Chasing Shadows

by S. H. Kolee

  I stuck my head in Janet's office before leaving.

  "Are you sure there's nothing else I can help you with?"

  Janet smiled and shook her head. "I'm fine. Take advantage of these days when you don't have to work late, because there'll be plenty of nights we'll be burning the midnight oil."

  "Okay, have a great night then."

  I gathered my things and walked down the hallway, nodding at people who were still at their desks. Janet had introduced me around the office and everyone had been friendly and helpful. I decided that my first day at work was a resounding success.

  By the time I got home I was hot from the subway and starving. Claire was lounging on the couch flipping through TV channels.

  "How was it?" she asked.

  "Good," I replied, sitting heavily on one of the breakfast table chairs. "But tiring. I feel like I've stuffed one week's worth of work into one day. But I really like everyone at work, especially my boss. How was your day?"

  Claire flicked off the television, shrugging. "Boring. I rarely have rehearsals anymore since the show's started running, and my agent has no leads on anything."

  Claire was fortunate that she didn't have to work a day job like so many struggling actors in New York. She came from an affluent family who supported her acting career so she could dedicate herself to finding acting jobs.

  "Well, I'm starving. Have you eaten?" I hadn't finished my sandwich during lunch since I had been so preoccupied with taking notes and my stomach was now grumbling in protest.

  Claire's face brightened. "No, and I'm famished. There's a great Thai place that delivers."

  "Sounds good to me. Just let me change."

  I left Claire rifling through restaurant menus that she had pulled out from a kitchen drawer and went to my bedroom, groaning in relief as I took off my high heels. Changing into shorts and a t-shirt, I grabbed my phone from my purse and sat on the bed. The day had been such a whirlwind that I hadn't had a chance to check my phone for messages.

  I saw that I had a voicemail from my mother but that's not what made my heart leap. I saw that I had a text message from Jackson and I eagerly opened it.

  My evening shifts this week are Mon thru Wed 4-9pm. So when are you coming?

  I felt a quiver of anticipation, but I knew I couldn't commit to anything at this point. With my new job, I didn't know if I would be working late.

  Sorry, not sure if I can make it with my new job. Maybe this weekend if you're working?

  After hitting send, I listened to my mother's message.

  Emma, honey. I was calling to see how your first day was. Was the subway okay? Did you get lost? Did any strangers try to talk to you? Call me back as soon as you can!

  I groaned after hearing my mother's voicemail and hit the button to call her back. I had the feeling that I was going to have to constantly reassure her until she got used to me living in New York. She couldn't seem to shake the notion that New York was a scary place where her daughter was in danger of being accosted at every corner.

  "Hi, Mom," I said when my mother answered after the first ring. "Your darling daughter is still alive."

  "Emma! I'm so happy to hear your voice! I was so worried. I thought you would call earlier. I left you that voicemail in the afternoon and it's already six o'clock."

  "Mom," I said with exasperation. "It was my first day at work. I couldn't tell my boss that I had to be excused because I had to go call my mother. It kind of hurts my credibility as a professional."

  "I'm sure she would have understood. Isn't she a mother?"

  I rolled my eyes. My mother seemed to think that every woman in her thirties should be married with children. "She doesn't have any children. And before you ask, no, she's not married."

  Janet had alluded to being married to her job earlier today and I hadn't seen any pictures of children in her office.

  "Oh no!" my mother said, sounding horrified. "That means she'll work you to death if she doesn't have anything else in her life except her job. Is she a workaholic? She must be a workaholic. Emma, don't become a workaholic!"

  I couldn't help laughing at my mother's frantic tone. I knew she meant well. My mother just wanted me to be happy and she was worried that I was running away from my problems by moving to New York. She didn't seem to understand that I wasn't running from something, I was running to something.

  "Mom, I promise I won't become a workaholic. My first day was actually really great. I really like my boss and she seems to be willing to give me a chance to prove myself."

  "I guess that's good," she replied, not sounding convinced. Her voice brightened as she changed the subject. "How's Claire? She sounds like a sweet girl from what her mother's told me. Do you like the apartment?"

  "Claire's really nice. I think she's kind of taken me under her wing, even though she's younger than me. Since she's already lived in New York for a while, she's showing me the ropes. And I love the apartment. It's exactly what I imagined it would be." I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table. "Mom, I should go now. Claire's waiting for me because we're going to order some food for dinner. I promise to call you later this week with an update."

  "Okay," my mother said, sounding reluctant to let me go. "But call me earlier if anything happens."

  "I promise I will."

  After hanging up with my mother, I got up to join Claire in the living room when I heard my phone beep, signaling that I had a text message. I excitedly opened Jackson's text message.

  Come to the gym Wed after work. I'll wait for you. Don't think you can weasel your way out of this! My reputation as a trainer is at stake.

  I grinned as I quickly texted back.

  Okay, Wed but I can't guarantee what time I'll be there. Are you always this pushy with your prospective clients?

  Jackson immediately texted back.

  Only when I see potential. And I see vast potential in you.

  I giggled to myself like a buffoon, feeling giddy by Jackson's text.

  My vast potential and I will see you Wednesday.

  I threw my phone on my bed after the sending the last text. It would be too tempting to take my phone with me and obsess about whether Jackson was going to text back.

  Claire jumped up from the couch when I entered the living room, shoving a paper menu at me.

  "I'm getting the Pad Thai. What do you want?"

  I looked over the menu, my stomach grumbling in anticipation. "I definitely want the Pad Khee Mao with beef. I'll call."

  I picked up the apartment phone and called the restaurant, placing the order. Claire stretched back onto the couch.

  "They said it would take thirty minutes," I said as I hung up the phone. "I need to stop thinking about food for thirty minutes or I'm going to keel over in hunger."

  Claire laughed. "Why don't you distract yourself by telling me about work today?"

  I joined her on the couch. "My boss seems to have a lot of confidence in me. She said that she's going to give me additional responsibilities besides just being an assistant. More like the work I used to do back in D.C. but on a much larger scale since Mass Communications is such a bigger company. I'm excited but nervous at the same time. I just hope I do well and don't mess anything up."

  "I'm sure you'll be awesome," Claire replied "Before you know it, you'll be running the company."

  I smiled wryly. "Sure. And then I'll change the name of the company to Mills Communications. We'll air tons of commercials and you'll be our spokesmodel."

  "Hey, I like that idea," Claire replied, waggling her eyebrows. "And then maybe you can bankroll a movie for me so I can be the star."

  "We can dream," I said ruefully. I paused before continuing. "I'm stopping by Peak Fitness on Wednesday after work. Jackson seems gung-ho about taking me on as a new client."

  Claire smirked. "Trust me, Jackson doesn't have any shortage of clients to train. I can tell that he's interested in you."

  I couldn't hide my excitement at Claire's words. "Really? I m
ean, I can't lie. It's hard to look at Jackson and not have only one thing on my mind. And that one thing involves getting naked and sweaty."

  Claire burst out laughing. "I'm beyond that point with him since I just see him as a friend, but I know what you mean." She then sobered, looking serious. "I meant it yesterday when I said Jackson was a great catch. Just...be careful. I love Jackson, but he can be a bit of a player. He doesn't mean to be, but it's hard when you have so many women chasing after you. Have fun but don't read too much into what he does. Women have a tendency to be swept off their feet by him, but then end up disappointed when he doesn't want anything more than a good time. I just don't want you to get hurt."

  I felt a little deflated by Claire's warning. It's not that I had expected Jackson to become the love of my life. It just stung a little to know that I was just one in a string of women. I decided to not let it bother me. If Claire was right, Jackson was offering exactly what I was looking for. A good time with nothing heavy involved. I neither wanted nor had the time for anything serious right now.

  "Thanks for the warning," I said. "Luckily, that's exactly what I want at this point in my life. Fun."

  Claire nodded in understanding. "I can imagine that the last thing you want to do is fall into another relationship. How are you holding up? I know you're the one that broke things off, but it still must be hard."

  I sighed, thinking it over. "It is hard. I don't regret calling off the wedding, and I don't regret moving here. But I can't lie and say that I don't feel sad every now and then. Sean and I were a part of each other's lives for so long. Sometimes I'll think of something, see something new, and remind myself to tell Sean about it later. Then I remember that there's no Sean to tell."

  Claire looked at me sympathetically. "That makes sense. Even if you don't want to spend the rest of your life with him, that doesn't mean you don't miss certain parts of him. Do you still keep in touch?"

  I shook my head. "No, it's too hard. Maybe somewhere down the road we can be friends. I'm not sure. I left it up to Sean, since I was the one that hurt him so much. After he realized that I wasn't going to change my mind, he told me that it was too painful to keep in contact."

  "The distance is probably a good thing. Merrittsville is such a small town that it's hard not to bump into each other."

  "Yeah, no kidding," I said drily. "If I wasn't bumping into Sean, I was bumping into his mother, who gave me death stares. I don't blame her after how I hurt Sean. It was just really hard for me since she was practically my second mother growing up. She was always so much calmer and levelheaded than my own mother, who can be a little flighty. It was nice to have Sean's mother to talk to, but obviously that bond was severed when our relationship ended."

  I took a deep breath, trying to clear the knot in my chest. It still hurt to think of losing Mary, Sean's mother. Even though I loved my mother, Mary Somers understood me in a way that my own mother never could. Mary and I were similar in a lot of ways. The biggest difference was that she had stayed on the path that had been mapped out for her, while I had veered away from mine. In the end, she had been rewarded by her husband divorcing her for a much younger woman and walking away from his family. Sean and his mother rarely heard from him.

  "What about you?" I asked, wanting to change the subject. "Are you dating anyone?"

  "I can't remember the last serious relationship I had. It was probably in college. I really just want to concentrate on my acting career. I'll worry about my love life once I'm rich and famous."

  The arrival of our Thai food interrupted us. We decided to eat it out on the balcony on a table that barely fit the small space. We poured two glasses of wine and enjoyed the cool evening air as we ate, the sounds of the city providing a soothing background.

  I raised my glass of wine. "To like-minded females concentrating on their careers and conquering the world."

  Claire laughed and clinked her glass with mine. "Watch out world, here we come."

  Chapter Three

  The next couple of days went by in a blur as I learned the ropes at my new job. Instead of becoming a nuisance, Celeste became an invaluable resource as she helped to guide me through many of my tasks as an assistant. I never saw her boss, the elusive Drew Stephens, and Celeste told me he traveled a lot and was rarely in the office.

  Janet stopped by my cubicle on her way out Wednesday afternoon.

  "I'm leaving for the day, Emma," she said, her suit jacket slung over her arm and briefcase in hand. "I have my meeting downtown and I decided not to come back after my business dinner. You can leave after you finish up those RFPs."

  "Okay, have a great rest of the day. See you tomorrow."

  I tried to suppress my excitement as Janet left the office. I had worked until eight-thirty the night before because Janet was finishing a performance report for a client and I had been helping her pull it together. While I was enjoying my work, I had been nervous that tonight would be another late night because Janet had mentioned earlier that she might be coming back to the office after her dinner. I had been afraid that she would ask me to wait for her return and tonight was the one night I didn't want to work late because I was stopping by Peak Fitness tonight.

  "A hot date?" Celeste asked as she wheeled her chair closer to my cubicle. Even though she was much older, Celeste often talked like she was still in her early twenties.

  I grimaced. "Is it that obvious?"

  Celeste grinned. "You looked like you were going to jump up and cheer when Janet said she was leaving."

  I frowned. "I hope it wasn't too obvious. The last thing I want is for Janet to think I'm not dedicated."

  "She knows, she knows," Celeste groaned. "It's only your third day and you already work harder than half the people here." Celeste smiled mischievously. "So, who is it?"

  Even though I had only known Celeste for a few days, I had instantly bonded with her. Not only was she helpful, but she was funny and quirky. Despite being my senior, I often felt like I was older than she was.

  "It's not really a date," I explained. "It's just this guy I met last weekend. He's a trainer at a gym and I'm stopping by for a free session."

  "Ooh, sweating, working out, getting close." Celeste waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Now that's a great first date!"

  "It's not a date!" I exclaimed but I couldn't help laughing. "Now I need to finish these RFPs so I won't be late for my non-date."

  I spent the rest of the afternoon diligently working on the RFPs until I was finished and I was sure they were perfect. I checked my watch and was happy to see that it was only six o'clock. I would have plenty of time to go home first and change before heading over to the gym.

  "Have fun!" Celeste cackled as I waved goodbye. "Enough fun that it'll hurt to come into work tomorrow!"

  "Goodbye to you too, Celeste," I said with a grin.

  Claire wasn't home when I got to the apartment. We hadn't talked about Jackson again since Monday night, not that it was necessary. She had given me her approval as well as fair warning. I was lucky to have her as a friend.

  I sent a quick text to Jackson before changing, wanting to give him a heads up that I was definitely coming tonight.

  Be there in about half an hour if you're free.

  Before I could start changing, Jackson responded with a text back.

  The training session will be free, but I'm not free. I'm looking forward to discussing the terms of payment.

  I bit my lip, not knowing how to answer. I couldn't tell if Jackson was flirting or if he meant something else.

  I thought this was a no-strings attached training session.

  I'm talking about after the training session.

  What do you mean, after the training session?

  When I take you to dinner, of course.

  I wanted to jump up and down with giddiness, but forced myself to reply calmly.

  Who said I was going out to dinner with you? Are you trying to mix business with pleasure?

  I giggled to mys
elf idiotically, unsure if my flirting sounded teasing or dumb. It had been a long time since I had flirted and I was more than a little rusty.

  Who said this was ever about business? Now get over here so I can talk to you in person instead of through a little screen.

  Coming.

  I quickly changed into workout clothes, grinning the whole time. I wanted to balance looking attractive in my workout gear without being too made up. There was nothing worse than a woman working out with heavy make-up and jewelry jangling with every movement while heavily doused in perfume. On the other hand, I didn't want to look too casual since dinner had been mentioned.

  I decided on a pair of black leggings and a blue v-neck workout top with a built-in sports bra that could be mistaken for a regular fitted shirt. I grabbed a short gauzy black skirt that I could slip on over my leggings for dinner and stuffed it into my bag, along with some make-up to freshen up with after the workout. I prayed that I wouldn't perspire too much during the training session. The last thing I wanted Jackson to see when he looked across the dinner table was a sweaty mess.

  The gym was only a few blocks away and as I pushed open the front door, I was suddenly nervous. The smell of the gym and the clinking of the machines reminded me that physical fitness was not my strong suit. I didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of Jackson.

  I approached the front desk where a perennially smiling woman stood behind it. She nodded her head as people filed in and handed her their membership card to scan, smiling so vacantly that she resembled an automaton.

  "Hi," I said with a slight smile of my own. "I'm supposed to have a training session with Jackson. Jackson Reynard."

  The woman blinked and her mouth shrank to a normal smile, a genuine one this time.

  "You must be Emma! I'll let Jackson know you're here."

  She picked up the phone and dialed a few numbers.

  "Jackson, Emma's here."

  The woman smiled as she put the phone receiver back into the cradle. "He'll be right out."

  "Great," I said, feeling a bit uncomfortable just standing there. I was surprised she knew me by name, but I assumed that part of her job was knowing all the members on a first name basis. Even prospective members. The woman was looking at me with way too much interest. It was friendly interest, but uncomfortable just the same.