Monogamy
Page 55
"Really?"
"Yeah. I think so. I think what’s bothered me lately is having the two of them together. It’s like my feelings for each of them were magnified when I saw them. But, if I’m completely honest, I have to admit that what Ally and I had was barely a relationship. We had fun together in bed, and I liked her a lot, but that’s not enough to build a relationship on. I think my attraction for her was partially because I couldn’t get her," she admitted.
"Huh. I guess that makes sense," Jamie said. "Do you honestly think you’ll feel differently about them from now on? I hate to see you struggling with your discomfort."
"Yeah, I think I will feel better about them. I mean, I didn’t go out of my way to watch them make out, but I didn’t feel like I had to avoid them once I got this settled in my head."
"I think they’re usually pretty well behaved in public," Jamie said. "But Sara has been out of town for a few days, and they had some excess energy to burn off."
"They did a good job," Ryan said, chuckling.
"You’re really okay with it?" Jamie asked once again. "It wasn’t hard to see Ally all over her?"
"Well, I didn’t spend a lot of time with them, but I caught a look when we were dancing." She looked at Jamie and cocked her head. "Wanna hear an embarrassing admission?"
"Sure. Hit me."
"Seeing them together that way has completely ruined Sara’s allure."
"Huh? Why?"
"’Cause the thing that most attracted me to Sara was her purity, her innocence. When I fell in love with her, she’d never been kissed, or touched by another person. She was mine – alone," Ryan said softly. "I fantasized about her for years since then, Jamie, and in my mind, she was always that way – it was like having sex for the first time, every time I dreamt about her."
"That would be compelling," the blonde agreed.
"Well, I don’t fantasize about her any longer – let me make that perfectly clear," she said, smiling softly. "But when I think of her, I think of her as an 18-year-old. I’ve been having a hard time seeing her as the woman she is now. I’ve been locked in the past – and that’s never a good thing."
"But we’ve been with her quite a few times this year, babe. What happened tonight to change your view?"
A slow, warm smile settled on Ryan’s face. "I think I’ve had the fantasy that Ally was the one pushing the relationship along. I think I’ve been feeling protective of Sara – like I subconsciously wanted to guard her innocence, but I didn’t know how. Seeing them together drove me a little crazy, probably because I felt powerless."
"Okay, I think I can understand that. But my question remains, sweetie. What happened tonight?"
"I don’t know if you saw this," Ryan said, "but when we were dancing, Sara climbed onto Ally’s lap, straddling her."
"Oh-oh," Jamie said, her eyes widening. "She didn’t have a stitch on under that cute little kilt she was wearing."
Ryan’s head cocked, and she gave her lover a calm, but questioning look.
"I couldn’t help it!" Jamie insisted. "I was on the floor – at the perfect height! I wasn’t trying to look, but Sara crossed her legs at one point and …" She shrugged, blushing a little.
"Well, that makes the scene even more interesting," Ryan chuckled. "They were making out like mad, and Ally’s hands disappeared under that tiny skirt. Sara’s hips started to twitch, and it looked like they were gonna go for it." She smiled and said, "That’s why I moved over near the wall when we were dancing. There was no way I was going to watch Ally …" She rolled her eyes and said, "The bottom line is that once you’ve been with Ally, you don’t have a pure molecule left in your body. The spell has been broken, baby. Sara’s a woman now – someone else’s woman. I’ve got my own, and I’m very, very happy that things worked out like they did."
"I am, too," Jamie said, leaning in to kiss her again.
"And I’m doubly happy that I have a lover who gives me the space to figure these things out for myself. If you’d forbidden me from seeing either of them, I might have always had a little doubt."
"Huh," Jamie said, thoughtfully. "I guess that might have happened. Luckily for you, I’m not the jealous type."
"I’m lucky in so many ways," Ryan said, sighing deeply and tucking her arms even tighter around her partner. "I think I learned a lot tonight, honey. And one of the biggest lessons is something that I’m just now beginning to understand." She shook her head, her brow furrowing. "I’ve always known that I’d be able to be faithful once I fell in love. Honestly, that’s never been a concern. I know how important it is, and I was brought up believing that being true to your spouse was absolutely vital."
Jamie nodded, knowing that Martin would have made that message come through loud and clear.
"But, I’ve always thought that having to give up sex with other women was a trade-off. Do you know what I mean?"
"Mmm … I’m not sure."
"Well, I knew that being faithful would ensure that I’d get love, and security, and commitment, and intimacy. But I thought I’d miss the variety and the thrill of the chase."
Giving Ryan an adorably hopeful look, Jamie asked, "And that hasn’t been true?"
"No! Not in the least," Ryan insisted. "Monogamy isn’t something that I have to endure in order to have a good relationship. It’s something I freely and lovingly choose. It’s what I want … it’s what I need." She looked down at Jamie and gave her a warm, sexy smile, then reached out and touched her chest with her index finger, letting out a long, slow hiss. "Monogamy is sizzling hot."