"How much of your life?" Jordan’s faint voice asked.
"All of it," Mia promised. "I want to share everything with you."
"For how long?" The look on her face was one of pure terror, and Mia couldn’t answer fast enough.
"Forever," she whispered. "I want to love you forever."
The sun peeked over the mountains, spreading a warm orange glow over the room. The heat radiated through the large window, painting the glistening bodies with a vivid, golden light. "Is this what being in love feels like for everyone?" Jordan’s lazy, soft voice asked.
"Don’t know," Mia mumbled. She was lying on her belly, too enervated to even think of moving. Not that she could move much even if she’d wanted to, since Jordan was sprawled on top of her, her head pillowed between Mia’s shoulder blades. When the smaller woman spoke, the vibrations hummed against Jordan’s cheek, making her smile serenely. "It’s never been like this for me."
"Am I crushing you?" Jordan asked, hoping the answer was no, since she was quite sure she couldn’t move.
"Uh-huh." Mia’s voice was a little wispy from her inability to take a deep breath, but as Jordan tried to roll off, she placed a restraining hand on her hip. "I like it."
With a gentle laugh, Jordan said, "You like to be crushed?"
"No. But, I want to share your skin. This is the closest I think I can get."
"Let’s try it the other way," Jordan suggested. Summoning a burst of energy, she rolled off and lay on her back, then pulled Mia on top of her. "How’s this?"
Nuzzling her head against the softest breast imaginable, Mia sighed deeply. "Preferable. My ribs thank you."
"Tell me how it’s been for you before," Jordan asked, trying to understand how Mia experienced their love.
She tried to recall how things had been for her, and finally said, "I’ve thought I was in love before, Jordy. But, now I’m not so sure. It never – ever felt like this."
Jordan reached up and started to run her fingers through Mia’s curls, delighting in the feel of the soft ringlets. "How is it different?"
"Mmm … lots of ways. But, it’s hardly fair to make the comparison, because I know that I wasn’t really in love before."
"But, you thought you were," Jordan said.
"Yeah, yeah, I did. But I’ve decided that it’s easy to confuse desire with love – especially when you’re young."
"Did you think you were in love with your high school boyfriend?"
"Who, Mark?"
"Uhm … was he the guy you were with during your senior year?"
"Yeah, that was Mark. It’s hard to believe that was only 4 year ago," Mia said thoughtfully. "Looking back, I was only a girl then. I’m starting to have more empathy for my parents." She started to laugh, making Jordan’s body jiggle as well. "They knew I was just a kid, but I was sure I was an adult, and should be able to make all of my own decisions."
"Tell me about Mark," Jordan said. "You’ve never spoken about him much."
"That’s because there isn’t a lot to tell. He was a good catch: tall, good-looking, popular, a good athlete – and a total goof-off in school. My ideal man," she added, giggling a little. "I liked him, we got along pretty well in bed, and he was a lot of fun when we went out."
"When did you realize that you didn’t love him?" Jordan asked, obviously not willing to let the topic drop.
Mia thought for a minute, trying to recall the chain of events. "I guess I was certain that I didn’t love him when I started wishing he and Trey would leave so I could be alone with Melissa. I don’t think that’s the normal reaction of a woman in love." She gave Jordan a sad, wistful smile, and the blonde squeezed her a little tighter.
"Does it make you sad to talk about this?"
"Mmm … a little I guess. I … I wish I’d had the guts to let myself face my feelings for Melissa. I think I could have loved her."
"Do you really? I got the impression she was only a sex partner."
"Well, that’s the impression I wanted her to have. And that’s what I tried to make myself believe. But, I had feelings for her, Jordy. I felt so much when she held me – so much more than I did when I was with Mark." She shook her head, her ringlets trailing across Jordan’s chest. "I wish I’d let myself explore being vulnerable with her. I’m not sure it would have worked out, but of the people I’ve slept with, I felt more for her than for anyone else – until you, of course."
"It’s okay if you loved her, Mia, you can be honest with me."
Lifting her head so she could stare into Jordan’s eyes, Mia said, "If I’d loved her like I do you, I wouldn’t have been able to be in the kind of denial I was in. I’d risk anything for you, Jordy – I wouldn’t even give Melissa a hint that I had feelings for her. That’s not love."
"I guess you’re right," Jordan said. "You have to be able to risk to love someone."
"You do," Mia agreed. "You also have to be a bit selfless. That’s another big difference for me. I think of you first. That’s never happened to me before. Like with Jason," she explained. "I spent a lot of time trying to make sure he wasn’t getting the better end of the deal. I used to try to protect myself in case he hurt me, too. But, I don’t do that with you. I’m as open with you as I am with my family – and that’s very different for me." Seeing the cautious look in the blue eyes she added, "It’s good different."
"I think of you first, too," Jordan said. "I get up and turn on my computer every morning, and I have the weather for San Francisco on my start page. I think about you waking up, and I actually say, ‘It’s gonna be chilly today, Mia. Make sure you wear a jacket to school’." She laughed softly and said, "I don’t normally notice if the people around me are even clothed. But I’m fixated on your comfort and your safety and your happiness. I’ve never – ever felt this close to anyone … It scares me to death."
"I know," Mia whispered. She tucked her hands under Jordan’s body and rocked her gently. "I know it’s hard for you to trust me not to hurt you."
"I feel so exposed, Mia. I’ve never let anyone in like I have you. I’m not used to being so vulnerable."
"We’re both vulnerable, baby," Mia said. "We have to treat each other’s heart like it’s the most fragile thing on earth. I promise to do everything I can to make it safe for you."
"I do, too," Jordan whispered. They sealed their promises with a tender kiss, then Mia began to relax, and in a few minutes she was sound asleep, her body limp and heavy upon Jordan’s chest. The larger woman wrapped her arms around her and forced herself to remain awake, savoring the weight and feel of Mia’s body … the scent and texture of her skin … the pattern of her breathing. As the sensations flooded her brain, she sighed and allowed herself to experience the depths of emotion she felt for her lover. A small grin split her face, and she gratefully acknowledged, This is what it feels like to love and be loved.
They were nowhere near on time, but Jordan and Mia finally arrived at the stadium as the third inning began. "Did we miss anything good?" Mia asked Jamie as she squinted into the amazingly bright sun.
"Nope. No hits, no runs. Ryan and Heather are both on the bench."
"Sorry we’re late," Jordan said. "We had a hard time getting organized."
Jamie grinned back at her. "It’s happened to me a time or two, also, Jordan. Sometimes Ryan organizes me so thoroughly that I’m nearly paralyzed."
The blonde blushed fiercely, but she didn’t dispute Jamie’s tease. "Softball’s kinda slow moving, huh?" she said, to take the focus off of herself.
Jamie revealed the textbook on her lap. "It can be like watching paint dry," she said. "I’m only interested if Ryan’s playing."
"You’re a good partner," Jordan said, patting her thigh. "I’m sure Ryan appreciates that you come to her games."
"Oh, she’ll have her fill of watching me play golf," Jamie said. "That’s not her favorite thing in the world, either. The only difference is that I’m actually playing."
Jordan shook her head. "Doesn’t it bother
her to sit on the bench? It would drive me crazy!"
"It honestly doesn’t seem to," Jamie said. "It surprised me, too, but she seems perfectly fine with it. I think she enjoys the team experience as much as the playing experience – and she likes her teammates a lot."
"I like my teammates as long as I’m on the court," Jordan said. "If I were on the bench for long, I’d be plotting a debilitating accident for one of them."
As usual, Mia needed something to munch on, and she went in search of junk food. Jamie looked at Jordan and noticed a peacefulness to her expression that was quite rare. She patted her leg and commented simply, "You look happy."
A wide smile telegraphed her reply. "Mia makes me happy."
"I think it goes both ways, Jordan. She talks about you with a depth of emotion that I’ve never heard from her. You’re good for each other."
Jordan cocked her head a bit, and looked at Jamie speculatively. "I assume you know about her getting into Stanford?"
"Yeah. Pretty awesome, huh?"
"It didn’t surprise me," Jordan said thoughtfully. "I know she’s capable of anything that interests her. She’s a very bright woman."
"She is. She doesn’t always want people to know it – but she is."
"Do you think she wants to be a lawyer?" Jordan’s face reflected her doubt, but Jamie wasn’t able to reassure her.
"I’ve known her for almost eight years, Jordan, and when she told me she was admitted, that was the first time she’s ever mentioned the idea. If it’s been a burning desire, she’s kept it well hidden."
"That’s what I’m afraid of," she mused. "I don’t know what’s behind her desire to go – maybe it’s only to please her father."
"Mmm … maybe. She’s very fond of him, and I know he’s thrilled." She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I think it might be a way to stay in school for a while. She’s not crazy about school, but I know she’s not terribly interested in any particular line of work. Maybe a few more years of school will help her make up her mind about what she wants to do." Jordan nodded, but didn’t look convinced. Jamie patted her leg and asked, "What about you? What do you want to do when your time with the team is over?"
"Oh. I’m going to be an architect." There wasn’t a glimmer of doubt in her statement, which surprised Jamie a bit.
"I’ve never heard you mention that. Is that a new goal?"
"Oh, no. I made up my mind when I was in grade school." She gave Jamie her usual enigmatic smile, and the smaller woman pondered that she didn’t know one thing about Jordan that she hadn’t learned as a result of a direct question. Jordan would reveal her secrets – but you had to know exactly what questions to ask.
"You’ll be quite the power couple," Jamie teased. "An architect and an attorney."
"The power part means nothing to me," Jordan said, "but the couple part means everything." She turned her attention back to the game, and Jamie gave her another puzzled glance. There’s a lot going on behind those blue eyes, and Mia’s just the one to pull it out of her.
Ryan didn’t get the call until the top of the seventh, when Coach Roberts sent her in to pinch-run for Jackie. All three of her fans focused their attention on her, with Jordan commenting, "God, she looks like she’s seven feet tall!"
Jamie giggled at her comment, but she had to admit that it was accurate. "I think it’s because so many of the women are particularly short. This obviously isn’t a tall woman’s game."
"It’s kinda cute," Mia said. "She looks so comfortable with her height that it looks very natural."
"She is," Jamie said. "I’m not sure how Martin did it, but he helped her have confidence in her body." Turning to Jordan, she commented, "You seem very much at ease with your height, too."
"Yeah, I am," she said. "Probably because I got so much acclaim from my sport. It’s a good thing to be a tall volleyball player, and I got praise heaped on me when I grew an inch. Plus, my mother’s tall, and she thought it was a good thing if I wanted to model."
"She encouraged you to do that, honey?" Mia asked, never having heard of a single encouraging word from Jordan’s mother.
"Yeah," she said absently, her attention focused on Ryan. "She was a pretty well-known model in the seventies. She thinks it’s a great way to make a living."
"Your mom was a model?" Mia had never heard a whisper about this fact.
"Yep. Cover girl. She’s got most of the important ones framed. She quit when she had Gunnar." She turned to Mia, and added, "My dad says that she was planning on going back, but she got pregnant with me – unexpectedly. Apparently, she wasn’t aware that she was pregnant – she was so thin that she often missed a period. She didn’t know she was pregnant until she was 4 months along – too late to have an abortion." She shrugged and gave Mia a half smile. "Good thing she didn’t gain much weight, huh?"
"Oh, Jordy, why would anyone tell you that?" Mia reached out and grasped her lover’s hand, giving it a squeeze while looking at her with tears in her eyes.
"I don’t know," the blonde said quietly. "But, I remember her telling me dozens of times that she would have been one of the top models of her era – if it hadn’t been for me. I guess she wanted to make sure I knew it was my fault."
Mia stared straight ahead, her eyes focused on Ryan, who was moving around on her base, but her mind filled with thoughts of a young Jordan. "I’d sacrifice anything to have a daughter as wonderful as you are," she sighed. "I wish she appreciated what she has."
"Not gonna happen," Jordan said briskly. "No sense wishing for what will never be." She said this so matter-of-factly that only Mia noticed the flash of pain and longing that briefly flitted across her features.
Ryan was dancing around first base, trying to distract the pitcher, but her tactics were ineffective. The next two batters struck out – leaving her stranded. Jamie sighed and shrugged. "Oh well, at least she didn’t get hurt."
"That’s not a small accomplishment for her," Jordan said. "Coach Placer used to get so pissed off at her. She’d go running up into the stands to return a ball – nearly breaking her neck to get to it – and this was during warm ups! She gets so focused that it doesn’t matter to her that the play is meaningless."
"She’s like that about everything," Jamie said, sparing a fond glance at her partner, who was throwing the ball around the infield to warm up. "If Ryan does something, she does it with every bit of effort and concentration that she has." She thought about her statement for a moment and added, "It’s her best and her most frustrating trait."
Mia giggled and tucked an arm around Jordan, giving her a squeeze. "My Jordy’s no slacker in the effort and concentration department, either. But, I’d have to say it’s all good, in her case."
Jordan blushed while Jamie elaborated. "I admit it’s a wonderful thing most of the time – but I’d like to see you try to pull her away from her computer when she’s working on a math problem. She doesn’t know I’m talking to her – she doesn’t see me if I stand right next to her – and if I touch her, she nearly jumps out of her seat! I swear I’m going to give the poor thing a heart attack."
"You’ve gotta take the bitter with the sweet," Mia said. "Having the full concentration of these big girls is worth whatever little problems we have to put up with, Jamie."
"Can’t argue with you, Mia," Jamie said, delighted to wring yet another blush from the usually unflappable Jordan.
The bottom-half of the seventh inning passed without incident – securing Cal’s victory. Ryan was upbeat and relaxed when she emerged from the locker room, Heather in tow. The three former teammates started chattering about volleyball, the Olympic team, and some of their former pals. Jamie and Mia finally sat down on the bleachers and watched the threesome for a few minutes. "Heather sure comes out of her shell when the topic turns to volleyball, doesn’t she?" Jamie asked.
"I’ve never heard two words from the girl," Mia observed. "She’s pretty bubbly when you get her going."
"We’d better break up the party," Jami
e said. "We’re gonna have to rush to make the plane."
Mia shook her head, staring at Jordan as she said, "I’m on the verge of dropping out of school to go to Colorado with her. It’s tearing me apart to let her leave."
"I know," Jamie sighed, "but I’m sure she doesn’t want you to do that. You’ve only got three months left. Can’t you tough it out?"
"I guess so," she said. "I feel so good when I’m with her, Jamie. She … makes me see the world in a whole new way. Everything is brighter when we’re together."
"I know exactly what you mean. There’s nothing better than being loved."
"And there’s nothing worse than being away from the one you love." With a dejected slump to her shoulders, Mia went to fetch her partner so they could get to the airport in time for yet another parting.
Mia was able to secure a seat on the plane taking the team back, and after a few ticket swaps the threesome was able to sit together. Jamie preferred the window, and Ryan was partial to the aisle, so Mia sat between them. She was uncharacteristically glum and non-communicative; and once the plane was in the air, Ryan took one look at her face and tucked an arm around her shoulders. "Come here," she urged, drawing Mia close. The smaller woman raised the armrest and cuddled up to her body, resting her head on Ryan’s shoulder. Jamie gave her partner an appreciative grin and started patting Mia’s leg, to show her support. "It’ll be okay," Ryan soothed, her voice soft and gentle. "You’ll be together soon, Mia. As soon as you graduate, you can go to Colorado and be together."
"This will be the longest three months of my life," Mia sighed, and both Jamie and Ryan knew that statement was the absolute truth.
When they were lying in bed later that night, Jamie cuddled up next to her partner and asked, "How’d you make out this weekend? I saw a lot of greenbacks bulging in your wallet."
"Mmm … I’d say I came out even," Ryan said. "I had about a hundred dollars of change that I’d collected before I started, and now I’ve got a hundred dollar bill and a pocketful of change."
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