Monogamy

by Susan X Meagher

As often as she looked at her lover, Jamie’s opportunities to study her were relatively infrequent. As she did so now, she found herself nearly breathless – practically in awe of the dark beauty’s loveliness. But as her eyes searched the blue orbs, she was struck, not by their beauty, but by the complete confidence she saw in them. Placing her hand on Ryan’s cheek she said, "You’re not afraid any more, are you?"

  A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth. "No. Not anymore." Admitting to the feelings she’d been trying to hide, Ryan said, "Even though I’ve been able to be intimate, I’ve been holding back a little." She lowered her head and kissed the moist, pink lips. "But tonight I finally feel free. I’m all yours, Jamie. Every part of me."

  "I can tell," the blonde whispered. "It feels like it used to." She reached for Ryan’s lips and kissed her softly. "Maybe even a little better."

  "That’s my goal," Ryan murmured. "To give myself to you completely every time we make love. It’s hard sometimes," she said, "but it’s so fulfilling when I can do it."

  "I know it’s been hard for you," Jamie said softly.

  Ryan’s eyes blinked slowly, and she said, "It has, but I could never let something so wonderful fade away. Being intimate with you is vital to me."

  "It is to me, too," the smaller woman said. "That should be our lifelong goal. To always try to be as open and vulnerable with each other as we possibly can."

  "I promise to try," Ryan vowed. She smiled gently and dipped her head once more, meeting Jamie’s lips tenderly. "Sealed with a kiss."

  "I promise, too," the blonde whispered. Wrapping her arms tightly around her partner, she rolled her onto her side and kissed her for a very long time. "I love you so much," she murmured.

  Ryan smiled warmly and said, "And I love you. More and more every day."

  "A whole lifetime of loving you a little bit better with every day that passes: that’s my idea of heaven."

  Holding her tenderly, Ryan nuzzled her face into her partner’s neck, composing herself enough to whisper, "I see heaven in your eyes."

  Part 12

  As she tried to make her bleary eyes focus, Ryan jogged down the stairs to answer the doorbell. Who in the heck is at the door at this time of the morning? Oh well, at least it got my lazy butt out of bed. If left to my own devices, I would have been tempted to bag my whole morning schedule. As she flung the door open, she was surprised to come face to face with a huge bouquet of flowers, her nose twitching as a spider mum poked her cheek.

  "Delivery for Evans-O’Flaherty," the invisible deliveryman announced.

  "That’s me," she replied, and placed her hands around the substantial vase, relieving the now visible man of his burden. She turned and placed the vase on the hall table, then made eye contact with the visitor. "Do I need to sign for it?"

  "No need," the attractive, well-dressed man said. "I own the shop."

  Ryan shook her head, a smirk covering her face. "Let me guess," she drawled. "Catherine Evans is behind this special delivery."

  "She said it was important that they arrive before you left for school," he said. "My delivery guys don’t start until eight, so I thought I’d drop them off on the way back from my daily visit to the flower mart."

  "Catherine has a way of making things happen," Ryan said.

  "For what she spends at my shop, I could afford to go to Holland to pick up those tulips," he said, nodding his head toward the arrangement. "Her complete satisfaction is very important to me." Ryan started to grab her wallet from the table, but he saw what she was doing and said, "No, really, there’s no need to tip me. But, I would appreciate it if you let Mrs. Evans know that you were happy."

  "I’ll make sure to give her a good report," Ryan promised. "Thanks for going out of your way." She closed the door and stood back to assess the gift, marveling at the remarkable assortment of flowers the elaborate ceramic vase held. Snatching the large card, she trotted back up the stairs, dropped her sweats and slid into bed.

  "Mmm … good morning to the future Mrs. Evans," Jamie purred lazily as she snuggled close.

  "Good morning to you, the future Mrs. O’Flaherty," Ryan murmured. "How’s my fiancée this morning?"

  "She’s good," Jamie mumbled through a yawn. "How’s mine?"

  "She’s very good." Ryan wrapped her arms around her still-drowsy partner and cuddled her to her chest. "She’s well-loved, well-rested and ready to blind a few of her classmates when the sun hits her hand." Extending her left hand, she admired her ring, amazed that she felt perfectly at ease to have the substantial investment resting on her finger.

  "Do you really like it?" Jamie asked, with the faintest note of worry in her soft voice.

  Giving her answer thoughtful consideration, Ryan said, "It’s certainly not what I would have picked for myself."

  Jamie’s heart picked up, suddenly chagrined at having asked Ryan such a direct question. She knew her partner was always frank about issues of style; and while she applauded her honesty, for a moment she wished this was one of the times Ryan would humanely lie to spare her feelings.

  Ryan continued in her slow, analytical fashion, "I’m sure I would have tried to get away with something much more modest – if I consented to a ring at all." Now the smaller woman’s heart began to thud in her chest, beating so loudly that Ryan noticed it. "You okay?"

  "Uh-huh," she said tightly. "Go on."

  Ryan shrugged and continued. "I’m so glad that you didn’t consult with me before you bought it. It would have been a shame to let my frugal nature stop me from wearing something this gorgeous. This is a little much for me right now, but I’m going to wear it for the rest of my life, and I’ll slowly grow into it. If you bought me something I was comfortable with now, it would look kinda silly when I was in my forties or fifties."

  "So you do like it?"

  Lifting her head up so that she could look into Jamie’s eyes, Ryan cocked her head and asked, "How could I not like it? It’s stupendous, Jamie! Haven’t I made that clear?"

  "Well, you seem a little hesitant …"

  "Look," Ryan said, lifting Jamie’s chin with her fingers. "I am hesitant to get used to this kind of lifestyle. That’s no news flash. But being your spouse puts me into this economic stratum, and I’ve got to work on getting comfortable with it. It is what it is, and I refuse to have this be a chronic issue between us. I’m gonna try to chill a bit and look at the long view."

  It took a little maneuvering, but Jamie managed to get Ryan’s hand close to her face. She spent a moment looking at the ring, admiring the way it looked against the long, elegant fingers. "It suits you," she said softly.

  Ryan chuckled and nodded her head. "It does, strangely enough. I don’t see myself as the kind of woman who’s suited to diamonds of this size. I’m gonna have to do some mental adjustments." She gazed at the three oval diamonds, the center stone nearly two and a half carats, with each of the flanking stones over a carat. In color, they perfectly matched her diamond earrings, and the platinum band stylistically tied them to the platinum collars of the earrings as well. "I’m very glad that you bought it for me. And I’m flattered that you see me as an elegant enough woman to be able to pull off wearing it." They kissed gently, their lips barely brushing against each other. "What about yours? Are you happy with it?"

  "Of course I am!" Jamie brought her hand up to rest between them, so they could both view the new ring. "I’m glad that we didn’t try to make them match," she said, considering the massive differences in the rings. "We would have both had to compromise to get something we both liked. I think it’s cool that they’re so different – they’re as different as we are."

  "Yeah. A square cut emerald with two square cut diamonds in a yellow gold setting is about as far from mine as you can get," Ryan said. "Do you really like the square cut? I was torn between the square and the round."

  "I prefer the square," Jamie said, "and I’m very glad you went with the Princess cut. It has so much more fire than the flat emerald cut. I don’t know wh
y, but I’ve always pictured a square cut emerald when I thought about my engagement ring."

  Ryan chucked as she said, "I can honestly say that the thought of an engagement ring had never crossed my mind. I don’t think that’s a common lesbian daydream."

  "You’re my lesbian daydream," Jamie sighed as she wrapped Ryan in her arms, only to be poked by a sharp object. "Ow!"

  "Oops." Ryan giggled as she took the card out from between their bodies. "Forgot about that."

  Jamie removed the card from her hand and batted her eyes at her. "Oh … you bought me a card. How sweet."

  "Can’t cop to that," Ryan said. "It’s from your mom. She had a bouquet the size of a Buick delivered this morning."

  "Really? That’s cool," Jamie said, opening the card. She cleared her throat and read, "Congratulations, Jamie and Ryan. I know that your marriage will bring both of you unlimited happiness. I love you both,

  Catherine."

  "She’s a peach," Ryan said.

  "There’s more," the smaller woman intoned. "We need to get together immediately to start planning! Dinner at my house tonight?"

  Ryan pulled the covers over her head and muttered, "She was the soul of restraint for Da and Maeve, but I know she’s gonna take off the gloves now. Heaven help me!"

  "Good news, Poppa," Jamie giggled into the phone later that day when she caught her grandfather in. "She said yes!"

  "I’m speechless," he said. "I thought you’d have to spend weeks convincing her."

  "No, she jumped aboard without a complaint. Gullible little thing, isn’t she?"

  "I happen to think you both have excellent taste," he said. "I take it you’re both on cloud nine today?"

  "Yes, except that mother wants to discuss our wedding plans tonight. I have a feeling that’s going to be a bit of a struggle with Miss ‘Can’t We Order a Pizza And Be Done With It?’"

  "At least you don’t have to worry that she loves you for your money, Jamie," he reminded her. "Unless she’s a fabulous actress."

  "No, she’s a pretty awful actress, actually. She genuinely doesn’t like having this much money. But she was very sweet about the ring I bought her. Nary a complaint."

  "That’s good to hear. It’s not that common for couples to have the issue of fighting over too much money, but it can be as bad as having too little. I’m glad that you’re both trying to find a middle ground."

  "We are," she said. "But still, Mother might try her patience with her plans for the ceremony. Can I convince you to join us for dinner – say, around eight?"

  "I’m happy to. We have a few things to discuss, anyway, and we can wrap up my issues at the same time."

  "Great. Meet us at Mother’s.

  "Hi, Mom, it’s me," Jamie announced late that afternoon. "Poppa’s on board, so we’ll be there around eight. Should we coordinate our ideas before we get together?"

  "Why would we want to do that? Isn’t that the point of the meeting?"

  "Not when Ryan’s involved," Jamie said with a chuckle. "She thought Martin and Maeve’s reception was ostentatious. I think we’re gonna have to struggle to get her to agree to anything fancy."

  "I don’t want to make her uncomfortable," Catherine insisted. "We can keep this very low key."

  "But I don’t want low key, Mom. I want something memorable. It doesn’t have to be opulent or anything, but I’ve dreamt about my wedding since I was a little girl. It’s important to me."

  Catherine paused, thinking that perhaps it was unwise to discuss the issue until the young couple had come to a private agreement about the tone for the ceremony. "I don’t want this to cause trouble for you, Jamie," she said. "Maybe we should hold off until you and Ryan agree."

  "Don’t worry about that," Jamie said. "We don’t fight about issues like this. Ryan acts like she’s making a huge sacrifice, then I thank her profusely. It all works out."

  "If you’re sure," Catherine said warily.

  "I am. I don’t want her to be unhappy, Mom. I can tell if she’s really uncomfortable, or being dramatic. I have found one trick that works, though. She likes to be able to compromise about issues like this."

  "That’s good to hear," Catherine said, a smile reflected in her voice.

  "So, what works is to ask for something outrageous," the younger woman revealed. "Then, the compromise is close to what I wanted anyway."

  With a tone that was only partially teasing, Catherine said, "That’s frighteningly devious, sweetheart. Are you sure that’s a good idea?"

  "Look, Mom," Jamie said. "She’s still talking about how fabulous Martin and Maeve’s wedding was. She loved the fact that it was a special day and that they had a party that was different from all of their other gatherings. She’s programmed to say that she doesn’t want it. If she could let herself go and say what she truly wants, I bet it’s nearly identical to what I want."

  "You know her well, Jamie," Catherine said. "But try not to push her too hard. There’s nothing more unattractive than a woman who constantly manipulates her spouse."

  "I understand that, Mom. We do tend to manipulate each other a little bit, but we get over it quickly if we don’t get our way. I’ll be fine with it if we end up having a barbeque in the back yard. But I’m going to ask for more than I want and see where we end up."

  "Hey," Ryan called as she ran up the stairs after softball practice. They were on a tight schedule, so she didn’t take the time for her usual welcome home buss.

  Jamie poked her head out of the kitchen and called up the stairs, "One day of being engaged and I no longer merit a hello kiss? This bodes ill, Ms. O’Flaherty."

  "I’ll make it up to you later," Ryan hollered as she dashed into the shower.

  "You’d better," the smaller woman chuckled in a normal tone of voice, since Ryan couldn’t hear her anyway.

  The first stop was to dash by Martin and Maeve’s to make their announcement. On the drive over the traffic-clogged bridge, Ryan said reflectively, "This is kind of an odd situation to be in, isn’t it?"

  "What is?"

  "To tell people that we’re engaged. It’s kinda bass-ackwards, isn’t it? I mean, we’ve told people that we’re, in essence, married. You already wear a wedding ring. We refer to each other as spouses. Yet, now we’re engaged. It’s odd."

  "I don’t think it’s much odder than a straight couple who lives together, is it? They probably consider that they’re spouses, too."

  "I guess," Ryan said. "I do kinda like the formality of being engaged, to tell you the truth. It’s cool to think of you as my fiancée. It’s like we get to do the whole thing over again. And having our families with us is going to make it special." She shot Jamie a wide grin and said, "I’m really looking forward to this. It’s one bit of heterosexual privilege that I want to claim."

  Jamie grinned back at her, charmed by how much the ceremony meant to her partner. "You know, I was thinking about it today," she said. "I suppose I should take my wedding ring off until we make it official." She caught Ryan’s startled look and immediately followed up. "But I can’t. I couldn’t bear to."

  A luminous grin lit up Ryan’s entire face. She reached across the car and captured her partner’s hand, bringing it close to her lips for a soft kiss. "I’m glad. I don’t want you to ever take it off."

  "I’ll take off the engagement ring when I play golf," she said, "but I leave the wedding ring on all the time. I’m developing a nice little callus at the base of my finger, as a matter of fact. I like it," she said.

  Since the hand in question was still available, Ryan tickled the callus with the tip of her tongue. "I look forward to developing my own. One more small reminder of my love for you."

  "Only you could make a callus sound romantic," Jamie sighed as she unbuckled her seat belt and leaned over for a warm kiss. "Might as well give the other drivers something to talk about on their cell phones," she said.

  "Anybody home?" Ryan called out as she popped her head into her aunt’s house. As usual, the front door was unlock
ed, but she didn’t want to fully enter without permission; trying to give the newlyweds some level of privacy.

  "Siobhan?" Martin’s voice carried from the kitchen.

  "Yep." She and Jamie entered the house as Martin and Maeve exited the room.

  "Did you come for dinner, girls?"

  "No. We’re headed over to Catherine’s place for dinner, but we wanted to stop by and show you something first." She was smiling broadly, and Martin’s smile reflexively broadened to match hers.

  "What is it?" Maeve asked.

  "Last night we proved that we truly belong together," Ryan said. "We both had the same thought at exactly the same time."

  "Get on with it," Martin ordered, his curiosity overriding his normal patience.

  "We asked each other to marry," she announced proudly, with both her and Jamie extending their hands to Martin and Maeve’s astonished eyes.

  "Holy mother of God!" Martin reached for both hands simultaneously. "I’ve been blinded!" he cried dramatically, as the light hit the substantial stones.

  "Oh, girls," Maeve gushed, "I’ve never seen two more beautiful rings!" She tore her eyes away from the jewelry to gaze at her niece. "And you didn’t talk about this beforehand?"

  "No, that’s why it’s so funny," Ryan said. "We knew that we wanted to have a commitment ceremony, but we hadn’t discussed it at all."

  "Well, this is grand, just grand," Martin enthused, wrapping each woman in a hug, as Maeve did the same. "Congratulations, girls."

  "Thanks, Da," Ryan said as she pulled away. "We’re running late to get to Catherine’s, but we had to stop by to let you know."

  "Will you be home this weekend, love?"

  "No. Another tournament. We’re gonna have to start coming over for dinner during the week so I can see you two."

  "We’d be happy to bring Caitlin over some evening, too," Maeve offered. "She misses you fiercely when you don’t come home. She associates you both with church now," she revealed. "She was anxious all during Mass on Sunday, and I think she was looking for you."

  "I’d love it if you’d bring her over," Ryan said. "But I hate to have you sit through that much traffic."