Waffles at the Wake

by Addison Moore

  Within minutes, Carlotta and I pile into my minivan as Flo leads the way to our mystery destination, and I happen to notice another all too familiar minivan following us from behind.

  “We’re being tailed,” Carlotta whoops. “By Keelie, Lainey, and the rugrats. I hope they don’t mind zucchini bikinis.”

  Flo wheezes out her signature braying laugh. “No bikinis where we’re going, but there might be zucchini. Trust me, Lottie. Your witches are going to be glad they tagged along. They might even be upset with you for not extending the invite.”

  “How could you not invite us to tag along?” Lainey smacks me on the arm. “I could have missed out on all this delicious goodness.”

  Keelie moans like one only can when faced with unbelievable yummy treats. “I may never forgive you from attempting to hold me back.”

  Both Keelie and Lainey head to the front of Sophia’s Sweet House as if they were hypnotized by the offerings, and I have no doubt they are. It smells like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and fresh brewed espresso, and I have a feeling this place can keep every delicious promise those heavenly scents make.

  Carlotta groans, “Lot Lot, if these desserts are half as good as they look, the Cutie Pie might be in real trouble.”

  I’m afraid she’s right. I’ll admit, once we exited the highway and headed for Leeds, I thought that whole zucchini bikini scenario was still a go. But I was never happier to be wrong. I’d hate to drag little Bear and baby Josie to any dicey facilities. As soon as we pulled up and saw a line of people inside snaking toward the exit, not to mention the fact more than eighty percent of the tables in here are occupied, I knew this bakery meant business. The sign behind the counter reads a little taste of the old country. We make sweets, sandwiches, and coffee the way God intended.

  Flo leans in, and a sprinkling of tiny silver stars flutters around her.

  “There they are.” She points a ghostly finger toward the corner, and I spot Lorena and Donata sitting at a table with a couple of other women. “It’s a Ruthless meetup.”

  Ruthless as in Ruthless Witches, her girl gang that’s supposed to mirror the mobsters that rule this town.

  Lorena does a double take our way before squealing with delight and waving us over. Her long dark hair is encrusted to perfection, her lashes are so long they look as if they’re about to brush over my cheek, and she’s donned a hot pink sweat suit with the words Flo’s Hos emblazoned over the front of her sweatshirt in sparkling rhinestones that glitter as she moves. And next to her is a redheaded beauty with her lips in the same matching hue, Donata.

  Lorena stands to her feet. “Come on over. We’ve got an open table right next to us!”

  Carlotta and I do as we’re told, and soon we’re standing next to an empty table for six with plenty of room for Keelie and Lainey.

  “Everybody”—Lorena cups her hands around her mouth—“this is Lottie Lemon and her mama, Spider. Lottie is a world-class private investigator, and she’s working on Flo’s case.”

  A round of oohs circles the table.

  Donata winks my way. “I bet I know why you’re here. You’re scoping out the competition.”

  “You caught me.” I shrug. “I guess I’d better get in line if I want to get to eating.”

  “No way.” Donata motions for me to take a seat. “My cousin Jackie runs this place for her mama, and I’m going to make sure they give you the treatment.”

  She zips off just as Carlotta leans my way. “Let’s hope the treatment doesn’t involve a shiny new pair of cement stilettos.”

  Flo rolls her glowing eyes. “My witches wouldn’t hurt anyone, including me. Take a seat, girls. This is going to be epic.”

  I’m about to do just that when I spot a familiar blonde at a table nearby and a familiar dark-haired man with her. A quick breath catches in my throat.

  “Just a minute. I think I need to say hello to someone.” I trot on over to the canoodling pair and clear my throat, garnering their attention.

  The blonde with the big hair looks up, and her glossy red lips round out.

  “As I live and breathe!” She gasps as she jumps to her feet. “It’s Mrs. Judge Baxter herself. And here I thought you never left the bedroom unless commanded to by a court of law.”

  “Hi, Annie.” I nod to my fellow ex-juror. “And hello to you, too, Mr. Wolfe.”

  The handsome, albeit slightly scruffy, deputy DA offers an apprehensive smile my way.

  “It’s nice to see you again, number twenty-three.” He sheds an easy smile. There’s quite a sandwich and dessert spread in front of them, and it’s safe to say we are clearly in lunch date territory.

  “You can call me Lottie,” I say with a warm laugh.

  “Nice to see you, Lottie,” he corrects. “Please give my regards to Judge Baxter. The verdict may not have gone in my direction, but I think I came away a winner.” He flashes a greedy grin to the blonde next to me, and Annie gives a husky chuckle.

  “Oh, honey,” she gurgles. “I always get what I want.”

  “I’ll let you get back to your dessert.” I wince over at her. “So how do you feel about the verdict? Still standing strong with what we decided?”

  “You better believe it.” She flicks her wrist. “As soon as I saw those pictures, I wanted to go back in time and kill the guy myself.”

  “Good to know we did the right thing.” I wish them both well before heading back to my table, only to find Keelie and Lainey already seated and shoving an array of Italian goodness into their pie holes.

  Every inch of the table is covered with sweet treats, and both Lorena and Donata have chosen to join us.

  Carlotta motions to the empty chair between her and Donata.

  “I saved a seat for you, Lot.” She gives a hard wink. “And wait until you taste these desserts! I’m sorry to break it to you, Lot, but I’m telling everyone I know in Honey Hollow about this place.”

  Lainey nods. “Your dessert days are numbered,” she mumbles through a mouthful.

  Flo is stuffing her pie hole, too, with a little help from Carlotta. Each time Carlotta puts something to her lips, Flo swoops in and gulps it down. I’ll admit, it’s a bit of an unnerving sight.

  “Wow,” I say, plopping in my seat. “Where do I begin this culinary adventure?”

  “Don’t worry, hon.” Donata pulls an empty plate my way and quickly begins to fill it. “I’ll give you the tour.” She lands a slice of something divine in front of me. “Ricotta cheesecake,” she says. “Once you go ricotta, you’ll never go back.”

  “I don’t doubt this,” I say, slicing my fork right through it and shoving an ample bite into my mouth as fast as I can.

  A hard moan escapes me.

  Lainey reaches across the table. “I’ll take another slice myself. All that baby weight I lost? I gained it all back today, and then some. And you know what? This is worth it.”

  “Oh wow.” My eyelids flutter as I try to comprehend what just happened. “This is ridiculously light as a feather, and yet the creamy ricotta is taking over. I’ve never experienced anything like this.”

  “Hold your ricotta horses.” Lorena brays out a laugh just the way Flo is prone to do as she lands a cannoli onto my plate. “You’re about to die and go to heaven.”

  “Ooh.” Flo nudges Carlotta. “Get me one of those, too.”

  The cannoli shell is perfectly crispy and flaky and explodes as soon as I put it into my mouth. The ricotta filling is decadently rich and just sweet enough. And the crunch of the miniature dark chocolate chips adds just the right texture along with a note of cocoa. Both ends have been dipped in dark chocolate, and it simply adds to the magic.

  “Slow your roll.” Donata cackles. “You won’t have room for the rest of it.”

  “Oh, I’ll have room.” I nod her way as I swallow down the last bite. “What’s next?”

  “Zeppole. Italian fried donuts,” Lorena says as she slips a few round donuts covered with powdered sugar my way.

  �
��Mmm, I love zeppole,” I say as I pop one into my mouth, and Carlotta, Keelie, and Lainey all follow suit. Both baby Josie and baby Bear tried to snatch it from their mothers, but Keelie and Lainey proved stealth. I can’t blame them. This might just be the best, freshest, softest zeppole I’ve ever had.

  “Sfogliatelle,” Donata says, sliding the crunchy, creamy dessert onto my plate. It looks a lot like a croissant, but the shell is comprised of dozens of layers that look like the distended pages of a book someone is getting ready to thumb through. Traditionally, these happen to be filled with ricotta and cream as opposed to a custard cream like their dessert counterparts, the lobster tail, and boy, is it ever off the crunchy charts.

  A hard groan comes from me, and Carlotta snickers.

  “I haven’t heard Lot make that noise since I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. You’ll have to excuse the dark circles under her eyes. The other two mamas might have a little one keeping them up all night, but Lot’s got a sexy one in her bed making sure she doesn’t get a wink of shut-eye.”

  Lorena belts out a laugh. “You and me both, sister.” She plops another cannoli onto my plate. “Carbs equal energy. Eat up, girl. I’ve seen that husband of yours. You’re going to need the tackling fuel.” She slips one onto her own plate as well. “And so will I.” She tweaks her brows.

  “Look at that.” Flo gives a spontaneous applause. “It sounds like Lorena found someone to bring her a little comfort in her time of mourning.”

  Keelie nods. “I’m right there with you both. At the end of the day, unless I’m sugared up and raring to go, my man finds me doing a face-plant in my pillow.”

  Lainey shakes her head. “Forest hasn’t had any action in months.”

  “Months?” I balk in shock at the revelation.

  “Lottie.” Lainey averts her eyes. “Having a baby is exhausting. She’s cute, but she doesn’t believe in sleep and she hates both her bassinet and her crib.”

  “Where does she sleep?” I ask, popping another fried zeppole donut into my mouth.

  “Right where you see her,” Lainey confesses. “On me. This girl thinks my bed is her bed and I’m her pillow.”

  “Same.” Keelie nods as she takes another bite of the ricotta cheesecake. “I don’t know if Bear and I will ever get used to sleeping on the edge of the mattress. Last night Bear fell off, hit his head on the nightstand, and blacked out. When he came to, he said it was the most rest he’d had in five months.” She glances to the ceiling. “I’m hoping to get lucky with my nightstand tonight.”

  “Sounds painful.” Lorena shudders.

  “It is.” Donata points their way as she breaks up a fried donut in her hand. “My sister has a two-year-old. Let me tell you, having a kid is no picnic. They might look cute, but they mean business.”

  Lainey and Keelie share a commiserating laugh.

  Donata cocks her head. “Come to think of it, Flo would’ve pulled her hair out if she had the kid.”

  “What kid?” Lorena backs up a notch as she looks to her bestie.

  “Oh no, oh no.” Flo claps her hands over her ears. “Donata found out by accident.” She points a finger her way. “Don’t you dare use this to hurt Lorena. I was gonna tell her,” she says to Carlotta and me. “I was gonna tell her that night, but everything went upside down and then the bullets started flying.”

  Lorena takes in a hard breath, her face turning just as pink as her running suit.

  “Tell me you’re kidding,” she bites the words out like a threat. “Tell me my bestie didn’t die with a kid tucked in her belly.”

  Donata shudders. “I gotta get a drink.” She zips over to the counter, and I quickly follow behind, muttering something about a Frappuccino.

  “Hey, Lottie.” She lifts a shoulder my way as we get to the back of the line. “I could cut right to the front, but I think it’s best I give Lorena a second to cool off.”

  I agree.

  “So it’s true about Flo, huh?” Of course, I know it’s true, but since she opened the door to the deceased, who am I to close it?

  “That’s what the test said. I happened to find it in her trashcan. I’m not a creeper or anything. It was in her restroom, and I was using it. The stick was practically calling my name less than two feet from me. Anyway, Flo didn’t deny it. She seemed excited about it, too. There was the question of paternity.” She says that last bit through her teeth.

  “I’m familiar with the situation.” My hand taps my belly.

  “You too?” She gives a wistful shake of the head. “Who in the world did you find worthy to compete with that hubba hubba hubby of yours?”

  “Noah Fox.” I shrug. “We were just calling it quits when we—anyway. I was committed to Everett right on the heels of that potentially life-giving event. But we’re all working through it. I’m sure Flo would have made it work, too.”

  Flo zips over, and her pink aura blows all around us like the supernatural gust it is.

  “Sorry, Lottie,” Flo says. “I had to calm Lorena down the only way I knew how. I made sure she polished off the rest of the zeppole. She doesn’t think it’s true. Go on.” She nods to Donata. “Let’s cross this girl off the list. I could tell you right now she didn’t pull no trigger.”

  Donata shakes her head. “Flo would have made the who’s-your-daddy situation work because she was great at manipulating people to do her bidding. I should know.”

  “How would you know?” I bite down hard on my lower lip to keep from mentioning her brother. “I mean, I know you were her best friend, but isn’t everyone manipulative to a certain extent?”

  A hearty laugh belts from her. “Not like Angel Face. And believe me, that was a sarcastic nickname. Flo was no angel.”

  Flo growls over at the girl, “Is that how you speak of the dead, Donata? Is that how you do me?” She pokes her in the chest, and Donata quickly presses her hand to it.

  “I think something just bit me.” Donata glances around as if she was fit to kill.

  “It’s those darn no-see-ums,” I say.

  “This time a year?” The girl’s eyes bug out.

  I shoot Flo a look. “You would be surprised by the things you’re not seeing.” I turn back her way. “Tell me, Donata. What exactly is it that made you distrust Flo? I mean, my best friend and I go way back, but it doesn’t mean we always get along.” Okay, so that’s a lie. Keelie and I almost always see eye to eye, and when we don’t, I don’t hold it against her when she’s wrong.

  “Fine.” Donata gives a quick glance back at the Ruthless Witches. “I don’t mind telling you because every now and again I like to vent a little. Flo took my older brother, Antonio, for a ride.” Her brows conjoin at the center as she leans in. “And now he’s in the pen doing serious time.”

  I glance to the guilty among us, and Flo tosses up her hands.

  “Please.” Flo glares over at her once upon a bestie. “He shouldn’t have pretended he was a pro.”

  “A pro?” I practically mouth the words.

  Donata nods. “Oh yeah. Flo was a pro at manipulation. She did her best to seduce my poor brother, and then when he couldn’t give her the expensive things she wanted, she told him to get creative.”

  My mouth falls open. “What did she want? Purses? Shoes? Pricey hair products?”

  “No.” She wrinkles her nose. “None of those things. She wanted jewelry. She wanted an expensive watch, too. A Rolex. So he broke into a local jewelers and took what he thought she’d want. And when he was confronted with a security guard on his way out, he drew his gun. It was labeled a violent crime. He got a decade in the slammer.”

  “He’ll be out in three years, and she knows it,” Flo grouses right in the girl’s face. “And I never asked him to get caught!” She hops as she screams the words in her old friend’s face.

  Donata shakes her head. “It’s as if I could hear her shouting that she never asked him to get caught.”

  I glance down to make sure we’re not touching. It�
��s happened before and caused quite the kerfuffle.

  Donata shrugs. “She’s said it before.” She squints out past my shoulder, straight into the past. “This is going to sound terrible, but sometimes, I’m not all that sorry she’s gone. She never apologized for what she had Antonio do. It really showed me that I didn’t know Flo at all. He’s my brother. If someone so much as looked at one of her brothers, she would’ve poked our eyes out. But mine loses ten years.”

  “And what about me?” Flo riots into the girl’s face. “What about what I lost, Donata? I’m not coming back in ten years or twenty, or fifty! What about that? Ask her, Lottie. Make her take back what she said about me.”

  I shudder. “I get it.” I nod to Donata. “And Flo, well, she’s never coming back.”

  Donata closes her eyes a moment. “Some people might be safer because of it.”

  Just listening to her response takes my breath away.

  “I’m sorry.” Tears come to her eyes, and she blinks them back as the girl at the register calls us to attention and Donata steps up to give her order.

  “Flo,” I say it lower than a whisper. “Does Donata carry a gun?”

  “Oh, hon, we all do.” She flicks her dagger-like crimson nails my way. “It’s a requirement if you want to hang with the Ruthless. If you can’t shoot ’em, you sure as heck can’t scare ’em.”

  “Right,” I whisper as I watch Donata laugh with the girl behind the counter.

  Once it’s my turn up at bat, I put in my order and ante up before heading back to the suspect at hand.

  “Donata”—I offer a mournful smile—“who do you think could have done something like this to Flo?”

  Her head jerks back. “I have no clue.” She swallows hard as if maybe she does. “But who knows? There were a lot of people there that night. Who’s to say she was the intended target?”

  Flo shakes her head. “I don’t know, Lottie. Donata Diamante is looking mighty guilty to me.”

  Me too, but I keep my commentary to myself.

  We collect our drinks and head back to the table.