Cole and Sav

by Cole

  When the movie ended, we did a little more skateboarding before Savannah had to go home. We planned on hanging out one last day at VidCon. I didn’t know how all this was going to turn out, but I felt like I’d blown my chance that night. Savannah had opened up to us at the restaurant and then she wanted to spend more time with us afterward. Why didn’t I just go for it and take hold of her hand? If she didn’t like me, then I’d feel really bad, but then I’d fly back to Alabama and never have to face her again. What did I have to lose?

  When John Stephen and I got back to the hotel, I texted Sav and said something like, Wow, that movie was scary. I bet you were too nervous to hold my hand. I don’t remember exactly what I said. I do, however, remember her reply. She texted, What? You’re the guy. You’re supposed to hold MY hand.

  Oh wow! That text was the first time I’d tried flirting with her, and she flirted right back! I went to bed after that, but I could not wait for the next day. Sure, it would be the last day of VidCon, my last day in California, and my last day with Savannah. But I really liked this girl, and I was pretty sure she liked me back. I could not wait to see her again.

  7

  Last First Kiss

  Savannah

  When Cole sent me the flirty text about holding his hand, my first thought was, Finally! I wanted him to hold my hand when I started walking while we were skateboarding. When he didn’t, I thought for sure he would during the movie, but he never did. Now, at last, he was giving me a sign that he liked me. I was glad he did because I liked him. I started developing a crush on him after Huntington Beach, but after watching him with Everleigh for two days at VidCon, I’d gone from crush to serious liking.

  For the longest time, I had prayed for a guy who would love and respect me and treat Everleigh as his own. Though Cole and I had known each other only a couple of days, he was already being that guy. He didn’t have to carry Everleigh around all day and play with her in the bouncy houses, but he did. All the attention he paid her made her so happy. Not once did he act like she was on his nerves or that he’d rather be doing something else. I had never seen Ev laugh so hard as when Cole ran out on a disco floor in one of the exhibits. He started doing these crazy dances that made Everleigh and me laugh so hard that my stomach hurt. A lot of people came up to him because they recognized him from his videos. So many said something like, “Oh, your little girl is so cute.” Cole never corrected them. He just said, “Thank you,” and kept on playing with Everleigh like she really was his. I cannot tell you how deeply that touched my heart.

  Our conversation at IHOP also strengthened my feelings for him. I was relieved to hear he didn’t have a girlfriend. After he talked about being a virgin and making a commitment to God not to have sex until after marriage, I worried for a moment about what he might think of my past. However, when I started talking about Tommy and Everleigh and God and my dad, Cole and John Stephen made it so easy for me to share. I never once felt awkward. It was like talking to very understanding friends. They never made me feel guilty or like they were judging me. Instead, they were so supportive that I felt better after I told them everything. When we went to the scary movie, Cole made sure he was right next to me, which I thought was a good sign. I thought for sure Cole was going to reach over and hold my hand. Then the whole movie passed and he did nothing.

  Now, finally, he made a move. I could not wait to see him the next day. Unfortunately, I knew the next day might be the last time I’d ever get to see him. He and John Stephen were flying back to Alabama early the next morning. The two of us hadn’t talked about how we felt or where we stood with each other, so I didn’t know what was going to happen between us. Maybe nothing. If so, I was okay with that. I mean, I thought it would be awesome if I did eventually end up with Cole, but being with him for five days had opened my eyes to the kind of guy I wanted. I explained it to my sister like this: “I feel like this is God’s way of showing me what I deserve. It was like He gave me a little sneak peek, and even if it gets taken away, I am not going to go running back to what I put up with before. This is what I have prayed for. This is what I am waiting for.”

  The last day of VidCon, Cole and I had this understanding that he could hold my hand if he tried. This made us a little more flirty with each other but nothing over the top because Everleigh was with us. Even though I was interested in Cole, I did not want to confuse her by holding hands with him or acting like there was something between us. She didn’t need men coming in and out of her life that way. As much as I wanted to find the guy for whom I’d been praying, protecting my daughter was more important. That’s why a big part of my prayer was for God to send a guy into my life who would not only love and respect me but also treat Everleigh as his own along with being a godly guy who’d keep his promises. Any guy I got serious about had to pass all three. Until I knew for certain he did, I would not introduce him to Everleigh as someone I was dating.

  Sunday night after VidCon I took Everleigh home for my mom to watch her, and then I met Cole and John Stephen at a go-kart track. Neither of us was ready to say goodbye, and going to the go-kart track let us do something fun together without leaving Cole’s friend out. We spent a couple of hours racing around the go-kart track. I was terrible at it, but I didn’t care. The whole thing was a lot of fun. It was starting to get late, and I figured our time together was about to end, but Cole asked if I wanted to come over to their friend Andy’s place, where they had been staying for the past few weeks, and hang out and watch a movie. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him yet, so, of course, I said yes. Andy had joined us at the go-kart track, so Cole asked if he could drive my car and we’d follow Andy and John Stephen. I said yes. Actually, I thought it was kind of cute that Cole wanted to drive.

  The drive from the go-kart track to Andy’s house was the first time Cole and I had ever been alone without John Stephen or Michelle or Everleigh or the crowds at VidCon. Cole turned on some music, and the two of us sang along. I think both of us were a little nervous. Then he put on an old ’90s love song by Savage Garden, a song called “Truly Madly Deeply.” Even though it was so cheesy, that song fit the moment. In the middle of the song, Cole reached into his pocket, pulled out his hand, and said, “Can you hold this for me?” I smiled and held out my hand. Then, instead of dropping something into my hand, he slid his hand into mine. He didn’t let go until we had to get out of the car at Andy’s house. But then, as soon as we got out of the car, he came over, took my hand, and walked with me inside. I loved it. It was like our hands were meant to fit together. He made me feel so loved and so safe.

  Andy’s apartment was pretty small. He had only one bedroom. Apparently, Cole and John Stephen had crashed on the two couches in his living room for the past month. Cole and I sat on one couch, and John Stephen and Andy sat on the other. By the time we put on the movie, it was already getting late. Andy had to work the next day, so he went to bed before the movie was over. John Stephen fell asleep right there on the couch. He and Cole had to be up by six the next morning for their flight home, so I didn’t blame him. Cole and I, however, sat snuggled up against each other on the couch until the movie ended. I had butterflies in my stomach the entire time. Just being next to him was so exciting and new, and I never wanted it to end.

  After the movie was over, I said something about needing to go home. By now it was really late, and Cole had to leave for the airport in a few hours. We got up and he started to walk me to the door to say goodbye. As I turned to him, he gently pulled me close. The two of us leaned in, and we kissed for the first time. That kiss was incredible. I’d been kissed before, but those kisses were all missing something. Cole wasn’t taking something from me; he was giving. Even from that first kiss, I knew he was completely different. I somehow knew I could trust him.

  Our first kiss was such a sweet moment, but I couldn’t help but think about the fact that he was getting on a plane in a few hours and flying to the other side of the country. “So what are we going to do now?” I asked.


  “Well,” Cole said, “I am not going to date anyone or talk to any other girls if you promise not to date any other guys.”

  “I promise I won’t either,” I said.

  “And we’ll figure out a way to make the long-distance thing work. It doesn’t matter how it happens. We will make it work,” Cole said.

  “I like that,” I said.

  Then we kissed good night and I left.

  My head was spinning on the forty-minute drive home. Here I’d found this great guy and he was leaving. We promised we’d figure out how to make everything work, but I had no idea how we’d do that. All I knew is I wanted to make it work more than anything.

  I’d promised Cole that I’d text him as soon as I got home. Everyone was asleep at my house when I walked in. Once I was in my room, I texted Cole and told him I was okay. We literally texted back and forth for the rest of the night. That’s when I told him that I’d liked him since Huntington Beach, and he told me that he liked me since then as well. I wish I’d saved those text messages because they were so sweet. I even texted him at one point and said I hoped his dad would like me. That might seem like an odd thing to say to someone that I’d known only five days and had just started a relationship with, but something inside me told me that Cole was not just a friend. I was serious about him from the start, and he told me he felt the same way.

  Morning came, and Cole had to leave for the airport. I sent one last text message but not to Cole. I texted Tommy and told him that it was over once and for all. We were never getting back together. Ever. I went downstairs and talked to my mom and told her everything that had happened. I explained to her all the reasons I liked Cole and how he loved the Lord so much and how I could see him completely changing my life. She started crying and said, “From what I can tell Sav, I love him.” She went on to remind me that for four years she’d been praying I’d meet a guy just like this and that I’d give him a chance. “I think your prayers have been answered,” I said.

  Later that day I was still so excited about Cole that I decided to text Michelle and a couple of my closest friends to share my news: Cole is the guy I’ve been waiting for. I’m done with Tommy for good! Michelle was very excited for me, as were most of my other friends as the news got out. Not everyone was convinced. I heard a couple of people say, “We’ve heard this a million times. You are going to go right back to Tommy in a few days.” Those words strengthened my determination. This wasn’t about Tommy. This was about me moving forward with my life for the first time in four years. I knew Cole was a man of his word, and with God’s help we were going to make this work. This was going to be my forever. That morning was one of the happiest days of my life, but even happier days were to come.

  8

  Back in ’Bama

  Cole

  I did not tell Savannah I loved her after we kissed for the first time, nor did we change our statuses to “in a relationship.” It was simply too soon for that. However, I knew I felt something that was more than just infatuation. This wasn’t some sort of vacation crush that I’d get over as soon as I got home. I had feelings for Savannah that I’d never felt before, feelings I’d never allowed myself to have for any girl before. As crazy as it sounds, by the time I got on my plane to fly home to Alabama, I was already thinking I was going to marry her. All my life I’d prayed, trusting God that whenever I met the girl, He would let me know. I felt in my heart that He had.

  However, and this was true of both of us, I did not blindly tell myself and everyone else that I loved this girl and I was going to marry her. If she was the one, I knew God would confirm that over time. However, if, as we got to know each other better, she turned out to be nothing like the girl I fell for at VidCon, then I would not continue pursuing her. I really believed this was the girl I was going to marry, but the two of us had to spend a lot more time together and really get to know each other before I could know for sure. I decided not to stress over it too much. It wasn’t like we had to figure this out immediately. For now, I knew I was nuts over Savannah. Leaving her was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.

  I returned home on June 30. My parents picked me up at the airport and started asking John Stephen and me questions about the trip. I tried to answer them, but I didn’t hear half of them because I was texting Savannah. Finally John Stephen said, “Yeah, so Cole met a girl.”

  My parents were like, “Oh. Well, let’s see her.” I showed them her picture, and they thought she was beautiful, which she is. “So is she your girlfriend?” they asked.

  “Not yet, but I could definitely see it happening,” I said. I did not tell my parents that I thought Savannah might be the one although they knew I had to be serious even to tell them about her. Instead, I told them how much I liked her, which they could already tell by the fact I kept texting her instead of talking to them. I’d never done that before with any girl.

  “So what’s she like?” my mom asked. I opened up about everything, including Everleigh. Later my mom pulled me aside. She said, “Cole, just because Savannah has a daughter and just because she made a mistake in the past, don’t let that keep you from pursuing her.” I love my mom for that. She knew how I’d always imagined my future wife was going to have the same commitment to wait to have sex until marriage that I had. Now my mom was telling me not to let my preconceived ideas judge Savannah. My mom is great.

  My brother Luke, who had been out in California with John Stephen and me for three weeks, couldn’t believe it when I told him I’d met a girl. Privately I told him that I’d kissed her and that I thought I wanted to marry her. He just looked at me and said, “Okay, you’re totally lying.”

  “No, really,” I said.

  “I’ve known you your entire life. You’ve never dated anyone, and now you expect me to believe that in the week after I left you in California, you met a girl, fell in love, and now you plan to marry her? No way. You’re making this up,” Luke said.

  I showed him Savannah’s picture with me. “Now do you believe me?” I asked.

  “Maybe,” he replied.

  Right after I got home, Savannah texted me pictures of her car. Someone (probably her ex) had written across the windshield and on the windows, “I am so sorry. I want to get back together.” She also texted pictures of a bunch of flowers on her front porch and boxes of candy. Then she called me and told me that, yes, Tommy had done all of this. She laughed it off and told me she’d washed the writing off her car, thrown the flowers in the trash, and didn’t even text him back. When I left, I was afraid he might do something to try to win her back, but I was blown away by the fact that Savannah had immediately told me about it. I mean, we had promised to date exclusively, but we weren’t even officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet. We’d known each other only a week. She didn’t have to tell me about Tommy’s big gesture to try to get her back.

  But she did.

  That told me she didn’t want to keep any secrets from me, which is crucial for any relationship to work. We both could have easily kept things from each other since we lived over two thousand miles apart, but if we had, we would not have the relationship we have today. Savannah even told me that in the past Tommy would do these big, romantic gestures, and she’d always go back to him. But no more. “It’s over. Period,” she told me. “I am never going back to him.” She went on to tell me how the only time Tommy or any other boyfriend had ever done anything like this was after they screwed up. Because of that, Savannah doesn’t like to receive flowers. I love surprising her and doing romantic things for her, but from the start I learned that Savannah wanted me to be consistent and do things like that to show her I love her, not to say I’m sorry.

  Two days after I got home, our family loaded up our van and took off to the mountains of South Carolina for a Fourth of July family get-together. There must have been at least forty different relatives there. Normally during family time, especially extended family time, everyone puts away their phones. We talk. We laugh. We play game
s. It’s great. For me, this year wasn’t so great. All I wanted to do was talk and text with Savannah. Everyone in my family knew something was up. They’d never seen me this way. So when they asked, I told everyone about her. Everyone was supportive and curious. No one had ever seen me like this about a girl.

  When I got to the part about her having a little girl, everyone was like, “Whoa, hold on, not so fast.” Honestly, if I’d been in their position, I would have probably thought the same thing. They didn’t know Savannah, which is why they said things like, “You’re nineteen, and she’s twenty-three with a child. Are you sure about this?” and, “You’re in Alabama. She’s in California. How is that going to work?” I know they were all just looking out for me, and I didn’t get defensive over their questions. Having my family ask me these things made me ask myself if I was sure about what I was getting myself into. The answer was a huge yes. I wanted to go forward with Savannah more than I’d wanted anything else in my life.

  During the family Fourth of July gathering, I really started missing Savannah even more. I was miserable without her. We’d been apart only a little over a week, but it already seemed like forever. The two of us texted 24/7 and talked on the phone or FaceTimed every chance we got. We talked about everything, especially about when we could see each other again. I planned on going to a big Christian conference called MOTION in Birmingham at the end of July. I had gone to it three years in a row, and when I started telling Savannah about it, the idea hit me: she should come out and go with me. Since her faith was still new to her, I thought MOTION could really help her get off to a good start. It had for me. She loved the idea. We made all the arrangements that same day. Now we knew exactly when we were going to see each other again. I felt a lot better.