Control (Kenshaw Ranch Book 4)

by Piper Frost

  A punch to the gut would have felt better right about now. I shake my head, dropping her hand.

  “That's what you think I'm so worked up over? That your life didn't turn out how I thought it should?” I let out a harsh laugh and start to walk away. I've yelled at her enough tonight. Yelling doesn't work. She's got fifteen years of shit she's been through without me. Who am I to think me barging in on her life is going to change anything? “Beany, I don't know what to do to help you. All I know is you can't go back to that.” I wave at the bruising on her face and the others I know her clothes are hiding. “The first time was just once? A slap? Now he's got you layering on makeup so you probably can't even move your face naturally. Six months from now what's it going to be?” I feel defeated. Weak and defeated. But I can't stop fighting to make her see she's got other options. “I’m not going to say move back here because I know you hate everything about this place. But you're not going back there.”

  Turning to face me, she holds her chin high. “Do you really want to know how you can help me? The only way to help me is to forget you found out. Leave me alone. Let me walk out of here the same memory you had of me before I showed up. What you’re saying, I'm not going home, you're playing with fire and the only person that will get burned is me. Please, don’t do that to me.”

  I clench my fists and square my jaw. She's gone motherfucking mental if she thinks I'm going to let her walk away. ”That's not happening, Affton. I can't forget what I saw. I can't forget any of this.”

  “Do you want me afraid of you too?” she asks quietly, but it's not her being shitty, she's really asking me that and I cringe. “Is that what you want? Because your threats, they hurt as bad as his if not worse because I...you're you.”

  What the fuck does that mean?

  “Beany, no,” I whisper, panicked that she's actually afraid of me. “No, that's not...no. They're not threats, Affton.” I search her eyes for some trace of anything other than fear but I can't find it. “You deserve so much more than the life you're living, Bean.”

  “I did.” She nods once in agreement. “But I'm not sure anymore. I have some happiness in my life, Tommy. I love my job. It's in the field I dreamed about as a little girl. And because of that...I guess I can just accept nothing else in my life is a fairy tale.” She won't even look me in the damn eyes because she knows, deep down, how much of a crock of shit that is.

  “Remember when you said you were going to have it all?” I whisper, stepping closer to her, praying she doesn't back away. “Not all like the husband and kids all. But all like the money, fame, power in the industry? You did that, Affton. You fucking made it. And I watched you rise to the top with so much pride.” I push a strand of hair behind her ear then watch my fingers lightly trail down her bruised jawline. “Whatever it took to get there... Was it worth it? Is it truly worth it?”

  She bites her lip and drops her head. “Does it matter anymore?”

  Bringing her chin up, forcing her to look at me, I search her eyes. Her blackened eyes, from a man that probably doesn't know a third of the shit this amazing woman in front of me does.

  “It always matters, Beany. You. You always matter.” My eyes flick to her lips and my stomach drops. I'm about to do something I've been against my entire goddamned life, but this is a special instance. This is my Affton. I move to press my lips to hers, slowly, praying she kisses me back. If she kisses me back, I can be here for her. It'll be my stupid fucking sliver of hope that she knows she needs out. And that she knows she needs…me.

  If she doesn't... Fuck, I don't even know.

  My mouth pushes against hers so gently, barely brushing against her soft, full lips. She makes a noise but doesn't pull back. She doesn't push forward either, she holds her spot. I sigh and press my forehead to hers, breaking the kiss.

  “It's time for bed,” I whisper, my chest aching.

  “I'm sorry I showed up here, Tommy. I'm sorry I did this to you.”

  “Please don't.” I take a step back. I love this woman. I've loved her my entire fucking life. I can't give up on her now. Not when she needs me the most. “I wish you would have trusted me long ago, Affton. I wish I could have been there for you.”

  “If I never left...” She lets out a tired chuckle and her hand lifts to my shoulder.

  “You could be livin' with a sweet ass goat,” I say, trying to lighten her mood. Mine, on the other hand, has permanently been damaged and not even a whole flock of cute ass goats could fix it.

  “Yes.” She laughs and drops her forehead to my shoulder. “An adorable goat.” Standing upright, she opens the backdoor. “We never belonged together and you know it. You wouldn't have let me leave back then if we had.” She heads for the sink and immediately starts to wash her glass.

  I lean against the doorframe, watching her and hating that she thinks she needs to do this right now.

  “You were dead set on going. I wasn't about to stop you from livin' your dream, Beany.” I cross my arms and watch her pause, the water running over her hands is billowing steam. I walk across the kitchen, reaching around her and turning the water off slowly, taking the glass out of her hand before she drops it.

  “You wanted me to stay in this town until I was thirty-five?” she asks the sink because she won't lift her head and face me. “You wanted me to stick around all those years while you ran around town screwing everyone you could, including me?”

  “You were also dead set on staying single forever,” I manage to whisper. “I wasn't about to step in the way of your happy ending. But you should know you didn't have to leave to find it.”

  Her head drops completely and her shaking hands wring together. “I didn't leave for a happy ending. I left to give myself a better life than I financially could have obtained here.”

  And that's where it all lies. Money. She's been about it since day one, so I'm not sure what I thought may have changed.

  “Well, you did just that, didn't you?” I step back, having to force myself away from her. “Bet it feels good to not have to worry about any of those bills now.”

  “I'm tired, Tommy,” she whispers, drying her hands on the towel next to the sink.

  “Yeah.” I watch her robotic movements. Like she's afraid of making a wrong move. I head toward my bedroom, stopping before I get to my door. “Night, Beany.”

  “Night,” she mumbles walking into the bedroom.

  I watch the door start to close and let out a heavy sigh then turn and walk toward it. Pushing it open, I stand there, watching her with her hand already full of her shit that she's shoving into her bag.

  “Let's go,” I blurt, my eyes flying from the packing she's doing, probably waiting for me to pass out so she can leave, back to her eyes.

  “Let's go?” she asks and spins to face me. “Go where?”

  “My bed. Come on, now. I don't have all night. And don't get those panties in a bunch.” I smirk at her. “I lost my favorite cuddle partner fifteen years ago. If I only have one night with her here, I'm making the best of it.”

  Her fingers spin her ring. “I'm m-married,” she stutters because she knows it means shit right about now.

  “I'm not asking for sex, Affton. I'm not even asking for you to take your pants off, though I wouldn't stop you at this point.” I smirk at her, trying to get us back to being able to talk to each other without wanting to scream. “I just need you in my bed tonight. I need to know you're safe.”

  “If you're doing this because you're worried I'll leave, I promise I won't leave tonight. You don't have to...” She looks toward my feet.

  “I don't do anything I don’t want to, Bean. Well, other than that one time with Grant and the plane...” I trail off, smirking at her. “This isn't up for debate. I need you to follow me. I need you to get in my bed. And I want you to accept all the snuggles I have for tonight.”

  She sets the items in her hand down and heads toward me. “I'm only coming in hopes you'll tell me about the one time with Grant and the plane.” Sh
e giggles.

  “Oh yeah, no. That's not happening.” I laugh, wrapping my arm around her shoulder as we go. “But I can say, the guy's got mad skills.”

  “Tommy!” she shrieks and bursts into laughter, shoving me. “You fucking tell me! In explicit detail!”

  I stretch out on my bed, pulling the covers back for her. “Come on then. Climb in for story time.” I smile at her, knowing the minute I start telling the story she's going to be asleep. She never could resist passing out during cuddle time.

  The smile on her face shows the happy girl I remember from years ago but before she gets into my bed, she freezes and her smile falls. She stares at her hand until she pulls off her wedding rings then sets them on the nightstand next to her cellphone.

  I’m not even sure where we stand right now. All I know is she's safe tonight.

  I just have to figure out how to get her to understand it and keep her safe for the rest of her life.

  I woke up in a man's arms this morning, and I'm still in them. This isn't my husband, not my bed, not my home. This isn't where I belong, so why do I want to stay here? Because this is safe. This is affection. This is Tommy.

  His beard feels strange against my shoulder while my back is pressed against his front. I don't know when I fell asleep, but I do know we weren't this close. I lay awake memorizing the way his arms feel around me and I don't want to move because he'll wake up. He'll probably wake up and realize he's in bed with a married woman who lets herself get beaten, because I know Tommy and I know he'll never understand why I don't just walk away.

  My phone chimes with a text and I startle so abruptly it wakes him. He makes a noise and the lock he has around me loosens so I quickly grab my phone. Opening the text from Corey, I quickly find a picture I took months ago and send it to him. It's only of a coffee cup at a Starbucks, but I send it so he thinks I'm up and moving, not wrapped in my old best friend's arms.

  I roll to face him and I'm not sure what to say so I just stare at him. He blinks a few times, wiping at his eyes.

  “That was the best night’s sleep I've had in years,” he mutters, sleep still making his voice groggy. His hand moves and rests on my hip, so naturally it's like there hasn’t been so many years between us.

  “Yeah, me too.” As my hand moves upward, I'm telling myself to stop, but I don't, and I smooth his beard down, letting my fingers linger on the face of a real man. “I need a shower.”

  “Five more minutes,” he says, his eyes pleading. “It's early, Beany. Five more minutes.” He pulls me closer to him and his arm wraps tighter around me as he snuggles closer. He shouldn't be this close, and I shouldn't be letting him.

  My heart’s pounding and for so many different reasons. Corey will never find out I was in this bed. He may find out other things, but not this and I'm already here. I slide my fingers to his hair and stare at his face. It's so much different from when we were kids. It’s still his eyes and gorgeous lashes, but the beard makes him sexier, more mature. The messy hair makes him more desirable. The man he grew into is the man I should have settled for. Not that being with Tommy is settling, but I would have been happy settling in this atmosphere.

  He's staring me in the eyes and my sight flicks down to his lips. I move just a little closer and my phone starts to ring, making me gasp and jump. The noise I just made sounds like a whimper, but it's an apology. I try to roll away but he doesn't let me, and I can't not take this call. Grabbing my phone, I stay locked in his arms and our eyes connect. I don’t want to have this conversation with him staring at me, but I can’t look away. He’s got me trapped physically and mentally.

  “Good morning,” I chirp, trying to sound like I've been up awhile. I try to decipher Tommy’s emotions through his eyes but I’m not sure what I’m seeing. “I'm expecting him in thirty minutes.” The guilt inside me is tearing me apart. It's guilt for Tommy, not Corey. How am I in this situation right now? “Yes, I will.” Corey goes on about how he misses me, which isn't unusual; he's a manipulative man. “I love you too. Talk soon.” I disconnect the call and before I can even lower my hands Tommy's slamming his lips to mine, claiming me in a way I haven't been claimed since him.

  His hands are gentle, cupping the back of my head. His lips strangely soft under the roughness of his beard. His tongue swipes at my lips and I part them without thinking. He kisses me like he's been dying to do it for years before he pulls back, his eyes locked on mine again.

  “You don't love him, Affton,” he whispers, his thumb gently swiping over my jaw before he rolls out of bed and walks out the door.

  I stare stupidly after him, not moving from this bed because my body is reeling from what he just did and I don't know how far I would have let him take that.

  I don't love Corey, I know that, but what I don't know is can the feelings I had for my best friend before I left come back like they never went away? That asshole made me fall in love with him when we were kids, and what I'm feeling right now...

  Avoiding him, I take a shower then spend over an hour on my makeup and hair before pulling out a Beany Designs original blouse. I never fit in with the fashion around here, I won't start now.

  I sit at his kitchen table with shaking hands. I loaded my luggage into my trunk and I closed that bedroom door in hopes he won't open it and find out I plan on leaving. I'm sure he expects me to stay, but I'm not. I can't.

  My eyes jerk up from the coffee cup in my hands when he walks into the kitchen shirtless and pajama pants low on his hips. He's not dressed and we have a funeral to be at!

  “Tommy, what the hell have you been doing?” I look at the clock.

  He cocks an eyebrow at me, like I'm the crazy one. “It takes you an hour to get ready. It takes me five minutes.” He pours himself a cup of coffee and leans back against the counter, his eyes trailing the outfit I'm wearing. “I went for a run. Fed Ginnie. Showered.” He shrugs. “You look good, Beany.”

  “That's a really...eventful morning,” I mutter. “And thanks,” I quickly add. “I need to get to the cemetery a little early. We should probably drive separately because I plan on going to my brother's afterward,” I lie, unable to look him in the face.

  “I thought they said everyone's going back there afterwards anyway for lunch or some shit. But...yeah. Separate. Works.” He takes a long drink of coffee, watching me carefully. “Then tonight back here. We gotta figure out how to get you out of that hellhole, Affton.”

  I nod even though I'll be long gone before tonight. He won't understand it and he never will but I refuse to bring my troubles here. I refuse to put him, or anyone else from my life before Corey, in danger. Corey's not stupid, he just never cared to find out where I'm from, but he'd figure it out, and this is the first place he'd show up.

  “Can I bury my mom first?” I quietly ask, wanting to forget about one tragedy and focus on another for now.

  “Yeah. Sorry,” he mumbles. “You doin' okay with everything? I know it's been a while since you saw her.” He rubs the back of his neck and walks over to the table, pulling a chair out across from me.

  “Yeah.” I nod and stare at the table even though I'm not okay.

  Losing a parent is hard even if you're not close to them, but I think I'm more upset by the fact that I was such a coward for never telling my mom the things that I promised myself I would tell her. She made my life hard as hell just so she could be entertained. She made my brother's worse, to the point he shut out the entire world, attempting to avoid her and her drama.

  “I wish I didn't let my job consume me as much. I found out my brother has a baby through his social media account.” I drop my shaking head, heavy with so much guilt. “I'm a horrible sister.”

  He nods, gripping his cup tight and staring into it. ”He did have a baby. You excited to meet your nephew today? I mean, I know you're not excited for today, but you get to meet Bobby so... That's fun.” He cringes. “I'm horrible at small talk, Beany, I'm sorry.”

  I smirk. “Just stop. I'm not excited about
anything today.” Holding my head high, I look into his face and feel so much hurt that tears start to form but I hold them back. “Thank you for letting me walk into your house and treating me like I'm still...me.”

  His eyebrows push together as he watches me stand from the table. ”You're always you, Affton. You just came back with a fuck ton more baggage than you left with, but we'll figure this out.” He stands and he's about to wrap those arms around me again to try to make everything better, but it won't. It'll just keep making it worse.

  “I'm not me anymore, Tommy. And my brother knows it. I don't think he'll let me have much of a relationship with his son.” Before he can hug me I walk my cup to the sink, carefully washing it so I don't wash off the makeup that's hiding a bruise on the back of my hand.

  There’s a heavy sigh before he leaves the kitchen and I hear his bedroom door close. I look around and try to imagine this is my house. This is the husband I want and deserve. This is the beautiful house he remodeled for us. And right outside those doors is a noisy city that I love to venture into everyday to fall in love more and more with my job. I come home every night to my loving, sexy husband who's been working hard. And our...the sound of Tommy's goat makes me blink my eyes and stop dreaming up stupid fantasies. That goat is a harsh reminder this isn't my life. I don't want a goat in my life. As cute as it is.

  At his front door, I grab his hand. “There's going to be a lot going on today. Tons of people, I'm sure.” I roll my eyes. “So, just in case we don’t get to talk today.” I hesitantly move to hug him.

  What I was preparing for was an awkward gesture of thanks, but his arms go around me and he hugs me like he used to hug me. Like nothing's changed and I sink into his arms.

  “Thanks for everything.”

  “I'll always be here for you, Bean.” He mumbles before letting go and stepping back. He's dressed in dark grey slacks, a crisp white shirt and a black belt with a massive belt buckle that made me chuckle when I saw it. “You sure you want to ride separately?”