All Roads Lead Home

by Wasowski, Mary

  “Not this time. I think you need to do this on your own.” She handed me a piece of paper with his room number on it. “I don’t have too much to do today. I’ll be around if you need me.”

  I’ve always needed you, Wendy. That’s not my problem.

  I walked in through the main entrance and greeted the grey haired woman behind the desk. She said hello with her polite pleasantries, and I almost lost my voice returning the gesture. My throat dried up, my stomach hurt, and my brain was screaming at me to turn around and to run. I was scared, but found my voice and handed her the paper. She directed me to take the escalator up one floor and take the west wing elevators. I would find Jagger there in the intensive care unit.

  As the elevator rose, so did my beating heart. What am I doing here? How can I even think of walking through those doors? And just like that, the doors opened, and I was slammed right back into my past. Face to face with no other than Shane Rhodes. I’ve never wanted to run more than I do right now.

  “Either I need to get my eyes checked, or hell has truly frozen over. The prodigal daughter returns,” he said.

  Just as handsome as ever. All 6’2 of rugged, muscular manliness of him. He was sporting a five o’clock shadow on his tanned skin. His blue eyes scanned me up and down, as I fought not to bite my bottom lip. He’s just so fucking hot, but he’s angry and not doing anything to hide it from me.

  “Hi, Shane.”

  “Hi, Shane? Hi, Shane? No! You say ‘hi’ when a short time has passed, not as long as a half of a decade. What the hell are you doing here, Ten?”

  “Don’t call me that, please.”

  “Why? Did I hit a nerve? Only Jagger has a claim to that? How about Tumbleweed? Oh, that’s right. Only Jamie could ever call you by that name. I guess I’m out of nicknames. How about I just call you liar? Sounds about right, don’t you think? I wonder what Jamie would think of his lying sister returning home? You remember him? Don’t you?” Shane was purposely trying to get a rise out of me for hurting him, and using my brother’s memory to do it.

  “Stop it, Shane. How dare you?” I was seething with anger. I could have slapped him, but I held my own. He was causing enough of a scene by yelling at me in public. “Don’t you ever say his name in a vile manner again. I mean it Shane, leave my brother out of this.”

  “Why Tenley? Why should I leave him out of this? He was my best friend, and we were brothers for life. I’ll say his name as much as I damn well fucking please.”

  “Have you?”

  “Have I what?” he yelled back at me.

  “Have you said my brother’s name through the years, or are you just using it against me now to hurt me? What happened to your promise? Why are you being so cruel?”

  Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I chanted silently to myself.

  He backed me up against the wall, caging me in with his strong arms. I could run nowhere, maybe he knew. Staring directly into my eyes, he said, “Here’s the thing about promises, they’re like hearts, and they tend to get broken.”

  Not backing down, I replied, “You promised our friendship would be here when I was ready to come home to it.”

  “I guess it had a statute of limitations on it, you know what that means, being a fancy lawyer? Now, I answered your question. You answer one for me. Why are you here?”

  “Wendy called me.”

  “Wow! That’s all it took. A fucking phone call. I guess I should have tried that too, oh right, I did. I not only called, but I sent you a letter every day for the first year after you left. And you want to know what I got back? Do you, kid? Nothing! Not one call or letter returned, but yet you stand here and dare to question me why I’m being cruel? Girl, you got that down to a science. As for the rest of us? We are just trying to keep up.”

  “I wasn’t ready. I was too lost in my own grief to reach out to anyone. All I had left was school. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry? Two words is all you have to say to me? That’s not good enough after everything you’ve put me through. Fuck you, Princess,” Shane hissed as his eyes flared with anger.

  Still trapped by him, I wanted to slide down to the floor and crawl away in shame. He made me feel so small. How could Shane do that with just a few words?

  “Shane! That is enough out of you.”

  Kip Rhodes was here, Shane’s father. Taken by surprise, Shane stepped back and let me pass. Kip looked angry and disappointed.

  “Boy, where we come from, we do not speak to ladies that way. Apologize…now!”

  “Sir, I—” Shane was stuttering over his words.

  “Don’t make me ask again.”

  “I’m sorry, Tenley.”

  Shane looked crushed. Absolutely humiliated to be berated in front of me by his father.

  “That’s better. Your mother is downstairs waiting to be taken home.”

  “Yes sir.” He tipped his hat at his son and Shane turned away from me and didn’t look back. Shane was still very much intimated by his father. A leader in the community and one of the toughest cowboys you ever wanted to know. He looked good, strong, and back to health. Thank goodness for prayers, I couldn’t have taken another loss. The boys’ fathers were all like second daddies to me. I loved them both very much.

  “Now, Tenley Fairchild, I think a hug is in order.”

  “Hi, Mr. Rhodes. How are you feeling?”

  “I would be better if you would give this old man a proper hello.”

  “Less of the old Mr. Rhodes, you look fantastic.”

  I hugged him back and of course, a cowboy always had to take it up a notch in their greeting. I got a lifting hug with a twirl. I had to grab onto his arms so I wouldn’t fall, not that he would let me.

  “You are as beautiful as ever,” he said. “Wait until Kathleen sees you. I would have had Shane bring her back up, but she was tired after her therapy session.”

  “How is she doing? Is she seeing improvements now that she’s doing the physical therapy?” I asked.

  “Yeah, she’s almost as good as new. That will teach her not to get tipsy and ride the mechanical bull. What was she thinking?”

  “Now, I know I’m home. You cowboys never change, but you love to add layers to a story. I heard from mama that she missed a step carrying a basket of vegetables and lost her footing.”

  “Nah, I like my story better.”

  We both laughed and I hugged him again.

  “Come sit a spell and let’s have a chat?” he asked.

  We sat down in the visitors lounge, and I was happy we were alone.

  “Forgive my son and his lapse of manners earlier toward you. I don’t know what has gotten into him. He’s been all fired up for days now knowing you were coming into town.”

  What? How can that be? Wendy had phoned me, and then suddenly arrived in New York, unannounced. I knew there was more to this story. The pieces are beginning to come together.

  I got up to drink some water and get my breathing under control. Shane knew I was coming into town, but how? My parents? Wendy?

  I joined Mr. Rhodes, and asked him how Shane knew I was coming home.

  “Mr. Rhodes, I…”

  “Now sweetheart, you can call me Kip.”

  I smiled, maybe even blushed a little. Mr. Rhodes was always kind to me and so was his wife.

  “Okay, Kip. If I may, may I ask you a question?”

  “Darling, you can ask me anything you want. I’m an open book.”

  I smiled again and said, “This trip home was unplanned for me. How could Shane have possibly known I was coming home when I didn’t know myself until yesterday?”

  “I’m not too sure sweetheart on the how, only the why. I heard him telling his mama that he was nervous seeing you again, and every time I would ask him about it, he got all riled up. So instead of talking to him, I left him on his own, and he channeled his anger on the ranch. Again, I’m sorry he wasn’t as welcoming as he should have been.”

  “It’s alright. I probably deserv
ed it.”

  “You’re wrong. No one should be spoken to like that, especially a woman. I suspect my boy seeing you has re-opened a whole can of hurt. It’s a past hurt, and it’s one that he needs to move on from, do you get what I’m saying to you?”

  His demeanor shifted into protection mode, one I understood all too well. Shane was his son, no matter what. I knew what my leaving did to not only him, but to Jagger.

  “I do, sir, and I’m sorry for that.”

  “Don’t be, sweetheart, it’s in the past. He’ll be fine, just give him time.”

  “How are you doing these days, now that the ranches have merged?” I asked him. Of course I knew the business side of it, but giving up his ranch had to be hard for Mr. Rhodes, not that he didn’t profit from the sale.

  “I feel good. That decision to sell to your father was a smart one. We still have our home, and about one hundred acres to do what we please. It’s enough for us. After I got sick and then by the grace of God, got better, I knew I could no longer do all on my own. Sure I had Shane, but he had a different vision for his future, and I was too stubborn to change now. It’s easier the way it is now. Shane is partners with your father, and I do my share for what it’s worth. It’s better this way, and we’re all happy.”

  “And Jagger? Where does he fit in to all of this?”

  “Sadly, he doesn’t. They never could reach a place where they could be partners in anything. They tried to repair their friendship and remain friends, but in the end, they pretty much went their separate ways. Believe me, Tenley, Jagger is happy running his ranch with his father.”

  “Did I hear my name?” a voice called out.

  Ren Parrish was standing before me.

  “Mr. Parrish!” I happily screamed out. I didn’t know what came over me, but seeing him here was like catapulting me back to the day I was last on his ranch. It was the day I was so happy to receive my acceptance letter and then the saddest when I broke his son’s heart.

  “Well, that’s quite a welcome. Oh, you sweet girl. How are you? You sure look all grown up. What did I tell you about doing that? Don’t go making me feel old.”

  I had a smile plastered to my face. Being around these two men felt right. I’d known them my entire life and loved them like my own father. It was then I felt a twinge of guilt. Here I was with Kip and Ren, when I should have been with my own father who I barely said ten words to.

  “I’m so happy you are here darling. I feel our prayers have been answered and all will be okay now,” Ren said as he wiped away his tears.

  Kip remained where he sat and gave me a few minutes with his friend.

  “Mr. Parrish, I don’t know what you are expecting from me, but I’m still not sure this is the best idea to be here in the first place.”

  “Oh sweet girl! You are just what the Lord has told us we needed. My boy loves you and I know you two stubborn kids have been on your own for a while now, but I know you still love him. If you can tell me differently, then I apologize and won’t keep you, but if you say yes, then like I said, the good Lord answered my prayers.”

  Looking over my shoulder to Kip, who was trying his best not to listen, I turned back to Ren.

  “Yes. I still love Jagger, I never really stopped. But sir, it’s so complicated and unresolved. I can’t just walk into his hospital room and be your saving grace and his, for that matter. I haven’t seen or talked to him in five years. Maybe he was in love with me for a time, but we’re older now and live completely different lives.”

  He took my hand in his and sighed. “Tenley, there’s something you don’t know. He was on his way to New York to finally fight for you. He hoped and prayed you would come back to him, but after five years of longing for you, he had made up his mind.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that my boy tried to go on without you and in the end, he was barely surviving. Sure, he works from sun up to sun down, but working the ranch is all he has. He never got serious with anyone after you. When we lost Jamie, something just broke inside of him. I was worried for a long time, but then he came back to us.”

  “How?”

  “He sat me down one night and looked me straight in the eyes. He said, ‘Daddy, I’m letting her go for now, because she has to be free. She’s hurting daddy, and I can’t help her right now and she can’t help me. I’m going to honor Jamie’s wishes and let her finish her education. Once she accomplishes that, I will know when it’s time to go to her.’”

  “Jamie’s wishes? I don’t understand this at all? Mr. Parrish, Ren, please explain it.”

  “After you left, sweetheart, Jagger visited your brother. He was so broken and lost after you two broke up. I knew what your answer was the minute I saw him pull up without you on his arm. Who knows what he was thinking back then with his proposal. It wasn’t the right time for you, but in recent months, he said it was. Your brother asked him to give you time. Time to finish school, begin your career, and most importantly, mourn his loss. Now, I don’t think you ever get over a loss like that, but Jamie felt five years would be enough time. So, sweet girl, I ask you, has it?”

  “Has what?”

  “Has it been enough time, Tenley? Are you ready to come home?”

  Before I could answer him, Mr. Rhodes interrupted and gave me an out. “C’mon Ren, we have to be getting back now. Why don’t you give Tenley some time with Jagger? We can come back later.” He said to his friend with hope in his eyes.

  “Sure thing, Kip. We have those new horses coming in this afternoon. Goodbye sweetheart. Thank you for being here.”

  He hugged me again and then Kip, getting one more hug before they turned and left me standing alone in the waiting room. I felt like I was being punk’d and was on an episode of ‘This is your life.’

  Jagger was coming to New York for me? Wendy had so much explaining to do, but I can’t even allow my mind to go there right now. I’m kind of stuck on ‘He was coming for you and Jamie’s wishes.’

  I pulled out my cell and phoned Zoey. Her voicemail picked up, and I told her that I arrived safely and would call her soon. I prepared myself as best as I could before entering Jagger’s room.

  Please God, let him be okay. If not for me, please come back to your family.

  MY HEART BEGAN to race, and my stomach felt uneasy. My hands were on his hospital door, but yet, I couldn’t manage to make my feet move forward. This was the same hospital I spent more days than I care to remember here visiting with Jamie. The same feeling is still weighing heavily throughout my heart. I remember everything about this place. The smell, the staff, the waiting, oh how I hated the waiting.

  Just go in, I kept repeating to myself, although I remained where I was. Behind this door, Jagger laid in a coma. How am I here? He shouldn’t be, and yet here we are. Tears began to fall down my face.

  “It’s okay, Tumbleweed. Don’t be afraid.” I turned to see Wendy standing behind me.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked my friend, already knowing what she would say.

  “I’m here for you. Walk with me for a minute?” she asked as she extended her hand out for me to take. I did with no hesitation.

  We walked away from Jagger’s door and down a long hallway leading to another waiting room. This one had floor to ceiling windows. The sun was shining over the Teton Mountains, and it was beyond beautiful to take in. She came prepared with coffee and her homemade cookies. I took a chocolate chip cookie and let out a pleasurable moan. They were still warm with the chocolate oozing out from the hand sized cookie. Wendy always went big.

  She said, “Small cookies are not worth the oven temps and the gas prices. Go big or go home.”

  I laughed silently to myself as I took another bite. I always loved to bake with her. She said that one time trying to teach Jamie, Jagger, Shane, and myself how to make triple chocolate brownies. Oh yeah, they were big too.

  “Penny for your thoughts?”

  “I think you will need more than pennies.�
�� I let out a sigh and drank more of my coffee.

  “Tenley, what’s wrong?”

  “Everything. After you dropped me off, I ran into Shane, his father, and Mr. Parrish. Needless to say, not everyone was happy to see me. Shane basically told me off, and then his father overheard him being rude and made him apologize to me. Yeah, that went over well. Mr. Parrish was over the moon to see me and believes I am the answer to Jagger waking up. Why Wendy? Why me?”

  “It’s simple.”

  “Simple, you say. Okay, why is it simple?”

  “I say simple, because it is. That boy, now a man, loves you. You love him, and love is the strongest emotion in the world. It’s more powerful than anything else, and yes, it can heal a broken heart. You, baby girl, need healing, and so does Jagger and Shane. Begin with Jagger, and the rest will fall into place.”

  “Wendy, even if I choose to believe you, it’s too late for Jagger and me. It’s been five years without each other, and it didn’t end well for us. How can any of you expect me to just take back what I destroyed in the first place?”

  “Love makes it alright for you to be here. Love makes it okay for you to take back Jagger and reclaim what you believe you don’t deserve. Everyone seems to get this, but you. Even your beloved brother Jamie knew this.”

  “Please Wendy, don’t use Jamie’s memory to get what you want. You already did that, and I’m here back in Wyoming. You don’t get anything more than that.”

  “I’m sorry if you feel that’s what I’m doing, but I can assure you that I’m not. I’m your friend, and I love you.”

  “You love me? Is that why you believe that my life is empty? Before you say anything, I was listening to you and my parents’ conversation. For the record, my life is not empty. I just took a different road, and it led me to New York doing what I love to do. I’m a very good lawyer.”

  “That may be true, but at what cost? Is your career worth your life?”

  “You know about the car bomb?”

  “Um, yes I do and so do your parents and Jagger. What were you thinking going up against known mobsters?”

  “Wendy, that is just what the press played out for the public to believe. Exaggerated headlines sell papers. Yes, they were connected, but I have no concrete proof how deep they were in and what crime families they answer to.” I lied, but only because I didn’t want to cause anymore worry for Wendy, or my family. “Obviously I’m fine and the case carried on, and I won.”