by Vi Carter
Gardaí Manning checks the wardrobe, the bathroom before taking a final look around the bedroom. He doesn’t speak, just nods as he leaves the room. Something is off.
“The cameras in the room. What are they for?”
I grin at his hawk eye. “It’s for the guest request to watch themselves at a later date.”
“Do you have the tapes from the last twenty-four hours?” We are now back at the library and I stuff my hands into my pockets.
“No. We only record when someone requests it.”
“So the cameras are off now?”
I knew they were on. He knew they were on. “Yes. Now I really must get back to work.”
He isn’t happy, and something in his eye tells me he isn’t letting this go. “Okay. Thank you for taking the time.” He reaches out his hand and I take it. He doesn’t let me go. “If I find out that any of this is true, I’ll take it all down.” He releases my hand and steps away. I watch him until he disappears around the bend of the hallway. I didn’t take kindly to threats. Especially from someone beneath my pay grade.
I return to Cara’s room and remove all the camera’s. No doubt when they find her she will spill everything that was done here. I needed to get rid of all the footage that ties her to this place. I had kept so much. Each visit she made. I had a file on her, close-ups of her face. Maybe Linda was right. I had become obsessed with her. With having her. Owning her. I didn’t think when I touched her that she would become so alive, I didn’t think it would jumpstart me either. She made me feel things that I haven’t felt in a long time.
Opening her wardrobe, I start to remove all the clothes. I needed to remove her from this house. I just didn’t think I could remove her from my mind.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
HER
The banging at the front door is persistent. I pull myself out of the bath and wrap my fluffy dressing gown around me. Whoever is at the door keeps knocking as I half run down the stairs. Turning on the lights, I open the door. It’s a Gardaí. He removes his hat. It’s something they do when they are delivering bad news. It must be about my dad.
“Come in.” I open the door fully and he steps in. “You can go into the kitchen. I’ll just be a moment.”
“Take your time,” he says with a nod before going into the kitchen. I race up the stairs and get into a pair of black pajamas. I don’t bother brushing my hair, I wanted to get this part done and over with. I also had realized that I hadn’t even asked Linda how he died. Guilt swirls in my stomach as I skip down the stairs.
“Can I get you a tea or coffee?” I ask, folding my arms across my chest.
“No, this won’t take long, Cara.”
I don’t sit down but lean against the counter. The Gardaí is seated, but he moves his chair so he’s facing me.
“We got a complaint that you were being held captive in Slane castle.”
I cough as the saliva catches in the back of my throat. Someone reported it. “Who made the complaint?” I ask, and the Gardaí tilts his head.
“That’s an odd question to ask Cara, but that information is confidential. So, is it true?”
My eyes burn and my throat closes in on me. “No,” I whisper.
“You seem upset.” He’s standing now.
“My father just died so…”
“Where have you been the last week?” he asks, and his tone snaps me out of my upset.
“What?”
“Your father died four days ago.”
“And I can’t be upset about it now?” I unfold my arms and look at his badge. “Gardaí Manning, I’m tired. I’d like you to leave.”
“You can be upset, Cara. It’s just I called here each day and no one was at home. That’s why when I got the complaint about you being held captive, it made sense. What daughter wouldn’t be here when her father died?”
“How did he die?” Tears trickle down my face.
Gardaí Manning puts his hat back on. “He drowned.”
My heart stills as I can only imagine him fighting for air.
“He was drunk and fell into the Boyne.”
I look away from Gardaí Manning.
“I’m sorry for your loss, Cara.”
I swallow the grief that I’m feeling for the first time as the Gardaí lets himself out.
I always knew the drink would take him, I just never thought it would be him falling into the Boyne River. I thought he would just go to bed drunk and his body wouldn’t allow him to get back up.
I wipe the tears from my cheeks and straighten the chair that the Gardaí had been sitting on. Switching off the lights, I check the door again and go upstairs. My room looks like a little girl’s room. I lie on my single bed and stare at the ceiling. The castle is like a dream. Gerald is like a dream, but also a nightmare. I can’t decide which. Turning in the bed, I face the wall and crave my large double bed. I crave the smell. I’m back in the castle, but each creak pulls me awake. The house seems noisier than I remember.
My eyes snap open. This noise is different. My heart picks up and starts to race.
“Gerald?” I whisper, feeling silly.
“Yes.”
I’m sitting up straight in the bed and I wish I had a lamp. His outline I can see. “What are you doing here?” My words sound breathless like I’ve been running. “How did you get into my house?”
Gerald brings the same emotions to the surface as he always does, fear mixed with excitement.
“I don’t know why I’m here.” His words are low.
My stomach drops. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting for him to say, that he missed me or he wanted to make sure I was okay after Carl.
“You sent me into those rooms.” I can’t stop the hurt that snakes its way around my words.
He hasn’t moved and he doesn’t respond. I tighten my hold on the quilt. “What do you want?” My heart pounds as I say the words.
He moves and I shuffle back until I hit the headboard.
“I just needed to see you.”
His words secretly make me feel ten feet tall, but I don’t allow him to see it. “Fine. You see me. Now leave.”
He steps right up to my bed and sits on the edge. My heart pounds wildly.
“I didn’t send you into those rooms, Cara. Linda did.”
“But she said you agreed.” I’m staring at him and I have no idea what I’m really feeling.
“She lied.”
How could I possibly know that? He could be lying. Yet, he had never lied to me, or maybe he had.
His hand moves and rests on my leg. The quilt is dividing us, but the heat finds its way through the material and all the way to my skin where I feel it burn. With his other hand Gerald drags the blanket down slowly and I release it from its death grip.
I hold my breath as he takes my face in his hands. I have a choice now, I can stop this. This is my home. I could scream, run, ring the Gardaí. When his lips touch mine all thoughts of leaving scatter as I grip his wide shoulders and pull him into me, deepening the kiss. I’ve never felt hungry for someone before, but this hunger with Gerald feels like it’s consuming me. His hands slip under my pajama’s top. I don’t have a bra on, his hand takes my breast easily, my nipples have hardened. I open the buttons and pull it off while breaking the kiss.
“Take off your clothes,” I say, and he stands up and strips. When he returns, my hands roam warm flesh that shifts and flexes under my touch. The single bed is awkward, but I get off and make him sit on the edge. Kicking out of my bottoms, I stand naked before him as I run my hands through his hair. In the safety of the darkness, I speak honestly.
“I want you.” I move closer but Gerald stops me.
My heart bounces around my chest and I want to take my words back. I don’t want this to stop.
“I want you too Cara.” He pulls me forward until I’m straddling him. His words fill me with a power that is transforming me. Reaching back, I direct his shaft into me and slowly move down until I take all of him. The sense
of being stretched feels good. Gerald’s hands burn my hips as he holds me and moves me up and down on his cock. I hold on to his wide shoulders as I move slowly, enjoying each stroke. My mind wanders to the dark part where I wonder when he gets sick of me and leaves. I’ll be nothing, a shell. I move quicker, outrunning those thoughts. Bending my head, I touch my lips against Gerald’s before flicking out my tongue and licking his lips. He grips my ass as he stands while still holding me in position, before turning and lying me on the bed. He thrusts hard and fast and I want to slow down. I want to savor this moment, but his frantic pace has me spreading my legs further for him, giving him as much access to me as possible. I’m pulling him closer, the want to have him has me digging my nails into him, trying to join us as he pounds into me. My tongue fills his mouth and I groan when his enters mine. His pace slows and I’m not ready to slow down. I’m pulling at his back, digging my nails in.
“More. I need more,” I say through kisses.
His lips leave mine as he pulls out before slamming himself back into me. The motion gets quicker. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh has my nipples rock hard, Gerald bends his head and takes one in his mouth, but it slows his movements.
“No. Just fuck me,” I say and he leans out and returns to his hard and heavy thrusts. I touch my own breasts and groan as the pain of squeezing my nipples has me wanting more pain.
“Harder,” I demand. My headboard slams against the wall at each thrust and I don’t hold back but moan and shout out my pleasure. Gerald’s moans make mine louder and I’m riding so high that I don’t want to come down. He pushes deeper, his hands pulling my hips closer to him. I squeeze my nipples harder and cry out.
“I’m going to come.” Gerald’s declaration has me focusing on him as he rushes to the finish line, and I spill my juices all over his cock that jerks and releases its seed inside me. This time, the moment I come down my body aches everywhere. But it’s a good ache. He pulls out of me slowly but still remains between my legs.
“You’re perfect.”
I’m smiling at his words. I’m not sure he can see me in the darkness. I can make out his outline, but that’s it.
“Can I see you?” I ask and he moves quickly. I sit up and pull the blanket around my naked body. My heart sinks as he starts to get dressed.
“What are you so afraid of?” He doesn’t answer. I am starting to see a pattern with him. He leaves when something doesn’t suit him.
“Okay, you’re going to run now, but I can’t keep doing this. I don’t care what you look like. I like you.” The confession has my stomach tightening.
It also has him pausing. He has his trousers back on and he is ready to zip them up. He resumes getting dressed. Pulling a black t-shirt over his head, he pulls on his shoes.
“If you leave here, don’t ever come back.” My throat and eyes burn. There is another pause and I’m praying for him to speak. He can say anything at this stage and I would listen, but he doesn’t and I want to tell him it’s okay, come back. But some part of me that still has respect for itself keeps me quiet as he leaves my room. I listen through the blood pumping in my ears to the closing of the front door. I sob into my quilt and once again I’m left wondering what is wrong with me.
***
I don’t sleep much and no matter how much coffee I drink, it doesn’t wake me up. I got a phone call this morning from Des, our local funeral director. My father will be cremated today. They had arranged it since I hadn’t. He offered to change things, but I was happy to go ahead with it. Dressed in a black dress, I refill my coffee for the sixth time. The house is so quiet. Not that my dad was around much, but for the first time I’m aware of the silence. I was getting used to the music of the club, the chatter with the girls. The silence of the house at this time felt unnatural. I take the black shawl and my bag from the counter. I need to leave now or I’ll miss my father’s funeral. The ring of the front door has my heart pounding and I walk to it slowly.
The possibility that it could be Gerald has me tensing.
“Hi.”
Disappointment courses through me, but I try to reel it in. “Hi.” I want to ask Candy what she is doing here.
“I thought you might need a friend today.” I notice she’s dressed in black too, seeing her fully clothed is so different from her half-naked self.
“How did you know?” I step out onto the porch and pull the door closed behind me.
“Gerald told me.”
The mention of his name has me snapping my attention to Candy. She grins at my reaction.
“Are you guys together?”
My face burns. “No. Not at all.”
Her laughter tells me I’m not so convincing. It dies down as I stare out onto the front lawn. Who was going to cut it now? It was the one job he actually did.
“Do you want me to come with you? Or maybe you have someone else?” Candy glances behind me like someone else might step out of the house.
“I’d really love it if you came.”
Candy drives to the funeral home, which is only five minutes away. I had intended to walk. Once we arrive, Des is there to greet us. It’s sad that only three other people are here. Three faces that I know. Three alcoholics. At least they came. They each approach me and shake my hand. The last one, I can’t remember his name, is drunk right now.
“I’m so sorry.” His loud words comfort me. They take the sting out of this situation.
“I’m sorry for your loss too. I think he spent more time with you than me,” I answer honestly as my vision blurs. Candy’s arm wraps around my shoulders as Des moves out onto the floor.
“Anything you want to say?” He asks me and I have nothing to say, so I shake my head and sit down with Candy. The local priest, whose name I can’t remember because I don’t go to church, starts the prayers.
My mind won’t stay in the present. I hate that I can’t think of anything happy or positive. My father never put his hands on me, but I was always minding him. Putting him to bed. Cleaning up after him. The bills were my responsibility. I never really had friends, I was always too embarrassed to bring them back to my home. It was clean, but mostly bare. So I learned to keep to myself, and I found friends between the pages of books.
Candy’s hand fills mine and I realize I’m crying. I squeeze her hand back in thanks. Maybe that’s why I clung to Gerald. He was my first of many things. I cry harder and when one of dad’s drunken friends sits beside me to comfort me, I can’t stop the laughter. If they knew I was crying for me and not him, they would think I’m a monster.
“Let it all out,” Candy’s encouragement has me sobering up.
“I’m okay,” I tell both Candy and dad’s friend who’s now sitting beside me. The priest had fallen silent while I broke down and I look up at him now to let him know to continue. He gives me a look of pity before he continues. I was most certainly looking like the grieving daughter.
Curtains behind the priests move back and dad’s coffin is there. We stand as it goes up in flames. I watch it until the curtains pull back into place.
“Let's go have a drink for our friend.” Dad’s friends all band together. I wonder if they even knew that he drowned because he was so drunk.
“Would you like to join us?” The one that had sat beside me asks. I give his arm a squeeze. The tweed material of his mustard jacket is harsh on my palm.
“I’m good. But have one for me.”
He laughs. “That I can do.”
They leave and Candy links her arm with mine but doesn’t say anything about the empty funeral home or the three drunk men. I feel I owe her an explanation.
“My dad was an alcoholic,” I say
“I know sweetie and I’m sorry.”
I glance at Candy, wondering how she could know that. “I saw him at the club and he had that look.”
We leave the funeral home. “How did you know he was my dad?” I ask. As we step outside into the fresh air, a drink didn’t sound so bad now.
&nbs
p; “He stood out.”
Now I stop and look at Candy. “What do you mean?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. He wasn’t like our normal clientele. He just sat at the bar and drank himself silly.”
“He never went out into the back rooms?”
“No.”
I don’t think Candy could ever understand the relief I was feeling. I pull her into a tight hug.
“Thank you for telling me,” I say.
She smiles. “No problem. How about a coffee?”
“That sounds great.”
We go into the local hotel for a coffee. There is only one other coffee shop and it’s already full. The hotel is quiet enough as we sit down and order our drinks.
“How are you holding up?”
I thank the waitress as she lays out our coffees before answering Candy. “I’m okay, I think.” I can’t tell her how I really feel. She would think I am weird.
“Any word on Wendy?” I ask instead, and I can see relief in Candy’s eyes at the change in topic. Death is an uncomfortable topic for most, so I am glad to change it. I am also very grateful that Candy is here for me.
“She’s doing good. I heard she’s in rehab and getting better. Me and B are going to visit her next week if you want to come.”
“Yes. I’d love that. Not love it.” I shake my head. “I just mean I’ll go with you guys.” I had friends for the first time. Friends who invited me to things. It might be a rehab, but I didn’t care.
“So there was a huge shakedown at the club.” Candy smirks. “Linda got fired.”
The blood drains from me. “Why?”
“Nobody really knows. But the biggest thing was that Linda isn’t the owner. We all had been told she was, but it’s come out that Gerald owns everything. Which is crazy because he’s always just been the security.”
“Wow. He seems to like hiding his identity. I wonder why?”
“I’m not sure why. Maybe because it’s a strip club and women are more trusting of women.”
“Yeah maybe.” I don’t believe that. I don’t know what to believe, but the fact I never saw Gerald, and now he is hiding who he actually is, makes me even more suspicious than ever. We chat for a while longer. After two more coffees, I’m all coffeed out and am ready to go home. Lying down and just sleeping seems like a good idea since I didn’t sleep much last night.
