She paused as if to gather her thoughts.
“I can’t really recall all that was said afterwards, but there was a lot of arguing. Nin wanted to leave the sub-basement and check if you had left and how. It took Alice and me quite some time to make him see that this was useless and very dangerous. We discussed and wondered what you might have done for hours and hours, but none of us ever came close at guessing the truth. You really are quite devious, Lia.”
She briefly smiled at me, before continuing, her voice grave.
“It became unbearable, you know. This waiting. Literally hanging in suspense. Not knowing what would happen next. Worrying over your safety. The success of your mission. And all the while being locked up. It really became unbearable! We were at the point of shouting at each other when Nin said we should call Uncle Phil and tell him. It was early afternoon by then and we needed a break or, at least, another perspective on things.”
She nodded to Nin and he took over.
“We had no problems contacting Uncle Phil. Actually, it felt as if they had been waiting for our call. Uncle Phil was telling us about where they were at the time, but before he could complete even two sentences, Alice intervened and wailed that you were not here and that she was afraid.”
Nin snorted a short dry laugh.
“You should have heard the effect this had on them! I’ll never forget. Now that you are here and safe, it seems funny, but then, it was just too much. Mum, Nate, Auntie Kamene, all of them talked, questioned, argued. Mum frankly freaked out, Lia! We could hear her sobbing, it was terrible. And, of course, it set off Alice again, didn’t it?”
He smiled at her and she made a bit of a face at him before burying her face in my side again. I stroke her hair and she curled up, resting her head on my lap.
“I wasn’t so bad, Lia, I was just so scared about what would happen to you.” She murmured the words into my lap, but we all could hear them.
“I am so sorry that I had to do this to you, my darling.” I said. “But I had to. It wasn’t easy for me to leave you all, and especially you, Alice, but I had to. I hope you’ll understand …”
“I do, Lia, I do, I was just scared and wished that you were here.” She briefly looked up at me, sighed, closed her eyes again and murmured. “I am so happy that you are here now, Lia.” She yawned. “And I am tired.”
“Go to sleep then, little tiger, we’ll keep on talking a bit, and then I’ll carry you to bed. Go to sleep and dream of something pleasant, my darling.”
I gently stroke her hair and twisted a strand of her curls around my fingers.
She smiled but didn’t open her eyes – she would soon be asleep, good.
“To get back to the story.” Nin went on. “Uncle Phil finally called them to reason and demanded to hear all the details we had. He was silent for some minutes and then declared that you had done the right thing, that we should all trust your judgement and that you had a more than fair chance, according to his assessment, of success.”
Nin paused and laughed. “You can imagine the discussion this triggered. Everybody started to talk and voice their opinion and it took Alice, yes little Alice, to silence us all.”
He paused again. “She demanded to know what ‘more than fair’ meant and when you would be back. It effectively silenced us all. We cowardly left the floor to Uncle Phil and Mum to tell Alice and at the same time reassure her. But she took it in stride, really, we were all so proud of her! There was never any doubt that she was deeply disturbed by your disappearance, but when Uncle Phil quietly explained to her what it all meant, she was great.”
It made me cringe to hear what I had kind of known all along: that my baby sister and darling had been deeply hurt by this. I would try to heal the wound. But how? And how long would it take? Only time the great healer could tell. For now, all I could do was be there and always explain my action. But I felt ashamed for the pain I had caused. There hadn’t been any alternative but still, I felt ashamed.
“I know it’s not a pleasant thing to hear, is it?” Nin’s voice carried just that edge of resentment. And when I quickly glanced over at him, his eyes were hard for a moment. Then he relaxed.
“Sorry, but it still makes me feel so angry! Not at what you did, Lia, but at how stupid and helpless it made me look. And no, Yuki, you don’t have to tell me anything. In fact there’s nothing any of you could tell me to make me feel better. It was Josh who helped me see reason, you know.”
The anger had left him as quickly as it had flared up.
“But I am skipping an important part of the story. After appeasing Alice, Uncle Phil and the others told us that they had picked up broadcasting signals and had hit upon a TV-advertisement, if you want to call it that. It had been from the US west coast and in it the Nemesis urged people to gather at certain places, for shelter as they said. Uncle Phil was deeply concerned what they might be up to – and from what you told us about how they hunted down people …,” his voice trailed off.
“Do you think that they would do such a horrible thing?” Yuki exclaimed. “I mean, that they make people gather in one spot only to kill them?”
We all stared at each other in uncomfortable silence, loath to admit our worst fears. For, if it were true, what a truly terrifying place our world had turned to be! What could this mean for our future? Our survival?
My mind refused to think about it. Not now, too many things had happened today, good and bad ones, I just couldn’t think about the consequences of this implication. Not now!
Instead I asked. “Were these the only such messages, or did you receive anything like it, too?”
“Spot on, as usual,” came Nin’s dry response. “Yes, we had them too; when I plugged the TV and searched for stations we got one. A kind of Nemesis TV channel if you like. And they really urged people to gather at certain places. Of course, they never showed what happened there. At the time, we knew nothing about the intentions of the Nemesis. That they are actively hunting down survivors and all this. But Uncle Phil said all along that he didn’t like the idea of it; that it sounded just like the perfect trap. I guess, he was right. After what we heard from you today, Lia, we can fill in the blanks.”
“Your Mum and Doreen, to get back to the story,” Yuki chipped in, “couldn’t see anything dangerous about these messages, but Uncle Phil convinced them otherwise and had everyone on high alert. He also urged us to remain underground no matter what happened, and to absolutely not try to go and find you! He was very insistent on this point and strictly forbid us to leave the sub-basement until Josh would come. It was frightening! And at the time I didn’t understand why he was so adamant that we mustn’t leave the sub-basement. Afterwards I understood, but at the time I just thought he was going over the top.”
“Uncle Phil is really a genius!” Nin added. “He foresaw right away that it would become almost unbearable for us to remain in the sub-basement basically twiddling our thumbs while waiting to hear from you. Already on day two we were arguing whether we shouldn’t take a quick look upstairs.”
This stupid idea made me gasp, even in retrospect. How could they even have contemplated this? Had they taken leave of their senses?
My feelings must have shown on my face, because Nin added almost angrily. “You have no idea, Lia, no idea at all how it is to be locked up in here while wondering about the wellbeing of someone who’s out there. But, I guess, you’ll see for yourself, once Josh starts heading our way.”
“You wouldn’t!” Yuki snapped at him, faster than I could react. “How can you say something like this, Ninian! This is not like you, and you know it!”
He hung his head and murmured a “sorry” in my direction.
I didn’t know what to say, his words had been way below the waistline; but he’d spoken the truth and the vehemence with which he’d uttered them showed me how bad it had been for them all. Again, I felt torn between shame at the anxiety I had caused and the knowledge that I had done the right thing. About Josh, and my anxiety
once he would start heading our side, I didn’t want to think right now.
Yuki had calmed down a bit, but she was still bristling.
“Really Nin, I am disappointed! But to finish our story. We knew that we had to call Josh as soon as possible. So, after Alice and your Mum had talked a bit we ended this conversation and called Josh.”
She paused and glanced at me, smiling a little.
“If I had thought Nin had reacted badly to hearing about your stint, it was nothing compared to how Josh took it. He was beside himself and Professor Papadopoulos had to take over. They wanted to hear everything again. We told them, I told them and I emphasized the fact that I was pregnant and that you had, I know it was a bit theatrical, basically sacrificed yourself for the greater good of us three!”
“You didn’t!” I exclaimed. “What utter baloney, I didn’t sacrifice myself or anything! Really Yuki!”
She giggled. “I know, I know, Lia. But at the time we were all so emotionally overwrought that it kind of slipped out of my mouth. But you know, funny as it was, it kind of had a sobering effect on Josh. He calmed down after that. He was still very obviously totally upset and perturbed, but he kind of calmed down.”
Almost absent-mindedly she mused. “You’ll have to ask him one day, why my words had this strange effect on him. I have been wondering about it quite a lot.”
I just stared at her. She couldn’t mean this, could she?!
She looked at me indulgently and gently shook her head. “Lia, Lia, you have a lot to learn!”
Which made me grumble at her.
As if!
Nin took over now.
“You know, Lia, to get back to the story. After that first call, Josh called us trice every day. He was always curt, almost clinically detached, but peppered us with questions about you. Only when he talked with Alice, did the old Josh shine through. He made an effort for her sake to cheer her up and he usually managed. But the longer it took, the harder it was on him, we could all tell, even without seeing him.”
He gave me a look that clearly told me what he hadn’t said.
But before I could say or do anything, Yuki continued Nin’s narrative.
“On the second day, we had just finished the call with Josh, we heard these explosions. It was the most frightening thing I ever experienced! We were totally taken by surprise! And we kind of freaked out! Nin rushed us all over to the fitness room. Alice was crying and demanding that you be there. I was sobbing too, I hate to admit. And then we huddled together near the phone, waiting and dreading what would happen next. But there was nothing. We waited and waited. But we couldn’t hear anything. And it was only Uncle Phil’s strict command that we must under no circumstance leave the sub-basement that kept us from moving upstairs to go and see what had happened.”
She paused and looked at me.
“As Nin said, you have no idea, how hard that was, Lia. No idea at all. Sitting down here. Not knowing what was going on outside, upstairs! And all the while this utter silence! Nothing, absolutely nothing that would have helped us to assess the situation. Nothing!”
Nin took her hand and held it in his.
“For Alice’s sake we kept up a daily routine and tried to act as normal as possible. We tried to be cheerful for her sake, but the longer it took, the harder it was. Had it not been for the regular phones with Uncle Phil, I don’t know how we would have managed. When we couldn’t reach him these last four days, we all got quite depressed.”
Nin was frank. He looked at me, not smiling but also not judging; he just wanted me to know the facts.
“Also, because the daily phone calls with Josh became something we all dreaded.”
I felt like I could not take much more of this. To hear about how hard and difficult it had all been for them, these constant remarks about Josh and how badly he had taken it. It made me cringe inside, feel ashamed, all the while knowing that I had done the right and necessary thing.
They all hadn’t seen what a strange and eerie place the world had become. If they were having difficulties with this, how were we going to make it to Kenya? There would be many more such moments of total anxiety!
I checked myself. Now was not the time to dish out blame or feel offended. All Yuki and Nin were trying to do was make me see and understand what they had experienced. They had always been much more openly emotional than I, so I shouldn’t be upset and disturbed by their way of emphasizing the stress and, yes, Josh’s reaction.
“Did you hear from Dad while I was gone?”
“Nice try, Lia,” Nin snorted. “But yes, in fact we did. Four days ago. He called us to say that he was okay. Apparently he is hiding out near Washington and close to a Nemesis headquarter. Being Dad, he is trying to find out as much as he can about that group but he didn’t manage to tap their lines and he too must remain underground for the time being, so he can’t do much. What was disturbing to hear, though, was that he has no immediate plans to travel to Uncle Phil’s farm in Kenya! Alice didn’t like to hear about this. Later, when we called them, Auntie Kamene tried to come up with some kind of explanation for Alice’s sake, but frankly, I don’t think she managed to convince her.”
He paused for a moment, then added with an angry voice. “I hate to admit it, but you were right, Lia. It’s as if he didn’t care about us anymore!”
“Ah, no! Nin, don’t think that!” I gently scolded. “I am sure that he will try to meet us in Kenya. After all, he promised Alice. He’s probably just trying to find out as much as he possibly can before he’ll start moving.”
“Yeah, that’s what Uncle Phil said, too. But it doesn’t really convince me, you know.”
“It doesn’t have to! I just don’t want you to make any such remarks when Alice is present. She loves Dad very much and she would be heartbroken were she to learn that he won’t try to reunite with us. So, for Alice’s sake, please keep shtum about your feelings in this matter, won’t you?”
Yuki laughed at this. “Forever in protective mode, are you?”
This kind of relaxed the temporary tension between Nin and me and we all laughed.
“To get back to Josh …” Yuki started, but I was having none of this.
“No, I want to hear about you now, Yuki! How are you doing? You are at the end of the third month now? Still everything okay?”
It was her turn to look a bit uncomfortable now.
“I am fine, Lia.”
I must have looked a bit dubious.
“Really, I am not trying to bamboozle you. I am feeling great. Your Mum and Kamene have been wonderful. They are a real help and help me monitor my situation and reassure me that everything will be okay. I know that it won’t be that easy, but it helps me a lot. And I am so glad that you are back and here to support me. Nin has been great, of course, but I need a woman to talk about all this. There are some things that I can’t discuss with Nin.”
She glanced almost apologetically at Nin.
“It’s alright, my love. I may not understand entirely, but I respect your wish. You will want to discuss things with Lia; without me.”
He looked a bit hurt, but of course he would grant her any wish.
“No morning sickness? No feeling queasy? Or anything?” I insisted.
“No, it’s amazing, isn’t it, but I am really feeling totally healthy and well. Nin and Alice are also very cute. They make me eat a lot of fruit and vitamins. But …” she paused for a moment and sighed. “The one thing I really miss is sunshine. I really long for sunshine. To go outside, breathe fresh air, feel the wind in my face and sit in the sun. I really, really miss that. I envy you, Lia, even though I know that you endured cold and hunger. But still, I envy you because you saw the sky, the sun …”
“I can understand that. Totally!” I agreed.
“But maybe, from what Uncle Phil and Josh said, maybe we can venture upstairs tomorrow or within a few days. Don’t you think? I would feel so much better if I could see the sun again. And it seems safe, doesn’t it?”
A thought occurred to me. “Nin, do you think you could install some kind of warning device. I mean some kind of trap wire or something that would alert us if someone were to approach the house and would give us enough time to get indoors and down here?”
“Hey! Why not? Good idea,” he agreed enthusiastically.
“And it will keep you busy,” Yuki added. “You know, Lia, to see Nin and Alice grow ever more restless was almost the hardest part these last few days. I felt that I could handle the situation. I had things to think about, to do. Though, I really long to go outside, I still kind of managed to feel content in here. Not so Nin and Alice! They complained ten times a day that they didn’t know what to do. They were restless and Alice got sometimes really moody.”
Nin rolled his eyes at her, but said nothing.
“You know that I am right, Nin.” Yuki added with some force.
“I know, I know, I just had no idea that it was so bad for you,” he said ruefully.
“Don’t worry; it wasn’t that bad, at least not in hindsight,” she smiled.
There were still a hundred questions to ask them but exhaustion slowly caught up with me and I couldn’t suppress a big yawn.
And Yuki reacted instantly.
“Look at us, talking and talking, and Lia is dead on her feet! It’s way past midnight by now! Let’s go to bed, Nin. Take Alice and carry her over to the bed.”
But I wasn’t prepared for bed quite yet.
“No, wait a moment. There’s one more thing …”
I didn’t know how to say it without sounding either stupid or over the top. I hesitated while Yuki and Nin watched me expectantly.
“I want to apologize. I knew that it would be difficult for you three down here, but I wasn’t aware how difficult. I apologize for the stress and anxiety I caused and I want you to know that I would never have done it, had I not been utterly convinced that it was necessary and inevitable.”
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