Too Many Crooks Spoil the Plot

by Sarah Osborne

  We came to the first set of cannons. Phil inspected each one, shining a flashlight into the bore. “We mostly use 12-pounder smooth bore Napoleons if we can get hands on them. This one’s a beaut.”

  I tried to look excited when Danny ran up and took over. “Gosh, I’ve never seen one of these up close.” He ran his hand along the green five foot cannon. “They used solid shot in this?”

  “Or canister in close quarters,” Phil said.

  Danny turned to me. “The cannister casings are filled with steel balls, sawdust, anything they wanted to put in there, Ditie. They could do a lot of damage over a wide area.”

  I nodded. It did at least help me understand what was going on, but I was ready for the battle to start. “I think I’ll join the women. You two carry on without me.”

  As I was walking back to the tents Ryan and Harper Hudson caught up with me.

  “I’m surprised to see you here, Mabel,” Harper said. “I heard you were back in town, but I never knew if you’d taken off again. I never expected to see you at a reenactment—I thought you hated them in med school?”

  “They took up more time than I had then. I guess I came to see what Phil has always been so passionate about.”

  “Can we take that to mean you and Phil might be getting back together now that he’s divorcing his wife?” she asked.

  “Our relationship is ancient history. I didn’t know he was in the middle of a divorce, but I’ve moved on. I’m here because Phil invited me.”

  “We’re here,” Harper said, “because we just love this kind of thing. Don’t we, hon?”

  Ryan shrugged and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Nice to see you, Ditie.”

  “I have to be a Federalist, today,” Harper said. “Too many Confederates reenacters showed up. I don’t mind. At least I’ll be on the winning side of this one.”

  Phil saw us clustered together and ran over to us. “Hi Harper. I don’t think we need you today in uniform. Sorry. It looks like a new cluster of Federalists showed up.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll watch my man in action.” She motioned to Ryan but winked at Phil.

  Danny yelled over to me, and I left them on the field. Ryan and Harper made a handsome couple, both tall and fit. Harper was blond, Ryan’s hair was a light brown. They looked like Ken and Barbie in uniform. I thought they had a dermatology practice in Buckhead, but I’d never bothered to look them up when I came back to Atlanta. They were more Phil’s friends than mine.

  I waited for Danny to catch up with me.

  “This is really fantastic,” Danny said. “Phil said I could participate the next time he’s in town. Man, I’d love that.”

  I nodded. Together we found a spot on the hill under a tree that provided a bit of shade and waited for the action to begin. We could see Phil gathering his men. Someone stepped out of line and offered a prayer. Then Phil got everyone situated. Several men wandered off with guns at the ready. A massive row of Confederate soldiers faced the Union forces twenty yards away. Six people including Phil stood near one cannon.

  “Did you bring your binoculars, Danny? I forgot mine.”

  Danny handed them to me. I made a survey of the people near the cannon. I thought I saw Sally Cutter, but I couldn’t be sure. Andy was recognizable with his hat off and his red hair flying in the breeze, laughing with someone standing next to the cannon, Frank Peterson perhaps.

  Wait a second! I saw someone else I recognized talking to Phil.

  “That is Carl Thompson! I swear it is!”

  “Should that mean something to me?” Danny asked. “Is he famous?”

  “Phil and Carl hated each other in med school. Carl hated everything about the South, and that made Phil hate him. They traded barbs throughout first year and stopped talking after second year. I wonder what could have brought about this great reunion.”

  Some signal seemed to start the battle. Bugles blared and shots were fired. Smoke filled the field. I watched as Phil’s crew stepped up in a ritualized dance. One man stuck a long stick into the bore of the cannon.

  “A sponge,” Danny explained, “to make sure there are no left-over sparks from a previous shot.”

  Next someone put something in the tip of the bore. Another tamped it down.

  “Black powder,” said Danny. “And now, see that rope Phil is holding—that’s the lanyard. It’s attached to a wire that’s fed into the powder through what’s called a vent. When it’s pulled out friction makes the powder ignite and the cannon fires.”

  “Thanks for the artillery lesson, Danny.”

  He looked at me as if I were mocking him.

  “No, I mean it. I can understand what’s happening now. Everyone has their role.”

  Danny nodded.

  The action stopped for a moment. It looked as if Carl and Phil were having a discussion while everyone else stood around waiting for something to happen. After a minute Phil handed the lanyard to Carl, left him on the right of the cannon and stood to the left of the gun.

  I watched as Carl pulled the lanyard and the gun banged.

  “What the hell?” Danny yelled. He grabbed the binoculars out of my hands. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

  When the smoke cleared, even I could see something was terribly wrong.

  Several of the people around the cannon had been knocked off their feet and the cannon itself was split.

  Oh my God. Phil stood up, looking dazed. Carl had been on the other side and I couldn’t see what happened to him. I could see that everyone was looking in that direction.

  I asked Danny to let me look and he handed me the binoculars.

  I watched as Harper came running across the field. She helped Ryan to his feet. I saw Sally and Andy look to the other side of the cannon. Even from where we stood I could hear Sally’s scream. Frank stood silently several feet from the shattered cannon. Phil had gone to where Carl lay and returned shaking his head.

  I ran after Danny as he raced onto the field. He motioned me back and pulled out his cell phone. I assumed he was calling 911. I didn’t see Carl. I didn’t need to. I could see from everyone’s expression he was dead.

  “We need a medical examiner out here, now!” I heard Danny shout into the phone.

  About the Author

  Sarah Osborne is the pen name of a native Californian who lived in Atlanta for many years and now practices psychiatry on Cape Cod. She writes cozy mysteries for the same reason she reads them—to find comfort in a sometimes difficult world. TOO MANY CROOKS SPOIL THE PLOT is the first novel in her Ditie Brown Mystery series. She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at doctorosborne.com.