[Goosebumps 34] - Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

by R. L. Stine

  I was right. They are alive, I thought. Very alive.

  And they’re coming for Moose and me.

  We have to run, I told myself. We have to get out of here.

  But neither of us could take our eyes off the living lawn gnomes!

  The full moon suddenly appeared low over the trees. The front lawn lit as if someone had turned on a spotlight. The stocky figures swung their short, fat arms and began to run. Their pointed hats cut through the air like sharks’ fins.

  They scrambled toward us on their stumpy legs.

  Moose and I dropped to our knees and tried to hide. My whole body was trembling so hard, I was making the bush shake!

  The gnomes ran closer. So close that I could see the dark red of their evil eyes and the white gleam of their grins.

  I clenched my fists so tightly, my hands ached.

  What were they going to do to us?

  I shut my eyes—and heard them run past. I heard thudding footsteps. Whistling breaths.

  I opened my eyes to see them racing across the cement walk and around the side of the house.

  “Moose—they didn’t see us!” I whispered happily.

  We helped each other to our feet. I felt dizzy. The dark ground tilted. My legs felt soft and rubbery like Jell-O.

  Moose wiped his sweaty brow. “Where are they going?” he whispered.

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. But we have to follow them. Come on.”

  We gave each other a quick thumbs-up and stepped out from our hiding place. I led the way. We moved across the cement walk and past the front porch. Toward the side of the house.

  I stopped when I heard their raspy voices, talking low. Just up ahead.

  Moose grabbed my shoulder, his eyes wide open in alarm. “I’m getting out of here. Now!”

  I turned around. “No!” I pleaded. “You’ve got to stay and help me catch them. We have to show our parents what’s been going on here.”

  He heaved a long sigh. It made me feel a little better to know that a big, tough guy like Moose was as frightened as I was. Finally, he nodded. “Okay. Let’s go get them.”

  Keeping in the dark shadow of the house, we made our way around to the back. I saw Buster, sound asleep beside his dog house in the center of the yard.

  And then I saw the two lawn gnomes. They were bent over the pile of paint and brushes and drop cloths the painters had left beside the garage.

  Moose and I hung back as Hap and Chip picked up two cans of black paint. They pried the cans open with their thick fingers.

  Giggling, the two gnomes swung back the open cans, then hurled the black paint at the side of my house. The black paint spattered the fresh white paint, then dripped down in long, thick streaks.

  I clapped a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming.

  I knew it. I’d know it all along. But no one would believe me. The gnomes were behind all the trouble around here.

  The gnomes returned to the pile for more paint. “We’ve got to stop them,” I whispered to Moose. “But how?”

  “Let’s just tackle them,” Moose suggested. “Tackle them from behind and pin them down.”

  It sounded simple enough. They were little, after all. Smaller than us. “Okay,” I whispered, my stomach fluttering. “Then we’ll drag them into the house and show my parents.”

  I took a deep breath and held it. Moose and I started to inch forward.

  Closer. Closer.

  If only my legs weren’t wobbling like rubber bands!

  Closer.

  And then I saw Moose go down.

  He toppled forward—and hit the ground hard, letting out a loud “Oooof!”

  It took me a second to see that he had tripped over Buster’s rope.

  He struggled to get to his feet. But the rope had tangled around his ankle.

  He reached down with both hands. Gave it a hard tug.

  And woke up Buster!

  “Rrrrrrowwwwwf! Rrrrrrowwwwwf!” Buster must have seen the gnomes because he started barking his head off.

  The gnomes spun around.

  And fixed their eyes on us. In the bright moonlight, their faces turned hard and angry.

  “Get them!” Chip growled. “Don’t let them escape!”

  20

  “Run!” I screamed.

  Moose and I bolted toward the front of the house.

  Buster was still barking his head off.

  And over the barking, I heard shrill giggles. The gnomes giggled as they chased after us.

  Their feet slapped sharply on the grass. I glanced back, saw their stubby legs moving fast, a blur of motion.

  I pumped my legs, gasping for breath, and rounded the side of the house.

  I could hear the high-pitched giggles of the two gnomes close behind us.

  “Help!” Moose cried. “Somebody—help us!”

  My mouth hung open. I struggled to breathe. They were gaining on us.

  I knew I had to run faster. But my legs suddenly felt as heavy as bricks.

  “Hellllp!” Moose called.

  I glanced at the house. Why wasn’t anyone waking up in there?

  We ran around the house and kept running.

  Why were Hap and Chip giggling like that?

  Because they knew they were going to catch us?

  I felt a stab of pain in my side. “Oh, no!” A cramp.

  I felt Moose tugging me. “Don’t slow down, Joe. Keep going!”

  The pain sharpened, like a knife in my side. “Can’t run…” I choked out.

  “Joe—keep going! Don’t stop!” Moose cried, frantically pulling my arm.

  But I doubled over, holding my side.

  It’s all over, I thought. They’ve got me.

  And then the front door swung open. The porch light flashed on.

  “What’s going on out here?” a familiar voice called.

  Mindy!

  She stepped out, pulling at the belt of her pink bathrobe. I saw her squint into the darkness.

  “Mindy!” I called. “Mindy—watch out!”

  Too late.

  The gnomes grabbed her.

  Giggling loudly, they pinned her arms back. Dragged her down the porch steps. Carried her to the street.

  21

  Mindy thrashed her arms and kicked her legs. But the giggling gnomes had surprising strength.

  “Help me!” Mindy called back to Moose and me. “Don’t just stand there—help me!”

  I swallowed hard. The pain in my side faded.

  Moose and I didn’t say a word. We just started chasing after them.

  They had already carried Mindy to the street. Their feet slapped on the pavement. In the light from the street lamp, I saw Mindy struggling to free herself.

  Moose and I hurtled down the driveway. “Put her down!” I shouted breathlessly. “Put my sister down—now!”

  More giggles. They scurried past the McCalls’ house. Past the next two houses.

  Moose and I ran after them, shouting, begging them to stop.

  And then—to our shock—they did stop.

  In the shadow of a tall hedge, they set Mindy down. And turned to us. “We mean you no harm,” Chip said.

  The gnomes’ expressions were serious now. Their eyes peered at us through the darkness.

  “I don’t believe this!” Mindy cried, straightening her robe. “This is crazy! Crazy!”

  “Tell me about it,” I muttered.

  “Please listen to us,” Hap rasped.

  “We mean you no harm,” Chip repeated.

  “No harm!” Mindy shrieked. “No harm! You just dragged me from my home! You—you—”

  “We only wanted to get your attention,” Hap said softly.

  “Well, you’ve got it!” Mindy exclaimed.

  “We mean you no harm,” Chip said once again. “Please believe us.”

  “How can we believe you?” I demanded, finally finding my voice. “Look at all the trouble you’ve caused. You’ve ruined the gardens! You splashed paint everywh
ere! You—”

  “We can’t help it,” Hap interrupted.

  “We really can’t,” Chip echoed. “You see, we’re Mischief Elves.”

  “You’re what?” Mindy cried.

  “We’re Mischief Elves. We do mischief. That’s our mission in life,” Hap explained.

  “Wherever there is mischief in the world, we’re there,” Chip added. “Mischief is our job. We can’t help ourselves.”

  He bent down and broke off a chunk of the concrete curb. Then he pulled open the mailbox across from us and shoved the piece of concrete inside.

  “See? I can’t help myself. I have to do mischief wherever I go.”

  Hap giggled. “Without us, the world would be a pretty dull place—wouldn’t it?”

  “It would be a much better place,” Mindy insisted, crossing her arms in front of her.

  Moose still hadn’t said a word. He just stood and stared at the two talking lawn gnomes.

  Hap and Chip made pouty faces. “Please don’t hurt our feelings,” Chip rasped. “Our life isn’t easy.”

  “We need your help,” Hap added.

  “You want us to help you do mischief?” I cried. “No way! You’ve already gotten me into major trouble.”

  “No. We need you to help get us our freedom,” Chip said solemnly. “Please—listen and believe.”

  “Listen and believe,” Hap echoed.

  “We lived in a land far from here,” Chip began. “In a forest deep and green. We guarded the mines and protected the trees. We performed our mischief innocently. But we also did a lot of good.”

  “We were hard-working people,” Hap told us, scratching his head. “And we were happy in our forest home.”

  “But then the mines were closed and the forests were cut down,” Chip continued. “We were captured. Kidnapped. And taken far from home. We were shipped to your country and forced to work as lawn ornaments.”

  “Slaves,” Hap said, shaking his head sadly. “Forced to stand all day and night.”

  “That’s impossible!” Mindy cried. “Don’t you get bored? How do you stand so still?”

  “We go into a trance,” Chip explained. “Time passes without our realizing it. We come out of the trance at night and go about doing our job.”

  “You mean mischief!” I declared.

  They both nodded.

  “But we want to be free,” Hap continued. “To go where we want. To live where we choose. We want to find another forest where we can live in freedom.” Two tiny gnome tears rolled down his fat cheeks.

  Chip sighed and raised his eyes to me. “Will you help us?”

  “Help you do what?” I demanded.

  “Help our friends and us escape?” Chip replied.

  “There are six others,” Hap explained. “They’re locked in the basement. At the store where you bought us. We need your help to set them free.”

  “We can climb into the basement window,” his friend continued. “But we are too short to climb back out. And too short to reach the doorknob to let ourselves out through the door.”

  “Will you help us escape?” Hap pleaded, tugging the bottom of my T-shirt. “You just have to climb down into the basement. Then help our six friends out the basement door.”

  “Please help us,” Chip begged, tears in his eyes. “Then we’ll be gone. To a deep forest. And we will never cause you any more mischief.”

  “That sounds good to me!” Mindy exclaimed.

  “So you’ll do it?” Hap squealed.

  They both began tugging at us, chirping, “Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?”

  Moose, Mindy, and I exchanged troubled glances.

  What should we do?

  22

  “Please? Please? Please? Please?”

  “Let’s help them,” Moose said, finally finding his voice.

  I turned to Mindy. I didn’t usually ask her advice. But she was the oldest. “What do you think?”

  Mindy bit her lower lip. “Well, look how much Buster hates to be tied up,” she said. “He only wants to be free. I guess everything deserves to be free. Even lawn gnomes.”

  I turned back to the gnomes. “We’ll do it!” I declared. “We’ll help you.”

  “Thank you! Thank you!” Chip cried happily. He threw his arms around Hap. “You don’t know what this means to us!”

  “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Hap squealed. He leaped into the air and clicked the heels of his boots together. “Hurry! Let’s go!”

  “Now?” Mindy cried. “It’s the middle of the night! Can’t we wait until tomorrow?”

  “No. Please. Now,” Hap insisted.

  “In the darkness,” Chip added. “While the store is closed. Please. Let’s hurry.”

  “I’m not dressed,” Mindy replied. “I really don’t think we can go now. I think—”

  “If we stay here longer, we’ll have to do more mischief,” Chip said with a wink.

  I sure didn’t want that to happen. “Let’s do it now!” I agreed.

  And so the five of us crept along the dark street and up the steep hill toward Lawn Lovely. Wow, did I feel weird! Here we were, walking around in the middle of the night with a couple of lawn ornaments! About to break into the store and set six more lawn ornaments free!

  The old pink house was a strange enough place during the day. But at night, it was totally creepy. All those lawn animals—deer and seals and flamingos—stared at us through the darkness, with blank, lifeless eyes.

  Were they alive, too? I wondered.

  Hap seemed to read my mind. “They’re only for decoration,” he sneered. “Nothing more.”

  The two excited gnomes made their way quickly across the wide lawn and around the side of Mrs. Anderson’s house. Moose, Mindy, and I followed behind.

  Mindy clutched my arm with an ice-cold hand. My legs still felt wobbly. But my heart was pounding with excitement—not fear.

  Hap and Chip pointed to the long, low window that led down to the basement. I knelt down and peered inside. Total darkness.

  “You’re sure the other gnomes are down there?” I asked.

  “Oh, yes,” Chip declared eagerly. “All six. They’re waiting for you to rescue them.”

  “Please hurry,” Hap pleaded, shoving me gently to the window. “Before the old woman hears us and wakes up.”

  I lowered myself to the edge of the open window. And turned back to my sister and Moose.

  “We’re coming right behind you,” Moose whispered.

  “Let’s rescue them and get out of here,” Mindy urged.

  “Here goes,” I said softly.

  I crossed my fingers and slid down into the darkness.

  23

  I bumped over the window frame and landed on my feet. A few seconds later, I heard Moose and Mindy slide in after me.

  I squinted into the blackness that surrounded us. I couldn’t see a thing. I licked my dry lips and sniffed the air. A sharp smell, like vinegar, filled the hot, damp basement. Sweat, I thought. Gnome sweat.

  I heard a low giggle from outside. Chip and Hap hurtled over the window ledge and thudded to the floor.

  “Hey, guys—” I whispered.

  But they scampered off into the darkness.

  “What’s going on here?” Moose demanded.

  “We’ve got to find the light switch,” Mindy whispered.

  But before we could move, the ceiling lights all flashed on. I blinked in the sudden blaze of brightness.

  And then gasped as I stared across the vast basement—at a sea of lawn gnomes!

  Not six! Six hundred! Row after row of them, jammed against each other, staring at the three of us.

  “Whoa!” Moose cried. “It’s a mob!”

  “Hap and Chip lied to us!” I cried.

  Their shirts were different colors. But the lawn gnomes all looked exactly alike. They all wore pointed caps and black belts. They all had staring red eyes, wide noses, grinning lips, and large pointy ears.

  I was so startled to
see so many of the ugly creatures, it took me a while to spot Hap and Chip. Finally, I saw them at the side of the room.

  Hap clapped his hands three times.

  And three more times. Short, sharp claps that echoed off the basement walls.

  And then the crowd of gnomes came to life, stretching and bending, grinning and giggling, chattering in shrill, excited voices.

  Mindy grabbed my arm. “We’ve got to get out of here.”

  I could barely hear her over the chattering, giggling mob of gnomes. I glanced up at the basement window. It suddenly seemed so high, so far away.

  When I turned back, Hap and Chip had moved in front of us. They clapped their hands for attention.

  The hundreds of gnomes instantly fell silent.

  “We have brought the young humans!” Hap announced, grinning happily.

  “We have kept our promise!” Chip declared.

  Giggles and cheering.

  And then, to my horror, the gnomes began moving forward. Their eyes flashed excitedly. They reached out their stubby arms toward us. The pointed hats bobbed and slid forward, like sharks on the attack.

  Mindy, Moose, and I backed up. Backed up to the wall.

  The gnomes crowded up against us. Their little hands plucked at my clothes, slapped my face, pulled my hair.

  “Stop!” I shrieked. “Get back! Get back!”

  “We came to help you!” I heard Mindy scream. “Please—we came to help you escape!”

  Loud giggling.

  “But we don’t want to escape!” a grinning gnome declared. “Now that you’re here, it’s going to be so much fun!”

  24

  Fun?

  What did he mean by fun?

  Hap and Chip pushed their way back to the front and stepped up beside us. They clapped their hands together to silence the giggling, chattering crowd.

  The basement instantly turned silent.

  “You tricked us!” Mindy screamed at the two gnomes. “You lied to us!”

  They giggled in reply and slapped each other’s shoulders gleefully.

  “I can’t believe you fell for our sad story,” Hap said, shaking his head.

  “We told you we’re Mischief Gnomes,” Chip sneered. “You should have known we were playing mischief!”