Chasing Shadows

by S. H. Kolee

  Grant shrugged at my answer and Sarah distracted him by pulling him into the kitchen to get something to drink. I tensed when the doorbell rang, but I was relieved when Simon just smiled at me when I opened the door as he and Kendra stepped in, leaning down to kiss me hello. He seemed to have shaken his earlier bad mood and I was grateful that it was one less thing I had to deal with tonight.

  Kendra was her usual ball of energy, talking a mile a minute about what she had bought today with Sarah and the tour of campus Simon had apparently given her before dinner.

  "Jenny and Marcus can't make it, but Grant's in the kitchen with Sarah."

  "Where's the guest of honor?"

  "Simon, don't start."

  Simon held up his hands innocently. "Just joking."

  The doorbell rang again as Grant and Sarah walked back into the living room carrying bottles of beer. I was still right next to the door so I opened it, preparing myself for seeing Neal.

  I gulped when I saw him. Not because of the flashbacks of my vision that were rushing through my mind. It was because he was standing there holding a single rose, looking at me warmly. I suddenly got a very bad feeling.

  "Hi, Neal," I said weakly, stepping back. "Come on in."

  Everyone's eyes seemed to immediately hone in on the flower Neal was holding, but he didn't seem to notice. He held it out to me with a sweet smile.

  "Just a small token to thank you for inviting me over."

  That was all it was. A token of gratitude. I tried to clear my mind of misgivings as I reached out to take the rose. "Thanks. That was really sweet of you." I suddenly felt a heavy arm settle around my shoulders. I didn't have to look up to know who it was.

  "Hi, Neal." Simon's tone sounded far from friendly, but it didn't seem to affect Neal's sunny disposition.

  "Hey, Simon. Good to see you again." He held up a bottle of wine that he had been holding in his other hand. I had been so focused on the flower that I hadn't even seen him holding it. "What should I do with this?"

  Sarah was suddenly beside me and she grabbed the bottle. "I'll take that. I'm Sarah, Caitlin's roommate."

  Sarah took over the introductions, smoothing over the awkwardness. Grant was friendly and Kendra was her bubbly self, but Simon was boring holes into Neal with his eyes. He glanced down at me, scowling at the rose in my hand.

  "I need to go check on the food. I'll be right back." I grabbed Simon's sleeve, pulling him along with me. "Why don't you help me?"

  Simon allowed me to drag him into the kitchen, although he shook off my hand when we got there.

  "Simon, please," I whispered fiercely, dropping the flower on the counter. "Don't go all caveman on me tonight. I'll make it clear to Neal that I'm not available, but I can't alienate him either."

  "This is bullshit. Some asshole is drooling all over my girlfriend, bringing her goddamned flowers, and I'm supposed to just take it?"

  I placed my hands on his chest, trying to soothe him. "Remember what this is all about. His vardoger is after him. I need to help him. Simon, I need to save his life. After I succeed, I'll never have to see him again."

  Simon stared at me for a few moments, and then he closed his eyes. I could see the tension on his face and I reached up, running my hand across his jaw and kissing him gently. "Simon, I love you. Only you."

  Simon groaned, deepening the kiss. When he finally pulled back, he gave me a grim smile. "I'll go along with it, but don't think I won't be there every step of the way, reminding him that you're off limits."

  "Okay, okay." I pushed Simon out of the kitchen. "Now, play nice."

  I grabbed a wine opener and glasses before joining everyone in the living room. Grant and Sarah were sitting on the couch along with Neal, who was chatting with them. Kendra was sitting on the floor, interjecting comments into the conversation every so often, and Simon was just standing there, watching them.

  "Who wants a glass of wine?" I asked cheerily, deftly opening the bottle of wine. Grant and Sarah declined since they were drinking beer but Kendra looked up at Simon hopefully.

  "Please? Just one glass?"

  Simon sighed and crossed his arms. "Fine, just one glass." He glanced over at me. "A small one."

  Neal got up and walked over to me with an easy smile. "Why don't I give you a hand?"

  "Thanks," I said nervously. He handed me a glass to pour wine into and I jumped when his fingers brushed against mine. I inwardly lectured myself. All this talk about Neal was making me jumpy for no reason. I needed to get a handle on my emotions.

  I poured a small glass of wine for Kendra, which Neal handed to her with a grin. "Don't go drinking all of this at once because I have a feeling you won't be getting a refill."

  Kendra smiled at him dreamily as she took the glass, obviously affected by his golden California good looks. I couldn't help noticing he had the body of a surfer, lean with broad shoulders. I guiltily pushed the thought away, feeling disloyal. Despite Neal's surface appeal, he was no competition for Simon.

  I glanced at Simon watching me and gave him a half-smile, praying that he hadn't been able to read my thoughts. "Simon, do you want a glass?"

  "No." I watched as he stalked into the kitchen and heard him grabbing a bottle of beer from the refrigerator. Neal walked back over to me, holding out another glass.

  "I hope you'll try some. I'm not a wine aficionado but the guy at the wine store recommended it."

  "Of course. But guests first. Let me pour you a glass." I reached to take the glass from Neal's hand and I wasn't sure if I just imagined his hand purposely grazing mine. My eyes shot up to his but he was just smiling at me guilelessly. I quickly filled the glass and handed it back to Neal before I poured my own, taking a large gulp.

  Simon came back from the kitchen and sat on the arm of the recliner, studying the scene before him with narrowed eyes. Sarah looked up from talking to Grant and smiled at Neal.

  "Neal was telling us earlier that he's a senior too. I didn't realize seniors lived in Bowery Hall."

  Neal reclaimed his seat on the couch next to Grant and Sarah and I made my way to the recliner. Simon immediately started stroking the back of my neck when I sat down, and I didn't miss the propriety statement he was making.

  Neal glanced over at us before answering. "Yeah, it's mostly a freshman dorm but there are other seniors who live there too. I've lived there since I was a freshman and it's convenient. I'd only move if I were able to live in an apartment, but I'm on scholarship so my housing is already paid for. I figured it wasn't worth the extra cost of living off campus."

  "Where are you from?" Kendra asked eagerly. I could already tell she was smitten with Neal.

  "Southern California. Let me tell you, the winters here have been brutal."

  Sarah laughed. "You should talk to our friend Jenny. She's from Florida and she acts like she'll never last through another winter."

  "What about you?" Neal asked, looking directly at me. "Where are you from?"

  I started from his sudden attention. I cleared my throat, feeling everyone's eyes on me. "I'm from Philadelphia."

  "The city of brotherly love," Neal commented with a grin. "And cheese steaks."

  Simon's hand on my neck tensed so I leaned into him, trying to reassure him. "We're all from the east coast. My boyfriend is from Connecticut."

  I looked up at Simon and he gave me a half-smile, knowing that my obsequious use of the term boyfriend was meant to send Neal a signal. He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss, gently massaging my scalp. I flushed as we broke apart, acutely aware of our audience.

  Kendra grinned at Neal, oblivious to the tension in the room. "Don't mind them. They're always like that. It would be gross if it wasn't so romantic."

  Neal was staring at us, an enigmatic expression on his face. He then looked down at Kendra, smiling. "Thanks for the tip."

  Kendra monopolized the rest of the conversation, continuing to talk a mile a minute even after we started eating. Most of it was directed towards Neal and I t
uned most of it out, thinking about the task I had before me. I didn't know how I was going to stay close to Neal without giving him the wrong idea. I pondered telling him the truth but realized that he would just think I was crazy and keep his distance. That was the last thing I needed.

  "Look outside." Simon's voice was low as he spoke close to my ear. I smiled in glee when I saw big, fat snowflakes drifting down outside.

  "It's snowing!" I squealed, getting up and walking over to the window. There was already a light dusting on the street, and the cars and trees were rapidly becoming covered with snow.

  Sarah jumped up to join me at the window and laughed as she glanced at me. "Jenny is probably freaking out right now. Her first date with Marcus and it snows."

  I felt arms slip around me and I leaned back into Simon's warmth. Sarah gave us a knowing look and went back to join everyone in the living room. Simon and I stood there for a few moments, watching the snowflakes swirling around.

  "I love snow."

  Simon's arms tightened around me, his lips close to my ear. "It's our first snowfall together. We're going to have a lot of firsts together."

  I bit my lip. If only he knew the biggest first that I would experience with him. Because I knew despite wanting to wait, I wanted my first experience with making love to be with Simon. I wanted him as my first, my last and everything in between.

  We watched the snow for a few more moments and then joined the rest of the group. Neal was a perfect gentleman for the rest of the evening, treating me like just a new friend. I was relieved that Neal seemed to easily accept that friendship was the only thing he was going to get from me.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I woke up Monday morning to a winter wonderland. A thick layer of snow coated every surface outside and made the sun shining into my room even brighter than normal. The vision of Neal that had occurred last night faded as I quickly got ready for class, although I was really preparing to see Neal again.

  The snow crunched under my boots as I made my way to campus and I squinted as the rays of sun bounced off the blanket of white. I took my cell phone out of my pocket, debating my next move. I had gotten Neal's phone number last night under the guise of inviting him to join us the next time we went to the East End, and now I was trying to come up with a way to meet him again without giving him the wrong message. I quickly texted him.

  Hi. It's Caitlin. Free for lunch today? I want to get your opinion about a present for my boyfriend.

  There—I had managed to include a reference to Simon being my boyfriend in the text. Neal immediately texted back.

  Sure. How does 1pm sound? How about Colette's?

  I bit my lip. There was no way I wanted to meet Neal at Colette's. It wasn't worth the Spanish Inquisition I would get afterwards from Colleen and the other employees.

  Actually, do you mind if we just meet at the cafeteria in the student center? I want to make sure I'm not late for my next class.

  I pulled my collar tighter around my neck as a gust of wind blew against me as I read Neal's answer.

  No problem. See you at 1pm.

  I sighed with relief. I wasn't sure if my excuse of wanting to get Neal's opinion about a present for Simon was believable, but I felt that the excuse at least made it seem like I wasn't hitting on Neal.

  I survived my morning classes, although it was hard not to be distracted. I had a feeling my grades were going to take a nosedive, but I couldn't worry about that now. I hurried over to the student center afterwards, checking my watch to make sure I wasn't going to be late.

  The cafeteria was bustling when I arrived and I stood in front to wait for Neal. I felt a little guilty for not telling Simon that I was meeting Neal again, but I knew he had back-to-back classes on Mondays until the late afternoon, so I didn't want to bother him.

  I caught site of Neal strolling towards me, his blond hair looking almost like a halo as it glinted in the sunlight. His face broke out in a wide smile when he saw me.

  "Hey. Good to see you again."

  I smiled, suddenly feeling nervous. "You too. Thanks for meeting me for lunch."

  We didn't speak much as we navigated the cafeteria with our trays, making our selections. Neal tried to pay for my lunch, but I adamantly refused, insisting it wasn't necessary. I felt like I should pay for his lunch since I had invited him, but I thought that might send the wrong signal so I just quickly paid for my meal and waited until he was done at the cash register.

  We sat down at a nearby empty table and I gave myself a mental pep talk. I could do this.

  "So, I really wanted to get your opinion on a Christmas present for Simon. I don't know what to get him."

  Neal opened his bottle of water and took a drink before answering me. "Why don't you ask Grant? Didn't they grow up together? As his cousin, I would think Grant would know him better than me. I just met him."

  I wanted to kick myself repeatedly. I hadn't counted on Neal bringing up that point, even though I had thought of it myself.

  "Well, you're right. Grant and Simon are pretty close. But Grant is the most unobservant person in the world. He has no idea what Simon would like. Grant lives and breathes the Henchmen and doesn't seem to take note of much else. He just told me to get Simon a gift card." I silently apologized to Grant for this dismal portrayal of him.

  Neal grinned as he started eating his sandwich. "Then I have a feeling Sarah is going to have plenty of disappointments in her future. Although I can't lie—I once gave a girlfriend a gift card for Valentine's Day. She told me I was the most unromantic person in the world and threw it at me. I guess it didn't help that it was a gift card for a local hardware store." Neal shrugged, his eyes sparkling. "She had mentioned that she wanted to paint her bedroom a different color, so I thought it was an appropriate gift. My only excuse for my lack of imagination is that I was a sophomore in high school."

  I laughed, feeling some of the tension dissipate due to Neal's self-deprecating attitude. I was lucky that Neal was such a nice guy. I couldn't imagine how much more difficult it would be to stay close to him if he had been an arrogant jerk.

  "So, any suggestions?" I started eating my salad, feeling better about the whole situation.

  "Obviously, Simon likes music. How about something music related?"

  "Like what?"

  Neal thought for a moment before speaking. "Do you play any instruments?"

  "The piano. Simon is always trying to get me to play for him, but I'm pretty rusty so I always make excuses."

  "How about if you write him a song and sing it for him along with playing the piano? Simon doesn't strike me as the type of guy who wants material things."

  I was surprised by Neal's suggestion on many levels. I didn't think he was so perceptive as to realize what type of guy Simon was from just a couple of encounters. I knew he was right when he said that Simon didn't want material things. But I was also surprised by the romance of his idea. It didn't sound like something a typical guy would suggest.

  "That's actually a pretty good idea. But Simon's the songwriter, not me."

  Neal gave me an easy grin. "I could help you out. I'm no songwriter, but I've dabbled a little in poetry."

  The thought of writing a love song with Neal, even if it was about Simon, seemed a little too intimate, but it was a perfect excuse to spend more time with him. "That's a great idea. I know Sarah would want to help too. You both can help me." I patted myself on the back for including Sarah. It would be much safer to hang out with Neal with Sarah along.

  I told myself that I imagined the corners of Neal's mouth turning down. It was gone so quickly that I was sure it hadn't really happened. He gave me an agreeable smile. "Sure, sounds good."

  I was concentrating on my salad when Neal spoke again.

  "Caitlin, are you interested in me?"

  I choked, spluttering as I dropped my fork and grabbed my water, taking a large swallow. The last thing I had expected was for Neal to be so up front in asking about my intentions. I took a
deep breath before answering. Maybe it was a good thing he was laying everything out in the open.

  "I think you're a great guy, Neal," I said slowly, choosing my words with care. "But I'm with Simon."

  Neal's gaze was disconcerting. It nowhere near matched the intensity of Simon's gaze, but it was piercing nonetheless.

  "Your attention has just been a little confusing. I wasn't sure what the relationship was between you and Simon when you first approached me, but I could have sworn you asked me over for dinner because you were interested in me. But then when I got to your place, it was obvious you and Simon were together." Neal rubbed his chin contemplatively. "And I don't know what to make of this lunch."

  I gave Neal a weak smile and tried to salvage my train wreck of an attempt to befriend Neal. "I'm sorry if I've been giving you mixed signals. I didn't mean to. I guess I'm a little clumsy socially." I took a deep breath before forging ahead. "I know you don't remember our conversation at the East End, but you just seemed like a really nice guy and I don't make friends easily."

  "But it seems like you already have great friends."

  I nodded. "I do. But outside of my boyfriend, Grant and Sarah, and a couple of other friends you haven't met yet, I rarely interact with anyone else." I shrugged, feeling foolish. "I just felt like it was time to make some new friends. I'm sorry if that seems a little weird to you."

  I held my breath as Neal processed my explanation. I was relieved when he seemed to accept it with a smile. "Hey, I'm not one to refuse the offer of friendship."

  I smiled widely, a genuine smile this time. "Now that that's out of the way, I really did want to continue our conversation about surfing."

  I listened to Neal talk enthusiastically about surfing. Even though I had no interest in the sport, Neal was obviously passionate about it and he made it interesting. I was engrossed in his description about various trips he had taken to different countries to go surfing when I felt someone standing beside the table. I looked up and saw Marcus standing there awkwardly.

  "Hi, Marcus!"