The Silver Touch

by Rosalind Laker

  ‘Where’s all this money to come from?’ Ann enquired drily, snipping the thread as she finished her task.

  ‘I’m going to be goldsmith to the King!’ He seized the shirt from her without a word of thanks and pulled it over his blond head. Ann put the lid on her sewing-basket. She did not dispute his dream. If anyone could achieve his aim she believed Jonathan to be the one, for he would use any means to get his way.

  Eleven

  It had become apparent to everyone except Hester that John would never work again. After his long spell in bed he was thin and weak, able only to sit in a chair in his bedchamber for a few hours a day. Ann was his constant companion, reading to him from his favourite books and others from the Esdaile library. Letticia came home periodically to fuss and try to reorganize the routine that Hester had found most suited John in what she referred to as his convalescence. When John at last was able to dress with her help and get downstairs Hester was triumphant.

  ‘You’ll soon be fit again, my love,’ she said confidently to him as he leaned on her for support. ‘It won’t be long now before you and I will be working side by side at the bench again.’

  The effort of getting downstairs had tired him. She propped cushions for him and lifted his feet up on to the couch when he had seated himself. Through the open window he had a view of the late summer roses.

  ‘In a day or two you’ll be able to sit in a shady spot under the trees,’ she promised, bending to kiss him, and the bouquet of her filled his nostrils deliciously. She was, he thought, still a girl at heart with the same enthusiasm, vitality and eagerness for life that had first enchanted him. At times he felt that what little strength he had recouped had been drawn from her energy alone, for it certainly would not have come from his wasted body.

  To the family’s amazement, he was soon able to sit outside as she had promised him. Elizabeth, who came to the house almost daily, often sat with him, which gave Ann time to see to household matters. It was with the two girls on either side of him, ready with supporting arms if they should be needed, that he walked as far as the workshop where Hester and his sons were at work. Jonathan was quick to show him a spoon he was fashioning.

  ‘That’s good, my son,’ John praised, able to see that the right lines had been grasped even though the faults were manifold. Perching on a stool, he explained some finer points to the boy. He stayed quite a time, watching his wife raise a small sugar-vase and Joss in the final stages of a salver. When he left he looked back at Hester, who had paused in her work to watch him go, and she saw in the unchanged Thames-blue of his eyes a pride in her that warmed her through and through. Then he went out into the sun with the two girls and his shadow passed across her bench as he went by the window.

  He never went to the workshop again. It was as if that visit had been the climax of a respite briefly gained before his illness began to wreak its worst on him. Once more the nights became a torment. After a bout of coughing he would lie exhausted against the pillows that kept him propped up while Hester would remove the blood-stained rags from a bowl on the bedside table and change his sweat-soaked night-shirt. Yet she still maintained her constant optimism and even in a state of exhaustion, when he could barely speak, John attempted to keep up the spirit she lovingly demanded of him.

  Nobody knew at what expense Letticia sent her own London physician to see him. Dressed more like a dandy than a man of medicine in burgundy velvet with a satin waistcoat, he made his examination at some length in order to earn his guineas, for he had been able to see at once that the patient was a dying man. When he came out on the landing Hester was waiting to see him.

  ‘I regret to say I can offer you no hope, Mrs Bateman. Your husband is in an advanced stage of consumption and all you can do is make him as comfortable as possible. I will leave you a potion that will help relieve his suffering.’

  She received his statement unblinkingly. He thought her either exceptionally staunch or else quite unfeeling. He was inclined to the latter, for she was brisk and businesslike as she saw him out and thanked him for calling. Joss, waiting in the parlour, went out into the hall as soon as he heard the front door close.

  ‘Well?’ He was concerned for her, ready to help her to a chair. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘Exactly what I expected.’ Her head was high, her back straight and her face immobile. She went past him into the parlour. There she swung around as he entered after her. ‘Doctors are the gloomiest of creatures. When they can’t effect a cure they think nobody else can. He gave your father no chance at all.’

  Joss passed a hand across his forehead. Although the physician had only said what he in turn had anticipated, the shock was in its finality, the last destruction of a faint hope that had persisted in spite of all the evidence against it. ‘Did he say how long Father has left,’ he asked hollowly.

  Her voice was unusually sharp. ‘I didn’t ask him such a foolish question when I know I can get John on his feet again.’

  Joss lowered his hand and stared at her. There was a curiously blank look in her eyes as if she had shut out all the world from her and the sick man upstairs. ‘Mother,’ he began carefully, ‘I can’t wish my father years of the terrible torture that is tearing his lungs to shreds. There’s no cure that is known to man.’

  Her arm came swinging up and she hit him hard on the side of his face. The sound of the slap seemed to hang in the quiet parlour like something tangible. Her eyes blazed with fury. ‘How dare you! I want no pessimistic talk from you or any other member of this family. You can tell them that! I’ll bar the sickroom, and even this house, to anyone who doesn’t approach your father’s bedside as if on the morrow he will be up and back at work again!’

  She swept out of the room and went back upstairs, running the last few steps when she heard coughing commence. Shaking his head, Joss left the house and returned to work. That evening he told Alice all that had taken place.

  ‘She means what she says, I know her. I must warn Peter and Letticia. I had a word with Ann and Jonathan before coming home.’

  ‘What about William?’

  ‘His behaviour in Richard’s workshop, or rather his misdemeanours out of it, have barred him from coming home at least for the time being. If there is an emergency —’ He broke off and sprang up from his chair to move restlessly about the room. ‘If only there were someone who could make my mother accept what is going to happen and prepare her for it. I’m sure there is nothing that would give Father greater tranquillity. He can’t keep up with her eternal optimism any longer. I’ve seen him close his eyes sometimes almost in desperation.’

  Alice came across and linked an arm through his. ‘I think there is someone. I believe Hester would listen to that person as she would to no one else.’

  ‘Who?’ When she told him he agreed with her, impressed as he had been often before by her wisdom and good sense. ‘I’ll see about it tomorrow.’

  The following Saturday afternoon when the trees along Bunhill Row were gaining the full autumn hues of copper, gold and crimson, Hester was called from the sickroom by Jonathan who had seen a coach draw up outside. ‘Mr Esdaile has come, Mother!’

  She received the announcement with surprise and some uncertainty, turning in the doorway to pass the news to John, who sat in his dressing-robe in a wing-chair by the fire. It was an achievement for him to be sitting out of bed again and she was greatly encouraged by this good sign. ‘Shall I bring him up?’ she asked.

  ‘By all means,’ John replied. ‘I should like to see him.’

  Going downstairs, she found that James had been shown into the parlour. On the hall table was a basket of hot-house fruit for John that was typical of their visitor’s generosity. As she entered the parlour James came forward to greet her, seeming to make the room vibrate with his handsome height and powerful presence, an illusion aided by the shivering of the ancient oaken floorboards under his purposeful stride.

  ‘Good day to you, Hester. It’s been a long time.’ He kissed her ha
nd and then stepped back and regarded her steadily. There was no laughter lurking at the back of his eyes today, neither was there any bitterness such as she had seen when they had quarrelled in the copse. Instead there was merely concern, which she interpreted as being solely for her husband. ‘How is John?’ he asked her.

  ‘He is making progress again,’ she replied confidently. ‘How are you? And Mary and the children?’

  ‘All in excellent health. You and I have much to talk about after all this time, but first of all am I permitted to see John?’

  ‘Indeed you are.’ She dropped a hint. ‘I like him to be cheered at all times, so your good company will be welcome. Please take your kind gift upstairs with you. John will appreciate it.’

  She led the way. In the bedchamber James concealed his dismay at the change in John’s appearance, greeted him warmly and presented his gift, for which he was heartily thanked. He seated himself in a chair placed conveniently for conversation.

  ‘It was good of you to drive out of London to see me,’ John said to him.

  ‘I’d have come before if I’d known you were ill.’ James shook his head sympathetically. ‘This is a hard turn, John. I would wish to have things differently for you.’

  Hester, who had remained by the door, intending to leave them on their own as soon as James had settled, bridled at his frank speaking. If he was going to harp on about John’s state of health in spite of what she had said, she would turn him out. Since her ultimatum, nobody had referred to John’s present physical weakness as anything but a mild disposition. She was about to intervene when the conversation took a turn towards business in the city and some news of the Goldsmiths Company that interested John immediately. Relaxing again, she stayed no longer and shut the door after her.

  Twenty minutes later James left the sickroom. He met Ann on the stairs on her way up to her father and was pleased to hear that through her reading sessions John had also benefited by her use of the mansion’s library. In the parlour he found Hester waiting with tea.

  ‘The tea can wait.’ He made a restless gesture as if feeling enclosed by the confines of the room. ‘Get your cape and let’s take a stroll together outside.’

  ‘Very well.’ She extinguished the lamp-flame beneath the copper kettle, fetched her cape and they went out of the house together. He took her firmly by the elbow as they set off along the road and turned down a side lane away from any passing traffic. By his brooding, meditative expression she concluded something was troubling him and was prepared for some confidence such as could be exchanged between friends. Cushioned as she was by her conviction that John’s lungs could be healed to a certain degree, she did not immediately grasp the significance of what he said to her.

  ‘I said my farewell to John since I shall not be seeing him again.’ There was sadness in his voice. ‘I admire his courage. He’s a brave fellow.’

  ‘Are you leaving London then?’ she asked innocently.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Then what should keep you away.’ She hesitated only briefly. ‘I hope that nothing from the past —’

  He broke in on her. ‘I could call again if I felt it was the right thing to do, but I happen to believe that the last weeks of a man’s life should belong to his wife and family.’

  Her breath shuddered in her throat at the shock of what he had said. ‘I told you I don’t allow pessimism. It destroys!’

  ‘As it happens, I agree with you. But pessimism must not be confused with acceptance of reality. Hope should be sustained on all counts until there comes the point of no return recognized both by the sick and those who care for them. That day has come to your house and only you are standing out against it, Hester.’

  ‘What have you been saying to John? And he to you?’ She was paper-white and even her lips had lost colour as she faced him at a standstill.

  ‘We talked in friendship and parted in friendship, shaking hands in the knowledge that we shall not see each other again this side of the grave.’

  Anger flashed through her. She would have jerked herself away if his hand had not been like a manacle on her arm. ‘I’ll never let you back into our house again! Heaven knows what gloomy thought you’ve put into John’s mind. He is going to recover, I tell you. He may never be fully fit again, but he has many years left to him yet.’

  He seized her other arm and held her trapped before him. ‘Count those years as weeks or days and you’ll be nearer the truth.’

  ‘No!’ She shook her head wildly. ‘I won’t listen to you.’

  He thrust his face towards her. ‘John is going to die soon, Hester; not all your love and care is going to keep him much longer on this earth.’

  Her taut lips drew back over her teeth. She looked frightened and at bay, not far from panic. ‘Who are you to say so? You’re not as well qualified as I am to know the true situation and what can be achieved.’

  ‘I’m better qualified than you think. I saw my first wife die of the same disease. In the last weeks of her life she looked exactly as John looks now.’ His face was full of sympathy and pain. ‘Do you suppose I didn’t go through all that you have been enduring? In the end I had to accept that I was going to lose her.’

  ‘I’m not going to lose John!’ She heard the rising note of hysteria in her own voice and bit hard into her lower lip as if to retain self-control.

  ‘Face facts!’ he urged fiercely. ‘You’ll kill him before time if you don’t! Set him free from the pretence he is struggling to maintain for your benefit alone. He is tormented by anxiety for you!’

  She was trembling violently, although no longer from rage. Her desperate whisper came strangled from her throat, her lips barely able to form the words. ‘I can’t go on without him. He is my life.’

  He gripped her still harder as if to transmit some of his own strength into her. ‘He can still be your life. You’ll take the same pride in your silverwork as if he were there to praise it. Your skills are his skills. Let him know you have the courage to go on as head of the family in his place. Grant him peace of mind in the time that is left to him.’

  He saw her eyes break as finally she drew into herself all he had said and she sagged as if she would have fallen without his support. Then, as if in a trance, she straightened up again and brushed aside his clasp even as he released her. She took a few steps away from him to stand motionless, her hands clasped in front of her waist, and gazed unseeingly before her for a considerable time. He waited in silence, half expecting she would break down into tears when she had fully adjusted her thoughts and come to terms with the inevitable. Her face was gaunt with strain when eventually she turned back to him, but she was composed, only the exceptionally heightened grey of her irises showing that an ocean of tears had been narrowly damned. She spoke in quiet, controlled tones.

  ‘I thank God for what you have said to me today. I’ve been cowardly and afraid, thinking of myself and how much I needed John. It must have put a terrible burden on him, because whenever he tried to talk to me about a future without him I’ve refused to listen. You’ve opened a door for both of us. I’ll always be grateful.’

  Stepping forward, she kissed him on the cheek, rested hers briefly against his, and then went from him back towards the house. There the tea remained forgotten in the parlour. He left by a side path and did not go indoors. The touch of her lips seemed to linger on the side of his face. The long absence had made no difference to the love he felt for her. Had he kept the mansion as a country home and remained in the neighbourhood, instead of building that extravagance for Mary so far away, he would have been able to help Hester before now and been at hand in the darker days ahead. At least she had a good son to stand by her in Joss, for he would carry on in his father’s place in the workshop without change or disruption.

  Upstairs, Hester found that John, exhausted by the visit as he was by anything in the least untoward, however pleasant, had been helped back into bed by Ann, who had left him on his own to sleep for a while. His lids were closed
, but he never failed to hear Hester’s light step or sense her presence and a smile touched the corner of his lips before his eyes opened. He stretched out a hand to her.

  ‘Has James gone?’

  ‘Yes.’ She sat down on the edge of the bed and held his hand in both of hers. All her feelings showed in her face. ‘I’ve always loved you, John. I shall go on loving you until the time comes when we’ll meet again.’

  Relief was liquid in his eyes. Then her own tears came. She lay down on the coverlet and rested her head on his shoulder as he put his emaciated arms about her. He kissed her streaming eyes and her cheeks and her mouth. She wept almost silently until there were no more tears in her. He stroked back some disordered tendrils of hair from her brow.

  ‘You have been the best wife any man could have had,’ he said tenderly. He had been unfaithful to her only once when a distraught woman had appealed to his senses, displaying her half-naked body in wild abandonment. It was many years since he had given Caroline a thought, and even now it was a passing reflection without the least importance since Hester had never known of it. He cupped her face gently, looking into her eyes. ‘It was a lucky day for me when Jack Needham broke his watch-chain and I was sent to collect it from the Heathcock tavern.’

  Quietly they reminisced about their courtship. It was safe ground and a preparation for all that would be said between them in the days ahead. Outside dusk had fallen. She did not light the lamp until she stirred from the bed at the sound of Ann’s step on the stairs, Jonathan’s voice in her wake. John’s supper was being brought on a tray.

  It might have seemed as the next few days went by that John had regained a measure of strength out of his new contentment, for he talked to each one of his children in turn on their own without any apparent tiredness, even William being allowed home with Peter at this time. Hester, all scales gone from her eyes, was able to see it was the last bright flare of the candleflame before it flickered out.

  Then the nights set in worse than ever before in hours of tormented coughing that did not ease when morning came. He coughed even when drugged with laudanum. As Hester tended to him, wiped blood from his lips and bathed into coolness his skeletal body that had been the giver of so much physical joy to her in the past, her love for him reached a new dimension of the spirit. She seemed to know his thoughts even as he knew hers, sparing him any attempt at communication, the disease having taken possession of his throat.