Control (Kenshaw Ranch Book 4)

by Piper Frost

  Charles Gold is an old friend of Corey’s and he’s also a photographer. I couldn’t get him off the phone today while he begged me to let him take my picture. He went into explicit details of what sort of pictures too. Apparently Charles Gold can appreciate my body, but if Corey found out he talked to me like that, I’d pay for it. I don’t know if this is a test for me to admit Charles’ harmless advances.

  “I spoke to him. The shoot with Adam’s girls went well and you’ll have them for publication Monday.” I open the refrigerator door but it slams as he leans against it.

  “I know that.” The look on his face makes me shiver. I know what this look means. “He mentioned wanting to shoot you. He tell you that?” Not leaving his spot, his heavy gaze holds me in place.

  I force a chuckle and roll my eyes. “He mentioned it, but I blew it off.” And then he mentioned it over and over in detail.

  “Why’d you blow it off?” His finger trails down my arm and I briefly close my eyes. “You’re a sexy woman. People would pay tons to see my beautiful wife.” Lips I’ve grown to hate lean for my neck and I tilt my head like I’m trained to. His hands trail over my curves and he pulls me against him. “You’re better than any pussy I’ve ever had.”

  Words like this would never turn me on. Especially not coming from this man. I haven’t gotten aroused from him since the first few times we slept together years ago.

  I giggle because I’m supposed to and I let my hands roam his sides. There are no options for me when it comes to having sex with him. It happens when he wants it, or I regret trying to turn him down. We move to the bedroom and I uncomfortably undress. He always cuts me down, builds me up, then cuts me back down and I know a negative comment about my weight is coming.

  I hate myself.

  *

  Sitting at my desk I stare at my phone while pushing on my neck in a spot Corey bit me hard enough to draw blood. The pain is supposed to convince me not to go through with what’s on my mind, but Corey's in Italy, it's safe to talk to Tommy...I think. Picking up right where we left off, I reply to his random question.

  Country girl at Hart: Pact? What pact? You buying eighty goats?

  I don't expect an immediate reply, and don't get one, but the good thing is I don't have to log out of this profile immediately.

  When I get home, my entire body feels like something’s weighing me down. I should have tried to contact my brother sooner, but Corey always makes comments about how it’s convenient I don’t have family or friends outside of him. The reasons are obvious, and if I were suddenly to have contact with them, he wouldn’t stand for it.

  “Hello?” Bo answers and I smile at the sound of his voice.

  “Hey, what’re you up to?”

  “Affton?” he asks like he doesn’t believe it’s me. I don’t have my twang anymore, but it’s still my voice.

  “Yes, nerd.” I laugh.

  “What the right fuck, girl?” he screams and I balk at the sound.

  “What?” I ask in the same tone I adapt when talking to Corey.

  “I’ve been trying to call you for years! Goddamn years! What the hell is wrong with you? I understand you not wanting to have much of a relationship with Mom and Dad, but shutting me out is low!”

  “I never got your calls, Bo. You dialing the right number?” I chuckle but I can hear him breathing into the phone like the angry bull he is.

  “Don’t you—” He abruptly stops his words then groans. “I don’t know what’s goin’ on with you, but if this is the person you’ve become, I’d prefer if you didn’t call me.”

  Wow…

  “Bo, I’m sorry. Life’s been busy. With work and everything. I’m always stalking your pages online. I’m just really busy.”

  “Yeah, alright. I hope your job’s a better brother than I was. And I hope your job will be there for you when you need it most. And I hope your job will always have your back. I hope—”

  “Fuck! I get it!” I shout into the phone and gasp at myself. I haven’t gotten mouthy in a long time and it felt good.

  “I tried callin’ on your birthday. Don’t lie, Affton. I know you blocked my number. I get voicemail immediately each time.”

  “I didn’t block your number.” I laugh but a terrible feeling turns my gut. Did Corey block my brother’s number? I’ve never paid attention to something like that because I didn’t think I had to.

  “Yeah, alright. Why are you callin’ me, Affton?” The hurt in his voice makes my eyes fill with tears.

  “I miss ya.” I chuckle, trying to keep this conversation light, but my brother’s usually too stubborn to be able to pull him from a bad situation immediately. He needs time to think about it all, and I don’t have time. This might be the last time I talk to him.

  “I miss you too, Affton. I’m fixin’ to…do something. I have to go.”

  “Okay,” I mutter. “Love you, Bo.”

  “Love ya too, girl.” He hangs up and my tears burst through.

  I check my phone numbers and see Corey has blocked everyone that isn’t someone we mutually know or a client. He’s even blocked my parents’ numbers. I have no idea when he did that because I hadn’t even made an effort to contact any of them.

  “Oh god,” I whimper. I can’t unblock them or he’ll know.

  Like the diligent wife I am, I clean the clean house and as I’m preparing for bed around midnight, I call Corey because he’ll be awake by now. I was tired at nine and could have slept the whole night through, but I didn’t want to call him too early and chance pissing him off.

  I put on my fake tone that drips with lies of being in love and obedience while he keeps me on the phone for twenty minutes, mainly talking to someone else.

  “I love you, Af,” he says and I roll my eyes.

  “I love you too. Sleep well.”

  “You too. I hate when you have bags under your eyes.”

  If there aren't bags, there are bruises...

  I force a chuckle. “Night.” I lie back in bed and slide my phone away from me until it chimes with a message notification. My heart skips a beat and I quickly grab for it, remembering I never logged out of my old account.

  Tommy Barns: Sorry, was at work. With all the goats. Look, this is Ginnie. She's mine. But I'm getting more soon.

  He sends a picture of a tiny grey and black goat that looks like it's smiling.

  That's adorable and it makes the southern roots deep, deep inside me tingle.

  Country girl at Hart: That thing is adorable! And when you say she's yours...?? Your? Child? Girlfriend? Your what? Only goat, I'm hoping, but knowing your crazy ass, you treat this goat better than you've treated anyone else. I hope your girlfriend doesn't get jealous.

  I've seen the pictures of him and his girlfriend, Rachel. Cute girl. I hope she’s treating him right.

  Tommy Barns: I’ve only treated one person better than Ginnie. See where that got me? #forgotaboutthemagicdick. And no, she doesn't get jealous because I don’t have a girlfriend currently. Ginnie and I can tear the house up without anyone bitchin.

  No surprise. Tommy settling down was never in the cards. Apparently he's settled with a goat.

  Country girl at Hart: I could only imagine what your living conditions are like. I noticed a few years back you were remodeling a house. Still live there?

  Tommy Barns: You're stalking me.

  Country girl at Hart: I've stumbled upon your social media occasionally.

  Occasionally = daily for the past week. Not to mention the years I’ve spent missing him through the pictures and goofy posts he makes.

  Tommy Barns: I finished the house. It's on a few acres outside of town. Best thing I ever did, but I'm sure you saw that from the pictures.

  I laugh, the first real laugh I've had in too long. I can’t even remember the last time I was actually happy. My job makes me happy, but where my job came from makes me incredibly sad. I wouldn’t be in this position right now if it weren’t for my job.

  Country girl
at Hart: Yeah…that's what I saw from the pictures. Best decision in Tommy's life. Country living.

  Tommy Barns: Best life there is. When're you coming back?

  Country girl at Hart: No thanks.

  I quickly delete the response I was typing out of when he's going to come see me, because that's not a possibility. Ever.

  Tommy Barns: I think you forgot how much you loved it here ; )

  Country girl at Hart: That is not what I forgot

  I forgot my dignity and livelihood. I forgot how to be strong and independent. I forgot how badly I've needed Thomas Barns to protect me.

  Tommy Barns: Oh I know that too. Hey, I'm hitting the hay. Got an early morning tomorrow. Talk soon? How about not letting it go so long this time. Okay?

  Country girl at Hart: You got it ; )

  I don't plan on talking to him again, but I also don't log off this profile, and I can't bring myself to. Corey won't be back for three more days. Maybe Tommy will message me before then.

  *

  I’ve thought about calling Bo again, but he was so angry and the past few days without a brooding man around has been peaceful. I love my brother, but I don’t want to deal with his attitude. Corey comes home today and I should get out of bed and get the house cleaned up, but I haven’t slept in in years.

  I spread out and smile into my pillow. This was the life I wanted. Single. All the bed space I need. If I pretend Corey isn’t my boss, I’m in heaven right now. There are a few things I regret. Like a ‘magic dick’ I wouldn’t mind having every now and then. But none of this is my real life and I need to remember that, especially because Corey comes home today. I start to sit up and my phone chimes that noise I’ve been dying to hear since the last time Tommy messaged me. I need to remember to sign out and delete all traces of this account today.

  Tommy Barns: I trimmed.

  Along with the text there’s a picture of his trimmed beard. The bed-head and rumpled sheets around him tell me he’s enjoying sleeping in too. The smile on my face shouldn’t be there. I have no right to look at this picture and enjoy it as much as I am. I’m a married woman. Unhappily, and with no options to change it, but I’m still married. That blue-eyed stare with long dark lashes and thick eyebrows he doesn't over pluck because he's not a metrosexual living in California...it does things to me. I huff and cover my face. At what point did my life spiral so far away from what I actually wanted?

  Country girl at Hart: You look as cute as you did when we were kids waking up on an early morning after a late night of drinking

  Tommy Barns: Except I'm old. And these tired eyes are solely from the horse I was taking care of at one in the morning. Addict's sick and Jo's about to lose her shit over it. Headin back over soon actually.

  Country girl at Hart: Addict...is the horse? And Jo? He's the horse’s owner?

  Tommy Barns: Damn, I always forget you don't know this town anymore. Jo's Brandt's wife. Addict is her horse.

  Country girl at Hart: I don't remember a Jo being in little Brandt Kenshaw's life when we were younger. New girl? Last I remember of Brandt Kenshaw was letting him put his hand down my shorts in his daddy's barn.

  Tommy Barns: His step sister. She's a city girl but he changed her real fast

  Country girl at Hart: STOP! I...got nothing. Brandt Kenshaw has a step sister? And he married her? And she's from the city? Wasn't his step mom a HUGE country singer? Where's the city sister come from? I'm so confused and I think I want to stay that way! Lol

  Tommy Barns: It's probably a little confusing for an outsider. They're just a big happy family. Maybe one day we’ll talk it all over with drinks ; ) How you doin today? Plans?

  I look toward the window that's bringing in light brighter than it's ever seemed to before. My room looks different. It all together feels different. And I like it. Today’s the first day I don't feel like I'm hiding. Today’s the first day that old Affton is clawing her way out of this body to be seen again.

  Country girl at Hart: Today's my first day off in three months and I don't plan on leaving bed until I have to.

  I probably shouldn't have sent that and as my heart begins to pound, I quickly pull up my texts with Corey and shoot him a good morning text. While I text Corey, I think about Tommy, things about Tommy that I shouldn’t. The thrill of thinking about fucking Tommy while texting my husband has my heart racing in fear and excitement. I don’t get off on cheating, but to be able to stick it to Corey before he vanishes from my life forever is a fantasy I’ve had for a while.

  Tommy Barns: Pics or it didn't happen.

  I bark out a laugh and my stomach does a somersault. It's been years since I've felt this. At the beginning of mine and Corey's relationship there were some flutters, but I haven't felt this happy since I was in my early twenties.

  Wearing no makeup, I take eight pictures because they all look awful, then I remember Tommy's known me with a full face of makeup, and a naked face, and he'd fuck me both ways. I send the picture of my tongue out and eyes crossed. My long hair is wild and my boobs are bulging out of my white tank top. I quickly delete all those photos from my phone, then go into my recently deleted photos and delete them from there. Then I clean them out of my Cloud drive, then empty my trash.

  Shit. My life shouldn't be this hard. I could just put my phone down and stop flirting with death, but us Harts are known to be adrenaline junkies.

  Tommy Barns: More pics. Or it didn't... I mean fuck Beany you're not allowed to send me those then tell me you're never coming home!

  Country girl at Hart: Ha! You're still as horny as you were when we were kids!

  I groan and rub my face while my heart pounds. This isn’t like me anymore and the old me trying to resurface is going to get the new me murdered.

  Tommy Barns: Not all the time. Only for the right people.

  Tommy Barns: Want to play a game?

  Is it…see-how-long-I-can-keep-this-up-until-I-become-a-missing-person? God, because that’s where I’m headed if I don’t end this immediately. There’s a battle going on within me. Docile me that lives in fear is trying to push the person I used to be back into her dark corner.

  Country girl at Hart: What kind of game?

  Tommy Barns: A piece of me for a piece of you. It's been fifteen years Affton. You gotta give a man something more to go on than a hot bed-head selfie.

  What am I doing? I exhale a few calming breaths. After today, I'll never talk to Tommy again. I can't! This shouldn’t be happening right now, but it’s reminding me I’m alive. I haven’t lost my entire soul to fear. I wish this person could stay because I know she could defeat Corey. But the second I get around him, I’m like a little girl, looking for a place to hide.

  I send a picture of my painted toes and start to laugh.

  Tommy Barns: You've been cheating on me this whole time. I knew it. I do a much better job.

  Country girl at Hart: My nail artist Kelly is amazing! But your massages were better. Gotta take what I can get around here. PS, you could have been making $60 a foot for the treatment you used to give my feet.

  Tommy Barns: I'd never take money from you Bean. I'm glad you found someone all the way out there in the promised land, but it's still better here. And here you go, as promised. Tit...for tat.

  He sends a picture of his right arm, full of tattoos and defined muscles I don’t remember him having. He was always fit, but there’s a lot of dedication going into those muscles now. And the tattoos…the tattoos only make my old best friend fill me with more regrets than I already have.

  Country girl at Hart: You get a lot of sun and workouts I see

  Tommy Barns: It's hard work but someone's gotta do it. I'm waiting for my picture.

  I bite my lip and think over my options here. When my phone chimes with a text, I jump and drop it, my heart falls into my stomach and a feeling of sickness washes over me. It’s a response from Corey that simply says ‘Busy. I’ll be home today.’ I need to delete this whole conversation with Tommy then see if I
can delete this account all together. While I frantically go through the account settings, looking to permanently delete this account, I get another DM from Tommy.

  Tommy Barns: Beany?

  He sends another shot, this time it’s bolder, showing the nice view of a cut stomach and hips, partially covered in a dark blue sheet on his bed. From what I can tell, he’s naked in that bed.

  Tommy Barns: You owe me two now. I'm a patient man.

  I stare at his picture for almost five minutes, studying every single definition, hair, and tattoo I can see.

  “Fuck, fuck,” I start to pant nervously. “Oh god, shit. I hate being a Hart.” I'm actually shaking from fear, but sickly enough I love this feeling.

  I kick down my stark white sheet then wiggle out of my shorts. I breathe out through my mouth and inhale through my nose, trying to calm my nerves building up from the dangerous path I’m headed down. But I don’t want to stop this little game…and Corey’s not home yet.

  Lifting my arm, my other hand pulls at the bottom of my tank in an attempt to hide my underwear.

  I send the picture without looking because if I start to inspect it, there will be a million flaws and I won’t send it. I haven't loved my body in years and I want to be that girl again. When I was younger I proudly flaunted my curves. I still do, but the pride is gone. I only do it now because it’s what I’m known for. Being plus sized and proud, and if I suddenly stopped promoting body positivity, I would lose my job.

  Country girl at Hart: As you can see, I don't get a lot of sun or workouts. Still chubby Affy.

  Tommy Barns: That's not what I see Affton. I see a fuck ton of spank bank material. Thank you! That was only one though. You owe me another, and it better be more like that second shot and less of your toes.

  Tommy Barns: But I do like your toes...

  Country girl at Hart: More toes? You got it!

  I send another picture of my feet, but it's a shot spanning down my legs.

  Tommy Barns: I'll take it.

  He shoots me the same style picture of him, but it's from the chest down...and the sheet that was covering parts of him I haven’t seen in years is now only covering a thin sliver of that member.