"I guess Jesmind didn't get the message," Tarrin chuckled. Then he remembered something that that strange Goddess lady had told him. You were quite happy being a Were-cat, she had told him. If he got his memory back, I dare say he would demand to be restored. For him to be as he is now would seem unnatural to him, she had also said.
If that was true, then maybe had had been happy as he was. She kept telling him that it would be his choice, after he got back his memory. She had wanted him to make an educated choice, not a blind one based on fear or rumor or feelings. And he had to admit to himself, any choice he made before gaining back his memory probably wouldn't be a thorough one. He'd wanted to choose beforehand, in case those memories brought pain. But he saw that he was only thinking in the moment. He'd let his fear of what Jesmind and the Were-cats might do rush him, when he had forgotten that he really had all the time in the world. If the Goddess had told the Were-cats not to bite him unless it was his choice, then they'd behave. He doubted any of them would really care to cross swords with a god.
"Dar," Dolanna's voice came from his amulet. "Is Tarrin still with you?"
"He's right here, Dolanna," Dar replied, touching his amulet.
"Good. Could the two of you please come to the Keeper's office? It's important."
"We're on our way," he answered immediately.
"I wonder what Jenna wants," Tarrin mused.
"Well, we can continue talking about this later, I guess," Dar said.
"Maybe. I think I have some of my answers already, Dar. I forgot that the Goddess personally told the Were-cats not to bite me unless I agreed to it."
"I didn't know she said that," Dar said with a chuckle. "I guess that means that you really don't have anything to worry about at all, doesn't it?"
"Maybe," Tarrin said.
When they reached Jenna's office, Tarrin was surprised to see that Jenna wasn't alone. Keritanima and Allia were with her, Keritanima sitting in the chair facing the desk with Binter standing behind it resolutely, and Allia standing by Jenna's chair. Phandebrass was also there, as was Dolanna, Jesmind, and Kimmie. Jula stood just behind them, her head down and her large furry hands folded before her demurely, as if she was trying hard not to attract attention to herself.
"What's wrong, Jenna?" Tarrin asked.
"Nothing's wrong, Tarrin," Jenna answered. "I just though you may want to be here, that's all."
"Why? What's going on?"
"I say, I think I've found a solution," Phandebrass announced with a clap of his hands. "As soon as Koran Dar gets here, we can find out how feasible it is."
"You mean you can restore Tarrin's memory?" Jesmind asked quickly.
"I think I can," he nodded. "But I'll need to talk with Koran Dar, or maybe Camara Tal. The cure is a potion, and its key ingredient is a rare plant that only grows on one of the isles of Amazar. One of them should be able to tell me if we can get that plant right now."
"What is a potion?" Tarrin asked.
"A potion is a magic liquid," Kimmie answered for Phandebrass. "A Wizard makes it, and then the person he made it for drinks it. When he does, the magic in the potion takes effect."
"You won't need Koran Dar for that, Phandebrass," Jesmind scoffed. "All you need is my mother. She can Conjure anything you need."
"And I'm sure Triana will be happy to Conjure the plant as soon as she comes back," Kimmie said mildly. "But it's going to take time to prepare the potion."
"I say, most definitely," Phandebrass agreed. "At least a month."
"A month?" Jesmind said hotly. "You call that a solution?"
"These procedures are very delicate, they are," he said defensively, "and the draught has to be simmered for days on end at certain stages before the next ingredient can be added. I say, we are talking about some very delicate, very poweful magic here, Jesmind, we are. Did you think it would be as easy as chanting a few spells?"
"Yes," she said flatly, glaring at him.
"I say, I'm sorry to disappoint you, then," he said diffidently. "But the unusual circumstances that robbed Tarrin of his memory means that we have to use some very strong magic to try to reverse the damage, we do. And unfortunately, in the Wizard world, powerful magic often takes time."
"Are you sure that this will work?" Jenna asked.
"I say, assuming that I can get all the ingredients, I do think it will work," he replied brightly. "The potion was specifically designed to restore memories lost through magical attacks, and Tarrin qualifies. I read the description of the potion several times, and I'm convinced that Tarrin is a prime candidate for its use. It is almost perfect."
"What do you mean by almost perfect?" the Keeper asked quickly.
"The potion was specifically designed to restore the memory of a Wizard who lost it to a powerful magical spell left behind in a spellbook as a trap," the Wizard told her. "Afterwards, they discovered that it had wide-ranging effects on anyone who had lost memory, but its potency varied depending on the means by which the memory was lost, it did. Tarrin lost his memory to a magical curse. That very closely matches the original intent for which the potion was designed, it does. It should work perfectly on him. I'm convinced of it, I am."
"It does look very promising," Kimmie agreed. "I read the summaries myself, and I have to agree. This potion looks to be the best option we have."
"I feel alot better about the idea of it now that you agree, Kimmie," Jesmind said curtly.
Phandebrass snorted. "The simple fact of the matter is, the power of the curse that affected him leaves very few options available to us, it does," he continued. "Only the strongest magicks will have any chance of affecting him, and I say, we don't have the time to just try them one after another until we stumble across the one that works. We don't have that kind of time, we don't."
"What do you mean?" Jenna asked.
"Well, firstly, this kind of damage is going to set in his mind as time goes by," the addled Wizard replied. "The longer he stays thusly, the harder it's going to be to reverse the damage. That's why I've gotten so little sleep over the last few days trying to find the most effective way to restore him, because I know we don't have much time, we don't. The month's brewing time for this potion is going to be pushing it, it is. Secondly, after doing some reading about the Firestaff, I found a reference to when it was used. I took the time to consult some astronomical charts and a few ancient calendars, and I've worked out the exact day that it's going to activate again."
"Really? When will that be?" Dolanna asked curiously.
"Gods Day," he replied.
Tarrin looked at him. God's Day was a holiday of sorts, a day that came only once every five years. It was an extra day placed just after the day of New Year to keep the calendar balanced, a leap day. It was called Gods Day because it was said in myth and legend that the very first day of the world, the day of creation, was Gods Day. It and New Year were the only two such days that fell outside of the months.
"That's only a little more than three months from now," Jenna noted, scribbling down the date on a piece of parchment, and circling it several times.
"I say, not very far off at all, is it?" the Wizard asked. "If Tarrin is supposed to hide the Firestaff, then he needs his memory back as quickly as we can manage it. After all, so long as he's here, everyone knows where he is, and they know where to come in order to try to take it from him. We have to get him healthy and whole, and then he can disappear off the Tower grounds and defend the Firestaff until Gods Day comes and goes."
"I didn't realize it was so soon," Jenna growled. "Where did you find that information, Phandebrass? I've had my Lorefinders tearing our libraries apart looking for something we could use to find that out."
"I say, Jenna, it was right in your library. It was written in Sha'Kar, that's all. Your library is probably one of the most complete in the world, you know. It was just that most of the books there you couldn't read. I found it quite by accident. When I saw a book titled Ancient Artifacts and Their Use Over the Ages, I j
ust had to stop and leaf through it."
Jenna laughed ruefully. "I was the only one in the Tower that can read Sha'Kar before the Sha'Kar came back, so I guess you'll have to forgive me for missing that," she said. "I haven't had much time to go through the library, not with all my duties as the Keeper."
"I wasn't blaming you, Keeper," Phandebrass smiled.
"I think Phandebrass makes a valid point," Dolanna said. "If there is indeed only three months, then we truly do not have much time. We must bend every effort into having Phandebrass make this potion and restore Tarrin's memory. Because as time grows short, those who want the Firestaff and are willing to use extreme methods to get it are going to get desperate. The sooner Tarrin disappears from sight, the better for everyone."
"I guess that means that I'd better quadruple the guard," Jenna said seriously.
"Quintupling it would be more wise, Jenna," Dolanna said calmly. "We must turn the Tower into a fortress until Tarrin can escape with the Firestaff. Because, and you can mark my words. If we do not turn the Tower into a fortress no man would dare assault, they will assault it."
"No doubt," Keritanima nodded in agreement. "I'll have some of my Marines brought in, Jenna. We'll give you a hand."
"Right now, I'll take all the help I can get, Kerri," Jenna said sourly. "I think I may even ask Shiika if I can borrow the Arakite Legions she left behind in Suld to help garrison the city. They're still here, and I'd be crazy not to want them on the grounds. Between them and the Knights, I'll have some of the finest soldiers in the world defending the fence."
"Just be careful what you give in return," Kimmie smiled. "It's always dangerous work, bartering with a Demon. They have ways of getting more than you thought you gave at the end."
"No doubt there," Jenna agreed soberly. "I'd better call both Councils and make some arrangements. I should go see the Regent, and talk to Shiika as well. We need to lock up the Tower as tight as a drum, and I'm going to need dependable men to do that."
"And the sooner the better," Keritanima agreed.
To: Title EoF
Chapter 4
A month.
That was what Phandebrass said it would take in order for him to make his magical potion, in the hopes that it would restore his memory without having to resort to being bitten. Tarrin had left the meeting with Jenna and the others just a little bit worried about what he'd heard, and the time was only a part of it. The idea of spending a month in the Tower didn't seem all that bad to him, though he knew that it was going to cause some friction. The part that worried him was the idea that they were going to lock down the Tower, and he was the cause for it. Some part of him was a little embarassed by that idea, that all this trouble was going to happen because of him, but another part of him resented the idea that they were going to turn the Tower into a fortress just to keep him safe. He'd gone through that once already with Jesmind and Triana, and the idea that now Jenna and the others were going to start doing it too kind of defeated the purpose of him trying to establish his independence in the first place. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the fact that they were willing to go as far as they were, but it was still a little annoying.
Of course, he was only a very small reason for it. It was all about him, true, but the truth was that it was much more all about what he was carrying. Jenna was defending the Firestaff, and the only reason that she was defending Tarrin too was because he happened to be the bearer of that old artifact. They wouldn't let him give it to anyone else, and Dolanna wouldn't even let him take it out of the elsewhere at any time.
He knew why, and understood. The Firestaff was almost a living thing, possessed of a kind of willpower of its own, and its willpower and desire was to be used, to serve the function for which it had been created. That was the last thing that Tarrin wanted to do, because he'd already been warned that if it was used, it could destroy the world. It was why they had lain the trap on it that had stripped him of his Were nature and had also caused him to lose his memory, a last-ditch attempt to strip the one who managed to take it of the desire to use it, a ploy that would render the artifact's corrupting effect powerless. The Firestaff would try to convince its holder to use it, but the curse would have destroyed that desire, leaving the artifact with no desire to exploit in order to reach its own goals. The Firestaff had even tried to whisper to him before he put it in the elsewhere, and he knew how seductive it could be. Almost like Auli. That's why he was glad it was where he wouldn't have to listen to it all the time. It couldn't reach through the elsewhere and try to subvert his will, and that made it safe for him-and only him-to carry it. And it was absolutely not something that they would put in a locked chamber somewhere and try to guard. It was safest where it was at that moment, out of physical reach and in a place where its insidious magic couldn't affect those around it.
At least with Tarrin, the Firestaff was safe, and everyone else was safe from it. That was why, even though he had lost his memory, he still held it.
A month. He wasn't sure what he was going to do for a whole month, but he already had some ideas. He was going to try to stay away from Auli. That much was for certain. Her declaration had more or less put their friendship on hold until she got over the idea, because he wouldn't trust her enough to be alone with her, or even alone with her and Dar. Or, more to the point, he wouldn't trust himself to be alone with her, or with her and Dar. He also wanted to learn more about who he had been and what it meant, and also if he had been truly happy. He wanted to find out before getting back his memory, so he could compare what he had discovered with the return of his memory and see how close he got to the truth. The combination of what he managed to learn now and what he would regain later would help him decide once and for all what he was going to do. That meant that he needed to talk to all his friends extensively, work around Dolanna's warning that they weren't supposed to influence him, and get them to describe as much to him as they could. And he wanted to get to know his daughter all over again, spend as much time with her as he could, because maybe he would learn something about her as a human that he hadn't known about her when he was a Were-cat.
That was the most important thing to him. Jasana was his daughter, and even if she was a different species than him, he loved her and he wanted to be around her. He understood now how his own parents must have felt when Tarrin himself had been turned. It was a terrible thing, but he was still their child, and no matter what, they would love him. He'd never really understood that until he was on the same side as them, with a child of his own. That kind of boundless love was usually unfathomable to anyone who had not experienced it for himself. Now that Tarrin had looked into the eyes of his own child, he completely understood how his parents must have felt, and understood how they could have accepted him as what he had become. No matter what happened to him, no matter who he became or what he did, no matter how evil he had acted, he was still their son, and that kind of bond was too powerful for almost any worldly act or situation to sever.
Sometimes it surprised Tarrin how he could feel so much love for a little girl of another species that he barely knew, and was admittedly just a little bit afraid of. But then again, she was his daughter. That was all the explanation he needed anymore.
Walking along by himself, invariably ending up in the cool gardens, he thought about what he'd heard at the meeting. After they'd decided to lock up the Tower, they'd talked about who they'd get and how much it would take to secure their cooperation. Keritanima promised to send her Marines, and they were going to get some of tha Arakite Legions to come onto the grounds, and even some elements of the Sulasian army that were still in Suld to ensure another attack wouldn't be attempted. They already had the Sorcerers, and he wondered why they were going to try to get anyone else in the first place. Wouldn't the Sorcerers be enough to stop just about anything? Now that they had the Sha'Kar back, he couldn't think of any reason why they'd need any additional support. Weren't the Sorcerers the most powerful of all the magical orders? Why would
they need additional help?
For the moment, he guessed that really didn't concern him. All that mattered for him was trying to keep his own rather crazy life from getting any crazier until Phandebrass finished that potion.
He still felt wild mood swings about that. He wanted his memory back, but on the other hand, he was afraid of what it may mean. He knew that some of those memories may be absolutely awful, and he was honest enough with himself to admit that he was terrified of the idea of having memories of being so vicious. He knew he couldn't make a sincere decision without those memories, but he was afraid of having to remember the bad as well as the good. It was a touchy situation for him, and he felt trapped between the need to regain his memory and the desire to stay away from them.
It was about more than what he wanted anymore, and that was another thing that concerned him. He'd honestly forgotten what he was carrying, but he realized that everyone else not only would not forget, they were still working to protect it. It was easy to forget about the Firestaff when he never took it out to look at it, and he had no memory of searching for it or finding it or what it did to him when he did. It seemed more like a story he'd been told that the actual past, and that made it much easier for him to discount or ignore than it was for those who remembered what they'd gone through in order to get him into a position to acquire it. He knew that he had a duty to all those others to take back his memory, that because even if he was incapacitated at the moment, he was still the chosen guardian of the Firestaff, and he had to do what he could to protect it from everyone else until Gods Day came and went.
That was the one thing he didn't really want to think about. The Goddess had said that it would be his choice, but making that choice, he knew, would mean much more than simply what he wanted. After he got his memory back, he was afraid that there really wouldn't be a choice. It would be alot easier for Tarrin the Were-cat to protect the Firestaff than it would be for Tarrin the human. That Tarrin was bigger, stronger, faster, more magically powerful, and lacked the comparative morality that may make Tarrin the human hesitate in a moment of extreme danger, and put everything at risk. He wanted it to be his choice, his decision, a choice based on nothing more than his own desires. But he had a feeling that it was going to be alot more complicated than that. Maybe it was selfish and childish for him to think that way, but he couldn't help it. It was his life, after all, and he wanted the chance to make of it what he wanted, not what others would need of him.
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