Chasing Shadows

by S. H. Kolee

  "I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful. I'm trying to save lives! I know you know about the visions I've been having. The visions that the women in our family have. Do you know about the vardogers? They've done something to Aunt Brenda! They're coming after me and my friends! I need your help!" I had planned on being calm, but I felt my control slipping, anger and fear making my voice sharp.

  "Shut up!" he hissed. "I don't want to hear any of this trash! You're crazy, just like my damn sister!"

  "It's true." Simon looked pissed but he was trying to keep his voice calm. "I've seen them myself. Your daughter needs your help."

  My father glared at Simon and then turned back to me, his voice dripping with scorn. "I see you've got him under your thumb. Are you spreading your legs for him? Is that why he's putting up with your nonsense?"

  I gasped, pain lancing through me at my father's words. I was shocked by his vulgar insult, which exceeded even his worst cruelty from the past. Simon shot up so abruptly that his chair fell back to the floor. He lunged at my father, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling him up so he was standing.

  "Don't you ever talk to her like that!" he snarled, his face barely an inch away from my father's. "I don't care if you're her fucking father. I will destroy you."

  My father was red-faced and sputtering, looking furious but scared at the same time. I jumped up, putting my hand on Simon's arm that was still holding my dad up.

  "Simon, stop!" Simon looked at me, his eyes full of rage. I was a little unnerved by his extreme reaction. "Simon," I said more softly. "Please. This isn't going to accomplish anything."

  Simon took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself down. He let go of my father's shirt and stepped back. My father scrambled further away from him, brave now that he had put some distance between them.

  "Just who do you think you are, you son of a bitch! How dare you put your hands on me?"

  Simon crossed his arms, looking at him blandly. "My mother would take great offense to that statement. She can vouch for my legitimacy."

  Simon's flippant remark seemed to enrage my father more, and he whipped his head to glare at me. "I'm going to work. I don't want to see you here when I get back."

  I slumped back into the chair as my father stormed out, slamming the door behind him. I heard his car start, driving away so quickly that the tires squealed. Simon crouched in front of me so that we were eye-level, taking my hand.

  "I'm sorry, but your father is a royal ass. I don't know how you've put up with him for all these years."

  "It's okay. I don't blame you for reacting the way you did. Hell, I can't count how many times I've wanted to punch him myself."

  Simon sighed heavily. "I guess coming here wasn't a good idea."

  "If my father won't tell me what happened to my mother, I'll find out myself. He always keeps his office upstairs locked. There's got to be something in there that he doesn't want me to see."

  Simon followed me upstairs to my father's bedroom. I had found the key to his office once in his closet, but I had never thought much of it because I didn't think he was hiding anything from me. I just thought he didn't want me messing up his papers.

  The key was in the shoebox where I had found it before, and I quickly unlocked the office. Nothing looked out of the ordinary, bookshelves lining the walls and a desktop piled high with papers, covering everything on top of it except the computer.

  Simon and I went to work searching for anything that could be important, but I started to become doubtful when we still hadn't found anything after an hour.

  "This is hopeless!" I sighed, exasperation getting the best of me. "He just has mountains of paperwork. There's nothing important here." I turned to Simon when he didn't answer me.

  "Simon?"

  He was bent over a filing cabinet with what looked like a newspaper clipping in his hand. He glanced up when I said his name. The look on his face told me he had found something.

  I quickly walked over and took the newspaper clipping from him, my pulse quickening when I saw that it was an article about my mother's death. I read it silently, absorbing every single detail.

  "My father was telling the truth," I said, looking up when I was finished reading the article. "My mother was killed by a drunk driver. But they never found her body. The accident happened on a bridge. When the other driver crashed into my mother's car, her car broke through the railing and fell into the Delaware River. They found my mother's car but her body was never found."

  I clutched the newspaper article, hope blooming inside of me. "Do you know what this means? My mother could be alive!"

  Chapter Nine

  Simon was watching me with concern and worded his response carefully. "Caitlin, I know how much you want your mother to be alive. I don't blame you. But don't you think she would have come home if she was alive? That she would have contacted you? Where has she been all this time?"

  I shook my head, refusing to listen to his logic. "She could have amnesia from the accident. Maybe she doesn't remember who she is and that's why she's never contacted me."

  "That's a big leap to make."

  I was getting annoyed by Simon's reasoning, even though I knew he had a point. "I didn't dream that my mother was alive for nothing. She saved me. If she hadn't woken me up, Sarah's vardoger could have very well overtaken my body."

  Simon sighed, running his hand through his hair, realizing he couldn't win this argument. "What do we do now?"

  "This bridge isn't very far from here. Do you know how many times I've crossed that bridge, not realizing that's where my mother's accident happened?"

  Simon reluctantly followed me down the stairs and out to his car. I was brimming with impatience as he slowly slid into the driver's seat. He didn't say a word as he followed my directions, but I knew he was afraid that I was going to be disappointed. I called Sarah during the drive over, remembering my promise to check in regularly. I filled her in about what I had found out about my mother's accident, and I was gratified that she was much more excited about the information than Simon.

  "Turn left here," I instructed. Simon followed my direction and we came upon the bridge. The bridge was on a road that had very little traffic so Simon easily parked his car on the wide shoulder and we got out. I leaned over the bridge, morbid thoughts flooding through my mind as I tried to imagine what had happened the night my mother's car had been pushed into the rushing waters below. I shuddered from more than the cold air numbing my cheeks.

  I felt an arm slip around me and I leaned against Simon's warmth gratefully. "How are you feeling?"

  "I don't know. I'm not even sure what I thought I'd find here. I thought maybe I would feel an energy, something to help me understand what to do next. But there's nothing. I feel nothing."

  An empty ache made me feel hollow. I had been so sure that I would instantly know what to do once I arrived at the scene of my mother's accident, but no big revelation had been dropped upon me.

  I look down at the river and the embankment, not willing to give up entirely on finding a clue here. "Let's go down by the water. Maybe I'll feel something there since that's where my mother's car ended up."

  Simon's eyes darkened, his expression turning grim. "Caitlin, I don't think that's a good idea. It's dangerous down there."

  "Simon," I said, frustrated that he didn't seem to understand the significance of this place. "I can't just leave here without turning over every stone. Besides, the embankment isn't that steep and it looks like there's a pathway over there." I pointed to a strip of land where the grass had been flattened into a trail towards the water.

  I didn't wait for Simon's answer and walked around the bridge, slowly making my way down to the river. I heard Simon's sigh but his footsteps followed me.

  "Grab my hand, I'll go first. I don't want you breaking your neck."

  I was grateful for Simon's guidance and gripped his hand as he maneuvered his way down to the water. Despite my earlier bravado, the embankm
ent felt a lot steeper than it looked and I slipped a few times, colliding into Simon.

  "Steady. Take small steps. The last thing we want to do is tumble head first into the water."

  I nodded and continued following Simon until we were a few feet from the water's edge. Simon turned to me with a raised eyebrow.

  "I hope you're not planning on actually going into the river. It looks deep and the current's pretty fast. Never mind that it looks about as clean as a sewage plant."

  "No, but maybe we can find something near the edge." I carefully shimmied closer to the river, leaning down to examine the muddy ground next to it.

  "Christ, careful Caitlin," Simon said crossly, grabbing my hand. "Just keep a grip on me while you do your detective work."

  I glared at Simon, trying to tell myself that I should excuse his derisive tone since he had been through a lot. I shifted my attention back to the riverbed, but Simon was right. What the hell was I looking for?

  We walked up the side of the river while I continued to inspect the ground but found nothing. Simon growled when I suggested crossing to the other side, which meant climbing back up the embankment, over the bridge, and down the other side, but he obliged.

  I was about to give up, the cold biting air making my teeth chatter and my toes numb, when something caught my eye. I don't know how I saw it amidst all the mud, but when I leaned down and picked it up, my pulse started racing.

  "Simon, look!" I rubbed the mud off the small metal coin and held it up for Simon's inspection. Simon leaned close to examine it and then straightened, giving me an odd look.

  "It's just a coin, Caitlin."

  "No, really look at it!" I waved it in the sunlight, trying to demonstrate to Simon what was so strange about the coin. "Don't you see it? It reflects shadows instead of light! Normally, when sunlight hits metal, you see a reflection of light. But this reflects shadows. It's made of palladium! But it's not normal palladium. I looked up online its properties, and for all intents and purposes it's just a normal metal. Rare, but normal. But the palladium I saw while I was under hypnosis, the same palladium that was around Claudia's neck when she attacked me, looked exactly like this! It must be a special kind of palladium."

  Simon raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical. "I'll admit that the coin is a little strange. But even if it's this special type of metal, don't you think it's a little suspect that you've found it here, the site of your mother's accident, sixteen years later?"

  I shrugged, not wanting to dismiss the possibility that this was the clue I had been looking for. "I doubt many people come here. It could have been undisturbed for years. What if my mother somehow knew about the vardogers trying to use palladium to counter the effects of iridium?" I gasped, a sudden thought blossoming. "What if the vardogers killed my mother because she found out about the palladium and was trying to stop them from using it!?"

  "Caitlin, you're making a lot of leaps here." Simon looked grim and I couldn't understand why he was being so stubborn about my discovery. "I know how much you want this to mean something, but I think we need to think this through more thoroughly before we jump to any conclusions."

  I crossed my arms against my chest, trying to control my growing anger. Simon had been such a help to me, but now I found myself wishing Sarah were here instead of him. Simon's lips pressed together when I just stared at him, not saying a word.

  "Come on," he sighed, grabbing my hand and pulling me back up the embankment. "Let's argue about this in the car, where we're not in danger of falling into a cesspool or freezing to death."

  As annoyed as I was, I followed Simon, although I pulled my hand out of his grip. He glanced back at me with an assessing look, and then turned around, continuing to walk up to the car. I had to admit it was a lot harder getting up the slippery embankment by myself but I was in no mood to ask for Simon's help.

  I glanced at Simon when we got back into his car, feeling a little guilty about my behavior. Simon was just trying to protect me and I was acting like a brat.

  "Simon, I don't want to argue about this. I just really think that this palladium coin is a link to my mother."

  Simon sighed, but the tension in his face relaxed. "I understand. If you're right and it can negate the effects of iridium, it's very dangerous, regardless of whether it's connected to your mother or not. Why don't you give it to me for safekeeping?"

  I frowned, shaking my head. "I think it's best if I kept it. All we know so far is that it makes iridium useless in protecting me from vardogers trying to overtake me. On the other hand, Claudia seemed surprised that I was able to destroy vardogers connected to her even though she was wearing it. Maybe it has other properties that can actually help me. I can put it in my bag so I'm not actually touching it."

  Simon grabbed the wrist of the hand that was holding the palladium coin, his grip so tight that I was taken my surprise.

  "I really think I should take it," he said between gritted teeth. I tried to pull my wrist out of his grasp, but his hand was like an iron manacle. I started panicking, pulling my wrist harder, to the point of pain, but his grip was still unbreakable.

  "Simon, what are you doing?" My heart started beating erratically as I wondered if I was dealing with his vardoger now.

  "I'm just trying to protect you. Don't you trust me?" Simon's grip loosened fractionally and he was looking at me with an enigmatic look.

  "Simon, you're scaring me! Why are you acting so strange?" I was finally able to free my wrist and I rubbed it with my other hand, the skin feeling raw and chafed from his rough treatment.

  Simon stared at me for a few beats and I saw multiple expressions pass through his face. Regret was the most visible emotion and I was wondering why he had that odd expression when he suddenly grabbed my shoulders, pulling me towards him.

  "Give me the coin, you bitch!" he screamed in my face, his complexion turning a mottled red from his rage.

  I pushed at his chest frantically, realizing that Simon was no longer in control. His vardoger was. "Get the hell off me!"

  Simon grinned widely as I struggled futilely. "Let's finish what we started earlier."

  I beat at his chest in a frenzy, but he was too strong, pushing me hard against the car door. I forced myself to think, think! I knew I couldn't overtake him physically. I needed to defeat him with my powers.

  I dropped the palladium coin instinctively, a gut feeling telling me that all I needed was the iridium around my neck. Simon didn't even notice that I dropped the coin, he was so intent on my struggles against him.

  I placed my hands on his shoulders and concentrated, imagining my energy gathering, a flaming orb that would shoot through the vardoger, destroying it. I could feel my power mounting, the static almost palpable as the force of my energy increased. I couldn't hear anything except the rushing in my ears as the glowing sphere in my mind grew brighter, stronger. I was on the brink of hurtling it out towards Simon when I hesitated. I was scared. I had only destroyed vardogers that were detached from their people. I had never destroyed a vardoger that had already taken possession over their person. Simon, my Simon, was still in there somewhere. Would I destroy him as well?

  He took advantage of my hesitation, slamming me against the car door so hard my teeth rattled. I stared into his blue eyes that were still just as beautiful, yet blazing with deadly intent.

  "Simon, please," I whispered, praying that he could still hear me somehow. "Simon, push your vardoger back. Take control!"

  Simon snarled, raising his hand, and I braced for impact. In the next second, his face became slack, his hands dropping limply by his sides.

  "Caitlin?" he asked in a small voice, sounding lost.

  "Thank God!" I cried, grabbing his hands. Simon pulled his hands out of my grip, shaking his head.

  "No, no. Not again!" He was gripping his hair, looking frantic and wild-eyed.

  "It's okay, Simon. You didn't hurt me. You took control before anything happened."

  Simon turned away from me, bo
wing his head and leaning against the steering wheel, not looking at me. I watched him in silence, not knowing what to say. He had a death grip on the steering wheel, holding on so tightly that his knuckles were white, as if it was his only anchor in a world gone mad.

  "Simon." I raised my hand to touch him but dropped it when he flinched violently, still not looking at me.

  "Simon," I said again, this time louder with more authority. "Don't. You need to stop blaming yourself."

  Simon sat up but he still didn't look at me. He started the car, easing back onto the road. His voiced was strained when he spoke. "Let's just get the hell out of here."

  I was silent as Simon drove back to my father's house. He was making it clear that he didn't want to talk and I respected that he wanted some space for his own thoughts. He didn't even look at me when I picked up the palladium coin from the car floor. I wouldn't know what to say to him even if he wanted to talk, except to reassure him that it wasn't his fault, but he didn't seem to want to hear that. It didn't help that a part of me was scared of him.

  My father's car was back in the driveway when we pulled up to the house and Simon let out an expletive.

  "I need to try and talk to my father again. Now that I have proof my mother's body was never found, I'm not going to leave until he gives me some answers." I looked at Simon's hunched profile. "Maybe you should stay in the car. It could get...a little heated and it might be best if you're not involved."

  Simon looked at me for the first time since we had left the bridge. His eyes were glittering with emotion. "There's no way in hell I'm letting you walk in there without me. And I swear to God, if he crosses the line I'm going to lay him out, father or no father."

  I sighed, knowing there was no way to prevent Simon from coming inside, but the last thing I wanted was a physical altercation.

  "Okay, you can come in. But please, no fighting. I need answers and that's not going to help me get them."

  Simon's jaw hardened and he just looked at me, not agreeing to my request. I made a sound of frustration, grabbing my aunt's journal that I had brought with us, and getting out of the car. I heard Simon following me.