Major Crimes

by Michele Lynn Seigfried

  The front door crashed open. Six youngsters bounded into the kitchen. Chaos broke out. Shouts of, “Hi, Poppy. We’re hungry!” coupled with arguing, screaming, stomping, grabbing, pushing, pulling. I would’ve run for my life if I could’ve gotten out of the room, but I was blocked in. There was no more wondering where all the toys came from. There was no more wondering who Linda and the kids were either. Certainly not another set of fugitives like Chelsey and me. Just one big, happy family. Or a chaotic one, at minimum.

  * * *

  Chelsey and I ate in silence—it was like being at a rock concert, but without the music. Screaming over the crowd and losing my voice wasn’t something I felt like doing. With all the whining, complaining, and chatter of six children, I made the decision to buy the mammoth-sized box of Trojans. Not that I had been getting any as of late—but I wasn’t about to take my chances. And if I was ever lucky enough to marry the girl of my dreams, I was fine with one or two little ones. Possibly three. But under no circumstances six. Three was even pushing it after seeing this crowd in action.

  The youngest of the bunch scooped up a few pieces of pasta. Instead of shoveling them into his mouth, he used his spoon as a slingshot and flung its contents across the table at his older brother. He wasn’t a bad shot. Chelsey was showered with tomato sauce. I couldn’t help but laugh. She gave me the evil eye as she wiped an orange blob off her face.

  Frank jumped up from his seat, ripped the spoon from the little one’s hand and screamed, “Go get on time out!” I was fairly sure the house shook when his voice thundered the command.

  The little one wailed, rubbing both eyes, and hustled to a corner of the room, where he stuck his nose. No one else stopped talking during the incident. Studying Chelsey, I wondered if there would be a day where we were sitting at a table, eating pasta, with a gaggle of our own kids. Was she the one?

  Geri and Linda talked over the children. They extended a few pleasantries our way and asked a few questions—how we liked the food, how far we traveled to get there, and what we did for a living. Since they seemed genuine about not knowing who we were, I figured they neither subscribed to a newspaper nor watched the news.

  “How long have you two been together?” Geri asked out of the blue. I almost choked on my rigatoni.

  Chelsey was quick to answer. “We’re not.” A little too quick!

  I knew she had a boyfriend months ago, but I didn’t get the impression it would last. She certainly hadn’t mentioned the boyfriend to me and hadn’t seemed worried about checking in with anyone besides her daughter, so I believed they were no longer together. But this was certainly an opportunity to find out.

  “Chelsey has a boyfriend.”

  “Really? You two seem so…oh, I don’t know, what’s the word I’m searching for…?” Perfect together?

  Geri glanced up at the ceiling, searching for the right words. “Oh, I don’t know…infatuated with each other? You give each other those sideways glances…like you’re in bed together.”

  It was Chelsey’s turn to choke on her rigatoni. Chelsey did, in fact, give me a sideways glance—but not in a loving way. She didn’t correct me about having a boyfriend, so I must’ve been wrong about her not having one. My instincts were usually dead-on. But not with Chelsey. I couldn’t read her as well as I could read others. My fondness for her clouded my judgment.

  Chelsey finished chewing. “Just to be clear—we aren’t sleeping together.”

  Geri shrugged as if she hadn’t believed Chelsey and asked us if we wanted more to eat. After three attempts at piling more helpings of pasta on our plates, Geri yelled out to Frank over the commotion, “Frank! The chicken! You’re going to burn it!”

  Frank stood up from his seat, went to the oven, and pulled out a tray of chicken parmigiana fit for the midnight grand buffet on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship—the biggest of the fleet.

  Leaning over, I whispered in Chelsey’s ear. “Perdue called. They want their chickens back.”

  Rather than laughing, Chelsey looked panicked. I was sure she didn’t want to eat any more, but to refuse food in an Italian house would’ve been an insult of epic proportions.

  “I thought the pasta was the main course,” Chelsey said to no one in particular.

  Geri looked at her like she had three heads. “Oh no, honey. Did you think we would send you away hungry?”

  “No one goes hungry in my house!” Frank puffed up his chest. He was certainly proud of his food.

  When I finished eating, I discretely unbuttoned my jeans. I couldn’t breathe. I never ate so much in my life.

  Geri and Linda cleared the kitchen table and brought out the dessert buffet. Cookies, brownies, cake, donuts, and ice cream. Though my food was about to burst out through my bellybutton, they weren’t taking no for an answer.

  Chelsey’s skin tone almost matched her green eyes. She excused herself to go to the bathroom.

  Frank motioned at me with his monstrous hands. “C’mere Bryce. I want to show you something.”

  Saved by Frank from death by gluttony, I nodded and followed him out of the garage door. The garage was stockpiled with enough gear to survive a nuclear attack. First aid kits, blankets, tents, cases of water, rope and ammunition. Lots of ammunition. There were also three toilet seats. Pink, black, and powder blue. I stifled a laugh as I wondered what the colorful array was for. I guessed that one could never have enough seats to sit their ass on and wipe.

  Frank opened another door. One that was painted black. He led me down a dark staircase. The stairs, walls, and ceiling were also painted black. I knew which room the black toilet seat must’ve come from.

  Frank flicked on a switch at the bottom of the stairs, which lit the room up like fireworks.

  I stepped into the cellar. “Whoa.”

  “I know, right? I amaze myself sometimes.” Frank held his head high, proud of his high-tech jungle.

  The integrated surveillance system in Frank’s basement put the county government where I worked to shame. Not only couldn’t the government afford such a system, they were typically stuck with the low bidder on the equipment we did have, and let’s just say that sometimes, you get what you pay for.

  I pointed to a bank of television monitors. “CCTV?”

  “Not only is this the most powerful closed-circuit system out there, it can tap into any public camera in the tri-state area.”

  “How about a residential camera?”

  “Depends. Sometimes those aren’t hooked to Wi-Fi. If they are, then the probability is good. I created my own computer program that can solve a password protection issue.”

  “Did you say you were in the service?”

  “Semper Fi.”

  “Does the military have a setup like this?”

  “Better than this.”

  “I’m jealous.” I’ve played the role of undercover cop. I’ve listened to countless hours of wiretaps. I’ve lost many a night’s sleep on surveillance detail. If I had a quarter of the equipment I was looking at, I’d be much better at my job. Antiquated wasn’t quite the right word to describe my agency’s equipment. From the Roman Empire was more on target.

  Glancing to my right, I located the case of hunting rifles Frank referred to earlier in the evening. Those matched my agency’s equipment, circa nineteen forty-four. I hoped we didn’t need to break those out of their case. They’d probably backfire. Given the amount of ammunition in the garage, there had to be another stockpile of guns around. And given the equipment in the basement, I refused to believe there weren’t state-of-the-art weapons lurking nearby.

  Chapter 11

  Chelsey

  I wasn’t one to binge and purge, but I was so uncomfortable after eating more than I ever should have. Two fingers down the throat was a necessary discomfort to relieve the pain I was feeling.

  My butt found the floor after praying to the porcelain gods. I stared at the pink tiles, reminiscent of a sad seventies décor. Why am I here? I wondered if going home alone would s
ubject me to questioning so uncomfortable that I’d spill my guts to police investigators. Unlike how I’d just spilled my guts, I’d be putting Bryce in danger if I couldn’t keep up a realistic façade.

  I also wondered if the police would go to my parents’ house looking for me or if I could sleep there for a few days. I reached for the prepaid phone and saw a text message from Freddy with Randy’s cell phone number. With all the hubbub at dinner, I must not have heard it beep.

  Through a text message, I told Randy I had a new phone number. I typed looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow as a reminder that he was supposed to call me daily with updates on Mandy. Knowing Randy, he’d conveniently forget.

  A tear trickled down my cheek. I missed Mandy so much. Standing up, I splashed my face with cold water, dried off, and reentered the Land of Plenty before I had a complete meltdown.

  When I got to the kitchen, Bryce was nowhere in sight. The kids were filling their mouths with chocolate delights and no one seemed to notice how long I’d been missing. Perhaps long bathroom visits were common in homes where one was forced to eat like a blue whale.

  “Let me make up the spare room, honey.” Geri was kind in her own unique way. She led me to a bedroom in the back right corner of the ranch. It was decorated in neutral colors, had a double-sized bed that took up most of the room, and a television.

  “The sheets are clean, I put them on today. I left a towel and washcloth for you as well.”

  I nodded. “Thanks for your hospitality.”

  “No problem. No problem at all.”

  Linda’s voice bellowed, “We’re leaving!”

  Geri hurried out of the room to say goodbye to her grandchildren. She sent each home with a treat, as if they needed more food after the smorgasbord.

  Once I found myself alone, I called my parents to ask if they would go to my house and get Snickers. I told them that Freddy had a top secret, undercover assignment out of town for me. I reassured them that all was fine and that Freddy had everything under control. I gave them the new cell number and asked them not to give it out to anyone, especially the police.

  In an effort to change the subject before they asked any questions, I told them how Randy begged me to keep Mandy for a few more days.

  “It’s not a bad thing that Randy wants to get to know his daughter.”

  “Mom!”

  “I know, I know, you don’t agree with me. But you know, Chelsey, you aren’t getting any younger, there’s no man in your life, and Mandy needs a father figure.”

  “There is a man in my life. I’m dating Kris!”

  “What are you doing? Dating a ghost? Honestly, Chelsey. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I’m your mother and I don’t want to see you hurt. He certainly seems like a nice enough guy, but I would’ve thought you’d want more.”

  I did want more, but as my mother would say in one of her favorite clichés, beggars couldn’t be choosers. “He just works a lot, he’s an entrepreneur.”

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  I sensed it was time to hang up. “So you’ll go get the dog for me?”

  “I’ll send your father over there now.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Just come get him when you’re back home.”

  My mother baffled me. She didn’t seem concerned that I was working “undercover,” that I didn’t have my own phone, that I wouldn’t be home for days, or that the police may come looking for me. Yet she was worried about whether or not I was allowing Randy into Mandy’s life. I totally disagreed with her, if you couldn’t tell. I guessed they hadn’t seen me on television, which was a relief.

  The time on the phone showed nine at night. I was bushed from an early start. I lay down on the bed and fell fast asleep with the light still on.

  * * *

  The cell phone chirped at six in the morning. I answered with a yawn.

  “Mommy!”

  “Mandy! I miss you so much!”

  “Me too, Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.”

  “Yes, sweetie?”

  “You want to come to New Ork wit me?”

  “Oh, sweetie, I’d love to, but I really can’t.”

  “Puh-lese?” Mandy knew how to pull at the heartstrings.

  Randy grabbed the phone. “Why don’t you take off from work and come to New York for the day? Mandy misses you. My parents said they would love to see you again.”

  “Your parents would love to see me?” His parents, who never seemed to like me…yeah, they missed me, all right.

  “Yes, they want to see you.”

  “Why? They didn’t like me before, why do they want to see me now? They haven’t come to see Mandy in three years. I guess the apple didn’t fall far from that tree.”

  “Now Chelsey, c’mon. I’m trying here. I know I made some mistakes, but I am trying. Come on up to New York, just for the day. We’ll do something fun.”

  “Can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’m not home. I’m working.”

  “Call out sick. Where are you?”

  “Hamilton.”

  “Perfect. There’s a train station there. Hop on a train. We’ll pick you up in Penn Station. We’ll meet you at the Krispy Kreme.”

  “Thanks Randy, but I can’t. I’ll see you both on Sunday.”

  “Maybe next time.”

  We disconnected and I called Freddy.

  “It’s a little early in the morning, Chelsey, isn’t it?”

  “Who are you kidding, Freddy? If only I didn’t know you so well…I bet that you didn’t sleep all night thinking about this case with Bryce.”

  “I didn’t.”

  I filled Freddy in on all the facts that I hadn’t mentioned the last time we spoke. I gave him my list of suspects, thanked him for finding Randy’s phone number, and told him I appreciated him sending us to Frank’s house.

  “I put every investigator I have on this. I’ve ordered a copy of Archie’s autopsy report and I began creating my own list of suspects.”

  “Who’s on your list?” I was curious to see if Freddy agreed with my theory, Bryce’s theory, or had his own.

  “I’m liking these Drew and Solar characters as suspects. They both had opportunity. But it’s really too early for me to tell.”

  I told him about our encounter with Drew the previous day.

  “Well then, you can thank your buddy, Drew, for ending up on the most wanted list.”

  “What? Me or Bryce?”

  “Both of you.”

  “Oh brother.”

  “You need to watch your step. I have a few contacts at the local PD. I’ll talk to them. Tell them you’re working for me and that you’re investigating the case. I’ll tell them you were following my instructions to tail Bryce without engaging and that he took you by surprise, so you went along trying to convince him to turn himself in. I’ll apologize for not contacting them to report Bryce’s whereabouts. I’ll tell them we’ve lost contact to buy us more time and to get you off the hook.”

  “Thanks. I owe you.”

  “You don’t owe me. But your buddy Bryce will. This is going to be a big payday for me. Even bigger if I solve this one.”

  Freddy was fair and reasonable with his prices, but this case was going to take countless man-hours. I wasn’t sure how Bryce would pay. Especially since he was probably unemployed. I sighed. Maybe this case would make Freddy famous and send him such a windfall of cases that he would agree to work pro bono.

  “What can I do from my end?”

  “Find out more about Drew for me. Also, go to the nightclub, interview witnesses there.”

  “Will do. Anything else?”

  “Yeah. Keep yourself out of trouble. Don’t be seen with Bryce. It will negate everything I tell the police today.”

  “Gotcha. Thanks, Freddy.”

  “Ten-four.”

  I quickly dressed, not bothering with a shower, then tiptoed out of the house. A car or a ride would’ve been helpful. I walked two blocks to a
shopping center and found a deli that was open. Once inside, I ordered a mocha latte and an egg on an English muffin.

  I sat in a booth and dialed Bonnie.

  “It’s six-thirty in the morning, this had better be good!”

  “I know you’re up and getting ready for work.”

  “Why are you calling so early and where are you? Are you on my boat?”

  “No, your Uncle Freddy sent us to his brother’s house.”

  “Ah, Uncle Frankie and Aunt Geri. They are characters. Did they feed you well?”

  “Geez, Bonnie. They serve more food than you. I didn’t think that was possible.”

  “I know, they are ridiculous.” Bonnie was ridiculous with the food too. It was nearly a tie.

  “I need a favor. I need a ride.”

  “A ride? How did you get there?”

  “Bryce drove, but I left the house without him knowing. Freddy wants me to investigate some leads, so I can’t stay at Geri’s and Frank’s house. Bryce would’ve wanted to go with me, and I can’t let him do that. Freddy said I can’t be seen with him. The cops already have me nailed as an accomplice. Freddy’s making some calls to fix that, but…”

  “Hey, I tried to tell you to remove yourself from that situation. But you didn’t listen. At least Uncle Freddy talked some sense into you.”

  I hung my head low. Bonnie was right. I didn’t listen. I never listened. And what did it get me? Stuck an hour away without a ride. “Hey, what do you know about Drew Pavlica?”

  “He’s the municipal clerk in Garfield. He was at Archie’s retirement party…what about him? You don’t suspect him do you?”

  “Don’t know, Freddy asked me to find out more about him.”

  “I don’t know him all that well. I know he likes baseball. At the last clerk’s conference in Chicago, a bunch of us took the L to a White Sox game. He kept close track of all the stats. I figured he was some sort of a mathematician or something.”