Monogamy

by Susan X Meagher

  Nearing their exit on the freeway they approached a black Nissan mini truck, and Ryan called out, "Two people … no, three. A man, a woman and a baby. Both of the adults are in their late fifties, and the baby is …" she scrunched her nose as she appeared to concentrate, "about a year and a half." Nodding, she added, "The baby’s blonde." The bus passed the truck, and Jackie shot a quick look at the occupants, then turned to Ryan with her mouth hanging open. "My parents and my cousin," the taller woman laughed heartily.

  "Your parents, huh? Have they been to any of the other games?"

  "Nope. They came to almost every volleyball and basketball game I played in, but our games are a little harder for them to get to, since they’re usually in the afternoon. Besides, since I generally don’t play, I hate to see them waste a trip to see me sit on the bench."

  Jackie gave her a concerned look and asked, "Do you ever resent not playing? I mean, it’s obvious that you have a ton of talent, Rof."

  "No, I really don’t," she said. "I played my ass off in volleyball and basketball. I’m enjoying being part of the team." She smiled and said, "I think my father would enjoy getting to see me play, but he won’t be disappointed if I don’t."

  "I don’t think my parents will get to make it to a game this year," Jackie said wistfully. "This is calving season, and you don’t leave the farm when you’ve got a bunch of animals giving birth."

  "How about later in the year?" Ryan asked.

  "They promised they’d go to Oklahoma City if we make it to the College World Series," she revealed. "That’d be sweet."

  "Well, we’re undefeated," Ryan reminded her. "If we keep playing like this, we’re a lock."

  "Uh-huh," Jackie said, knowing that Ryan was joking. "It’s one thing to do well in the early season. It’s a whole ‘nother thing to kick ass in the PAC-10."

  "St. Mary’s … Arizona … UCLA … no difference," Ryan said, pumping up the bravado. "Just a bunch of girls who can’t touch us!"

  Cal was beating St. Mary’s 3-0 in the fourth inning when the rain started to fall. It was a light drizzle, not enough to halt play, but it looked like it was the front edge of a much bigger storm. Cal was at bat, and when Jackie went to the on-deck circle to warm up, she took a few tentative swings and signaled the trainer. After a brief consultation, she headed back to the dugout, and Ryan heard Coach Roberts call out, "O’Flaherty! Grab a bat and earn your keep!"

  "Yes, sir!" she yelled back, getting to her feet so quickly that she almost tripped over her own bag. Sparing a glance a Jackie, she saw her friend give her the okay sign, relieving her worry about her injury. Ryan dashed to the bat rack and pulled out her favorite, then ran to the on deck circle and started to warm up. She didn’t have much time to spare, but she did manage to find her family in the stands and give them a ghost of a wink.

  Of course, Martin, Maeve and Jamie all waved excitedly, and Ryan hoped that her teammates didn’t notice their exuberance. Softball, above all of her other sports, was about being cool – and having your family hooting and hollering was far from cool. Inwardly, however, Ryan was tremendously pleased that her family was there to see her finally get to play in a real game.

  Julie, the catcher, made the second out, and as Ryan narrowed her concentration to approach the plate, it hit her: Jackie was faking her injury! Her friend had obviously wanted Ryan to get to play in front of her parents – and she had decided to take the matter out of the coach’s hands. Ryan shot a quick glance to the bench and saw her friend sitting at the far end, grinning widely. Damn! she thought, approaching the plate and knocking the mud from her spikes. Well, no matter how it happened, I’m in the game. I might as well take advantage of it.

  Standing at the plate, she focused intently, trying to see only the ball. The pitcher had a rough, irregular motion, and she forced herself to ignore all of the twitches and jerks and concentrate on that yellow orb. Ryan had been studying the pitcher throughout the game, and she smiled inwardly when the woman threw her a fastball off the plate, the same as she had with Jackie at her previous two at bats. Assuming that she’d follow up with the same second pitch slider that she had throw her predecessor, Ryan focused even more intently, and was ready for the ball when it reached her. She swung and made solid contact, knocking the ball over the head of the shortstop, where it fell, untouched. Lupe, who had been on second, ran for all she was worth, and she scampered across the plate moments ahead of the desperate throw from the left fielder. Ryan knew they’d throw home, so she headed for second as soon as the ball left the fielder’s hand. The catcher fired down to second, and Ryan arrived a split second before the ball, sliding in safely.

  She asked for a time out, and then hopped up, trying to brush the dirt from her once-pristine uniform. But the drizzle had turned the dirt to mud, and she could already feel it seeping through her uniform. That’s more like it, she thought to herself. Nothing like a filthy uniform to make you feel like you contributed!

  After thumping Jackie on the head with her oversized first baseman’s mitt, Ryan ran out to take her position in the field. Sparing a glance into the stands, she made eye contact with Jamie, who blew her a huge kiss, and then tried to get Caitlin to do the same. It was hard to concentrate with the adorable blondes in the stands, but she managed to block out everything except the game, not even noticing when the rain picked up by the end of the inning.

  They had a long rain delay, and after having a word with the coaches, she ran over to the fence to speak to her family. "You might as well pack it in. If we can finish this one, we will; but they’re pretty sure they’ll call the next one."

  "You were awesome!" Jamie crowed.

  "It was only a single," Ryan demurred, but it was obvious to all that she was pleased with herself.

  "You did well," Martin said. "And thank that coach for finally coming to his senses."

  "Will do, Da. Love you," she said in parting. As she dashed back to the dugout she mused, It’s Jackie I have to thank. Coach still thinks I’m a bench ornament.

  Departing Moraga, Jamie drove to Berkeley to prepare for the second wave of O’Flahertys visiting the East Bay. With all of their demanding schedules, this was the only night the girls were able to get together with Brendan and Maggie to discuss the real estate plans, so Jamie rushed to the store to buy enough groceries to make a simple dinner for the small group.

  By the time the second game was finally called due to darkness and rain, Jamie nearly had dinner ready. Brendan and Maggie arrived well before Ryan returned, and Jamie and Mia entertained the pair with an extended retelling of the engagement ring fiasco. It amused Jamie to no end that the story had already become Mia’s to tell, but she didn’t mind, since her friend did a marvelous job of recounting the tale. They were still laughing when Ryan finally arrived, hair wet and slicked back off her face, but clothing completely dry – sparing her a swat from her disciplinarian lover.

  After dinner, Mia retired to spend her evening on the phone, while the foursome sat around the table, with Jamie furiously scribbling notes.

  Maggie had worked on a few real estate investment partner deals, so she had some valuable insight as to how the deal should be structured. Most of her ideas made perfect sense, but both Ryan and Brendan balked at her idea of how to assign partnership interests.

  "I know it makes logical sense to have each cousin get a share equal to the hours he puts in, but that’s not a good idea with this bunch," Brendan said, with Ryan nodding her agreement. "The boyos do better when it’s all for one, one for all."

  "If they have to keep track of hours, they’ll be squabbling constantly," Ryan said. "I propose that they each get an equal share. They’ll police themselves into working harder that way – I’m certain of it."

  "Okay," Maggie said, while Jamie continued to write away. "There’s no reason that can’t work. My family would probably do it the same way."

  "So, how should we do this legally?" Jamie asked.

  "I think we should form a real estate investm
ent trust," Maggie suggested. "Everyone gets an equal share of the proceeds after expenses. Niall would put up the capital, but he wouldn’t get any return on his investment per se – his return would come from his work on the house – the same as the other guys."

  "Is that fair to Niall?" Jamie asked. "That’s like providing an interest free loan."

  "I think it’s fair," Brendan said. "The cousins are really angry about what they consider his unfair profit. If he doesn’t make any additional money off of his principle I think they’ll be much more amenable to the deal."

  "Yeah, I guess I see your point," Jamie said. "Hopefully, Niall won’t squawk about it."

  "Would all of you want to be partners, too?" Maggie asked.

  "No, no, no, not us," Ryan averred. "We’re not skilled enough to contribute as much as the boys will, and if we go to grad school in a year we won’t want to spend our weekends working that hard. We’ll help, but out of solidarity – not obligation."

  "I don’t want to join either," Brendan said. "I don’t need the extra money enough to give up all of my weekends. Rory might want to, but he’s gone half the year, so we have to figure out how to work that out."

  "He’s gone half the year, but he’s available nearly full-time when he’s home," Ryan reminded him. "I think he should get a full share if he’s willing to work during the week when he’s home – rather than weekends only."

  "Sounds fair to me," Brendan said. "So, now what do we do?"

  "I think we have a family meeting – how about next Wednesday?," Ryan suggested. "We can have everyone over for pizza – say seven o’clock?"

  "I can make it," Brendan said, and Maggie concurred.

  "I’ll start dialing for cousins," Ryan said and picked up the phone to commence.

  "Wait, honey," Jamie said, walking over to stop her in mid-dial. "I don’t think we should do that."

  "Huh? But I thought you wanted to …"

  "Oh, I do. I just don’t think we should be the ones to make the proposal. I mean, the whole point is to have the boys forgive Niall, right? So … let’s have Niall make the offer – over at his house." She was beaming at Ryan, her green eyes dancing with pride at her brilliant idea.

  The grin that met her was nearly identical in its intensity. "That is a completely fabulous idea." She handed the phone to Jamie and said, "Call the man and make it happen."

  Part 13

  Early the next morning, Jamie reached out and tucked her arm around Ryan’s waist. "Are you sneaking out of bed this early?"

  "Yeah. I’ve uhm … got to go to a … meeting."

  "What?" The blonde sat up and switched on the bedside light, rubbing her eyes as they adjusted to the brightness. "What meeting do you have at this time of the day?"

  "Uhm … Amanda wants me to go to a … group … or something, I guess." Ryan slid out of bed, gazing down at her partner with an unreadable expression on her face.

  Seeing the hesitancy and unease on Ryan’s face, Jamie gentled her expression and said, "It’s okay, honey, you don’t have to tell me about it if you’d rather not. I know you like to keep things between you and Amanda."

  "No … it’s not that … it’s … well, I’m nervous about it."

  "Do you want me to go with you? Drive you there?"

  "That’s sweet," Ryan said, her expression softening into a smile. "But, I think I have to do this for myself. I uhm … might want to talk about it – but I might not, okay?"

  "Okay," Jamie said. "You’re entitled to your privacy."

  "Thank you," Ryan said, sitting down on the bed and stroking Jamie’s cheek. "That means a lot to me."

  The blonde turned her head to kiss Ryan’s palm. "I know," she said quietly. Giving her partner a hug, she asked, "Want me to make you breakfast?"

  "Thanks, but I don’t think so. My tummy’s a little upset, and I don’t feel like eating. I’ll stop and get a latte on the way."

  Jamie put a hand on her lover’s bare shoulder and gazed into her eyes for a moment. "Baby, whatever comes up today, I’m sure you can handle it. No matter what life throws at you from now on – you’ve been through worse." Her face eased into a smile, and Ryan returned it immediately.

  "You have a good point there, partner. Talking about the carjacking can never be as frightening as that night was." She kissed Jamie soundly, and said, "Thanks for reminding me of that."

  "All part of the job description," the smaller woman said. "I’m merely trying to suck up to my supervisor."

  At five minutes to 7, Ryan paced up and down the sidewalk in front of a small office building in downtown Oakland. She held a large latte in her hands to warm them, desperately wishing she’d worn gloves. A middle-aged woman approached and asked, "Are you Ryan, by any chance?"

  "Yeah, I am." Extending her hand, she said, "Ryan O’Flaherty. Are you Doctor Moss?"

  "Yes, but feel free to call me Ellen. Everyone in the group does. Come on in and let me introduce you."

  Swallowing nervously, Ryan followed her in, and made eye contact with the 4 other women she’d seen enter the building while she waited. Ellen opened the door to the office and the group filed in, with the others chatting companionably. Ryan shrugged out of her down vest, then took off her ski cap and muffler. She noted that a few of the other women gave her puzzled looks for wearing shorts on such a cold morning, but the brunette was very glad she had done so when the room started to heat up past her comfort level.

  "Okay," Ellen said, "it looks like everyone brought coffee this morning, so I won’t make my usual offer. We have a new member of the group that I’d like to introduce. This is Ryan," Ellen said, smiling at the newcomer. "To give you a little time to acclimate, we normally go around the room and introduce ourselves when we have a new member. So, why don’t we do that? Helen, would you mind starting? just say who you are, and what brought you to the group."

  A cheerful looking, middle-aged woman smiled at Ryan and said, "I’m Helen, and I’ve been with the group for almost two years. My husband, God rest his soul, had been embezzling from his company. Things had been going poorly for Stan for a couple of years, and he was sure he was going to be fired. I’ll never know what caused him to do what he did, and I’ll never know why he didn’t trust me enough to tell me how frightened he was." She took a deep breath, and gave Ryan a sad smile. "But, he didn’t. When he was found out, he hanged himself in our home. We lost our house and our car; and I had to find a job to care for our teen-aged children." She looked into Ryan’s eyes, as though she could see the dark places in her soul, and said, "This group has saved my life."

  Ryan nodded, feeling her stomach start to churn from hearing Helen’s tale. The woman next to Helen then spoke. "Hi, I’m Pamela. I’ve been with the group for about 6 months now. I was …" She looked out the window for a moment, took a deep breath, then looked up and continued. "I was raped and severely beaten by my ex-husband. I’d recently gotten into a relationship with a man I liked, but Jerry couldn’t stand to have me move on with my life." Ryan looked at the angry red scar that ran from Pamela’s eye to the base of her ear. "I really like the group – but it’s … hard … it’s hard to come here and talk about it. I know it’s something that I need to do, and I know it will help me, but it’s still hard to get to sleep on Sunday and Wednesday nights."

  Nodding even more dramatically, Ryan tried to unclench her hands from the arms of her chair, feeling her muscles contract painfully.

  The next woman said, "I’m Arlene, and I’m about to leave the group. I’ve been here for a little over a year, and I think I’m ready to graduate." Her comment drew nods and smiles from the others, and she continued, "I was in a very bad auto accident. The driver of the car that hit me was killed, and I was badly injured. But I’m nearly healed physically, and I’m feeling pretty good mentally, too."

  "That’s good to hear," Ryan said, smiling nervously.

  The woman next to Arlene shifted in her seat, looking tense and unsettled. "I’m Barb, and I’ve been coming here for two
months." She looked around the room, her gaze brushing the top of each head, but never meeting anyone’s eyes. "I am … or I was … a police officer. I’m on disability, but I don’t think I’m going to go back." She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I change my mind about that every other day, so maybe I should keep my opinion to myself." She gave a stilted laugh, then took a breath and studied the carpet for a moment, then said, "I shot … and killed … my partner during a robbery. The review board declared that I wasn’t negligent in Phil’s death … but, I’m not the review board."

  The room was completely quiet, so quiet that Ryan could hear her own heart beating. Her anxiety increasing by the moment, she was about to grab her jacket and run, but Barb’s voice pulled her back from the brink. "I hate coming here, but it’s helping. It really is." Ryan met her eyes, and could tell that the older woman could see the fear and anxiety that poured from her. "Hang in there, Ryan. We all help each other here."

  Biting her lip, Ryan tried to twitch her face into a smile, but it didn’t come off very well. "I’ll try," she said. Knowing it was her turn, Ryan looked at Ellen, hoping for a reprieve, but the psychologist merely nodded encouragingly, so Ryan took a big breath and told her tale, in a very abbreviated form. "My lover, my niece and I were carjacked. All of us made it out alive, but I made some choices that night that still haunt me. I’d … I’d like to get past my guilt. I’ve also had a few people betray me – mostly to get money from the tabloids, and I’d like to get a better handle on my anger." She took a nervous breath and said, "I know I should be grateful that we’re all alright, but some dark urges keep pulling at me." Unable to think of another thing to say, Ryan looked at Ellen, hoping to be rescued.

  Smiling warmly, Ellen said, "We all welcome you, Ryan. Now, this might surprise you after hearing the stories, but everyone in this room has experienced some level of guilt and anger over what happened to them. Every one of us has a different story, but there is some part of your experience that each of us can empathize with. I think you’ll find that this is a safe, caring place to talk about what’s troubling you. I only ask that everything we say here stay in this room. The only way we can trust each other is if we keep each other’s confidences."