Loch: A Steel Paragons MC Novel

by Eve R. Hart

  I sat there for hours. I started to get antsy so I got up and paced the small area. At some point, Tank handed me a coffee and I held it for no better reason than to have something to do with my hands. Every time I looked down at my white shirt and saw Reagan’s blood smeared all over it, my anger flared up all over again. The brothers filled me in on everything going on back at the club. They had Lance alive and tied up in the basement. I didn’t take any calls and luckily everyone else handled everything. Other than that, it was quiet. We didn’t say anything to each other. There was no small talk. There was no club talk. I was glad for it but at the same time, it made the minutes tick by slowly.

  “Loch?” An old familiar voice rang out. I turned to see Sara Ann standing in ugly blue scrubs. They had splatters of blood in various spots. Her light blonde hair was pulled back and longer than I remembered. Hell, it had to have been close to fifteen years since I’d seen her. She was a year younger than me and we grew up three doors away from one another.

  I jumped up and walked over to her, beating everyone else by a step. Her eyes bounced around, pausing briefly on each of us. Any other person would have been intimidated by a bunch of big bikers towering over them. But Sara Ann knew all about the club. She even knew most of the older members.

  “Is she…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.

  “She’s stable. She’s breathing through a tube because her throat is swollen. But she’s breathing on her own. She’s unconscious but from what we can tell there is no head trauma. Her shoulder was dislocated and her nose is broken. Other than that, it’s mostly bruising and swelling.” She looked up at me and I could see all the questions in her eyes. I was thankful it was her. Had it been anyone else they wouldn’t have told me jack shit.

  Ethel grabbed my hand and I’d completely forgot she was there. I felt bad. I had only been able to think about Reagan. I pulled Ethel into my side and wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

  “You can see her. One at a time and keep it short. Rest is the best thing for her right now.” Sara Ann paused and looked around the room at all of us again. “Maybe only two of you tonight.” Her eyes flicked between Ethel and me. I nodded.

  “You go first.” I nudged Ethel.

  “No, Nathan. She needs you right now. I’ll be here when you’re done.” She shuffled off and took her seat ending the discussion.

  I nodded then followed Sara Ann down the hall. Once we reached the room I stood there paralyzed as I look through the window at Reagan’s mangled face. Sara Ann shifted beside me and I felt her cold fingers touch my arm.

  “Her ribs are bruised. She has some deep bruising on her side and stomach, but there is no internal bleeding,” she says softly beside me. “I did a pelvic exam and I saw no indication of trauma.” I breathed a sigh of relief. Not that it didn’t mean what she went through was bad enough.

  The whole situation was sick. I saw enough to know that it was brutal and I wondered if I hadn’t shown up how much worse it would have gotten. Thoughts of how he would have killed her played in a sick loop inside my head. I felt the need to vomit but I swallowed hard, pushing it back down.

  “Fuck,” I breathe out to no one in particular.

  “This isn’t your fault, Nathan. I don’t know what happened, but I can tell you that you probably saved her life.” I could feel Sara Ann’s eyes on me but I didn’t lift my head. “I’ve got to call this in. There were too many nurses that saw, I’m sorry. But I can wait a little bit if you want.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “Marshall’s got it taken care of. I can get him here if it comes to that.”

  “Okay. If it comes to that I’ll let you know.” She paused for a moment. “You know, I never thought I’d see the day…” Her words had me looking over to her as I narrowed my eyes in question. “I’ve known a few women who wished you’d look at them with that look of love in your eyes. Maybe this isn’t the best time to say this, but she’s a lucky girl.” She patted my arm and walked off before I could respond. I took in a long breath through my nose before I pushed the door open.

  Reagan looked so small and fragile. I had failed her. I had let this happen to her. I swallowed it all down and took her hand in mine. She needed my strength right now. I had to push all of my doubts and anger aside.

  “Rea,” I whispered while lightly running circles over the back of her hand with my thumb. “If you can hear me, I’m so sorry. I know nothin’ I can ever do will make up for me lettin’ you down. For me not being able to protect you and stop this. You are the one beautiful thing in my dark world and I have failed you. I need you to open your eyes. I need to see you.”

  I kissed the back of her hand before resting my forehead against it. I didn’t want to hurt her but I need to touch her. I needed to feel her close to me.

  “I need you, Rea,” I whispered to the lonely room.

  I closed my eyes remembering everything I could about her. I thought about her smile. How much she would frustrate me sometimes. How she would never back down to me and how much I loved that about her. I remembered how it felt to have her in my arms and how amazing it felt to be buried deep inside of her. How I never wanted to replace any of that with someone else.

  I knew she would need time to heal after this. Not only her body but her mind as well. It was something she would never get over. Something she would live with for the rest of her life. But I didn’t want to push her to feel like she needed to get over it for me. She would need time to crawl inside of her head and deal with the reality of it all.

  I sighed knowing what was to come was going to be a hard road to travel. Hard for me, but even harder for her. She didn’t deserve any of this. Her life had been one shit pile after another. I wondered if I would end up being another one. I should have let down my walls, manned the fuck up, and told her how much she meant to me. How much I fucking loved her. I should have pushed her to tell me what she was running from and what happened to her. I should have never let her close herself off from me. I didn’t deserve her. I wasn’t the man I should have been for her. The reality of that hit me in the gut like a sledgehammer. I could have stopped this. But instead, I was too busy hiding and being a fucking coward; afraid that if I pushed her I would lose her. Deep inside I knew I had.

  I clenched my jaw. I was almost as angry at myself as I was at that sick fuck who did this to her. My blood boiled and I started to see red again. The thing was, I could beat Lance to death for it, but I couldn’t do the same to myself. I stood up and took one last, long look at her. I brushed her hair out of her face and kissed the top of her head lightly. I pulled out my phone and took a picture of her busted face. Mostly to remind myself how badly I’d messed up, but also so I could show Lance how he had fucked up. I was going to do everything he did to her and more.

  Then I left.

  Unable to speak, I nodded to Ethel before I headed out the front doors to the hospital. Bocca and Tank followed close behind me. I took in the first breath of fresh air I had in a while. It did nothing to lessen the sting.

  “I called Brand,” Bocca said behind me. I nodded, feeling even more like shit that I’d forgotten about him. More promises I had broken. Fucking add it to the list of how shitty I was.

  I stopped and turned around to meet Bocca’s eyes. I could see the anger radiating off of him and the sadness behind it. It hit me then, Reagan had tucked herself into each of our hearts. It was clear as day they all cared for her and this was killing each of us in our own way.

  “He doesn’t sound well. Took Axe and Stone to hold him down and drag him away from the basement,” Bocca continued on about Brand. I had a feeling Brand cared for Reagan, but I was starting to wonder if there was more there than friendship. I shook it off. I couldn’t think about that now.

  “Did you fuckin’ see her?!” I growled, throwing my arm out towards the hospital doors. I was quickly losing any of the calm I’d been trying to keep. Of course Brand wasn’t doing well. I wasn’t fucking doing well. I didn’t even kno
w how I was still standing.

  Bocca’s eyes closed as he took in a slow breath. I knew he had seen her and I knew he was feeling as torn up as I was. Reagan didn’t deserve any of what happened to her. She may have carried a heavy burden of a hard past. But she was still the fucking warm sunshine that made us all light up inside.

  “I’m goin’ back to the clubhouse. Ethel is here. Leave Lake with her and have him call if anythin’ changes.” I barked. I knew Bocca would understand that I was only taking my anger and pain out on him. And that I didn’t mean anything by my harsh tone. “We are headin’ back. Time to deal with this.”

  I turned around and walked off. Bocca caught up with me and told me where they had parked Reagan’s car. It was a good thing he did because I was so blinded by rage I wasn’t even thinking. I probably would have been walking around the rest of the night just trying to remember what the hell I was even looking for.

  I slid into the driver’s seat. I could smell the blood and my glance shifted over to the spot where I had shot Lance. Then my mind flashed with a crumbled Reagan in the front seat as I flung open the door. I saw the blood smeared on the steering wheel. Tears spilled from my eyes. Since I was alone, I took a moment to break down. I closed my eyes and let everything I’d been holding in come rushing to the surface.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Reagan

  I started to drift out of the fizzy darkness. I heard beeping as the weird sterile smell hit my nose. I tried to open my eyes but it felt like my eyelids were glued together. Everything hurt. My face and head throbbed. There was a sharp pain in my shoulder and side. I tried to swallow and my throat felt raw and scratchy.

  Everything came rushing back to me. What had happened to me. Lance. The violent beating and what he had done to me. But I couldn’t remember leaving the house. I thought for sure I was dead.

  Tears escaped out of the eyes I couldn’t even open yet. I felt them leave hot trails down my face towards my ears. More fell as the flashbacks popped up into my mind. Playing over and over again like the worst kind of nightmare.

  But it wasn’t a nightmare, it was my reality.

  “Reagan, oh dear.” Nan’s voice sliced through the darkness. I felt her warm fingers on my hand and I willed my eyes to open. “Can you squeeze my hand? If you’re awake just squeeze.”

  I tried to move my fingers. Finally, I felt my pinky twitch as the fog in my brain lifted a little bit more.

  “Let me get the doctor. Hang on, Reagan.” My ears strained to hear what was going on.

  I tried again to open my eyes. I didn’t hear anyone else. Where was Nate? Was he the one that brought me here? How long had I been out? What happened to Lance?

  “Nate.” His name fell from my raw throat in a harsh whisper, leaving it burning like I had swallowed broken glass.

  My eyes cracked open and the bright lights spilled in through the slits making my head throb harder. I swallowed again and tried to adjust to the light. I saw Nan’s blurry figure standing beside me. My eyes fell closed again.

  “Dark,” I whispered and a few seconds later the world outside of my lids dimmed.

  I looked up at Nan. A nurse came in and went around the other side of the bed, fiddling with what the hell ever was over there. Nan grabbed my hand again and gave it a light squeeze. Everything felt heavy and I wondered if I was sinking into the bed. I wanted the bed to open up and swallow me whole. I wanted the darkness back and I wanted the memories to be gone. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. This would forever scar me and I hated it.

  “Miss Turner, I’m your nurse for the day. My name is Tracy. Do you know where you are?” nurse Perky Pants asked. I shouldn’t be mad at her, but her happy voice was grating on my ears.

  “Hell,” I replied. If my mouth hadn’t been so dry it would have come out a lot more abrasive.

  “Not quite,” she said without missing a beat. I could feel her fucking smile through the choking air in the room. “You’re in—”

  “A fucking hospital.” I cut her off. If I were her I would probably want to slap me. But I imagined she was used to dealing with cranky patients.

  “That’s right,” she said excitedly and I waited for her to give me a cookie for my job well done. “You’ve been out for quite some time. I’ll let Dr. Anders know you are awake. She’ll be in shortly. Can I get you anything before I go?”

  “Water,” I said gruffly. “Please,” I added, feeling bad that I was being a bitch. It wasn’t her fault any of this had happened to me. She gave me a bright smile and moments later came back with a small Styrofoam cup of cold water with a straw in it.

  Nan helped me sit up a little more and held the cup out for me to take a sip. The water burned as it went down my throat but the coolness of it felt good. Once I was done, Nan set the cup aside and attempted to fluff my pillows. My head fell back and I struggled to let out a long breath, which sent me into a coughing fit. Which then made my body feel like it was being stabbed with sharp knives all over.

  “Where is he?” I asked looking over at Nan.

  The fact that Nate wasn’t there when I woke was a huge disappointment. Not that I wasn’t grateful to see Nan’s old, spunky face. Her eyes turned sad. As Nan opened her mouth to say something the door opened and in walked a tall, blonde haired woman much older than me. She was wearing a long white coat and holding a tablet. Her eyes met mine and a sweet smile graced her face.

  “Good morning, Reagan,” she said and it wasn’t lost on me how she called me by my first name, like we were old friends.

  “How long have I been out?” I asked before she could go into whatever doctor’s speech she had to give me. The cheeriness of her face dropped for half of a second. She blinked and the smile returned to her face, though, not as big as it had been.

  “Three days. It’s not uncommon for someone whose body has been through what yours has.” She moved closer to me. I clenched my jaw and it hurt like a motherfucker.

  The doctor went on about what had happened to me and what was wrong with me. Apparently, I had a tube down my throat at one point. But it was removed the day before because the swelling had gone down. My mind drifted not wanting to hear it. I knew it was bad. I could feel what was wrong with my body all over. I had fucking lived through it. I should have been grateful for the fact that I had done just that. Lived. But right then I couldn’t seem to think of anything else but what had been done to me. More than anything I wanted to be back in Nate’s bed and wrapped in his strong, warm arms. But he wasn’t even here to hold my hand.

  “We’ll monitor you another day. If everything goes as well as it has been, you should be good to go home tomorrow.” I tuned back in as she was finishing. “I’m going to check a few things before I go and then I’ll be back to see you in a little bit.”

  “I’m going to step out and make a call.” I cut my eyes over to Nan who was trying her best to slink out of the door. I knew what she was up to without a doubt. And I was pissed.

  “Don’t!” I barked, it hurt like hell, and her face held a shocked expression. “If he wanted to know I was awake, he would be here.” I turned my head away from her as the tears began to spill out, again.

  The doctor looked down at me with a strange look. Almost like she knew something I didn’t. Did I know her? There was no way I could have. I didn’t have any memory loss and I had never seen her before. Before I could ask her, she turned her attention to the tablet in her hands. After another minute she headed out the door without a word.

  Nan sat down and flipped through the channels on the TV. We sat in silence for a long time. The things she wanted to say were probably not things I wanted to hear. The things I was thinking of were things I didn’t want to talk about. So the silence was for the best.

  A while later, I asked Nan if she had my phone. She fished through her giant bag of a purse and found it. She told me that Brand found it and made sure it was charged for me when I woke up. I wanted to ask her if he had been here and if he had seen me. I won
dered if he was here how long he stayed by my side. A tinge of guilt hit me that I didn’t think of him or Bocca right away. Or Chris. Any of the other guys, really. I powered on my phone and waited. A bunch of new text messages popped up from a few different people. I scrolled through and the one person I wanted to see hadn’t sent one. I sighed.

  Brand had sent a bunch. Most of them telling me to get better already. It made me smile for a brief second. Chris had sent me a few and his sounded worried. Bocca and even Diesel had sent a couple. Although, I could tell they were a little weird and awkward, it was the thought that counted.

  I decided to send Brand a text letting him know that Sleeping Beauty was awake. I knew I was a far cry from looking like a beautiful princess, but that was the point. I knew he would get it. There was no reply and I figured he was busy with club stuff. I also sent one to Chris saying that I was doing fine, though it was far from the truth. He said he couldn’t wait to see me again and that he missed his buddy. I had never had people that cared about me so much before, and now I had more than I knew what to do with.

  Nan settled on reruns of Big Bang Theory. I zoned out and tried my best to give into the laughter. Two shows later there was a soft knock at the door. I turned my attention that way as it swung open. Brand stepped in carrying a stupid yellow duck balloon. He wore a huge smile on his face like I’d never seen on him before; dimples and all. It was infectious and I couldn’t help but smile back at him. He handed a plastic bag to Nan and the smell of meat and grease filled the room. My mouth watered and I was worried I might be drooling.