Beneath the Universe

by Jennifer Gaskill Miller

  “What’s your name?” The oldest girl asked, getting her attention.

  “Cora.”

  “I’m Helga. That’s Hilde, Holdine, Hedda and over there is Helmut. He’s too shy to play with you. You look about his age.”

  “I’m nearly seven,” Cora proclaimed.

  “Nearly seven isn’t seven. You are six. I have a birthday next month, but I don’t tell people I’m ten. Don’t feel badly about it. You can still play with us.”

  “What are you playing?”

  “We’re going to spy on Harald,” Hedda giggled.

  “Who’s Harald?”

  The boy finally spoke, “He’s our half brother. He’s visiting with his friend from Nuremberg.”

  “You probably saw them driving in,” Helga continued. “They were horseback riding. We think Harald’s met a girl. He’s been dressing up more and always fussing with his hair. Come on!”

  Helga led the way as the rest of the children followed through the house. The hallways were wide and brightly lit, with colorful rugs and vases with flowers on every table. As they came to the back of the house a large patio could be seen through the glass doors. Cora thought they would stop here and watch through the windows, but Helga opened both doors with bravado and continued into the garden. When they heard voices, the children all crouched low and scuttled half bent along the hedge until they were close enough to hear.

  “I don’t think so,” Harald’s friend was saying.

  “Are you crazy? She’s gorgeous! Prettier than Livinia! She looks like a schoolgirl!”

  “That’s better than these girls who look like my mother. They all wear high heeled shoes and red lipstick.”

  “And you don’t like that?” Harald was incredulous.

  “I guess I’m old fashioned. I’ll take a girl who bakes over a model any day!”

  “I can bake,” Helga whispered and Cora had to stifle a giggle. “Look at Markus! Isn’t he the most handsome boy you’ve ever seen?”

  Cora peered over the hedge to get a better look. He was very handsome. They both were. Harald was blond and lean with dark eyes. Markus looked younger, although Cora guessed they were the same age. He looked more like her own father, dark hair and blue eyes. But Markus seemed warmer, friendlier. Cora didn’t realize she was staring until the boys stopped talking and were looking directly at her.

  “What’s this? A Panzer squadron in the garden?” Harald and his friend approached the huddled children and looked down over the hedge on them.

  “Cora! You gave us away!” Helga accused.

  “We would’ve found you out eventually. You can’t hide from the smartest soldiers in Hitler’s army!”

  “You’re not in the army!” Little Hedda said.

  “The Luftwaffe is as vital a military arm as any of the other divisions. Right, Helmut?”

  Helmut stood and offered his support with a very respectful salute. Hilde and Holdine both joined him.

  “Well, I’m not saluting you!” Helga crossed her arms.

  “If you don’t salute him, I’ll tell father!” Holdine threatened.

  “Shut up, Holdine! No one’s scared of you.” Helga unfolded her arms and shoved Holdine so hard she fell head over hedge onto Markus’ feet.

  “What grace! Here, allow me,” Markus lifted Holdine with one arm and brushed off the front of her dress with the other. She pushed him away and ran into the house crying.

  “That wasn’t very nice, Helga!” Hilde said.

  “It’s not my fault she goes running to Daddy every time she gets a little clumsy.”

  “You pushed her, Helga,” Harald interrupted. “We all saw you do it. Go and apologize.”

  “You’re not in charge, Harald.” Helga crossed her arms again.

  “Alright, then. If you won’t go on your own, I’ll make you.” Harald used his long legs to step over the hedge and swept Helga up in his arms as if she were a very angry princess. “Back in a tic!” He called over his shoulder as they went after Holdine.

  “Markus,” Helmut asked, “do you like being a soldier?”

  “Harald likes it. I guess I like it, too. Why, do you want to be a soldier?”

  Helmut shrugged.

  “Well, don’t worry. You have a lot of years to figure it out. Right now you get to be a boy. Don’t worry about being a man just yet.”

  “Markus?” Hedda asked.

  “Yes?” Markus leaned closer to the little girl.

  “Do you have a gun?”

  All the children looked at him expectantly.

  “I do. But I don’t have it with me.”

  “Have you shot anyone?” Hilde asked.

  Markus smiled. “Not yet. I work on the planes mostly. I’m a mechanic. Do you know what that is?”

  “Of course she does,” Hilde said. “She’s four. She’s not stupid.”

  “Do you think you could do it?” Cora asked Markus.

  “Do what?”

  “Kill someone?”

  Markus thought a moment and then conspiratorially lowered his face to hers. “Why? Is there someone you want me to kill?”

  He was too close to her. She could smell his breath, like sweet tea. It might seem rude if she backed up, though she wanted to.

  There was silence for a moment and then Markus stood back and laughed out loud. The other children were laughing, too. He said something about swimming and they followed him through the garden and beyond the brick wall that separated them from the pond. Cora stood where she was, feeling strange and slightly corrupted.

  Not sure where to find Helga or Holdine, she followed the adult voices into a great room with white couches and a grand piano. Her parents sat across from the Goebbels. Herr Goebbels bounced a little girl on his knee. In the baby’s hands were the pearls her mother had been wearing earlier.

  “I don’t think I could do it,” Herr Goebbels was saying. “My children are my life. As much as I love Germany, I could never give her children only to abandon them.”

  “It’s not abandonment, Joseph. The children born there are given the best upbringing possible. They are well cared for and educated.”

  “It doesn’t matter anyway. Young men, the armed forces. They are the donors they want. Married men like us, we’re old news.” He reached out to take his wife’s hand, but she pulled it back into her lap.

  Blaz continued arguing. “Are you telling me you would put your children before your country?”

  “I am not saying that. I would not wish to create children that I could not myself provide for. I am a father, Blaz, as are you. We love our little ones. But, of course, Germany comes first. I would lay down my life for her. And my childrens’.”

  The women both looked at the coffee in their laps. Then Giselle noticed Cora.

  “Hello, darling. Having a good time?”

  “Yes, mama.”

  “Are my children behaving themselves?” Fraulein Goebbels asked.

  “Helga struck Holdine.”

  “Cora!” Blaz was mad eyed.

  “It’s alright. I’m sure that’s the absolute truth. You’re a good girl to tell the truth, Cora. If you see Holdine, tell her to come to me.” Herr Goebbels gave Cora a genuine smile. It made her wish her father would reassure her that way.

  She left the great room and began a search of the house. She found the kitchen, a library, a parlor, a bedroom, even the nursery. But there was no sign of the children or their older brother. Cora decided to play on her own since no one seemed to be missing her anyway. She sat on the floor with a set of wooden dolls. There were people and children, a horse and a cat. There was also an elephant, but seeing no logical reason to have an elephant, Cora set it aside and began a game with the others.

  She had been playing for a while when she heard a voice behind her.

  “Feeling left out?” It was Markus.

  Cora shrugged and continued playing, though self consciously with someone older watching.

  “They’re an exuberant bunch, aren’t they?�
� Markus settled himself on the floor a few feet from Cora. “Can I play?”

  Cora thought for a moment and then handed him the elephant.

  “So,” he asked. “What are we playing?”

  “This is the father. And this is the mother. These are their children and the boy is going to join the Hitler Youth. The girl is jealous because he gets all the attention.”

  “I see. Do you have a brother?”

  Cora shook her head.

  “Are the parents nice?”

  “The mom is. The dad gets angry a lot.”

  “He does?” Markus feigned concern. “Is he nice to the mother?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Does he kiss the mother?”

  Cora stopped playing. “I don’t know.”

  “He should, don’t you think?” Markus took the father doll from Cora’s hands. But he wasn’t looking at the doll. “How about I’ll be the father doll and you can be the mother doll?”

  Just then, Helga came in, followed by Hedda and Harald, carrying Helmut on his back.

  “There you are!” Helga sighed. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you! Why didn’t you come down to the pond?”

  “I thought I should find your friend, here,” Markus smiled. “See if she wanted to come with us.”

  “I didn’t bring any swimming clothes.” Cora answered.

  “We didn’t go swimming. We just threw rocks at the ducks. Come on.”

  “We were just playing a game,” Markus said.

  “Oh,” Helga closed the door and sat between Cora and him. “Alright. What are we playing?”

  “I think I’m tired,” Cora said, tossing the dolls on the floor. “I want my mother.” She quickly left the room, but not before hearing Helga tease her.

  “We just left her alone for a minute. What a baby.”

  Cora went back to where the grownups were talking. Her father sounded frustrated. Cora could tell he wanted to yell but couldn’t. She thought it better to explore on her own rather than disturb them. Maybe she could find the carriage she’d heard about. Outside, the back of the house looked like a different one than from the front. Where the front was rather plain the back was taller where the ground sloped and windows filled the walls. There were iron balconies dotting the top floor and ivy that cascaded from the eaves. The low stone wall paraded beside the hedges, creating a semi labyrinth in the backyard. Beyond the patio was the path to the gardens. As she headed towards it she noticed the pond where the children had seen ducks. The pond had not always been there. Cora could see where the water had been blocked and filled. Where the edge should have been, water slipped right up like an ocean shore, but instead of waves there were layers of blue and green algae for the local fowl to eat. All along the border reeds grew and lily pads floated towards the center. Cora could hear the occasional splash from a frog and basking on the rocks near the water was a turtle, its brown back glinting in the sunlight. The ducks were gone now, frightened away by the children’s earlier onslaught, but there were a pair of geese paddling on the water. They wriggled their heads and dipped their beaks under the surface, then came back up nibbling on whatever they’d found. The bigger goose fluttered its feathers suddenly and Cora imagined the other one had just said something to it that was either very upsetting or very funny.

  Aloft in the trees, birds were chattering to one another. Cora looked to see if she could identify any of them. Something sparkled behind the trees. Cora tried to shield her eyes to determine what it might be. Whatever it was, it was too hidden behind the full summer leaves. An adventure was just what she needed to cheer up, she thought. Making her way around the pond was more difficult than she had anticipated. There didn’t seem to be any direct path leading to the mysterious object. She could go back to the house, but she might not be able to sneak away again if she were seen. The only choice was to blaze her way through the marsh. Trying not to step in the mud, but with little success, Cora slowly made her way around the pond. The reeds grew right up to the edge and without going back to scale the wall, she trudged onward through them. Soon she was on dry, firm ground again and it was a short distance through the trees where she discovered the source of the sparkle. It was a charming citadel, private and removed from everything else. She slipped inside and found it all but empty. From a high window light streamed in and rested on the floor right beside a chair. Cora sat down and scooted so she could bask in the welcoming rays. The sunlight was warm on her face as she closed her eyes and imagined herself a princess in a faraway castle. She started to doze and when she woke the light had moved again.

  “Well, hello, there.”

  Cora bolted upright. It was Markus.

  “Everyone’s looking for you, you know,” he stepped in from the doorway and turned around, taking the room in. “Is this your hiding place now?”

  Cora shook her head.

  “We’re really not supposed to be in here. This is Herr Goebbel’s private place, his sanctuary. But I won’t tell if you won’t.”

  “I should get back,” Cora’s stood, her voice smaller than she intended.

  “Sure. Why don’t you come with me? I know a shortcut so you don’t have to go around the pond this time.”

  Cora’s surprise must have told him she wondered how he knew. He laughed.

  “Your shoes, silly. They’re positively caked with mud.”

  Cora looked down. Her lovely white saddle shoes were filthy.

  “Here, let me help,” Markus stood in front of her. He presented a handkerchief from his pocket with a flourish and waved it like a magician about to perform a trick.

  “Have a seat,” he ordered gently. Cora obeyed and he knelt at her feet and picked up one foot. She thought he was going to take off her shoe, but he grasped her ankle and held it while he wiped at the mud with his other hand. He whistled gaily, stopping every now and then to look up at her and smile. He switched sides and worked on the other shoe. When he was finished, he kept holding her ankle for a moment, then slid his hand up her calf and rested it in the hollow behind her knee. It wasn’t right. He wasn’t hurting her, but something about the way he was touching her made her heart hurt and she realized she was holding her breath.

  “Such pretty shoes. And your socks, too. Absolutely lovely . . .”

  Cora was near tears and without shaking him off pleaded, “Please let me go.”

  He looked at her, puzzled, concern spreading over his handsome face.

  “Of course.” He put his handkerchief back in his pocket and held out his hand. Reluctantly, she took it and let him guide her out of the citadel. Leading her away from the pond, they walked down a white gravel path. Cora wished she had not gone off on her own. She didn’t look at him, even when she knew he was looking at her.

  “This way,” he coaxed, tugging her arm into the trees.

  Cora resisted. She wanted to stay on the path in the open. But he pulled harder, squeezing her hand.

  “It’s the shortcut I was telling you about. Go that way and we have to go all the way around. Come on. Don’t be scared. I’m not going to hurt you.” He was smiling again as he pulled her under the shade. Cora was starting to relax as the roof of the villa came closer and closer. But Markus suddenly stopped walking and sat down, still holding her hand.

  “Sit down with me for a minute,” he ordered kindly.

  “I have to get back. My father will be worried.” It was a lie but Cora was willing to make it if meant Markus would take her back.

  “He’s fine. Everything is fine. You’re such a little worrier. Are you afraid I won’t like you?” He cocked his head to one side playfully before his face turned serious. “Because I do like you. I think you are a very special girl. You’re curious about things, aren’t you? The pond, the geese, the citadel? We have a lot in common, you and me.” He was chewing his lip, staring at her. “That’s why I want to wait just a bit before we go back. I want to get to know you better. You have to leave soon and we might never see each other again.
Isn’t that sad? When two people could be such good friends but they never get the chance to?”

  Cora didn’t think it was sad at all. She couldn’t wait to go away and never see him again.

  “So, Cora, tell me,” he was still holding her hand as she stood in front of him. He was swinging it gently. “Have you ever been kissed?” Cora looked at her shoes and shook her head.

  “Never?” Markus asked pretending to be shocked. “I don’t believe it. A pretty girl like you?”

  “I’m only six,” Cora whispered, hopeful that this information might change things. Maybe he thought Cora was older than she was. Maybe now he’d let her go.

  “Six? When is your birthday?”

  “September.”

  “So soon? That’s only a couple of months and then you’ll be seven. I’d kissed loads of girls by the time I was seven. Are you absolutely sure you’ve never been kissed?” Cora sniffled and nodded her head still staring at her shoes. Markus had wiped most of the mud away but they were still somewhat dirty. Even if she scrubbed them when she got home she would never be able to make them new again.

  “I think we ought to remedy this right away.” He said it jokingly but Cora knew he meant it. She knew when he finally succeeded in pulling her onto the grass next to him and put a hand on her knee. She knew when he leaned towards her and kissed her forehead, then her nose and didn’t stop as he kissed her mouth. Cora shut her eyes and lips, tried to close her face and body all at once as if she could seal it up. When he pushed her gently onto her back she didn’t move. If she acted like a statue maybe she could turn herself into stone and he wouldn’t be able to make her cry anymore.

  She didn’t turn to stone. She just looked into the branches and prayed someone would find them. But no one came and Cora could do nothing but hum Zelda’s lullaby as she was kissed and touched. It wasn’t until they were walking again, her hand in his, that she realized it was over. She wasn’t humming anymore but Markus whistled the whole way back to the villa.

  Her parents were waiting for her. Everyone was standing in front of the house. The car was ready for them and her father looked furious.