Leaving her to her video chat, I decided to enjoy the rest of my coffee and reboot my mood on the back deck. The peaceful view of the lake had nearly relaxed me when Shawn jogged up the path.
“Hey, man,” he called, stopping to run in place. “Natalia needs you to call her. She wants to run something by you before our meeting in Nashville tomorrow.”
“Alright, I’ll give her a call,” I agreed, choosing to ignore the urge to ask about the status of their relationship. Whether it was strictly professional or there was more going on, they were apparently getting along enough for civil conversations. And that was good enough for me. Besides, I’d had enough relationship drama for one morning with Callie.
“Catch you later.” Shawn gave a brief wave and resumed his pace while my call was connected.
After the usual pleasantries, Natalia got right to the point. “I’m in the business of recognizing talent, and Anna has talent. Has she found a job yet?”
My chest tightened, dreading where this was leading. “Not yet. We were hoping for something close to home,” I managed.
“Completely understandable. And with her skillset, any company would be fortunate to have her. I’ve reviewed her resumé and know she’s hoping for heavy involvement with charitable work. That’s not something everyone can offer her. We’re making a lot of changes at LGR, which I’ll be going over tomorrow. One focus will be on expanding LGR’s philanthropic efforts, partly to polish our image that’s been tarnished over the past year and partly because we’ve always believed in giving back to the community. Anna is the perfect fit. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t stepping on any toes before I sent her an official offer.”
I felt my heart stutter and then sink. LGR was based in Nashville, and I was scheduled to leave on Tuesday. The idea of not seeing Anna for weeks at a time gutted me. But Natalia was offering her everything that I couldn’t, and I was the only thing standing in the way of her dream.
“It sounds like an amazing opportunity.” Pinching the bridge of my nose, I closed my eyes against the view. The lake was no match for the chaos swirling inside of me. “You have my full support, and I know she’ll be thrilled to hear from you.”
“Great! I’ll email everything today and look forward to hearing from her. Since you’ll all be here tomorrow, I booked some time for her to meet with the manager of our philanthropic department for an official interview. Deb can work out all of the details and answer any questions Anna might have.”
I couldn’t breathe. Everything was happening so quickly. Somehow the call ended, though nothing registered past the numbness that had taken over. My feet carried me to robotically wander the property while my mind was stuck in a loop. Would she accept the job? Would she move to Nashville?
With the tour resuming next week, I had tried to wrap my head around making a long-distance relationship work. At least I had been comforted by the fact that she would be safe in Lupine, sleeping in my bed every night, and that she would be waiting when I got back. It was far from ideal, but with just six weeks left, I was prepared to put in the effort. It would make my time at home while we worked on our next album that much sweeter. Now, I wasn’t sure what the future would hold.
Would I be content with little pockets of time with her? Nashville was a fun city, and I always enjoyed my time there while we were recording. But my home was in Lupine. All of my friends and family were there. Hell, they were Anna’s friends and family now too. Would she really walk away from it all to follow her dream?
A few weeks ago, I had been prepared to let her go if it meant her being happy. Now, faced with the reality of it, I wasn’t sure that I was strong enough.
Without any conscious thought, I ended up in the gym. Derek was pounding away at the speed bag and looking generally miserable. We acknowledged each other with a silent nod as I sent a hard kick into the freestanding heavy bag.
“You want to talk about whatever’s going on with you and Callie?” I asked, giving him the opportunity to open up.
“Not much to tell,” he said slowing down just enough to split his focus. “I don’t want to hurt her, but she deserves more than I can give. I’m just not the right man for her.” With that, his speed resumed and the conversation was closed.
Derek didn’t have a cruel bone in his body, so I knew he would have done everything in his power to let her down easy. Still, Callie was undoubtedly feeling the sting that came with any rejection. And clearly, Derek hadn’t walked away from their encounter unscathed. He had a big heart, so hurting Callie, even unintentionally, was bound to bother him.
Helpless to fix anything for them, I put my efforts back into kickboxing. When all else failed, sometimes it just felt good to hit something.
Avoiding Anna for the afternoon was a cowardly move. I could admit that. But I needed to get myself mentally prepared for the moment she came to me with the news of her job offer. Two hours of kickboxing left me physically drained but had done little to calm my mind.
Still in a funk, I snuck down to the storage room that had been soundproofed for Shawn’s drum kit and housed various guitars. It had been a long time since I’d felt the urge to write anything new. After all, Gordon’s destruction of the last song I’d written hadn’t exactly inspired me to write more. Whether it was the changes at LGR, Anna’s influence, or a combination of them both, the itch to write had been building over the past few weeks. And today, pouring my heart into a song felt like the only way I was going to survive.
The words came together with little effort. The first song held all of the things I would have said to Anna if I allowed the selfishly desperate side of my love for her to rule me. The words described my greed for all of her love, begging her to never leave me. It wasn’t very eloquent and would never make the cut to be recorded, but it was cathartic. The second song was a progression of my life before Anna, with Anna, and what my life would be like after Anna. I titled it “Ruined”, and by the end, I was emotionally wrung out and starving.
I did a double-take at my phone screen. Hours had passed, and I had several missed text messages from Anna, making me feel like shit for worrying her. But overall, I was more in control of myself and better able to face her news. Resigning myself to my fate, I made my way back towards the kitchen.
“There you are,” my mother scolded, stirring something at the stove that made my stomach growl louder. “Anna’s been looking everywhere for you. She has some exciting news to share but wanted to talk to you first.”
Damn. She had gotten Natalia’s email. And, of course, she was excited. I wasn’t sure why that little detail hit me like a punch to the gut, but it did. Maybe a small corner of my mind had been holding on to the hope that she wouldn’t want the job. Now that hope was dead.
“Okay,” I sighed, trying not to sound too disappointed. “I’ll find her in a minute.”
“Before you go, I wanted to talk about Callie.” She adjusted the stove, and worry lines creased her brow. “She asked if she could come back home until the tour starts. She also said that she’s looking to get an apartment when she gets back. Then she asked my advice on trying a new job while you guys are between tours.”
The news that she wanted to move out of her cabin was alarming. I couldn’t imagine what had happened to make her want to leave. But for now, maybe some space would be good while she and Derek worked things out.
“Are you okay with her staying with you?” I asked, just to make sure.
“Of course! I’m just worried. She wasn’t herself when we spoke earlier, but she seemed to have her mind made up.”
“Yeah, she was pretty upset this morning. I wish she would have said something to me.”
“Do you think it has anything to do with Derek?” At my shocked expression, she huffed. “Do you honestly think I don’t know what goes on with my own children? She’s been half in love with him for years. I’m just concerned. It’s never a good idea to make big decisions while you’re upset.”
Exhaling, I rubbed my ha
nds over my face and just wanted this day to end. “They have the rest of the tour to work things out, so we’ll hope for the best. And she can always move back to her cabin. It’s not going anywhere.” My mom still didn’t look convinced. Not feeling overly optimistic myself, I admitted some hard truths. “Mom, I love her, but it was never my plan for her to live here forever.” With my own emotions too close to the surface, I felt for Callie. I didn’t know all of the details of her issues with Derek, but I knew what it was like to be faced with not having the one you loved. When you couldn’t give them what they needed to be happy, you did the only thing you could. “Sometimes, you have to love someone enough to let them go. Maybe love isn’t enough, or it’s just not meant to be a forever kind of love.”
“So, you’re okay with her leaving?”
Imagining having to see Anna every day, without being able to have her, made me even more sympathetic towards Callie. To be honest, I was surprised that she was willing to finish the tour, knowing she would be around Derek every day. I gave her a lot of credit for being so strong. I certainly couldn’t do it. “Yes. This is what she wants, and I fully support her.”
“Even if she won’t be working for you anymore?”
“I’m not going to lie. It won’t be easy to replace her, and she’ll be missed by a lot of people. But her job will always be here if she wants it.”
“Okay. You’ve been so good to her, giving her a job and a place to stay. Sometimes I worry that she’s too dependent on you. I think that some independence and a fresh start will be good for her.”
“I hope so.” I hugged my mom, rubbing a hand up and down her back to ease her worry.
“Maybe it will also help Derek realize what he’s got before it’s too late.”
It was clear that Derek cared. But Callie deserved more, and if he couldn’t love her, then he was doing the right thing by not leading her on. Based on her tone, my mom was just as worried about Derek as she was for Callie. She took her role as Mama Bee seriously and loved all of the guys as if they were her own.
Not wanting to add to her worries, I held off telling her about Anna’s new job. They had already grown close, and my mom would be heartbroken when Anna left. As if reading my mind, she released me and patted my cheek.
“Go find Anna. We could all use some good news tonight.”
There was no sign of Anna in the lodge, so I decided to check the cabin. The sight of Anna’s packed suitcase greeted me, confirming her eagerness to leave. Unable to stand the silence, I sent off a text as I made my way back up the path. After a few minutes of pacing the great room, her reply let me know that she was in the laundry room. Her smile was strained, but she fell into my arms the moment I opened them.
“Hi, baby.” With my arms wrapped tightly around her, my world made sense. I breathed her in, letting all of the stress of the day melt away. Everything else was forgotten. My resolve began to crack, and I feared not being able to get through the conversation we needed to have.
“Where have you been all day?” she asked, settling against me. It was as though she knew our time was limited and was clinging to each moment.
“I was writing.”
“I missed you,” she whispered, her hand rubbing the spot over my heart that she loved so much.
“Sorry. I zoned out and lost track of time.” Easing away, I took in her pale skin and puffy eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said in the way that all women had seemed to master. It was never reassuring. At my continued stare, she waved off my concern with a vague excuse. “I’m just tired. It’s been an emotional day.”
I stalled as long as I could, asking about her day and the call with Miss Molly. I exhausted every topic possible before approaching the most dreaded one. “Mom said you have some exciting news.”
“I do.” She took a deep breath, searching my eyes as indecision plagued her features. Finally, a look of determination took hold, but she fought to find the right words to soften the blow.
“You should take the job.” I couldn’t stand to watch her struggle another minute, and the words burst from my lips. Already knowing the outcome, I tried to make the process as fast and painless as possible.
“What?” she gasped.
“I already know about the job offer. Natalia called me to get my blessing, and I fully support it.” The words were painful to say yet somehow came out sounding genuine.
“You want me to go?”
Did I want her to go? No! I wanted to grab her and beg her to stay. Then I thought of all of the people in her life who took what they wanted with no regard for her happiness. I would hate myself if I became one of them. “You’ve been waiting for your whole life for this opportunity. You need to take it.”
She nodded her head without saying a word, but the lone tear that streaked down her face nearly brought me to my knees. “I love you,” she choked out, as though thanking me for understanding her need to leave. Still, she wasn’t immune to what her decision would mean for us, and a sob broke free.
Pulling her close again, I tried to comfort her. “I love you too, baby.” I didn’t doubt her love for me and prayed that she never doubted my love for her. This would be a difficult adjustment for both of us, and though a long-distance relationship didn’t hold much appeal, the idea of losing her altogether was even worse. Even if it meant a long, drawn-out goodbye, I wasn’t ready to say it today or any time soon. “You’ll like Nashville,” I said, attempting to find something positive to focus on. “It’s a quick plane ride, and the band visits a lot for business and when we’re recording. We even have a show scheduled there soon, so we’ll still see each other.”
I wasn’t sure which one of us I was trying harder to convince. Anna’s body continued to shake with sobs while I did my best to soothe her. All the while, grief raged in me like a wounded beast. The injustice of the situation was tearing me apart. I had finally found her, the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I had to let her go.
I placed a delicate kiss on her quivering lips. It was full of sorrow and tasted of tears. In any other instance, it would have felt like a final kiss. But a small part of my heart refused to believe that this was the end of our story. My mind flickered with the possibility of finding a way for this to work out and for us to have it all. But sadly, life wasn’t a fairy tale.
Anna missed dinner that night. I couldn’t bring myself to share her news and simply relayed her excuse of being tired. The empty seat beside me matched the emptiness in my heart. Callie was noticeably absent as well, and the table was much quieter than usual. As soon as dinner was done, I made my way to the bar area to drown the pain. Shawn had a call to make, and Derek wasn’t in the mood for company, but Eli and Lance followed, ready to pour my refills and listen.
“Anna’s been offered a job at LGR in Nashville,” I admitted once the whiskey took the edge off of my suffering.
“So? She turned them down, right?” Lance asked. When my only response was to empty my glass again, he got pissed. “What the fuck?” he shouted.
“Hold on,” Eli calmly demanded. “Why would she take a job in Nashville?”
“Because I told her to.”
“What the fuck?” Lance repeated.
“It’s her dream job. She deserves to be happy.”
“She does,” Eli agreed. “But are you sure this is what she wants?”
“There’s no way.” Lance stood to pace the length of the room.
“She’s worked her whole life for this. LGR can give her things I can’t.”
Eli shook his head. “She’s worked her whole life to have stability and to belong somewhere. What can LGR possibly have to offer that’s more important to her than that?”
“Her dream.”
Chapter 26
Anna
The day following my birthday was much different from my perspective. I woke to a hangover, thanks to Lance’s buttery nipples. The drinks, not his actual nipples, though it wouldn’t surprise
me to see him offering those up to some lucky lady one day. The alcohol had been a diversion to avoid more of me bawling all over him, and it had worked.
What started as the best birthday ever, had only gotten better. The revelation I’d had after opening my presents from Jaxon was followed by sheer happiness. I had always thought that a PR job was my dream. It wasn’t. The security that came with that job was what I actually craved. I had found that and more with Jaxon. And yes, I wanted to use my skills to help others, but there was more than one way to make that happen. So, while a job could provide a sense of purpose and accomplishment, I realized that it wasn’t the most important thing.
Despite the mild headache, I was too excited to stay in bed. Needing to avoid any distractions (and Jaxon’s naked body under the sheets, reminding me of the spectacular birthday sex that had capped off my night, was a big one), I dressed and took my new phone and laptop with me to the lodge. Snagging a bagel and some water from the kitchen, I went in search of a quiet place to work. Once settled into the office, I started brainstorming.
Jaxon had repeatedly said that he would support me in any way he could and that all he had was mine as well. For the first time in my life, I truly understood the depth of what that meant. It went against my nature for him to support me financially or to not pull my weight, but I could utilize the band’s fame and media presence, along with their dedicated fan base, to jumpstart some ideas. I didn’t need a fancy office to make a difference. I just needed some resources.
Possibilities began to flood my mind. Typing furiously, I tried my best to organize my thoughts. Food drives at each venue would benefit every city we visited. Contests, giveaways, and meet-and-greets for fans who got involved in their communities went next. The ideas continued to pour out of me. Online awareness and fundraising links. Partnering with local shelters to have their wish lists filled. Inviting special guests to come to the shows and share their stories would give poverty a name and a face, increasing awareness and encouraging involvement. Supporting summer food programs. Foster care programs always needed help too. The list went on and on.
Changing the Key: A Detrimental Rock Star Romance (Book 1) Page 26
