Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters)

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “Why is Da Hah so mean?”

  Ida pulled Willard tightly against her. “He isn’t mean. What He does is always for our best because it’s for His best. And He never leaves us or forsakes us—if we don’t forsake Him.”

  “Did Barbara have to die so you could be our mamm?”

  Ida was surprised. What a horrible thought, she wanted to say. But that wouldn’t help. Clearly, Willard had been thinking long and hard in his silence.

  “Da Hah is good,” she responded. “He doesn’t do wrong things and then try to make them right. Barbara was diagnosed with cancer around the same time as your daett passed on. God must have wanted and needed both over there. It just took Barbara longer to leave.”

  “Did Barbara look like Daett did when I found him?”

  Ida pressed back the tears. Of all Da Hah’s ways, this one she’d struggled with the most. Why had Willard been the one to find his father? She choked back the sobs. “I wish you hadn’t found your daett that way, Willard. That must have been extremely hard to see.”

  “Daett would still have been like that even if someone else had found him.”

  “Yah,” Ida said. What else was there to say?

  “Did Daett do something very wrong? Like when I need a whipping?”

  “No!” Ida clung to Willard and buried her face in his hair. “You must not think that. It’s this awful world that we live in. The sin, the evil that people do, the wickedness. Life can be like a bucket of slop, and we get splashed sometimes. You mustn’t blame Da Hah. He uses the wrongs of the world to make us right.”

  “Will I die under a cultivator too? With my bones sticking out?”

  Ida struggled to control her voice. “We all die differently, Willard. And on the other side is joy beyond what any of us can imagine. Hasn’t Da Hah given you back to me? Isn’t there joy growing in our hearts? Maybe Da Hah allowed our great sorrow because He knew there was a way we could still be together.”

  Willard nestled tightly against her side. Ida reached into her dress pocket for her handkerchief. Willard straightened and got to his feet. “I’d better be going to help chore.”

  Ida nodded. “I’ll be out soon.”

  “Don’t cry too much.” He stroked her arm, and she dissolved into fresh tears.

  “I’m crying because I love you, and I’m sorry you had to experience that.”

  The boy stared at her for a second and then quietly slipped away as Ida dried her eyes.

  She got up and went into the washroom. Pulling on her winter coat and boots, she stepped out under the star-studded sky. When she entered the barn, Willard glanced up from where he was milking the cows. He gave her a slight smile.

  “Thank you, dear Hah, for reaching that boy’s heart,” Ida whispered.

  “Coming out to help?” Ben asked in greeting. He sent a quick glance toward Willard. “Why was he late?”

  “We were talking,” Ida said. Ben seemed to notice her tear-stained face for the first time. A look of comprehension dawned. He nodded.

  Ida got busy. As she helped with the cows, her thoughts turned to last night. She’d finally asked Ben more questions about Phillip, mostly because he seemed so interested in Debbie.

  “I said some things to Phillip I shouldn’t have said,” Ben admitted. “All of us boys at home were farmers, but Phillip hated the life. He didn’t just leave, Ida; he shook the dust off his feet. He said things he shouldn’t have said. I, in turn, said things about his heart not being right with Da Hah and that Phillip thought he was too high and mighty for Snyder County. We all thought he was going Englisha, and he still might.”

  “Have you told him you’re sorry?” Ida asked.

  Ben nodded. “Many times. But Phillip doesn’t want to open himself to his family again. He’s thrown us all into one basket, even though I was mostly to blame. It’s a miracle he agreed to be my witness at the wedding. I don’t think Lily dared ask him.”

  “That seems a little harsh on his part, turning away from his family,” Ida commented. She didn’t want Debbie married to a man who had this kind of reaction to his family.

  “Debbie can do him a lot of gut,” Ben said, as if reading her thoughts. “It may be Da Hah’s way of bringing our family back together. The right frau can help a man greatly. Look at how much gut you’ve done me already.”

  She colored then and changed the subject. Ben was prone to exaggerate. His explanation of his brother didn’t quite fit. There must have been harsher things said than Ben let on. That was how such things went in the heat of the moment, and later they could be difficult to heal. Perhaps Debbie was the one to heal the Kanagy family? Ida would have to pray and hope things would turn out for the best. She wouldn’t interfere this time, that was for sure.

  After finishing her part of the chores, Ida returned to the kitchen to find the table set and the oatmeal steaming. She gave Wilma a warm smile and went to get the smaller children up.

  By the time the men returned from their chores, all the children were gathered around the table. Ida had little Lisa in the high chair, and she almost didn’t fit anymore.

  Willard looked happy this morning as they bowed their heads in prayer. While Ben spoke, Ida breathed her silent thanks. “O, dear Hah, the Maker of all that’s gut. Thank You for what You’ve done in my heart and for the love I have for Ben and for these children. You’ve allowed so much into my life. You’ve even given me Wilma and John’s acceptance. They could have made a fuss about me trying to take their mamm’s place, but they have shown me nothing but love.” She wiped the tears from her eyes as Ben said “Amen.”

  No one seemed to notice her tear-stained cheeks as they passed the food and chattered softly around the table.

  “When are we leaving for the turkey dinner?” John asked.

  “Around ten or so, I believe,” Ida answered, giving Ben a quick glance to make sure.

  “That sounds fine with me,” he said between spoonfuls of oatmeal. “We can be very thankful the Beilers are opening their home to us this year. For Christmas, we’ll be over at my family’s home farm.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Wilma said.

  Ida detected a touch of sadness in her voice. “Are you missing your mamm’s side of the family today?” Ida ventured.

  Wilma nodded and looked away.

  Ben cleared his throat. “I’m thinking you and John might want to drive over to the Yoder farm this afternoon to say hello. That’s where the family’s gathered this year. Everyone should be there, and I’m sure they’d love to see you.”

  Gratefulness flashed across Wilma’s face.

  How kind of Ben, Ida thought as she gave his hand a quick squeeze under the table.

  “You don’t mind, Ida? Do you?” Wilma’s timid question broke into Ida’s thoughts. “I mean…I do enjoy your family, but…”

  “Sweetheart,” Ida responded gently, “I have no problem with that. You mustn’t ever lose contact with your mamm’s side of the family.”

  “Then it’s settled!” Ben declared.

  He didn’t like weepiness, so Ida gave him a warm smile of appreciation.

  Moments later they gathered in the living room for their morning devotions. Ben read a portion of Scripture from the book of Psalms, chapter 80, where David wrote, “Give ear, O Shepherd of Israel, thou that leadest Joseph like a flock… Turn us again, O God, and cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved.”

  Ida thought how that could be her prayer for the days ahead. She pulled little Lisa against her. She hoped Da Hah would continue to keep His face turned toward all of them—and Debbie too. Debbie needed comfort and direction. And something wasn’t right between her and Emery. Ida sensed an unsettling tension between them.

  Forty

  The Thanksgiving meal lay spread out on the Beilers’ table. Debbie paused for a moment to catch her breath. Verna and Ida were both working in the kitchen, and Lois stood at the table putting the last touches on the tossed salad by sprinkling cheese over the bowl.

&nb
sp; When Debbie let out a sigh, Lois sent a smile her way. “Tired are we?”

  “A little,” Debbie admitted. She sent a quick glance toward the men in the living room. “I think we ought to sit around like they do.” Lois didn’t say anything as she continued to work. Debbie glanced at the group of menfolk again. They were all sitting around lazily on the couch and chairs, deep in conversation about their farms. Emery was in the middle of a story about an incident that happened this week. She wondered if he had that Amish girl from the wedding dinner in the back of his mind as he talked. But that wasn’t her place to imagine. Emery’s thoughts were none of her business—as long as they didn’t involve Crystal. Emery had every right to take any Amish girl to the table he wished to.

  Debbie hadn’t asked the Amish girl’s name, but from the look on his face the next morning, Emery had enjoyed his evening with her. Debbie considered teasing him about the mystery girl while they did the chores, but she knew he’d shoot right back about Phillip. Still, Debbie wanted to know more. She felt like she wouldn’t be able to completely put the evening behind her until she did. Maybe tonight after a happy Thanksgiving meal… with pumpkin and pecan pie for dessert… Emery would be in a talkative mood.

  Debbie rallied her spirit as Saloma approached Lois, who was still bent over the salad bowl. “Is there anything I can do?” Saloma asked, her voice rising above the men’s conversation.

  Lois shook her head. “We’re ready.”

  Saloma seemed happy today. Maybe she could forget for a few hours that her youngest daughter had gone Englisha. Lois hadn’t dressed Amish, but she had on a deep-blue, solid-colored dress. It could pass for an Amish imitation if one didn’t look twice. At least Lois had finally learned how to deal with her parents. Maybe the day would come when Doug would consent to visit.

  She should visit her parents this afternoon, Debbie reminded herself. Things had been very tense these past months because of not helping with and attending Lois’s wedding. Debbie admitted that she’d been too wrapped up in her own world to think of a visit home, which wasn’t good. She’d have to remedy that soon. Maybe Verna and Ida would walk down the road to her parents’ place with her. It would be like old times.

  Debbie allowed a smile to creep over her face. So much had changed since those days. And most of it for the better, even though there had also been plenty of sorrow and heartbreak. Lois moving to the Englisha world. Alvin deciding to marry his childhood sweetheart. On the last, so much for her pride, she thought.

  Saloma walked into the living room and whispered in her husband’s ear. Debbie jerked herself out of her thoughts to hurry into the kitchen. The family would soon be seated, and here she was lost in her own thoughts.

  “It’s ready!” Verna said, greeting her with a smile.

  “You did such a gut job helping Mamm, Debbie,” Ida added. “I don’t know what she’d do without you.”

  “I didn’t do that much,” Debbie protested. “Would the two of you consider walking down with me to my parents’ place this afternoon?”

  Before they could answer, Saloma called from the kitchen doorway, “Time for prayer, girls!”

  “Of course,” Verna and Ida said together in answer to Debbie’s request. Then Ida led the way to the table. The rest of the family filed into the dining room. The two oldest sons, Wayne and Reuben, seated themselves first, and their wives and children clustered around them. Lois fussed over everyone. Debbie wondered if Lois realized that she’d always be Amish at heart, even if she denied her heritage.

  Verna sat down at the other end of the table where Joe had positioned a high chair for Sarah Mae. Ida blushed as she took her seat beside Ben and their eight children. The table had been stretched out yesterday to the fullest, with four leaves added from the upstairs storage room. Still they barely fit.

  Debbie waited to take her seat, in case they’d missed someone and needed another chair. Saloma gave Debbie a grateful smile. Today Debbie was taking her place in the family like she’d never done before. In more ways than one, she was the Beilers’ daughter. This was how the three Beiler girls would be behaving if they still lived at home.

  Debbie finally seated herself across from Wilma and John. They both smiled. Wilma whispered, “Everything looks very gut, Debbie!”

  “Thank you,” Debbie whispered back just as Bishop Beiler led out in prayer.

  With the “Amen” said, the food was passed and the turkey was carved by the bishop himself.

  “Now watch that hand!” Wayne hollered out. “We don’t want you in the hospital on Thanksgiving Day.”

  “I’m not that old,” Bishop Beiler grumbled as everyone laughed.

  He was though, Debbie thought. His age showed. They could all laugh, but they also knew the truth. Adam and Saloma were getting up in years. And Debbie was here to help them in their old age. This was an honor she never imagined would be hers. She decided she’d even follow them to their dawdy haus if they’d let her. That way she could still help, and Emery would be able to settle on the farm with his frau. Perhaps he was already contemplating vows with the mystery girl who had finally won his attention. At least this girl wasn’t Englisha. Debbie wiped away a tear before she passed the mashed potatoes. John caught her eye and she whispered in his direction, “Just thankful, that’s all.”

  He nodded as if he understood. “We too have much we can give thanks for. Ida’s blessing our home with her presence. We all think Daett chose well in picking a new frau.”

  “That’s nice of you to say,” Debbie told him. “Be sure to tell Ida that.”

  He nodded again before saying, “I will.”

  Conversation continued around the table as the turkey, dressing, potatoes, and cranberries were eaten. When everyone was finished, Debbie stood up to clear some dishes from the table and make sure Saloma kept her seat. Lois jumped up at the same moment to add her support.

  Saloma gave in with a sigh. “I guess I am getting old.”

  “Nee,” Lois said, patting her mamm on the shoulder, “it’s just your turn to be served.”

  Debbie and Lois took the dishes to the sink and returned with some of the pies Lois had baked yesterday.

  Reuben, the second of the Beiler boys, took his piece with wide eyes. “I need a pie maker like this at my house!” He glanced at Lois.

  “Yep! No one can match Lois for pie making,” Wayne seconded.

  “Now, now,” Lois chided. “You’re hurting your fraus’ feelings. And who said I made these?”

  “We know you did,” Reuben said. “And our women are quite secure. They know that all men are attached to their family’s cooking.”

  “They can outdo you in other things,” Wayne added, and Reuben nodded his agreement.

  When the first pies were devoured, Debbie went to the cupboard and pulled out two more. After she took more empty plates to the sink, she picked up several pie crumbs from an empty pie pan with her finger. They melted in her mouth. No one could match Lois’s piecrusts. She deserved all the praise she’d received from her brothers and then some.

  By the time the last pie had been passed around and eaten, everyone was talked out. The men took their seats again in the living room and leaned back for quick naps. Debbie helped the women and girls clear and wash the dishes. With so many willing hands, the task didn’t take that long.

  Verna went upstairs to put baby Sarah Mae down for her nap. Debbie waited until Verna returned to bring up the subject of visiting her folks again. Lois was still in the kitchen, but the other women had pulled up chairs beside their husbands.

  Debbie took a quick glance around before she asked Verna, who was standing at the bottom of the stairs, “Would it be okay to leave now? Or do you need to stay here for a while?”

  Verna smiled. “Mamm can keep her ears open for Sarah Mae’s cry, and Joe can live without me for an hour or so.”

  “You want to ask Ida then?” Debbie asked. “She’s already in the living room next to Ben.”

  Soon the three put
on their winter coats and were on their way out the driveway. Wilma and John were in the yard, their horse hitched to a buggy. Ida hurried over to speak with them. Verna and Debbie waited at the end of the lane until Ida caught up.

  “Wilma and John are leaving to visit their mamm’s folks,” Ida explained. “They want to keep contact with that side of the family. I think that’s a very gut idea.”

  “As always you’re thinking of others,” Verna said with a smile. “I agree that is the right decision.”

  “How do you know your parents will be home today, Debbie?”

  “Unless they’ve changed their habits, they will be.”

  “Old people rarely do,” Verna volunteered.

  “We’re all getting older,” Debbie said.

  Verna gave her a sharp glance. “You don’t sound so happy about it. I heard you sat with a very handsome man the other day. Tell me about him.”

  Debbie laughed abruptly. “Phillip Kanagy. He was very good looking, but I’m sure he’s not going to call on me.”

  “Are you sure?” Verna asked.

  “Nothing’s happening with him,” Debbie asserted, looking the other way.

  “She sounds bitter.” Verna glanced at Ida.

  Ida nodded. “I know. I’m worried about her.”

  Debbie frowned. “Stop it, you two! I’m resigned to being an old maid if I must.”

  “That won’t happen!” Verna declared. “Look at the two of us! We’re married and some people thought we never would be.”

  “Maybe we’d better stay out of Debbie’s love life this time.” Ida’s voice was sober. “I know I’ve meddled enough. I’m sorry, Debbie. I’ll pray instead that Da Hah will make His will known.”

  Debbie nodded.

  They walked in silence, and then Verna admitted, “I suppose my meddling hasn’t done any gut either. Look at the Alvin situation.”

  When they approached Debbie’s old home, the front door opened before Debbie could knock. Her mother’s smiling face appeared.