly working with him anymore, I just wasn’t sure if I could deal with that. I battled with the decision I knew I’d have to make for a few weeks. But it all came down to me not being able to let him go. I would hate myself if I didn’t try to make it work. I even talked to Jules about it and she agreed, which surprised the hell out of me, but she said she supported any decision I would make. I only think she agreed because she and Brent were talking about moving in with each other. That it would make her feel better knowing I wouldn’t always be alone. I was more than capable of being on my own, but I appreciated her concern.

  I ended up telling Kade that I did want to be with him, but we’d have to take things slowly. Way slower than before. I wanted to get to know him better, start fresh and make new memories. He agreed with it all and suggested we start having lunch dates again to start out. I had laughed at his sentiment, but it was a good start.

  That was two months earlier. Things had gradually progressed, but we were still in the dating phase, and when he wasn’t with the band he was with me.

  He looked over at me from the kitchen and smiled at me. “What are you over there smiling about?”

  I walked toward him and smiled bigger, leaning in to give him a kiss. “Just thinking about you.”

  “Oh yeah, and what exactly are you thinking about?” he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

  I laughed. “Not now, Mr. Evans. We have a movie to watch.”

  I walked into the living room, Kade following behind me with the pizza box and plates. I sat down on the couch and reached over for the remote to turn the TV on. Kade put the stuff on the table and sat down next to me.

  “You know,” Kade started, as I sat back in the crook of his arm, “I meant every word that night at the lake. The night I sang you your song.”

  “Hmmm, that was a good night.” I bit my lip looking at him as I entwined our fingers.

  He smiled down at me knowing exactly what I was thinking about. “Yes, it was, but do you remember what I said?” he asked raising an eyebrow at me.

  I turned my body so I could see him better. “Why don’t you refresh my memory?”

  Letting my hand go, he ran his finger from my forehead down to my chin and tilted my head up so we were looking into each other’s eyes.

  “You made me want to be a better person, and I am because of you. You’ve made me feel things I hadn’t felt in so long, and I love you so much for it. All of it scared the hell out of me, but now I know …” he smiled down at me.

  I smirked at him playfully. “Now you know what?”

  He leaned down, bringing his lips to mine in a slow deep kiss. Then he pulled back and looked into my eyes. “You’re my beautiful.”

  This second time around took a lot out of me. Especially being on a time crunch and trying to get the best book written for the readers. I couldn’t have done any of it without support from the people closest to me.

  First, I’m going to thank my husband Tony. Without his support my words would not be in writing. To my kids who put up with me being busy all the time. They are my reason for writing, now. I love when they asked to see mommy’s books.

  I also want to thank my bff Stephanie for collaborating with me and
helping me figure out how I wanted this story to end. She’s been with me from the beginning and I love all her input.

  A big thank you to my mother, family and friends for all the continued support.

  A HUGE thank you to my betas. Stephanie, Dana, Erica, Kristy, Ena, Danielle, Tawnya, and Jennifer. You guys helped My Beautiful become what it is now. Thank you so much for helping me out and always giving me your honest opinions.

  Also, the Lifeless Pimp Chicks, my street team. I love you guys. Thank you so much supporting me. It means the world to me.

  There is also Author Support 101, I couldn’t get by without all of my fellow author friends helping along the way. The support in the indie world is astounding and I’m so glad to be a part of an awesome group. Love you chicks.

  In the book world, word of mouth doesn’t come easy. It takes a lot to market and get your name out there and there are so many bloggers that help me. So many I can’t name them all, but here are a few.

  Book Addicted Mumma, Pretty in Pink Books and Reviews, Romantic Reading Escapes Book Blog, One More Chapter, The Book Bellas, Winding Stairs Book Blog, Alpha’s, Authors & Books Oh My, The Book Blog, First Class Books, Seductive Romance Reviews, So Many Books So Little Time, Who you Callin’ a book whore?, Beauty Brains and Books, Love Between the Sheets, Eye Candy Bookstore, The Lovely books, Turn the Page, Sinfully Sexy Book Reviews, Book Addicts not-so anonymous, The Rock Stars of Romance, & so many more. Thank you so very much for supporting not only me, but so many indie authors.

  J. M. La Rocca was born in Chicago, IL. At an early age, her family relocated to lower Alabama, where she began her love for writing. She currently resides in Pensacola, FL with her husband and twin sons.

  As a stay-at-home mom, La Rocca was able to pursue her love of writing. It was always an unrealized dream to write her own books. With the encouragement of her mother, La Rocca began to set to paper her ideas for her first book.