Breathless

by Sullivan, Francis

  Charlotte was ready to protest, not wanting to cause Helen any further stress, but to her surprise, Helen nodded and said in a very motherly tone, "Absolutely, Charlotte. We can't risk your health just because of tech week. I'll tell Mr. Danube straight away and we'll get you to a dentist."

  "Oh no, Helen," Charlotte protested. "I couldn't possibly ask you to leave rehearsal. Then Mr. Danube will be short of two lead actors."

  "There are understudies, Charlotte," Helen told her logically.

  "No," Charlotte shook her head. "And I don't want you leaving to take me, either," she told Wesley, who was about to offer. "Just have a car come take me to the dentist. I'll go by myself. I'll be fine."

  Helen thought for a moment. "I have to agree with you, darling. We shouldn't cause Mr. Danube any more stress. Or Lewis, for that matter," she added, glancing at her husband who sat in the front row of seats, scribbling in his notebooks. "I'll have Jack come by with the car and he'll take you. No excuses," she said sternly to Charlotte.

  Charlotte nodded. "Alright, fine." She gave Wes a reassuring smile, who looked as concerned as Helen did.

  "It's okay," Wes told her. He smiled and hugged Emilie to him. "Emilie and I will manage without you. Somehow." He squeezed Charlotte's hand. "Feel better. And if I don't get a chance to see you before tomorrow...know that I have complete confidence in you. You'll be perfect tomorrow night. I can't wait to see you sweep the audience off their feet." He grinned at her.

  Charlotte tried to smile back, but it was difficult. Her nerves were getting the best of her, and it was more apparent the closer opening night came.

  Jack looked up at Charlotte with an amused grin as she walked out of the dentist's office. He tossed the newspaper he had been reading aside and stood with his hands in his pockets. "How are you feeling?"

  "Numb," Charlotte tried to mutter, but the gauze in her mouth made it come out like a muffled moan.

  Jack laughed. "Didn't quite catch that, but I think I get the idea," he said. He gestured for her to come with him. "Come on, I have the car waiting outside. Let's get you some ice cream on the way back to the theatre. It'll help your mouth feel better after getting that tooth pulled."

  "Fine," Charlotte again tried to say, but Jack just laughed again.

  "So," he said conversationally after he pulled away from the dentist's office. "Are you excited about opening night tomorrow?" Charlotte cast him a glare, and pointed at her mouth. "Oh, come on. You can talk. The dentist just uses the gauze to stop the bleeding. I think you're safe to take it out now."

  Charlotte pulled the gauze from her mouth and cringed. The numb feeling was so strange.

  "So are you?" Jack asked. "Excited?"

  Charlotte didn't know how to answer him. She looked out the window at the people on the street. "Are you going to be there?" she asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer. In a way, she wanted him there, to know that he really did care. But on the other hand, she didn't want him seeing her if she was a colossal mess onstage.

  "Of course," Jack replied. "It's my mother's opening night, too. And Lewis' big premier. And I suppose I should be going for my cousin, too. "

  Charlotte looked down at her hands. "I'm nervous," she confessed.

  "Aren't all performers?" Jack asked. "I mean, everyone gets butterflies." He glanced sideways at Charlotte, who was clearly worried. "They would have kicked you out of the show by now if you weren't good enough for it," he reasoned logically. "So no reason for you to be so stressed over it. Everything will be fine."

  "Everything will be fine," Charlotte repeated. "Do you know how many times I've said those words or have had them said to me? I'm not sure what percentage of the time it actually turns out to be true."

  "You've just got to trust yourself," Jack told her, pulling up to the curb outside the pastry shop. "And then you've got to make it worthwhile."

  It was the same ice cream shop she and Wes had been to together, and being there with Jack somehow felt so wrong, as if he were encroaching into Wesley's space. But Charlotte didn't say anything. She just sat at a small table with Jack and ordered her ice cream.

  "So how was your date with Wes?" Jack asked Charlotte, as if reading her mind. He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest.

  "It was nice," Charlotte said, fidgeting with her spoon. "He took me to a nice restaurant. And then for dessert we got ice cream. From here, actually."

  Jack nodded, not surprised. "This is where Lewis always used to take us for ice cream when we were children. Some preferences just never change."

  Charlotte nodded and took a bite of her ice cream.

  "So," Jack asked Charlotte, looking at her with curious eyes. "How did he treat you?"

  Charlotte looked up at Jack, hating that he reminded her so much of Luc when he asked these questions. "He was wonderful," she finally replied. "He was a perfect gentleman."

  Jack hesitated, but then nodded. "Good. I'm glad." He sounded calm, but a muscle twitched in his jaw, like it often did when he was angry about something. But Charlotte couldn't imagine why he was angry. He didn't like Wes, but that didn't mean Charlotte wasn't allowed to date him. Besides, Jack had spent his evening with Celia.

  "How was your night?" Charlotte asked, avoiding his eyes and taking another spoonful of ice cream.

  Jack looked at her. "What do you mean? What night?" Charlotte didn't reply. "The night that you went out with Wes? It was fine."

  Charlotte sat back in her chair and nodded. "Good. I'm glad."

  Jack nodded awkwardly, and the two sat in strange silence.

  "We should be getting back to the theatre," Jack said finally, standing. "They'll be missing you."

  Charlotte nodded and stood from the table, walking out the door with Jack. Sometimes she hated how confused he made her about everything.

  As they walked back into the auditorium, Charlotte was immediately confronted by Helen and Lewis, both looking concerned.

  "What's the matter?" Charlotte asked immediately.

  Helen and Lewis looked at one another, as if daring each other to be the one to speak. But finally, Lewis told Charlotte in his soft tone, "Charlotte, ever since your father's death, I've been trying to keep my eyes on your family. I hadn't heard anything about them in a while...but I was contacted just a short while ago, in regards to your brother."

  Charlotte's heart dropped and her breath halted. "Luc?" she asked in panic. "What's wrong with Luc? Is he..." She couldn't choke out the words. It couldn't be true.

  "No," Lewis insisted, taking Charlotte's hand. He looked into her eyes. "But it still isn't very good news, I'm afraid. He was part of an anti-war riot that caused some commotion. He was taken to jail."

  Charlotte's hand flew to her mouth.

  "I'm sure they won't keep him for very long," Lewis assured her. "It's probably just to prevent chaos. I've asked my resources to keep me informed if they hear anything else, but so far they've heard nothing."

  Charlotte nodded. "But he's alive," she clarified, her voice trembling.

  "Yes," Lewis said. "He's alive."

  "Charlotte," Helen told her calmly. "If you don't feel...we can postpone opening night if this is all too much for you. Everyone would understand."

  "No," Charlotte protested, shaking her head viciously. "I don't want to postpone. Everyone has worked so hard for this. I don't want to ruin anything. And besides..." She caught sight of Wesley, standing onstage in full costume, looking at her in a very concerned way. She looked at Helen with determination. "Acting is the only way I can really deal with my problems. It's the only way I can escape them, and then understand them, and then come to terms with them, and accept them. I need to do this, Helen. We all need to do this."

  Helen's eyes were misty with tears, but she nodded in agreement and pulled Charlotte into a hug. But Charlotte couldn't cry. She wouldn't let herself be so weak. And as Lewis enveloped the two in his embrace, and Jack placed his palm on Charlotte's back, she felt protected. Nothing could harm her here
. Nothing could harm her onstage. Everything will be fine, she told herself, willing it to be true now more than ever.

  "Let's have a nice, quiet dinner together tonight after rehearsal," Helen said, pulling away and drying her eyes. "I know it will be late," she told Lewis and Jack. "But we haven't had time together in so long. We need to make the most of our time together. As a family." She took Jack's hand and he nodded at her.

  "Let's please," Charlotte agreed, nodding eagerly. "And maybe...do you think Wes could come, too? After all, he is part of the family..."

  Helen looked worriedly at Jack, but to everyone's surprise, he nodded. "I think that's a good idea, Charlotte," he told her quietly, understanding her intentions. All she wanted was for everyone to appreciate each other while they could. They didn't have to get along or be best friends, but she just wanted them to appreciate each other.

  "Thank you," Charlotte told him gratefully, her heart swelling. And although her voice still trembled, and her breath came heavily, she was at ease. Whatever trials life was going to throw at her, she knew she could handle them.

  But she also knew that she missed her brother, more than she could have ever imagined. Her heart ached in every way for him. There was always going to be a part of her that yearned for him to be near her, and caused her a shadow of sadness during her happiest moments.

  By the time they returned to the house that evening, they were all exhausted from the long day and the dreadful news. But when they walked into the dining room, seeing the roast beef and potato dinner that Mrs. Gates had prepared for them, and the beautiful flowers at the center of the table, things didn't seem so dark anymore. The Carey's sat at their usual spots, with Jack seated beside his mother, Charlotte across from her, and Wesley on her other side. It was really as if they were a full, whole family, who could trust and support each other. This made Charlotte more grateful than she ever had been.

  "Thank you for staying up so late, Rachel," Lewis told Mrs. Gates as he poured himself and Helen glasses of wine. "I know we aren't exactly the most convenient family to work for, sometimes."

  "Not at all," Mrs. Gates told Lewis. There was something about her eyes that made her look upset, as if she had been crying, and the way her voice was weak, that confused Charlotte. Had Mrs. Gates heard the news about Luc? What had made her so upset?

  "Are you sure you'll be able to eat the roast beef?" Helen asked Charlotte. "With having your tooth pulled just hours ago..."

  "I think it'll be fine, thank you," Charlotte told her.

  "She was a trooper."

  Charlotte looked up to see Jack smiling at her across the table. Although everyone was rather subdued and quiet, he still managed to have the mischievous glint in his eye that he sometimes did when he looked at her. Charlotte tried to give him a small smile back.

  "How did the scenes go while I was at the dentist's office?" she asked Wesley. "Did Emilie do all right? Was she lost without me?"

  "She was absolutely wonderful," Wes assured her with a smile. "She's a very gutsy little girl. In that way, she reminds me of you." Under the table, he took Charlotte's hand and squeezed it. Charlotte smiled back at him, genuinely, thankful that he was there. But from across the table, she knew Jack had noticed what was going on between them. He looked at them skeptically, but said nothing.

  "Charlotte, there's something very important that we need to talk about," Helen told her with a slight smile on her face. "Your birthday. You're turning seventeen in July, correct?"

  "July 2nd," Charlotte said, rather happily surprised that Helen had remembered.

  "Well, we're going to have to do something special for it," Helen said, taking a sip from her glass. "Would you like a car for your birthday, like Jack got for his?"

  "No, I don't think so..." Charlotte said. "I don't see the need for my own car when we have a few already. That just seems a bit wasteful, doesn't it?"

  "Then what would you like?" Helen asked curiously.

  Charlotte thought about this. She didn't need any clothes or shoes or any other material possessions. Helen already provided her with all of those without even asking. All she really yearned for was the theatre...but she already had a role. And asking Lewis for another one so soon could sound presumptuous. But the only other thing she really wanted was...

  "I'd really like to be able to see Luc and...and my mother," she finally said, looking up to meet Lewis' eyes. "I'd like to visit France, if there's any way possible. I know it's dangerous, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. Because you...you have all made me realize that family is the most important thing, and that I need to cherish them while I can. So that's what I want, Lewis. I want to go to France and see my family."

  The entire room was silent. Wes looked down at his hands. Helen absently stroked the rim of her glass. Lewis was frowning down at his plate. But Jack...Jack was looking at Charlotte in pure awe. She wasn't sure if he thought she was crazy for asking this, which she probably was. But it's what I want, Charlotte told him, staring back.

  "Charlotte, I'm not sure how easy it's going to be for us to get you to France," Lewis told her quietly.

  "Or they could come to England," she blurted out. "I'd settle for that!"

  The entire table chuckled at her eagerness.

  "Charlotte," Lewis started again, this time with a little smile on his face. "This is possibly the most difficult wish I've ever been asked to make happen. But I promise," he told her seriously, "that I will do my very best to make it come true."

  Charlotte smiled at him and nodded. "Thank you, Lewis."

  After Wesley had left, after Mrs. Gates had cleared away the food and Lewis and Helen had gone to bed, Charlotte slowly made her way up to her room.

  Luc pulled away and looked her in the eyes. "We'll be together again, Charlotte. I promise. I always keep my promises, don't I?"

  Maybe this is out of your control now, Luc, Charlotte thought to herself as she climbed the stairs. Maybe I have to make this happen myself.

  Charlotte went to her room, going to her jewelry box, and pulled out the picture of Luc that she loved so much, the one of him on the beach at Cherbourg. It was so hard to imagine that he was maybe still sitting in a jail, for participating in a riot. That wasn't like Luc. He was never confrontational. He was never furious or nasty, like she could be. He was the good one. He wasn't supposed to be sitting in jail right now.

  Charlotte remembered the day she was put on the train to go to England. She remembered looking down at Luc through the car's window, seeing his green eyes for the very last time. She remembered how heavy her heart had felt as she had realized that this might be the very last time she would ever see him. She remembered the aching feeling that she would never see him again.

  "Please be safe, Luc," Charlotte whispered to the photograph, as if it were the mirror from Beauty and the Beast, and he could say something back to her. But it wasn't. It was just a photograph. Choking back tears, Charlotte set it back down on her dresser. She couldn't tell Luc what to do all the way in France. She was going to have to let him go, and let him make his own decisions.

  Outside her door, she could hear the footsteps of Jack coming upstairs. Quickly wiping her eyes and brushing away tears, Charlotte walked to her door. Her hand lingered for a moment, wondering if this is really what she wanted to do, but then she decisively pushed the door all the way closed and locked it. She turned and leaned back on the door, sinking to the ground, and letting her tears fall. All she wanted was to be held, to be comforted. But Jack was almost like a brother to her now. And her brother wasn't here. So what was the point in making herself miss him more, by letting Jack crawl into her bed for another night?

  Charlotte slowly stood straight, brushing her hair out of her face, and walked bravely to her bed. She slid under the covers, not even caring that she was still in her clothes and shoes, or that the lights were still on. Charlotte buried herself under the covers. Although she shook with quiet sobs, she knew this time that they weren't because she was weak.
They were because she was making herself stronger.

  Charlotte looked at herself in the mirror and took a deep breath. She couldn't help but smile excitedly. Tonight was opening night, the night everyone had been waiting for during the past weeks. Helen had been silent as Topher had driven them to the theatre that evening, but Charlotte could tell she was just as excited by the way she was clenching Charlotte's hand in her own. She gave Charlotte a nervous grin as the car stopped in front of the theatre, as if to say, "This is it."

  Even as Charlotte walked backstage to her dressing room, there had been an incredible feeling of surging energy. The stage crew prepared the set, walking and chattering comfortably. They knew that every prop was in place and the stage floor had been marked with the correct places to set them. Their preparatory work was done. Now it was the actors' jobs to tell the story.

  Seeing her name on the plate hanging from the door of her dressing room had made Charlotte realize all of a sudden that this was really happening. Tonight all of London society was going to see her perform onstage. There were going to be critics and there were going to be people who just wanted to have a good time. She hoped to please everyone. Was it even possible to please everyone?

  But as she slipped on her first costume, an extravagant piece from when Sylvia was wealthy, she felt a new confidence come over her. Mrs. Bates, the seamstress, had custom-made the red gown so that it fit tightly to her bodice and the skirt flared impressively down to her calves. She stepped into the perfectly patent leather heels and straightened the snow-white lace collar of her dress. It was all so impressive. It was all so perfect.

  "Knock, knock," came a sweet voice from the door. Charlotte looked up in surprise to see Helen's friend Lizzie at the door, with Emilie by her side. "May we come in?"

  "Lizzie!" Charlotte cried happily, hugging her. "I'm so glad you came tonight! I was wondering if you would!"

  "My new show isn't opening for a few weeks, so I absolutely had to be here for you and Helen's!" Lizzie told her. She looked beautiful in a deep green gown, her red hair falling in soft curls and shockingly red lipstick applied expertly. "I was wondering if you'd like any help with your makeup for the show? I know it's all a bit difficult when you're excited for an opening night. I've just helped Emilie and she wanted to come along."