Love by the Mile

by Heather Young-Nichols

  “I do understand. I get that it would be incredibly hard to talk about. I won’t push you. Not as long as you really know that nothing you could tell me would change my feelings for you. Nothing.”

  I watched his neck strain as he swallowed hard.

  “But let me ask you a question,” I said and wet my lips. He watched the movement intensely. “Do you think I deserve to be punished?” One eyebrow raised and a smile spread slowly across his face. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. There were brief moments when he acted like a regular guy. “Idiot. You can spank me later, but answer the question.”

  “Of course not. You’re a good person.”

  “So are you.” I leaned forward to kiss him softly, my fingers slowly rubbing against his cheek. “So, if I were to do something that I really want to do, would you stop me?”

  “Depends on what you were doing I suppose but probably not. I want to give you everything. I… I love the idea of being with you but that’s not something I’m sure I could handle. Sex has always been… uncomfortable.”

  “That’s because you’ve been with the wrong people.” Leaning all the way back and settling between his thighs, I waved my hands to get him to sit up. Once he did, I slowly, so slowly that I wanted to pass out from anticipation, pulled his shirt over his head. “Roll over.” I hopped off the couch all together so he could do what I wanted him to.

  He obeyed and I loved that he trusted what I was doing.

  “I need to get a look at these tattoos.”

  Once he was on his stomach, I sat back down on his butt so I could examine them all up close and personal.

  First, I twisted him slightly so I could take in the words across his ribs. Breathe curled its way over his skin. I used an index finger to lightly trace over each letter slowly. His muscles jumped involuntarily at my touch and Sal let out a rough breath.

  His smooth, warm skin warmed me by extension.

  It took a deep breath for me to calm the hell down.

  I nudged his shoulder so he’d lie back down flatly and give me access to the other two tattoos.

  The shaded sun in the center of his back was stark against his olive skin. Leaning over him, I licked my lips again then placed a wet kiss directly on the sun. I let my mouth linger before feathering a bunch of soft kisses in the same spot until he groaned and buried his head in a throw pillow.

  The tattoo on his shoulder had so many intertwined rope knots that I didn’t know where one started and the others ended. Again I dropped a vaguely wet kiss right on top of it. Only this time I used the tip of my tongue to trace the shape.

  His skin was warm and slightly salty.

  Every single carnal instinct in my body woke up and took notice.

  Must have for him too because he flipped over without knocking me off, his hands coming to rest on my thighs where he squeezed and looked at me with a simmering heat about to boil over. More heat and desire than I’d seen on him yet.

  This plan was working.

  “Bailey.” My name was just a breath out of his mouth.

  “Too much?” Please say no. Please say no.

  Thankfully, he shook his head then cleared his throat quietly.

  When I slowly leaned forward, he met me halfway where his lips devoured mine. Completely devoured me. This man owned part of me and I didn’t need more time to know that. What needed more time was telling him.

  I’d fallen for Sal DeLuca.

  He was sexy and vulnerable and despite our earlier butting of heads, on the inside he was caring and beautiful.

  I just needed him to see that in himself.

  As we kissed, slowly, almost lazily, my hands began to roam from his cheek where it had been, down the front of his throat and over the hard muscles in his chest. That simmering heat I’d seen in his eyes before turned into a fiery passion that he released through his mouth.

  Pulling back, which was one of the last things I wanted to do, my hooded eyes kept his gaze. I was torn about showing him just how turned on I was even though I could already feel how into this he was. It could freak him out.

  I wanted us to be together, that was all, be comfortable with each other.

  Sliding further down his legs, I went to work on the button of his jeans. It popped open and I pulled the zipper all the way right before his large hands wrapped around my wrists, stopping me.

  I expected this.

  “Bailey,” he said in a rough voice. This man couldn’t hide exactly what he was feeling if he tried. Not at all. At least not in moments like this one. “There are things I’ve never let anyone do.”

  His eyes were so cautious, so vulnerable as he laid underneath me. They were practically begging me to be careful with him.

  Not breaking out in frustrated tears took all of the willpower I possessed. Slowing was nearly impossible for me but I swallowed the lump in my throat down and took a deep breath.

  “Do you trust me?”

  He took quite a while before finally nodding.

  “Ok then.”

  Moving back up him, I used one hand to pull his face to mine so I could concentrate on his lips and he on mine. That was something safe.

  We’d kissed a lot already.

  I loved kissing him, and if he didn’t love kissing me then he sure could fake it. I could make him forget all the bad stuff, the guilt, the nerves if he let me.

  Once I’d thoroughly distracted him with kisses, I used my other hand to slowly roam down his stomach and into his boxers where I lightly stroked his erection.

  His body stiffened.

  Sal blew out a hard, rough breath.

  When I looked up to check on him, his eyes pinched together tightly, almost like he was in pain. I didn’t think he was. Not physically, anyway. I wasn’t hurting him in that way.

  I decided to take it down a notch.

  While still holding onto his cock, I nibbled on his neck, sucking gently, letting him grow accustomed to my touch inside of his boxers. Once he relaxed against me, I began stroking his erection again.

  With Sal, I really just wanted him to feel good and wasn’t looking for anything for myself. Bringing him pleasure brought me pleasure and if the sounds he was making were any indication, he enjoyed every magical second my experienced hand was giving him.

  “Bailey… I… ” I knew what that strained sound meant. He was about to come and I didn’t want him to worry about it.

  “Shhhh… ” I whispered in his ear.

  As soon as my first breath of air touched the side of his face, his entire body tightened with the release I had been pushing him toward. Long overdue in my opinion.

  But I kept stroking until he completely relaxed under me again. I gave him a minute to recover before pulling away.

  “I’ll be right back,” I whispered, my lips still against his skin.

  In the bathroom to clean-up, I caught my reflection in the mirror. There was something beautiful to the pink flush of my cheeks and the absolute clearness to my eyes. I smiled then looked away.

  When I came back into the room, Sal was perched on the edge of the couch, his elbows on his slightly bouncing knees and his head in his hands. It was like I could see him mentally kicking himself, and I wished I could hunt his parents down and murder them in their sleep. No. While they were awake, so they could see me do it. That would be better.

  “Hey.”

  He jumped at the sound of my voice as I stood quietly next to him.

  “Everything all right?” I asked.

  “Yup.” He smiled up at me but there was something with his face. “I’m gonna get changed.”

  I thought he was just going to walk past me but he stopped, cupped both hands around my face and kissed me.

  While he was in changing which was really code for cleaning himself up because I’d created a pretty big mess there, I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator across the room. When Sal came back in, he was just wearing a new pair of boxers and nothing else. He flopped down on the bed and threw an arm o
ver his eyes.

  I took a deep breath to steel myself for whatever he was going to say then walked over to him. It was such a small amount of pleasure that he was beating himself up over. It was ridiculous that his family thought it’d be a good idea to cultivate this sort of self-loathing and self-doubt. They sucked.

  But I was going to help him. Because that’s what you do when you love someone.

  “Hey,” I said again because apparently, I’d lost the ability to start a conversation in any other way as I crawled across the bed on my knees until I was right beside him. “What’s going on? Did I do something wrong? Go too far?”

  “No. God, no, Bailey.” He pulled me down beside him before covering us with the lush blanket on his bed.

  Everything was so soft and comfortable that all I wanted in that moment was to burrow down into the center, bringing him with me and fall asleep.

  “Is it really so bad to enjoy yourself?”

  “You don’t understand.” He snapped, not at me, but out of frustration. “I don’t enjoy myself. I’ve done things that have ruined people’s lives and here I am, still living in this fucking place. We still have money, and this shouldn’t be my life.”

  My eyes narrowed, not that he’d see it. I pushed myself up onto an elbow so I could watch him, and if I could get him to move his arm, he could see me.

  “Listen up, Buddy,” I said in my most serious voice. “I think you’ve had enough taken away from you so stop being an asshole to yourself. It was a hand job, not a marriage proposal. It’s not that big a deal.”

  “It is to me,” he said with a hard edge in his voice. He went back to sounding normal when he spoke again.

  I wanted him angry to a certain extent. Not at me but at the situation. At least enough to want to do something about it.

  “That—” he pointed at the couch “—that’s the most connected I’ve ever felt to anyone. And I’m talking ever. I’ve done literally almost every single thing you can imagine to a woman and yes, I know you have an expansive imagination but that ‘no big deal’ you just did… ” He shook his head, but I don’t think he knew it. “Was huge and I want more of that feeling.”

  A smile spread across my face. “I can give you more.”

  “But I struggle because I’ve severely hurt people with sex and there’s nothing I can do to change that.”

  “That’s right. You can’t. But if you keep spending time with me while hating yourself because we’re getting close, you’ll be hurting me. And you might not have been able to control what happened before, right now you can. You can stop all the insanity.”

  “Come here.” He sighed and pulled me to him, securing me under his arm so that my head rested on his shoulder. “I have serious feelings for you, Bailey, and it scares the fuck out of me.”

  “I’m in no rush,” I said. “We can move as slowly as you want and if things are getting out of hand, just tell me and I’ll back off. I promise.”

  “I don’t want you to. I… you make me want so many things that it’s overwhelming.”

  “I’m sorry I’m so awesome.” I punctuated that declaration with a kiss to his chest.

  He laughed loudly in the quiet room.

  “What?” I tried to keep the smile off my face. “I can’t help it that I’m so hot and funny and just the perfect package in a five foot nothing frame.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  We fell into a more comfortable silence until I felt his chest rising and falling in perfect sync with his breaths. With that knowledge, I was able to let go.

  Chapter Fifteen

  In my morning shower, I had a bit of time with my own thoughts which inevitably drifted to Sal. The way he smelled, the way he tasted.

  I couldn’t get enough.

  This was new territory for him on a massive level, but this was also new territory for me. I’d never wanted something to be as permanent as I was hoping a relationship with Sal would be. Sure, I had boyfriends in the past that I liked, cared for, and all that. But I always knew they were temporary which was fine by me. But Sal… he’d be anything but temporary. There could be no in between with him. If he ever fell in love it would be him jumping in with both feet. I’d have to be in it to win as well.

  I already was. And he hadn’t even seen me naked yet.

  We were going to have to rectify that before I went home. We wouldn’t be moving forward too quickly, but I’d like to get through as many milestones or bases as he was comfortable with.

  The time we had to spend apart was difficult and I wanted the time we were together to be memorable.

  “What’s on tap for today?” he asked, and then took a big drink out of his cup of coffee.

  We’d gone down to the kitchen after getting dressed, and he’d offered to make me breakfast. I only wanted coffee and toast because I’d never like to eat a big meal first thing in the morning. Too heavy on the stomach.

  My dream of seeing him dressed for work became reality as he stood in front of me in a simple suit. It was a simple suit, but he made it look amazing. Obviously tailored to him, it fit snugly in all the right places and made me jealous of all the people who got to see him every day.

  “I guess shopping on the Magnificent Mile,” I said with a shrug. “I mean, I’m being abandoned in a strange city by my boyfriend who thinks he’s too important to take a day off.”

  Sal snorted in reply.

  “If I would’ve known you were coming I could’ve rescheduled the meetings but someone surprised me.” He watched my eyes narrow on him. “Which I’m so very grateful for but people flew in for today. I can’t bail.”

  “That’s fine.” I shooed him away with my hands. “Go be all important.”

  Instead of leaving me to my own devices, I rode into work with him because his office was only a few blocks from where I was headed anyway. He tried to make me promise I’d take taxi’s everywhere but I could walk a few blocks. Even in the cute knee-high boots I was wearing. But first I asked if I could see his office. See where he spent all of his time when I wasn’t around.

  Holy man, I think Trinity headquarters was the largest building on the block.

  Every set of eyes in the lobby watched us as we walked through. Obviously, they all knew who he was and probably wondered who the hell was with the boss.

  Yet not one person spoke to him, even inside the elevator.

  The air around us was thick with tension while Sal pretended not to notice. Each of the five people on the elevator with us tried to casually turn to get a look at me without looking like they were. I slunk into the back corner away from them. Sal followed, which meant all the Looky-loos had to turn all the way around to see me now.

  That, he noticed.

  He tried to block their view each time.

  “Oh my god,” I said loudly. “Did you just grab my ass?” I looked up at Sal with a completely false look of horror on my face.

  He bit his lips together, closed his eyes, and lifted his head toward the ceiling to keep from laughing. He also shook his head at me.

  “Sal, there are other people here. That’s super inappropriate.”

  All five heads snapped in our direction and this time they didn’t try to hide the open gawking. A few of them must’ve forgotten to hit the button for their floor because when we got to the top only Sal, me, and one other person got off leaving the others to figure out where their day had gone wrong.

  “You know you’re terrible, right?” He leaned down to whisper in my ear as once again, everyone watched us walk through.

  “Well someone had to break the tension. It’s like everyone’s afraid of you.”

  “They are.”

  He stood back to his full height when we got to the far end near what I assumed would be his office.

  A pretty Hispanic woman, somewhere around thirty, sat at a desk outside the door on which a brass plate with Sal’s name hung.

  “Morning, Mr. DeLuca.” She chirped as soon as she saw us approach. Her eyes flit down
to where our hands intertwined then back up at him.

  “Good morning, Soledad.” He took the stack of messages from her outstretched hand without stopping until we were inside his domain.

  The office looked like someplace Sal would be. All rich colors and new, modern furniture. Totally appropriate.

  “So this is where you burn the midnight oil and all that, huh?”

  “Yeah. It was my dad’s office, so I had to redo everything to get all the reminders of him out of here.”

  Continuing to roam around, I dragged my finger over every surface as If I wanted to leave my touch on his office as well.

  “Does Soledad burn the midnight oil with you?”

  “Sometimes.”

  I raised an eyebrow to look suspicious.

  “Jealous?”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Terribly.” Then I laughed because I couldn’t hold it in. “Actually, I don’t do jealous. It doesn’t do any good.” I came to a stop when my chest hit his body. Before he could react, I pushed up to my toes to coax him into a kiss.

  It didn’t take much coaxing.

  Just as he was about to take the kiss deeper, Soledad’s cheery voice interrupted us.

  Neither of us heard the door open either.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. DeLuca but they’re waiting for you in the conference room.”

  “Thanks.” He sighed. “I’ll be right there.” He waited until she was gone before talking to me again. “I guess I have to go.”

  “Sure, sure. Hey, can I use your computer to send Bianca an email? I forgot my phone charger at home and the battery died sometime overnight.”

  “Sure but you can’t walk around the city without a phone.”

  “Uh, actually, I can. I’ll pick another one up and charge it when we go back to your place.”

  Sal quickly jotted down the password to his computer onto a pad of paper on the desk but not quick enough. Soledad was back with the door open. I wondered if that woman ever knocked. You’d think she would especially when she knew someone else was inside.