Escape Velocity

by Jess Anastasi

  Kai’s words to her about Elliot had sunk deep into her psyche while she’d been sleeping, and she’d remembered the truth of who Elliot had been, and what he would have wanted for her.

  Not only that, but the stark realization that she’d been a hypocrite had become crystal clear. She’d accused Kai of trying to focus on her to avoid dealing with the trauma of his captivity. After Elliot had died, she hadn’t really dealt with his death, already struggling with the loss of Kai. Somehow, she had hit pause somewhere along the way and buried her feelings instead of working through them and moving on. Kai returning had been like ripping the bandages off a wound to find it had festered instead of healed.

  That night he’d returned, too many feelings had ruptured through her, like a tidal surge from a broken pipe. But she hadn’t allowed herself to dwell on them or even think about it too closely, instead she’d covered herself in her doctor’s mantle and focused single-mindedly on Kai’s issues.

  She’d been doing exactly what she’d accused Kai of—using distractions to avoid dealing with the pain she’d pushed deep away inside her soul. The realization had been difficult, but significant.

  The morning after their argument outside the bar, she’d gone off to her shift and had Macaulay take over the managing of Kai’s ongoing medical care. Due to their conflicting shifts, and Kai still trying to track down the CS Soldier, they hadn’t seen each other since. Probably not a bad thing until she could find the courage to admit how wrong she’d been.

  She finished cleaning herself up, and then retrieved her datapad, reviewing her patient’s information as she headed out of operating suits and through the ICU.

  As she reached the doors that led to the offices, she was interrupted from reviewing the last part of a chart by a commotion from down the opposite hall. A shout echoed, followed by two male nurses running into one of the med-labs.

  Sacha set her datapad into an empty data-slot in the bulkhead and hurried down the passageway, the shouting becoming more intense as she neared the med-lab.

  She slammed through the door. “What’s going—?”

  Shock turned her feet to cement blocks as she took in the sight of two male nurses holding down Kai while a young female nurse attempted to give him some kind of shot.

  He fought all three, thrashing hard enough that the female nurse couldn’t get near him, while the two male nurses were almost lying on top of him, trying to hold him down. His gaze was wild, unseeing, and desperate, like the day they’d brought him home.

  “Stop!” Her body suddenly remembered how to move and she leaped forward, but not fast enough. The female nurse had seen a small opening and ducked in to shove the dispenser against Kai’s neck and pull the trigger, administering a shot of god-knew-what.

  He roared and managed to throw off one of the male nurses, who crashed into a nearby trolley before going down.

  “Give him a second dose,” the other male nurse panted.

  “No!” Sacha hip-and-shouldered her way in, knocking the young female nurse out of the way as she grabbed Kai’s face. Beneath her fingers, his pulse was racing. “Kai, it’s me. Calm down, okay? I’m right here with you.”

  He didn’t seem to hear her, his body going slack as his struggling subsided.

  “What did you give him?”

  His pulse raced harder beneath his skin, and no one answered her. She brought her head up, pinning the female nurse with a furious glare.

  “What the hell did you give him?”

  “J-just a sedative,” the nurse stuttered. “He started having some kind of panic attack when I was taking his vitals. I followed procedure—”

  “Did you read his chart before you started his vitals, or don’t they teach you how to do that in med school any longer? Commander Yang is not meant to be given any kind of medication whatsoever, no matter the circumstances.”

  Sacha snatched a nearby sensor and then ripped Kai’s shirt open, slapping the electrodes onto his chest. The screen above the bed flickered to life, bringing up his vitals. Even as the numbers registered, he went rigid, arching into a seizure.

  “What’s happening?” The female nurse shuffled back from the bed, her voice going up several notches.

  “He’s having a reaction to the sedative.” Her voice came out sounding calm, and more than a little pissed off, not giving any hint to the absolute cold terror erupting from her soul.

  They had no way of knowing what kind of drugs the CSS had been using on him while he’d been at the Enlightening Camp, and no clue how long they’d remain in his system. If she gave him anything to counteract the sedative, it might only make things worse. But then the decision got snatched out of her hands as Kai flatlined.

  “I need ten cc’s of a stimulant, let’s go with drexaline.” She spun to the trolley and grabbed another set of electrodes, these ones connected to the defibrillators.

  Sacha got them connected up as someone pressed the dispenser gun into her palm. She took a second to swap out the hypodermic needle for a larger one, and then glanced at his face, his expression slack. Her heart stumbled in her chest, and for a second she forgot how to breathe. Not the time to panic. She swallowed down the rising dread.

  “I’m sorry, Kai. This isn’t going to be pretty.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath and then slammed the needle right into his heart. His body jerked as she shot the adrenaline into his system.

  “Clear.” She stepped back, and one of the male nurses hit the button to fire up the defibrillator.

  The machine delivered a shock, jump-starting his heart on the first go. She let out a short breath, releasing some of the pent-up fear as she stepped forward again and removed the electrodes, replacing them with a handful of sensors.

  The screen above the bed showed vitals settling into a normal range. Her mind went in to a slow spin, shock mixing with relief. On unsteady feet, she turned to stare at the three nurses.

  “You will each write a detailed report about this incident, and submit it pending a review, before the end of shift tomorrow.”

  The female nurse started wringing her hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think—”

  “No, you didn’t think. All of you are suspended for the rest of the day. And you can find your own replacements for what’s left of this shift.”

  The three filed out, looking everywhere but at her, before the door slid shut behind them.

  “Don’t be too hard on them. They were just doing their job.” Kai’s scratchy voice shot down her spine on a shiver, and she turned to face him, grabbing onto the edge of the gurney before her jelly legs pitched her flat on the floor.

  “Kai, I’m so sorry—”

  He shook his head, and then pushed himself up on his elbows. “It’s not their fault. Even I know the procedure when it comes to over-agitated patients.”

  She leaned over and hit the button to make the top half of the bed rise up.

  “How can you be so understanding about this? They almost killed you. I mean, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I had to restart your heart! If they’d read your chart thoroughly, they would have known—”

  Kai reached out and snagged her hand. “I had another not-panic-attack and the nurses did what they were trained to do. The chart thing was an oversight, but people make mistakes.”

  She stared at him, taking in his pale complexion and the shadows in his eyes that might never go away, dark places in his soul she’d never be able to reach or comprehend. They were part of who he was now.

  “I should go find Macaulay to come and check you over.”

  “Not yet.” His grip tightened on her, his gaze dropping away. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Hell, these days I don’t have anything else to do.”

  She tugged against his hold, her skittering heart not able to take a deep-and-meaningful right in that moment. “Things are fine, Kai, you don’t have to—”

  He looked up sharply as he let her go, his gaze more resolute. “I’m not the same man I once was. I’m damaged goods. Yo
u could see that even when I couldn’t admit to it.”

  “There might be parts of you that have changed, that won’t ever be the same. But you’re still my Kai; the guy I used to sit next to in history class back at pre-mil training, the one who used to pick the tomato out of his sandwiches at lunch time and give it to me because he knew I liked extra.”

  He dragged a hand across the lower half of his face. “No, that kid is gone. You deserve better than someone who is as messed up as I am.”

  The agitation tripped over into outright anger, and this time she was the one grabbing onto him. “Don’t say that about yourself. You’re still the most honorable man I’ve ever known, and no matter what the CSS did to you, that will never change.”

  He sliced her a glance heavy with regret and chagrin, his expression telling her he didn’t believe a word she was saying.

  “Part of my recovery is admitting that I’ll never be the same, that I can’t expect to live the life I once planned. I’ve decided to take that position they offered me, vice commodore, back on Earth.”

  Her heart took a plunging freefall, smashing into the bleak reality of his decision and what it would mean for them. Though she would know he was alive and well somewhere this time, she’d be lucky if she ever saw him again.

  “Are you sure, that’s a huge change in circumstance—”

  Kai gave a single, resolute nod, his gaze unyielding and detached. “It’s the best thing I can do for myself, and you helped me see that.”

  She looked away from him, swallowing over the tightness of her throat. It was almost funny that a week ago, this was what she’d demanded of him, yet now it was the last thing she wanted; it probably meant the end of their relationship in every sense of the word. Hard to maintain a close friendship—or anything else for that matter—with someone living in an entirely different system. Long-distance relationship was an understatement. The bleak realization hammered into her heart, and she clenched her fists as a deep coldness settled into her soul, sending a low shiver down her spine.

  But she didn’t let herself outwardly react; instead she kept her expression blank. “I’ll go and find Macaulay, then.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Two Weeks Later

  Sacha leaned over the small sink in the medicos’ communal room and splashed some cool water on her flushed face. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. She clenched her teeth and tightened her hands on the edge of the sink as another wave of nausea, backed up by dizziness, washed over her.

  Whatever bug she’d caught, she was about ready to admit defeat, go home, and curl up on her uncomfortable couch in abject misery. But like the other couple of days she’d done that, she knew in another hour or so she’d be feeling fine again, like nothing had ever happened.

  Just have to get through the next hour and I’ll be okay…

  “Sacha.”

  At the sound of someone calling her out in the corridor, she wiped a hand over her face and then groped for a towel. The door behind her slid open and she forced a deep breath on herself before she turned around.

  Cass strode toward her, face tight with concern. “Damn, Sacha, you’re sick again?”

  Her best friend came over and set a hand against her cheek with no warning at all, her manner brisk and nurse-like as she checked her over. No wonder Kai had always complained about her acting like a doctor around him; it was damned annoying. She stepped back and shot Cass a glare as she patted the towel over the sweat dampening the back of her neck under her ponytail.

  “I’m fine, Cass, it’s just one of those bugs that sticks around longer than it has any right to. I’m sure I’ll be better by tomorrow. In fact, I’m sure by this afternoon I won’t even remember this happened.”

  Cass sent her an exasperated look, before taking a diag-pen from her pocket; a neat little device that could diagnose a range of ailments from a person’s saliva. Her friend held it up, but she crossed her arms and sent Cass a stubborn look.

  “I don’t need you to check me—”

  “You were sick this time yesterday.”

  She gave up on fending Cass off as wooziness assaulted her again. She pressed a hand to her forehead and winced. “So?”

  “And you were sick about the same time the day before. In fact, just before lunch every day this week.”

  “I appreciate the sentiment, but I have patients to see.”

  She rolled her eyes and shoved the diag-pen toward her. “Did you sleep through half of medical training? If your sickness is due to what I think it is, you won’t be any better tomorrow.”

  She gave up resisting and let Cass stick the absorbent tip in her mouth like an old-fashioned thermometer. Her friend stepped back again and crossed her arms, staring at her in expectant silence while the seconds ticked by. At last the device let out a series of four staccato beeps and she pulled it from her mouth to read the inset screen.

  Pregnant. Four weeks and three days gestation. Due date: 17 February 2437.

  She fell heavily against the hard metal rim of the sink behind her, the impact jarring her lower back.

  Pregnant?

  “From the expression on your face, I’m guessing I was right.”

  She looked up at Cass, who was regarding her with understanding and concern. She couldn’t reply though, because shock had numbed her to her very core, and apparently stolen all higher reasoning from her brain. Pregnant. How could she be pregnant—?

  But of course. She’d had her mandatory military-issue birth control implant removed when she and Elliot had decided to start trying for a baby. And never had it put back in.

  In fact, until today, with everything that had happened in the past year and a half, she hadn’t even thought about the damn thing. That one night she and Kai had spent together had obviously been at the exact wrong time of the month…or the right time, depending on which way she decided to take this news.

  A wave of delayed shock quaked through her. A baby…Kai’s baby. Like a levy breaking its banks, a floodtide of feeling washed through her, emotions she’d forced down and disregarded for the past few weeks.

  “Maybe you should sit down for a minute.” Cass came forward and grabbed her elbow, then steered her over to the table. “Let me see if I can scrounge up some ginger-root tea. I’ve heard that helps with morning sickness.”

  Cass went over to the beverage dispenser, and Sacha rubbed both hands over her face as exhaustion slammed her. In the two weeks since she’d had to restart Kai’s heart from the reaction to the sedative, things between them hadn’t improved. They’d seen each other at meal times out of habit more than a desire to be in each other’s company. At least, that’s what it felt like. Truthfully, she didn’t want to spend her free time with anyone else.

  After Elliot had died, she’d walled herself up and forced herself to not rely on anyone but herself. It had taken Kai’s announcement that he was leaving the Knox for good to make her realize she didn’t want to live that lonely kind of existence any longer.

  Only a handful of days remained until Kai left for his new posting on Earth. She’d tried to talk to him about his decision, but the conversations had been strained and stilted, his resolution absolute that taking the promotion was the best thing for him. That he needed a fresh start.

  Except he wasn’t happy. She could see it in the tense set of his mouth, in the grim shadows in his gaze, and the desolate way he looked at her when he thought she wasn’t watching.

  He was still taking steps to get back on solid ground. If the dark smudges under his eyes were any indication, he wasn’t sleeping well. The most innocuous, day-to-day thing could set off a panic attack in him, though he strove so hard to hide them. Mentioning any type of medication shut him down faster than hyper-cruise engines going cold. His thrice-weekly appointments with the shrink continued, but he didn’t talk about it, and she didn’t ask. She honestly couldn’t say if it helped him or not.

  This baby changed everything.

  She wasn’t at all sure how he’d take
the news, but she couldn’t keep it from him, couldn’t let him leave in a few days without him knowing he would soon be a father.

  “Here. I found ginger-root and lemon tea.” Cass returned and set a steaming mug down in front of her. “It doesn’t taste great, but try to drink as much of it as you can. It should help with the nausea.”

  She murmured a short thanks as she wrapped a hand around the mug and lifted it to blow some of the steam off the top. Cass sat down across from her with that look on her face, the one that said they were going to talk about things whether she liked it or not.

  If she weren’t feeling so damn sick, she probably would have made a hasty escape. Unfortunately, her unsettled stomach made sitting there and sipping the ginger-root tea the safer option, no matter what Cass had to say to her.

  “So, I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.” Though the words were casual, she could tell by the look on her friend’s face that she was playing dumb, and at least suspected who the father was.

  “Are we seriously going to talk about this right now when I’m about two seconds away from puking my breakfast?” Even just talking about it made her feel worse. She took a hasty sip of tea, scalding the tip of her tongue.

  “When else am I going to be able to corner you?” Cass grinned.

  She grimaced before taking another sip of tea. “What do you want me to say?”

  Cass leaned forward across the table. “It’s Commander Yang, isn’t it?”

  She pressed her lips together, not wanting to voice the truth, since she could find herself in serious trouble if the wrong people found out about her relationship with Kai while he’d technically still been her patient. But Cass was her best friend and would keep her confidence.

  She pushed back a few strands of hair and sighed, the sound filled with the emotions weighing her down the past few weeks. “This is a mess. My whole life has become this huge mess. How can I possibly bring a baby into that?”