Control (Kenshaw Ranch Book 4)

by Piper Frost

  This is what I need. He's exactly what I need but is it normal to move on from an abusive relationship so quickly? Is there a norm for this type of thing? I sigh and drop my head to my hands until he touches my leg.

  “So then you're going to stop sleeping with other people?” I find this almost laughable. I'll admit I have no idea what his sex life is like now, but if I remember correctly, it was always go, go, go, with multiple people. “Even if we're not having sex? I can't do fuck buddies again, Tommy, I'm too old. I know we both said that earlier, but I need some clarity here.”

  He laughs a deep laugh and lies back on the bed, pulling me down with him. “Bean, this magic dick hasn't seen action from anything other than my fist in almost a month.” His hand smooths over my arm. “There's no one left in this town that I want to be with if it isn't you. I'd wait years if I knew the end game would be right where I've wanted to be this whole time.”

  I get comfortable lying over his chest. I haven't cuddled anyone except Tommy in years. “I don't know what's going to happen in the future. Where I'll end up, but where ever it is, I want it to be with you.” That flowed effortlessly because I've always meant those words.

  “We'll figure something out.” He holds me tight and sighs. “I can't let you go again. I've barely gotten you back, Bean.”

  “It's so much different this time,” I mumble, tracing a tattoo on his chest. “We're not kids anymore and there's so much that has changed.” I shift to look up at him.

  “So we've already done all the stupid shit we need to do, that's all that means.” He turns to his side and faces me, his hand on my hip. “There's a lot that hasn't changed, Affton.”

  “Like what?” I challenge because I'm far from the person I used to be.

  “Your ass is still one of my favorite things about you,” he says, chuckling and pulling me closer to him, then snaking his hand around and giving my ass a squeeze. “Second come the ladies.” He nods toward my chest. “And then I guess what's in here.” His hand rests over my heart. “That, and I still have mad love for goats. You think Ginnie could be a city goat?”

  I laugh. “I think Ginnie would be happy anywhere with you.” My fingers rub over the beard on his face. “And you haven't changed a bit. Never change.” I kiss his lips.

  “Never shave the mountain man beard,” he mumbles on my lips, “Got it.”

  “Never.” I release a moan but clamp my lips. I like the beard and the one hundred percent country boy. “Tommy, I don't want to tell people about us yet.” I close my eyes, ready for him to get pissed.

  He sighs, pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms around me after he groans. ”Yeah,” he says. “I get it. Whenever you're ready, Beany.” He falls quiet then chuckles. “You know everyone's going to know though, right?”

  “How would they? Control your hands on my ass and they won't have a clue.” I smile into his chest.

  “Bean, one look at the smile on my face and they're going to know. Those assholes know me better than I know myself some days.”

  “They can know.” I yawn. “The girls pretty much know,” I admit and close my eyes. “People know, but we don't have to say it yet. I'm still married,” I whisper with regret.

  When I get no response, I close my eyes. I can’t believe this is happening. The hardest thing to believe is Tommy actually wants me like he says he does. I know he wouldn’t lie to me but I’ve been conditioned to be cautious about everything anymore so throwing caution to the wind is difficult. My gut tells me Tommy has always been real and he always will be. And my gut tells me I’m in love with this man and always have been. It’s really not hard loving someone that promises safety and happiness but my love for him is way deeper than promises.

  “Hey, can we go muddin' tomorrow?” he asks, his voice gravelly with sleep.

  “Right after we go see your dad.” I press a kiss to his chest as he pulls me closer.

  *

  A married woman waking up in bed with her best friend...boyfriend. Holy shit, what have I gotten myself into? All I know is it feels good, but the nagging feeling that I'm still married threatens to undo everything Tommy makes me feel. Part of me wants to latch onto him and not let go, the other part wants to push him away and not let him close. My brain has chosen to start pushing him away and I'm trying to fight it. He keeps giving me weird looks because of it, but I woke up in the best mood I have in a while and can't stop feeling guilty for it.

  “Are you ready?” I force a smile and hate it.

  “Why do you look like that?” He pulls a hat on backward and my stomach flutters. I’m attracted to men, but nothing like Tommy makes me feel. “Those flip flops aren't going to last out there, Bean.” He nods to my feet and chuckles. “What happened to those old boots you used to love so much?”

  Remembering that I threw them away, a frown pulls on my lips and I shake my head. “I don't have them anymore. I need to go shopping if I'm going to be living out here for a while.” I smirk at him and his face looks like he just won a victory. A tiny one, but the grin's there.

  “So first stop the store, second the fields?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Grant's meeting us out there. Said something about watching Stella find her groove again or something.” He laughs, walking toward the front door.

  “Oh god,” I groan. “All I can picture is his dick in your butt.” I quickly pinch his ass and run out of the house.

  “Hey!” He barks out a laugh. “We never touch, Bean. That fantasy of yours can stay a fantasy. It's not like that.”

  I bite my lip, pulling the helmet onto my head while watching him. “We're going to get you a new helmet too, right?”

  “You're makin' all these long term plans, Bean.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at me.

  “We're not long term?”

  His eyebrows shoot up and a smile so big that it almost reaches his eyes slides onto his face.

  “We're so fucking long term, Affton. Blue hair, crazy cats, and all. And goats. Do cats and goats get along?” He bites his lip, trying to suppress a grin.

  I laugh and move closer, pulling him in for a kiss. “We'll skip the cats and just make it goats.” Lifting my chin, I move in for his lips, closing my eyes.

  “Mornin',” a voice says and I jerk away like we were caught doing something we shouldn't be. I drop my head, trying to hide my face.

  “Hey, Stan,” Tommy hollers, his hand still on my hip. “How's the walk today?”

  “Nice day for it. You and your friend goin' for a ride?”

  I glance over and he's studying me. All I want to do is go hide in Tommy's house before news spreads around this small town he's shacking up with a married woman. This man doesn’t know I'm married, but I, for some reason, can't forget it.

  “Yep. You have a good one! Tell Margie I said hi!” Tommy's grinning from ear to ear when he glances at me, lifting my chin and forcing me to look at him. “Hey there,” he says.

  I chuckle because I have no idea what else to do. “Well, Stan and Margie are the first to know in town.”

  “Good thing Stan and Margie rarely get into town. The man walks these roads just talkin' to the animals all day,” he says laughing. “Let's go get you all cowgirl’d up. Whaddya say?” He wiggles his eyebrows and reaches over, clicking the helmet tight on my head.

  That's a no. But if I'm going to be on the back of this bike as often as I plan to be, I need some boots.

  “We have to go to the city. Rural Mart doesn't have the attire I'm looking for.” I cringe and he rolls his eyes.

  “Beany, the city's an hour from here one way,” he whines. “Plus the local shit is way cheaper.” He grins. “And if we go we gotta take the truck. I'm not taking a city girl on a shopping adventure on that motorcycle or we'll have no room to put all your damn bags.”

  “Better get in the truck then. I am not cheap, Tommy. You can bet your ass I will never wear something from Rural Mart. It's quarter to ten in the morning. I'll be done shopping by noon. Promise.�
�� Taking the helmet off, I head toward his truck.

  “My shirt's from Rural Mart. Glad to know what you think of me,” he mumbles, climbing in and starting the engine. “You're not about to spend five hundred bucks on a pair of boots you're goin' mudding in, are you?”

  “Shush.” I silence him in laughter. “If I want five hundred dollar mudding boots, I'll get them. Not like your paying. I can financially take care of myself.”

  “That's good.” He nods, his face falling as he pulls out of his driveway. “You know... Long term... You make a hell of a lot more money than I do.” He glances over at me, wearing a mask full of worry and uncertainty. “I can provide...but I can't provide like you're used to. You sure you're okay with that?”

  “Well, I'm unemployed, and soon will probably have to get a job at Rural Mart, so I better lower my standards, huh?” I laugh taking his hand because this subject of money is making him really upset.

  “So then we're starting today?” He smirks over at me but it doesn't last. “I'm serious, Beany. How the hell's this going to work if I can't give you what you want?”

  “Why can't I give you what you want? Why is it a man's responsibility to take care of the woman? Don't tell me you have the same brain my narrow-minded brother does.”

  “I never said you couldn't. Just...” He sighs. “It'll take some adjusting. I just worry you're going to get tired of this small town veterinarian real fast.”

  “So, just for sake of argument, you're one hundred percent against becoming a big city veterinarian?” I look out the window, not wanting to fight over this but I'm not certain I'm going to plant myself in this town for the long term. He's my long term goal, but I'm not sure staying in the south is.

  “Bean...” He curses under his breath. “I don't know.”

  “Hey.” I wiggle his hand. “Let's live in the moment, okay? We're here, we're happy, and we're together.” I laugh and shake my head with an eye roll. We were always together, but never like this and it's so strange in the best way.

  “Sounds good to me.” He gives my hand a squeeze. “So we're seriously goin' to the city?”

  “To the city!” I point, realizing I'm pointing in the wrong direction. Laughing, I gain my bearings, remembering everything about this town. “Fast.” I kiss his hand. “Promise.”

  I was as fast as I could be and he was miserable the whole time but my wardrobe is now country sufficient.

  When we stopped in at his dad's for a quick lunch, I've never felt so awkward around the man. He's always been a step ahead of us even though we thought we were pulling the wool over his eyes. When Tommy went to the bathroom and he started asking how long we've been a couple, I clammed up. When I laughed it off, denying my feelings for his son, I've never felt shittier, but he knows I'm married...thanks to Tommy.

  I didn't think our afternoon could be saved after my embarrassment at Tommy's dad’s but I let loose and let my best friend...boyfriend, show me the good times we always used to have. By the time we finish tearing up Kenshaw's field, we're caked in mud and I love it! I love the fashion world and always trying to look primped, but I missed this country living.

  “I need an hour long shower. There is mud in places I really wish there weren’t.” I scratch mud from my cheek as we walk toward the house.

  “I haven't had that much fun muddin' since we were kids,” he says, laughing. He walks toward the back porch and strips his shirt off before he opens the door, kicking off his boots and unbuckling his jeans in the process. “Strip. Those floors in there are too expensive to cover with mud.” He grins at me and his eyes fall to my boobs, currently caked in mud.

  “You...” I glance around at the dense woods surrounding his house. “You're serious? You want me to get naked out here?”

  “I want you to get naked everywhere, Affton,” he mumbles, finally dragging his eyes off my chest and back to my face. “But yes. Right now. I need those clothes off you. No one's out here watching.” His eyes fall to my tits again. “I mean, no one but me.” His lips curve upward.

  I stare at him a second before pulling my shirt off. “Tit for tat. Pants.” I gesture to his unbuttoned jeans.

  “This is hardly fair. But your tits look way too good right now.” He shoves his jeans down and kicks them off. “Tit for tat, Beany.”

  I slide out of my boots then glance around before taking my pants off. “Boxers.” I stare at his hardening dick.

  His eyes travel up my body and he groans aloud. ”Fuck, Beany,” he mutters, his eyes hitting mine. “Why you gotta look so good covered in mud like that?” His thumbs slide under the waistband of his boxers and he smirks at me.

  “Why you gotta look so good in a pair of boxer briefs like that?” I stare at his fit body and wonder what the hell attracts him to me. I used to think I was hot shit, but I know better now. “Drop 'em.”

  “You're gonna let me help get that mud off you, right?” He pushes his boxers down, letting them drop to the deck and he kicks them off. “Please fuckin' say yes, Bean.”

  My body is saying yes and my hardening nipples are answering him.

  “If you make it to the bathroom before I do.” I turn and bolt through the back door but he blows past me and is waiting in the bathroom with arms crossed before I make it. I'm laughing so hard I can't talk.

  “Beat ya,” he says, that cocky crooked grin on his face. He reaches behind him and turns on the shower then steps closer to me. He's so close but he feels so far away because he's still not touching me. Slowly, he leans forward and just when I think he's going to touch me, he reaches around me and grabs a washcloth from the shelf. “Time to get clean, Affton,” he whispers, backing up and pulling the shower curtain back.

  My eyes flit down to his dick that's proudly pointing toward the shower. I step forward and wrap my hand around him. “It can wait a minute, can't it?” I ask, slowly pumping my fist.

  “Fuck,” he huffs, his jaw tense. “Beany,” his forced whisper breaks through his groan.

  “What?” I smirk and lower to my knees before looking up at him. I'm probably a sight right now covered in mud on my knees in front of him. “We should get clean before we get dirty?” I pump, breathing over the tip of his cock.

  “Goddammit, Beany,” he moans, his hand resting on my head as he gazes down at me. “I like this plan a hell of a lot better,” he growls.

  “I do too.” I slide my tongue over the beading precum and his hand hits the wall.

  “God,” he huffs, his hips pivoting toward me. He groans again and his head falls forward while his eyes watch me with intensity. He's breathing heavy and his hand tightens in my hair. “God, Affton,” he groans. “I'm not going to last with this mouth of yours... Fuck!”

  I laugh before sliding down his dick, pushing him as far back as I can manage. Keeping my eyes on his face, I move faster, moving my hand to his balls while I suck harder. He locks his eyes on me and I would normally look away but I want to see this. I've wanted to see this since the last time we were in this position. When my finger softly rubs over soft skin behind his balls, I can't help but smirk that he's well groomed. When we were younger he cared less, and I didn't mind, but I like this new discovery.

  “Goddammit, Bean,” he groans, his whole body tensing and he forces his eyes to stay on mine. “God, fuck!” Watching him come undone is simply the sexiest thing I've ever watched. “Shit, fuck!” He pumps into me, his fist tight in my hair, and when he comes he lets out a groan that echoes through the house. His arm on the wall is bracing him, his muscles are tight, and he takes a few deep breaths as he slowly lets go of my hair. “Fuck, Affton.”

  “Now we can get clean.” I stand and reach my hand into the shower before stepping in.

  He laughs behind me, running his hands through his hair and letting out a loud sigh. ”You're amazing. I... I think I just lost some brain cells.” He steps in behind me slowly. “My legs won't work!”

  “Magic lips.” I pucker at him before pushing my face under the water stream, n
eeding to get this mud off me.

  He hums his response and I hear the bottle click closed behind me right before his hands are on my shoulders. He washes my back slowly, pushing his lips to my skin as the water washes the dirty away.

  “You're beautiful, Affton,” he whispers, nuzzling my neck.

  I haven't believed those words in so long but it's hard to doubt him when he uses that tone.

  *

  The only way to get by is to forget what's going on at home, and Tommy makes it so damn easy. I've been here a few weeks and I'm starting to feel like a restored woman. There are some hang-ups I have and reminders of my reality hit me hard at times, but I'm trying like hell.

  I glance over at Tommy. “Ready?” This is the first time we'll be around everyone as a couple.

  I'm not going to lie about it, but I'm not ready for this to come out. They'll think I'm insane. I am insane! I'm married and trying to get out of an abusive relationship, while jumping into an amazing relationship with my oldest friend.

  “More than ready. And even more ready to see the suit you picked out.” His eyebrows wiggle and I roll my eyes. I wouldn't let him see me try it on when I bought it last week and I'm not even sure if I'll take the cover-up off today, but he's been very vocal about how excited he is to see it. “I think Bo said they're bringing Bobby so you'll be able to spend some time with him.”

  I smile and nod, not sure why I'm nervous. The ride's quiet and when we get to the lake, he whips his truck around and reverses all the way to the water.

  “God, I miss this life.” The words tumble from my mouth, but before he can comment on them, I quickly get out.

  The afternoon couldn't be more perfect. After an hour, my nephew's calling me Auntie Affy and the other kids have joined him. I love it. I love the idea of family again. Replacing my family with work was a huge mistake, but I love being a hard worker too. Not until now did I realize there are benefits to both.