Jamie sat up abruptly, her hand on Ryan’s chest for support. "What? I didn’t see you lose a lot. Where did it all go?"
Ryan shrugged, and made a non-committal gesture. "Easy come, easy go. I’m happy."
With a quick knock, their door flew open, revealing a sobbing Mia. She was holding some papers in her hand and she shook them in the couple’s direction. "Which one of you did this?" she asked, her voice nearly incomprehensible.
"Did what?" Jamie asked.
"No biggie," Ryan said simultaneously.
Mia gave both of them fervid hugs, reserving a bone-crushing one for Ryan. "You are the most thoughtful woman on earth," she murmured, her lips pressed against Ryan’s hair.
"I told you before, Mia. Money I win gambling is like Monopoly money to me. It gives me a lot of pleasure to share it with my friends."
"Anybody want to clue me in?" Jamie asked, still befuddled.
"Your girlfriend bought me a roundtrip ticket to Denver," Mia informed her. "You are a remarkable woman, Ryan O’Flaherty."
"She has a point, Jamie," the dark woman said, drawing smiles from her audience.
Part 15
Early the next morning, Ryan paced in front of the Oakland office building, waiting for the therapist to open the office door. She had staked out a spot as far as possible from the door –giving herself the ability to spot Ellen when the therapist went inside. From her previous visit, she knew that the lobby was open, but she didn’t have any interest in making small talk with the other women, so she paced and drank her coffee, trying not to look as nervous as she was.
She nearly spit a mouthful of latte when a quiet voice right behind her said, "Hi, Ryan."
Whirling, she stared, wide-eyed, at Barb, the police officer who had accidentally shot and killed her partner. "How did you get behind me?" she asked, her heart racing. "I can always hear when someone approaches."
"I’m a cop … or I was a cop," the woman said, looking towards the door of the building. "The lobby’s open, you know."
"Yeah, I know," Ryan said, not making a move to go there.
"Nervous?"
Ryan nodded, saying nothing.
"I was, too. Still am, sometimes. Every Monday and Thursday morning, I have to give myself a pep talk to make myself come here again."
"I only come because I don’t want to disappoint my lover. I know she wants me to get over my anger and my guilt, and I want her to know I’m doing all I can to work through this."
"I promise this will get easier," the police officer said. She took a long look at Ryan and said, "If you’re anything like me, having strangers know about your demons is really painful."
Ryan nodded again, her hands shoved into the rear pockets of her jeans. "It sucks."
"The most encouraging thing I can tell you is that over time, these women won’t be strangers any more. They’ll be your friends."
"I’ve got all the friends I need," Ryan said, giving Barb a half-smile. "I’m only looking for someone who can help pull me out of this funk."
"I think you’re at the right place, Ryan. It might take a while, but I think we can be more help than you might imagine."
"Ellen’s here," Ryan said, twitching her head towards the door. "Let’s go spill our guts."
Barb laughed softly, saying, "You remind me more of a cop than a student at Berkeley. Aren’t you supposed to be into that touchy-feely stuff?"
"My dad’s a firefighter," the brunette said. "We don’t go in for touchy-feely much."
"No wonder I liked you immediately," Barb said. "My dad was a firefighter, too. What house is your dad with?"
The pair walked towards the building, talking about the fire department, and laughing in surprise at the large number of people they both knew. As they got to the office door, Ryan took a breath, feeling significantly lighter than she had mere minutes earlier.
When Jordan reached Mia that evening she was uncharacteristically lethargic. "Hi."
"What’s up, Jordy?" Mia bubbled. "How was practice?"
"It was okay. Hey, I got a call from my agent tonight and she’s got another ad for Ralph Lauren lined up for me."
"That’s great! Are you gonna take it?"
"Yeah, I guess I have to," she said, obviously not enthusiastic with the prospect.
"What’s up? You don’t sound like yourself."
Jordan yawned loudly, unable to stop herself. "I’m so tired," she said. "I had a great time with you this weekend, but I’m paying for it today. I felt like I had lead shoes on at practice." She chuckled softly, but Mia knew her well enough to recognize that Jordan was not a whiner, and would only mention it if she was remarkably tired.
"Jordy, if you’re complaining about it, it must be bothering you a lot. Now what’s going on?"
"I guess it’s hard for me to get used to the pace," she said. "Even though I’ve played the sport for years, I’ve never focused on it to the exclusion of everything else, ya know?"
"I’m not sure I do. Tell me what you mean."
Jordan sighed and said, "We practice twice a day, for two hours at a time. There isn’t a moment that we’re not flying around the gym like lunatics, either. It’s very high intensity stuff. Then, I have to weight train three times a week, and I work on my jumping twice a week. We also run three days a week; and in this thin air, that’s tough to get used to. I need my weekend to veg," she said quietly. "I wish I didn’t have to, but I can’t keep up if I don’t sleep for most of the weekend."
Fighting the hurt that her lover’s words caused, Mia said, "I understand. We won’t schedule any more weekend trips. I don’t want you to wear yourself down."
"No, that’s not it," Jordan insisted. "I get such a boost from seeing you that it’s worth the fatigue. It’s the modeling that’s worrying me. This shoot is in LA, and it’s three full days. That’s good money, but I’ll be sitting or standing around most of the time while they adjust lights and fuss with my hair. It’s truly mind numbing. God, I wish I didn’t have to do it!"
"Jordan," Mia soothed. "You don’t have to do it. It’s only money. Don’t let that be the only factor you consider."
"It has to be, Mia," she said. "It’s gonna cost a load to buy business class plane tickets for my mother and grandmother and brother …"
"You’re paying for all of them?"
"Well, yeah," she said defensively. "Gunnar’s gonna pay for their hotel, but I have to pay for the air fare, and his and Grandmom’s tickets to the opening ceremonies. Then, I’ll have to pay for all three of them to go to whatever other events they’re interested in. And believe me, if Gunnar doesn’t come through, I’ll have to pay for the hotel, as well."
"Jordan, you don’t have to do that. If you want to, that’s one thing, but you don’t have to."
"But, I said I would," she said quietly. "I have to, Mia. You don’t know …"
Realizing that she was pushing her friend too far, Mia backed off. "I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like for you. But that doesn’t stop me from worrying about you."
"I’ll be okay," she said. "I’m gonna grab a bite and go to bed. I’m thrashed."
Looking at her watch, Mia saw that it was only 7:30 in Colorado Springs. "Please take care of yourself. You can’t afford to get sick."
"Don’t I know it. I’ve got to make an impression on the coaches. The last thing I want is to be an alternate on the damned team! I’ve got to start kicking ass!"
Pausing a moment, Mia asked, "When do you have to go to LA?"
"Thursday night," Jordan said through another massive yawn. "I got permission to miss practice on Friday."
Making a snap decision, Mia said, "I’m going to drive down to be with you. I want to make sure you’re eating right, and that you’re in bed early every night."
Jordan paused for a beat, unable to wipe the smile from her face. "I have to go to bed early to sleep. That’s not what we’re best at. Don’t you remember seeing the dawn on Saturday and Sunday?"
"Holding you while you sleep is the second most pleasurable thing we do in bed. I’ll take that over sleeping alone any time."
"If you’re sure," Jordan said, her voice taking on a hint of her normal sparkle.
"I’m positive," Mia insisted. "I’m your support team."
The next morning, the ringing phone woke her earlier than she would have liked, but Mia stumbled to her feet and croaked out a hello.
"Oh-oh," her brother’s amused voice replied. "Someone was still in bed."
"That’s okay, Peter," she yawned. "What’s up?"
"I had an idea, Mia, and I thought you could investigate it a little."
"Shoot," she said, struggling to wake up, since Peter’s ideas were usually very sound.
Mia headed down to Palo Alto that afternoon and spent quite a while speaking with a sympathetic woman in the Admissions Office of the law school. When she was satisfied with her answers, she headed north for Hillsborough.
Anna Lisa was shocked, but very pleased, to see her daughter stroll into the kitchen. "Mia! What a nice surprise! Is everything all right?"
"Yep," she said, snitching a carrot from the salad her mother was making. "It’s the four a.m. phone calls from the lock-up that you have to worry about. An in-person appearance is usually good news."
Her mother gave her a playful swat on the seat and said, "So, tell me some good news."
"Is Dad home?"
"Yes, he’s upstairs changing."
"Is that Mia’s voice?" Adam called out as he descended the stairs.
"Sure is," she replied, going to meet him for a hug and a kiss.
"What a nice surprise! Are you staying for dinner?"
"Of course. I even brought one of my books. I thought I’d hang out with you guys this evening." Adam and Anna Lisa exchanged puzzled glances that Mia caught. "I miss you both. Is that okay?"
"Of course it is, honey, but you haven’t been around much lately. Is everything all right?"
"Yes, Dad, everything is fine. As a matter of fact, I’m in the neighborhood because I spoke with the people in the Admissions Office at the law school, and they’ve agreed to let me defer my admission for a year."
"What does that mean?" Anna Lisa asked.
"It means that I’ll enroll in 2001 instead of this fall. I’ll still go – I’m merely going to wait a year."
"Does this decision make your boyfriend happy?" Anna Lisa asked, guessing that the unknown boyfriend was directing Mia’s decisions.
She looked at her mother for a few moments, then said, "I haven’t discussed this with anyone but you. You know, you might not see it, but I’ve grown up a lot in the last year. I think I need another year before I can throw myself into law school. My brain’s tired!"
"How about coming down to the firm and clerking for a year?" Adam asked hopefully.
Peter had warned her about this potential development, and she had a ready answer. "No, as tempting as that sounds, I’d like to do something different – something that I’ll never be able to do once I’m in the working world."
"Like?" Anna Lisa asked suspiciously.
"I’m not sure yet," Mia said. Especially since Peter just gave me this delayed admission idea this morning! "I might do some volunteer work," she suggested, hoping that her father would bite the hook.
"I think that’s a fine idea," he said. "I’d be more than happy to support you while you did that, Mia."
YES! "Okay, Dad, I’ll check out the opportunities, and see if there’s something I can do for a year that’ll be rewarding."
He tucked his arm around her and gave her a gentle hug. "You’re turning into a fine young woman, Mia. We’re lucky to have you."
Late the next night, after a long discussion with the cousins, and more beer than she should have drunk, Ryan suppressed a yawn as she followed her partner up to bed, switching off the lights as they moved through the house.
"That went better than I had hoped," Jamie said, falling onto the bed.
"Me, too," Ryan said. "It was so nice to see Frank and Niall walk out together with their arms around each other’s shoulders. If Frank’s excited about the concept, everyone else will be, too."
"I’m glad they decided to think about it over the weekend," Jamie said as she walked into the bathroom to begin brushing her teeth. "I didn’t want them to jump into the plan too quickly. Better to make sure they all agree."
"I think it’ll work," Ryan said. "And I want you to know how grateful I am that you’ve worked so hard to make this happen. There’s no better way to show me that you love both me and my family."
"Right on both counts," Jamie said. "And thanks for letting me drive home. I guess I’d better get used to being the designated driver when we’re with the boys, huh?"
"Not a bad thought," Ryan said, smiling slowly. "But, I don’t normally drink this much on a school night. I kept looking at you, and thinking about being away from you for 5 days. I kept drinking so I didn’t start crying."
"I’ve been trying not to think of it," Jamie said. "I didn’t used to mind your being away for a few days … but now …"
"Yeah, that’s it. I feel like my mental health is dependent on having you near, honey. I’m a little freaked about leaving."
"This should be the last time this happens," Jamie reminded her. "It’s bad luck that my first spring tournament starts on Sunday. I would have gone with you – even for a couple of days, but I can’t miss class tomorrow."
"That’s all right," Ryan said. "I need to get some of my confidence back. Being alone and surviving is good practice."
"You’ll survive," Jamie whispered, pressing her lips against the edge of Ryan’s ear. "You have me in your heart, baby. I’ll watch over you every moment."
"Will you hold me tight tonight, Jamers? I need to feel your arms around me."
Quickly, Jamie stood and undressed, then she undressed her partner as well, looking into Ryan’s eyes with total understanding. "Come on, love," she urged, pulling back the covers. She scooted up higher than normal, and patted her chest. Ryan gratefully lay alongside her and placed her head just above Jamie’s soft breast.
"I don’t want to leave you," Ryan murmured, and Jamie felt her partner’s warm tears roll down her skin.
"I don’t want you to leave, baby. But, we’ll both be fine. I’m only a phone call away – any time of the day or night. Promise me you’ll call if you’re feeling scared or lonely."
"I promise," Ryan said, sniffling softly.
"Come on, now, sweetheart. You’ve got to get up early to go to your group."
"Oh, great! I get to sit in a room with a bunch of strangers when I’m feeling this bruised. Now I feel better."
At 3 a.m., Mia woke to feel a shivering body slide into bed next to her. "Hey, what’s wrong?" she mumbled, trying to clear her mind.
"Nightmare," Jamie said, her teeth chattering noisily.
"Why are you so cold, honey?"
"Not cold … scared."
"Oh, come here," Mia said, wrapping her arms around her friend. "Cuddle up tight, James, it’s gonna be all right."
"I’m … worried about her, and about me," Jamie muttered. "We’re gonna be apart for 5 days, and she won’t have anyone to watch over her."
"She has friends, James. Isn’t Jackie her roommate?"
"Yeah, but she’s a jock roommate. I’m sure Ryan would never tell Jackie about her fears. My baby is a long, long way from normal, Mia, and I’m worried that being all alone will hurt her progress."
"Can’t you go with her for the first couple of days? I know your golf thing is on Sunday …"
"No, I can’t. I’ve got a full day of class tomorrow, and I have a test in the afternoon. The last flight’s at 5:30, and I’d never make it." She fell back against the pillow and said, "I thought it would be okay, but Ryan seemed very fragile tonight. Damn! I should have prepared for this. I could go on Friday morning, and come back on Saturday night."
"But that would only give you one night together, hon. That
’s a hell of a trip for one night."
"I know, and that’s why I didn’t do it. But, isn’t one night better than none? I was being selfish," Jamie muttered. "I hate to spend the better part of two days flying to New Mexico, when I have so much homework to catch up on. The flight takes at least 5 hours, with a stopover in Phoenix, and I know I wouldn’t get any work done on the plane. I was honestly looking forward to having a couple of days alone." She shook her head, wiping at a few tears. "I wasn’t thinking of her."
"Hey, hey, you’re always thinking of her," Mia insisted. "You need to think of yourself, too, James. It’s not a sin to want some time to catch up on things."
"Fuck! What am I gonna do? I’ll be worried about her all weekend if I don’t go for at least one day."
"Look, let me call Jordan in the morning and tell her I’m going to go to New Mexico, instead. I can stay for the whole weekend. It’s what Jordan would want, James. I’m sure of it."
"Oh, Mia, I can’t let you do that. Jordan needs you right now, and you need to see her."
"Yeah, we do, but neither of us is traumatized like you two are. I’d be happy to do it, James. Ryan means so much to me."
Jamie slipped her arms around her friend and cried softly, letting Mia gently run her fingers through her hair. "I love you, Mia. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had."
"I love you, too, James, and so does Jordan. I’ll call her in the morning and tell her of the change of plans."
Jamie sat up and straightened her hair. "No, you don’t have to do that, baby. You’ve given me an idea that I think can work. Thanks so much." She leaned forward and kissed her friend tenderly on the lips. "Thanks for being my friend."
"That’s one job that has no down-sides, James. It’s always a pleasure."
"Damn, Jordan," Mia gaped after the bellman left them in their spacious room in the Bel Air Hotel on Thursday night, "this is living large!"
"Yeah," she said, "I actually haven’t traveled for many jobs, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. This is pretty sweet."
Monogamy Page 35
