Heart of Light

by T. K. Leigh

  “Cam,” she exhaled.

  “Yes?” He looked up briefly before returning his attention to her skin.

  “We’re giving everyone a show.”

  He reluctantly pulled back, giving her a sexy grin. “Okay then, peaches. To be continued later.” He helped her lower her legs down to the ground, grabbing her hand and heading into Sloppy Joe’s.

  “I know I said I wanted you to slam me against the wall and all, but I was referring to the hotel, not the outside of a bar.”

  “My mistake. I got caught up in the moment. I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

  “Oh, Casanova.” She stood on her toes and nibbled on his ear. “I’d like for you to do that again. I love knowing that just being in my company turns you on so much.” She looked down at his dark jeans, raising her eyebrows.

  He laughed. “I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”

  “I don’t think you were trying to hide it from me.”

  “Nope. I certainly was not. I was kind of hoping that you’d drag me back to the hotel, but then you’d miss out on your chance to get drunk in a Key West bar.”

  Jolene glanced around the dimly lit room, hordes of people dancing and singing along to the music playing in the background. “It looks like we’re late to the party,” she commented, eyeing her watch. “It’s not even nine o’clock.”

  “You’re in Key West, beautiful. Now, let’s play catch up.” He scanned the bar, relieved when he found an empty small high-top table. Jolene’s hand still clutched firmly in his, he led her through the packed room toward the table. “Will you be okay here for a minute while I go get us some drinks?”

  She sat down. “Of course I will. Now go.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Jolene watched him walk away, smiling to herself at her good fortune for calling Benny about the beach rental. If she had never seen his ad for the house, she never would have met Cam and Elsie. Then again, if she never met them, she never would have started bartending and David never would have found her, either, she thought. Maybe it wasn’t good fortune. Maybe it was the world playing a cruel joke on her, reminding her that no matter how far she ran, she would never be free as much as she wanted to feel that way…as much as she thought she was after the previous day.

  “Jolene?” a soothing voice called out, cutting through the noisy bar. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

  She turned her eyes to Cam, a look of panic etched on his face.

  “No. Of course not. Why do you…?”

  “Your face, Jolene. You’re pale. Are you sure…?”

  “I’m fine, Cam,” she responded, her irritation showing. “Now, get me drunk.” She needed the alcohol to forget.

  Cam sat down, sliding a Corona and a shot of tequila across the table. “Hope this is okay. I didn’t know what you’d want, but I remember you drinking beer and doing tequila shots with Elsie, so I figured this would be a good start.”

  Jolene smiled weakly, her thoughts still elsewhere. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” She grabbed the shot glass and slammed it back, desperate to feel the burn.

  “Don’t do this,” Cam said quietly, his shoulders sunken.

  “What? Don’t do what?” she hissed.

  “This. Don’t turn off. You’re doing it. Something spooked you. Maybe it was a memory, or something else, but you don’t have to shut me out. You’ve got this cold, hard façade that I’m sure you’ve built up over the past several years. You don’t have to worry about me hurting you, Jolene. I just don’t have it in me. You can tell me anything. I assure you that I’m not going to judge you for it.”

  She raised her beer bottle to her lips, trying to hide her quivering chin. The one thing that she wanted to say to him, she couldn’t. She was forbidden from telling him that his beach house had become a prison…a prison of deceit, lies, betrayal, and shame. And now that she had let him into her heart, it made those feelings even stronger.

  “Jolene?”

  She swallowed hard. “I’m fine, Cam. I promise.” She put on her best fake smile. “Like you said, it was just a memory.”

  He grabbed her hand across the table. “If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here. I won’t pressure you. It’s been my experience that these things take time…”

  “How much time?” she interrupted.

  Cam sighed, wishing that she hadn’t asked that question. “Does it really matter?”

  “Yes, Cam. It matters. It matters to me. I want to know how much longer I’m going to have to live like this.”

  “Everyone is different, Jolene. There’s not one hard and fast rule for how long it takes someone to finally shed their past. And maybe you shouldn’t shed your past. Maybe you need it, but I’ll tell you this much. Your past doesn’t define who you are as a person. And you can’t let it. But you can learn to accept it for what it was. A horrible thing that happened to you.”

  “Over and over,” she muttered.

  He took a deep breath, trying to control his anger about what she had been through. He had never felt so much rage in his life, even after he had to listen to what that bastard was doing to Marley every night when they were just eight-years-old. But here and now, knowing what Jolene must have endured every day for nearly a decade made his temper flame with hatred. He wanted someone to pay.

  He returned his gaze to hers, wanting her to see the affection he had for her. “Yes. But don’t forget the most important thing, Jolene.” He lowered his eyes, gently caressing her knuckles.

  “What’s that?”

  He raised his head. “You survived. You got out, so don’t live in the past. Show everyone, show him, that what he did to you didn’t ruin you. It only made you stronger.”

  “Do you really think I’m strong?”

  “I don’t think so. I know so. I admire your strength. And your spirit.”

  Jolene giggled. “And my legs.”

  Cam groaned. “Don’t even get me started on your legs.” He took a sip of his beer, thankful that the conversation at the table had lightened up. “Peaches.”

  “Can I tell you a secret?” she asked, biting her lower lip.

  “Of course.”

  “I love when you call me that.”

  “Get used to it.”

  As the hours wore on, Jolene felt the alcohol’s effect take hold, no longer worrying about what was waiting for her when she returned from the Keys.

  Around midnight, Cam asked, “Drunk yet?”

  She nodded, a lazy smile on her face. “Yup. Mission accomplished, Dr. Surfer Man. You got me drunk,” she slurred. “How come you don’t seem to be drunk?”

  He laughed at how adorable she was when she’d had too many drinks. “Because, beautiful, I didn’t do nearly as many shots as you did. Plus, I want to be somewhat sober so I can remember how amazing your body feels when I make you come over and over later. But something tells me I’ll always be able to remember that, even if I’ve had a few drinks.”

  Jolene’s eyes went wide at his words, remaining completely speechless.

  “Don’t tell me you have no witty comeback to that.”

  She sat there, her mouth agape for several long seconds before pursing her lips and attempting to brush it off. “Nope. I’ve got nothing.” She raised her beer bottle to her mouth, knowing that she should probably stop drinking. All of a sudden, she heard the opening chords of a song that made her entire body freeze.

  Cam noticed her reaction as the first verse of Hallelujah echoed through the bar, wondering why she had such a frightened look in response to the sound of Jeff Buckley’s haunting voice.

  “Jolene, are you okay?”

  Her chin trembled and she quickly pushed out of her chair, running through the packed space.

  “Damn it!” Cam shouted, chasing after her. Out on Duval Street, he tried to find her over the crowds of people roaming from one bar to another. He grew panicked when he couldn’t immediately locate her. Running toward the hotel, he pushed through all th
e tourists walking down the street. Every second that passed was another second he knew she would spend spiraling down to her dark place.

  He darted through the lobby, trying to think about where she would be when her words sounded in his memory… Free, Cam. I finally feel free, right here on this beach, and I know that it’s because of you.

  He looked out the window of the lobby and spotted a familiar silhouette sitting on the moonlit beach. He bolted out onto the small slice of sand. Stopping abruptly a few yards from her, he tried to get his breathing under control.

  Jolene felt his presence before she heard him approach. “I just wanted to feel free again,” she explained through her tears. “And this, right here, is where I feel that.”

  Cam sat down beside her. “I know you probably don’t want to, but I need you to talk about what set you off.”

  She stared out at the ocean, drawing circles in the sand in front of her. “That song.”

  “What about it?”

  “Every night was torture. I had no identity. I had no friends. I was the boss’ girl. His little pet. His fucking princess!” she cried out. “Men would pay thousands for all of us because we were all shy and submissive. We didn’t know any better. That’s how he trained us.”

  Cam glanced at her, her entire body shaking from her memories. He wanted to comfort her but, at the same time, she needed to tell her story. That way, she could finally begin to move on.

  “I’ll never forget the night of my eighteenth birthday. He said he was throwing me a party and had invited some girls around my age whose parents worked for him. I had a private tutor and no friends, so I was excited about the party.”

  “What happened, Jolene?” he asked, his voice weak.

  “He led me from my room, blindfolding me. He said where we were going was a surprise and that he didn’t want to ruin it for me. I remember how happy I was that this man would go out of his way to throw a party for me. That was the last day that I remember smiling…until I met you.” She turned to face him and gave him a encouraging look before returning her eyes to the shore, the moonlight bright against the dark ocean.

  She continued her story, “I should have known that something was off when he only led me a short distance. I’ll never forget hearing the sounds of ice clinking against glasses. To this day, I can’t stand the smell of cigar smoke.”

  She shuddered from the memory and Cam instinctively wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her into his embrace, warming her with his tenderness.

  “Deep voices echoed in the room, but I couldn’t see anything. I had no way of fighting off the restraints that were tied around my wrists within seconds of entering the room.” Jolene felt Cam’s entire body tense up behind her.

  “I remember screaming for him to help me. All I heard in response was a room full of men’s laughter. That night, he auctioned off my body and my virginity to the highest bidder. I never saw his face. The blindfold was never taken off. I didn’t find out who it was until later when he kept coming back to see me.”

  “Jesus,” Cam exhaled, pulling her body even closer to his.

  “The next day, everything was different. He was different. I was no longer someone he was raising or looking after. I was his property, and every day became the same. He would ‘train’ me, as he liked to call it, forcing me to do things that I’d rather forget about. And then, every night, I served drinks in his special little poker room, getting passed around amongst his high-paying clientele, hoping that I could serve them enough so they would get drunk. You wanted a drunk one. The drunk ones would pass out quickly. The sober ones were cold and calculating. The way they looked at you…” She quivered, attempting to brush off the memory. “You knew they were planning whatever sick, perverse thing they were going to do to you that night. Nothing was off limits, except for kissing. And that’s why you wanted the drunk ones.”

  “Jolene,” Cam asked, his voice soft, “did you ever get a drunk one?”

  She turned her head, their eyes meeting. “No.”

  His heart broke from that simple word, and he knew that she suffered far worse than he originally thought.

  “Every night…” she wailed. “Every night of my existence, I was forced to put on a smile and dragged to a room. I had no escape. Most of the girls had a break from it all during the day…except for me. He always came for me during the day. I always knew when, too. I would hear him play Hallelujah on the surround sound before he entered my room. He would do what he wanted with me and then force me to go to confession to ask forgiveness for my sins. Not him…only me. According to him, I was the one needing absolution. I was the one in the wrong. I was tempting him, so he had no choice but to do what he did. So every day, when he was in meetings, putting on a façade for all his wealthy investors, I would sit in my room and listen to that song over and over again. Over the months, I began to actually believe that it was my penance to be handed between men like I was just a piece of property to be dealt with as they wanted.

  “I guess I never understood why me? Why did he go out of his way to come and get me and turn me into one of his whores? You know the sick part? He made us thank him every day for giving us a job. But we all knew the truth. We were all snatched from our lives and hidden away.

  “One day, I couldn’t stand it any more. I was so sick of him thinking I was this meek, obedient person that my fear had turned me into.”

  Cam swallowed hard. “What happened?”

  “I got out of line in front of a poker room full of wealthy clients, screaming and telling them all that we were there involuntarily. That he had abducted all of us from our homes. They laughed. They didn’t care. They knew what they were buying each and every night and nothing I said would stop them from returning time after time. I was thrown over his shoulder and taken into the bathroom. The next thing I can remember, I was on the cold tile, unable to stand, lying in a pool of my own blood.”

  “Jesus.”

  “He said that it was necessary, and that it was my fault he had to do that to me. He said that it hurt him more than it hurt me. And, right up until the day I got out, I still thought about it. Once, just once, I wanted to have enough nerve to open my mouth again in front of a room full of wealthy men and see if they realized that, with each thrust, we were all dying a little bit more.”

  “Jolene, it wasn’t your fault. Nothing about what happened to you during that time was your fault. He’s a monster. And you need to realize that most people aren’t like that. They’re kind. And caring. And gentle. And loving.”

  “Like you?” she asked, turning her body around to face him, meeting his eyes that were wet with emotion.

  Cam smiled. “Yeah. Like me.”

  She crawled onto his lap and wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his chest. “I believe you, ya know. I know you’ll never hurt me. I just wish I could stay here forever. With you. In this moment.”

  He ran his fingers through her hair, thankful that he could finally comfort her the way he needed to. He could embrace her and, without saying a word, help her believe that everything would work out.

  “I’m not going anywhere. And we can have more moments like this. When we get back home, there will be so many more moments like this. I promise.”

  She let out a sob, realizing that everything could fall apart at any second. Their moment was fleeting.

  “Jolene?” he said, getting her attention.

  She pulled her head away from his chest. “Yes?”

  “I’m sorry, but we’re not going to be able to do everything that you had on your list today.”

  She turned her eyes down, avoiding the truth that was in Cam’s stare. “It’s okay. I understand. It’s all too much for you, isn’t it? My past and knowing everything…”

  He grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him. “No, Jolene. That’s not it. I don’t give a fuck about your past.” He leaned in, pressing his lips against hers. “I’m not going to fuck you against the wall tonight, although I’m
sure it would be quite spectacular. I don’t want to fuck you. I want to make love to you. I want you to feel my love. Because…I love you, Jolene.”

  “You what?” She could feel her heart beating madly in her chest, the sincerity behind the intensity on Cam’s face filling her with warmth.

  “Jolene,” he said quietly, grabbing her hands in his. “I love you. I’ve been struggling with this for a while now. But this, what we have here… I haven’t experienced anything like this before. And maybe it’s rash. Maybe it’s stupid. But I’m not going to ignore what I feel for you. I love you. I love your sharp tongue. I love your smile. I love the cute little freckles you have right below your left earlobe. I love the look on your face when you’re sitting on your deck in the morning and you don’t think that anyone’s looking. But I am. It’s as if you finally realize that everything will be okay, even if just for a minute. It’s a look of peace. I wish I could do something to make that look stay on your face because that’s the look that made me fall madly in love with you. You don’t have to tell me you love me. You don’t have to feel the same way toward me. But I needed to tell you so that you know there is good in the world. That you are deserving of love. That you are deserving of so much more than what you’ve been handed. That you…”

  “Shut up and kiss me,” she begged through her tears, grabbing his head and pulling him to her lips.

  She ran her fingers through his hair, relishing in the feeling of his body against hers. In just twenty-four hours, they had come so far. She never wanted to feel anything other than the love that Cam had for her. She had known it for a while, but hearing those words come out of his mouth made her heart swell.

  She tore out of the kiss, her eyes locked with his. She couldn’t look away if she wanted to. His eyes were her peace. Her freedom. Her future.

  “Tell me again,” she whispered against his lips.

  “Jolene Bergio, I love you with all my heart.”